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Joined: Jan 2008
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Thanks for taking time to do this, MM. Very inspirational!

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The next post was in August 2002. At this point, my wife had moved out to be with the Troll. She had left the kids with me. I was trying to recover from the hit I took and to move forward. After several hits by her during the separation, I filed for divorce (to only later pull it back).

The third post


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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The next post was after a short, few weeks break. I had hunkered down at home and began working on me. The only contact we had was when my wife called me. Because of my lack of contact with her, she began saying and showing things that said inside her, we werent done yet. But by and large, I held to my guns and just stayed away.

The next post


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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Well, just when I thought things were changing, we had HUGE setback. And for the first time, I got ticked off. I mean, REALLY ticked off. From this point forward, I promised myself I would never be on the defensive again. That I would be on the attack. That I would protect my family, even if it meant protecting it from my wife.

Things blow up


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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Well, then I begin to see a thaw within a few weeks. Again, my hopes go up. But I maintain to a degree, my resolve. So, the rollercoaster heads up again...and we know what rollercoasters do when they go up, right?

Has she finally broken?


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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So inspirational MM. Reading about you having the same feelings as me and some of the same revelations. I am looking forward to learning a great deal from your threads.


BH-me 32
WW-27
Married 5 yrs. together for 8
D2
D7
D-Day:11/10
EA for a week went PA and WW immediately left home leaving everything behind.
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Thanks Rusty!


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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This next post began happening simulataneously with the last one and the next one. It was me finally gaining control, and wanting to give a condensed version of what had happened so far. I think this was my first attempt at starting to give back to the folks at MB. Up until this post, I had been almost excusively asking for help. I think it was at this point that I began wanting to help others also.

A first 7 month summary


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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Here is my first attempt at Plan B, in the winter of 2002. While I failed to keep it, after trying several times, I did learn a lot from it. When I was in it, I got stronger and could see and feel that. I also noticed my wife not liking the lack of contact with me. Anyway, see how I struggled through that!

My First Plan B


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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Hi Mortarman, have been reading your thread little by little. It is having a huge impact on me. I don't want to rush through it but hopefully will get some more tonight to read another chapter.

Thank you for sharing.


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Hope, just posted one above your post. And I am slowly gwtting it up there! I hope it will help.

My next post is below. I had pulled off my Plan B effort, and was trying to re-engage. I had filed for divorce and custody, but had made up my mind to pull back at least the divorce side of things for the time being.

But, I was also confused because I liked Plan B and felt better in it...so I didnt really want to go back into Plan A. But at the time, it seemed like I needed to Plan A things to see if further evidence shoved into the fog might finally get thru.

A weird time


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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Posts: 4,712
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The next thread, things leading up to Christmas in 2002 start going south. But in a way, I am moving forward and getting stronger. It was a very volatile time!

Leading up to Christmas


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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MM,

On one end I read your story and think, "gosh that's a lot of trouble to go through to get a cheating wife back" but on the other I think, "But he has a stronger marriage now and his kids got their parents and their home back".

It's quite a purgatory to go through. I know you're not Catholic, but that's exactly what your marriage has endured, a Purgatory.

God bless and I hope you never have to experience this again.

Pom


D-Day 28 Feb 06
Plan D (Not by choice) - 24 March 06

DD6
DS4(Twin1)
DS4(Twin2)

She moved away with the kids April 08. I contested it and got a lot more time with my kids. She's unhappy that I want to stay involved in their lives and don't settle for being an "every other weekend" dad.

Never going to happen.

Ongoing personal recovery through the help of friends, family, and DC United Soccer!
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Yes, POM. I have said that my situation lasted longer than most. And was said above, I attribute some of that to my military training, as it made it a lot easier to live and deal with "purgatory."

But just like Basic Training, I have been asked if I liked going through Basic Training. I have said, no...I didnt like it. I was asked...am I glad I went thru it? I say that I am glad I went thru it...it has changed me forever. I was then asked...would I do Basic Training again, if I needed to? I say NO WAY!!

Same goes for what I went thru. Did I like it. Nope!! Am I glad I went thru it and am where I am today? Absolutely...it has changed me forever!!

Would I do it again? NO WAY!!


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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The above post describes exactly how I feel about what I did over the last four years (and how I feel about Basic Training :/)

Thanks, Mortarman, for coming back and painstakingly posting your story.


Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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The next post...I was still trying to find my footing...and ended up in a discussion with one of my pastors at church. That discussion is in the link below. And it was that discussion that really sealed what I have done since that point, for the most part. Reading it, even now, really has me in awe.

God's Will and Mortarman locks in the mission


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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You're welcome, Silent. I have been meaning to do this for awhile!


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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Posts: 4,712
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I had taken a break with posting over Christmas 2002. But, a lot happened and a lot of movement. I had done Plan B very well for over 3 weeks, and it really played on my wife. So much so, when her apartment flooded...she used that as an oppotunity to push herself to end contact with the OM and want to come home. Of course, it would be a false recovery at the time. But, it is a good read on how effective Plan B is.

Before I put the link in though, I wanted to post just a small part of the many posts that Just Learning gave to me. They guided me not just then, but even to this day.

"MM, in my life I have found that when push came to shove ALL of the major decisions in my life were really made for me. When it all played out there was only ONE way to go. I could have chosen another, but the data was clear that this would be a bad choice, and in retrospect they were. So have faith, have patience, and smile. You have arrived. Your work is done. It is simply a matter now of seeing how other people handle THEIR decisions."

Anyway, here is the thread:
Mrs. Mortarman returns home


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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My wife came home briefly and stayed the week. But, she went back into her indecisive ways and didnt move in. But she did hang out with us, continue in counseling and it was looking like a slow recovery.

Our first false recovery


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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Always good 2 hear from you MM!

-ol' 2long

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