And if you like her books, you'd love Frank Peretti's (sp) This present darkenss , Piercing the Darkness , and Prophet ...

[quote=Trying2liveI mean we both had terrible childhoods. His mom had numerous boyfriends, cheated on her 1st husband and the last man she stayed with was an diabetic hallucinating alcoholic who chased them around at nights, so I can see why he has a bit of anger. And I came from a childhood of sexual abuse. But when I came to Christ 15 years ago, I allowed God in and he brought so much healing to me and deliverance to my soul. But I didn't hide from him. My H hid from God. He loved God and served him but hid the darkest parts of his self to the only one who could free him. But now its all on the table and I truly hope, even if he doesn't return to the marriage that Mr. T2L is made free. Its one thing to hurt but a whole other to be in bondage and never taste freedom.

Thank you for sharing that, I'm going to give this to God and try not to keep taking it back by worrying so much. Boy it's hard. Feel free to chime in and slap me when you hear me worry.



[/quote]

The Wookie also had MAJOR trouble handing over his "power" to God...and because of that, EVERYONE in our family suffered.

I AM part of the Wookie, he IS an extension of me...and I knew it...but he didn't get that because he was not living a Godly life, our whole family was infected.

Once he realized that...and they have to do it on their own, more's the pity - can't beat it into 'em, no matter how much you wanna...once he gave it to God, EVERYTHING fell into place. Now, the places the bits fell into are not the SAME places they were before the adultry...but they are now in safer spots.

T2L, prayer helps. Directed prayer even more. My sister, my church and I were all praying that God would "break" my husband. I know that prayer to break him was heard because: He started with his feet.

You'll read about it in my thread. That part was a hoot, a miraculous hoot.

Pray what's on your heart.

T2L

PM - you are such a blessing to the boards!

Aw thank you Dealan...

I love "This Present Darkness". I read it years ago, and have reread it from time to time. It really helps me by imagining the demons when I am depressed or losing hope.

I've read that too. It IS a good book and DOES make you aware that there is more going on around us than we know.

Uh-huh.
Sure.
I was 39 for, gosh, I dont' know how many years.


Actually, having seen a pic of you I'd believe 29 before 39.

I'm keeping up with your thread but just being kinda quiet, you have so much great input already there's not much for me to add. You have lots of silent supporters.

Aw, thanks hunny! You remind me of the yogurt commercial.

This is all great! I have been praying constantly that God would humble him, bring him to the end of himself and deliver him emotionally, and now I am adding Lord squeeze everything out of him that is not of you so that he is an empty vessel you can pour into.

So we have beating,no eating and breaking now we'll add squeezing LOL!

Hi turtle!!!!

Yup next year is the BIG 40! But Awe thanks dawhling, really lets give some credit to that lovely man that developed Murad! LOL I faithfully use Murad anti aging skin products Whooo Hooo! Sorry I love girly stuff. My H used to think I was dork.

If I bought a new scented lotion or spray I would do the happy dance. But I would do that happy dance for chocolate, new make, up, clothing, a new book or magazine. Yes I am as retarded as it seems, but I don't care. H used to look at me and chuckle at a woman happy over lotion. Then we would laugh together about it. One of the best things about him is he would make me laugh like no other person could. He had such wit and very quick wit. He lost that through this A. He tried a few times during Plan A but it wasn't the same.

Anyways, I passed it on to DS10. At 4 years old friends used to get him to do the happy dance for chocolate. LOL Obviously he won't do that now but it was very cute at 4.

Thanks for the Tip Ms. B and Dealan!

I went online to my local library and requested them. I think it's like a book I read about 10 years ago called "The Final Quest" by Rick Joyner. If you haven't read it check it out. ITs kinda mind blowing and the sequel to it is as well.

You see what I've done to this famous and most amazing writer!!! I've got her writing communications to a WS for me!!!! And a nasty one at that.

Dear Lord maybe a book will come from that for all her trouble and i know it's not pretty being an IM to Mr. T2L.

Lord bless Pep, Neak, and Dealan for the suffering they endure at the emails of my H! This is my guess of course as they tell me nothing, I just know my H.

Kinda great actually. I can't imagine having an IM that would discuss things with you that the WS said. I can see how that would make you entirely and completely exhausted and nuts! They are really a great shelter.

DD17 gets up this morning and tells me that she sent a text page to her dad last night. I was a bit upset as I wanted him, THE FATHER, to be the one to reach out to his kids not the other way around.

I told her that I will not stop her from contacting him but I dislike having my children beg for scraps from their own father.

She apparently sent him a text saying, "so what you don't talk to your kids anymore?" And his prideful response to his daughter was "Oh I'm great thanks for asking."

You see prime example. DD17 sends text and he acts like an a$s to her.

I truly wanted to wait and see how long he would actually go without talking to them but every time we get near a week DD17 texts him.

Okay venting.....

Because she NEEDS him.

He is her father.

She wants to know (even though she will never admit it), "Daddy, don't you love me?"

This is between them, T2L. Let it stay there.

And...

I think it is important that you do not get upset when she contacts her daddy. You will unintentionally make her feel guilty for doing so, like she's not being loyal to you. Kids are already struggling with where their loyalty is suppose to be and not wanting to hurt the wronged parent more than they already have been. You are going to have to be extra-sensitive on this.

Think about what SHE needs and not what HE deserves. She needs him to love her.

I have no emotional connection to him - he cannot bother me, hence there is no suffering on my part.

I suffer for you, and your hurt.
That's about it, kiddo.

Pep

Well said and I receive the correction. I just went in and I told DD17 that if I made her feel bad or guilty in any way for needing her dad that i was sorry and I realize that she may need him and to feel free to contact him whenever she needs to.

I do understand that they will both need there dad on an emotional level and its important so they do not feel abandonment and rejection.



I hate this whole bloody thing! All of it makes me sick. I mean he didn't even respond with love or remorse or anything. What kind of father says "Im great thanks for asking", when he hasn't talked to his own freakin kids for 5 days and hasn't seen them since just after Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How do you tell your DD17 your great! And she didn't even ask how you are, she asked so what you don't talk to your kids?!?!?!?

Here I am raising them alone, parenting them alone, and running a fairly large home alone and this idiot almost 9 months later still acts like a entitled full of pride fool! I thought at least when she said he responded that maybe he would be humble after not talking to them for that long but NO! I know don't expect him to have rational thinking!


UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Yes I am draining my love bank! At this moment I don't care! At this very moment I think I HATE him! I should just harden my heart to this stinkin ba$t@rd and be done with him. Its not like I haven't tried, 9 months sounds fair to me!

9 Months folks, do you realize its almost 9months! I am truly trying to hang on and pray with gritted teeth for him. I mean how long does this need to go on! And ya know what I can't divorce this idiot even if I wanted to because I do not want to have DS10 living with them on weekends and I know no other way than to stay like this and divorce his funky retarded butt in my heart and head!


I'm sorry guys, I sorry for acting this way. It's feels like this has been going on forever. I have been told numerous times he doesn't deserve me and I'm beginning to wonder if he does.

He doesn't deserve you.

Now, turn your focus back to God. What can you do right now to bring some peace into your soul. Bath? Walk? Pray? Read Scripture? Turn on some praise music?

For me, it's dancing to some praise music. There's nothing like dancing!



BTW, I so appreciate how open you are to hearing what people are saying to you. You are so sweet and humble.

Let DD do her thing. Dad answered nastily, but don't think it didn't GET to him. As I told your DD, my ex told me many things that hit him in the soul, not at the time, but afterwards.

YAY T2L'sDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Turning on Ella Fitzgerald Music real loud so kids can't hear me and headed to bath to cry once again.

Yup he doesn't deserve me. This is a saddening revelation I am just now getting.

Thanks, I have always tried to receive correction. Its that darn can't help do whats right thing God put in me. Sometimes I feel like its a curse. I can't do whats wrong ever,it eats me alive. H hates that about me too. He used to say I was being overly religious, but it wasn't really, that's just the way God wired me.

Bath calling me....