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Joined: Dec 1969
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I can't, I know my kids need me but financially they would be better off without me.
If he could live in this house with them they will make it, sorry but no one needs me, I gave all I can, my kids just want me to get over it. their dad calls and texts them all day and they are doing fine with nhim, he is happy and strong, I am nothing.
I will not call 911, I know what they will do to me and I can't take it.
I understand how you want to help and I really do love your help, but nothing will make this better.
At this point I have given up, I can't imaginne life with or without him.
Dont want to understand or forgive, been there done that, I really just need the pain to go away.
I am not ctying out for help, and I can not eat or sleep, breathing is about it.
To make my kids happy last night I had one bite of dinner then threw up for an hour.
I understand what you are saying, but there is no hope no help nothing sorry.

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Please call your doctor. I can promise you that antidepressants DO and WILL help you. It is difficult but you CAN pick yourself up and move forward in whatever it is that you prefer to do... And, your children DO need you.

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BROWN,

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I can't, I know my kids need me but financially they would be better off without me.
I THOUGHT THE SAME THING. I remember believing that if I DIED or was GONE that my H, not the WH could suddenly appear and come home and be their amazing dad again. And that they NEEDED him more than they needed me.

Heck, he was the better parent. But IT'S not TRUE. He is SICK, he is a DRUG ADDICT, A MONSTER, who is solely out for himself. Your CHILDREN need YOU. Because they need you to help them get through this too. If I DID IT... and I DID. SO CAN YOU....

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but nothing will make this better. At this point I have given up, I can't imaginne life with or without him.
No, nothing will make this better. Do you have a relationship with G-d. If so, GET ON YOUR KNEES AND START TALKING TO G-D. Nothing fancy, just scream at him if you want. He KNOWS what's happening. He UNDERSTANDS your pain. YOU CAN DO THIS....

STOP ASSUMING you know what your kids are thinking and feeling. YOU ARE their MOTHER and that can NEVER change. Do you honestly want to lay the guilt of them losing you TOO on their shoulders. THEY NEED YOU TO FIND A WAY.... I HAD TOO, and I DID'T want to.

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but there is no hope no help nothing sorry
NO, you're right there is NO HOPE if you lay down and allow that MONSTER to WIN...

People who you don't even know you, will NEED you one day. Because one day you will have walked through this awful time and you will be able to help them. Like we are helping you NOW.

You CAN GET THROUGH this, but you have to breathe.... and just be easy on yourself. I didn't eat for weeks and weeks, and I didn't die. I ate one bite a day, stop making yourself do anything, but be kind to yourself. G-d loves YOU....


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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he just called again adn wants me to refinance my house so we will be financally okay apart.
I don't want to do that. He now says it's been 15 year since he loved me and I told him that was the last thing he wil l ever say to mme I hope he enjoyed it.

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Originally Posted by BROWNEYES
he just called again adn wants me to refinance my house so we will be financally okay apart.
I don't want to do that. He now says it's been 15 year since he loved me and I told him that was the last thing he wil l ever say to mme I hope he enjoyed it.

I don't know if you're a believer, but I am, so serious prayers are going up for you RIGHT NOW from Texas. pray

Lord, I ask You to bring peace to BE, right now. Hold her in your arms. Let her feel Your loving presence. She is crying out in pain, lost, not knowing what to do. Please put people in her path right now, today Lord that will comfort her and her children. She needs a miracle in her life.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Hi There-

I never post, but lurk all the time and I feel compelled to talk to you right now. I know you would rather just throw in the towel- but you CANNOT right now, your thinking is fuzzy due to stress, lack of sleep, food, and depression. Please, please, please, can you call a friend and have them take you into the hospital, pastor, doctor.

Can you pick up the phone right now and call someone, not later, but right now. We have been in your shoes- and want to guide you....please respond

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Its me again,

I work in mental health, why do you not want to be committed? You need rest, to calm, and to you deserve to be in a better spot right now. Seriously, please call someone. i know you have not felt this low before, and you see no way through it, but there is a way.....please call

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Dear BROWNEYES,

While the Marriage Builders website cannot become involved in threats of this kind, please know that your pain is taken seriously. Please contact a suicide crisis center in your area, call 1-800-SUICIDE or call your family physician.

BROWNEYES, this is very serious. We care. YOU MATTER VERY MUCH!

With Prayers,

Maverick

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O Lord,

At this time of emotional pain in my life, help me to remember that You became man to grant us a perspective on the suffering of this world. You, too, were moved by intense feelings, and were at times angry, near despair and filled with doubt. You, above all, suffered at the hands of others and were misunderstood by many. Yet, You listened, always with rapt attention, to others in pain, offering them comfort and acceptance.

Teach me now to find new faith in You, in myself, and in my fellow man. I ask Your grace and courage that I might embrace my life and experiences as my own, good and bad, and begin my life anew today. Allow me that strength to communicate about my inner experience so that others, working through Your hand, may understand, and I may find Your peace within myself.

Amen

BROWN, honey, try to stop listening to HIM. You DON'T HAVE to DO ANYTHING.... Just breathe.... just listen to your breaths, just listen to your heart beating, just breath....

That's ALL you have to do.

YOU CAN DO THIS.... Look how you have touched our lives, we NEED you to stay here and let us help you. Your needed by people you don't even know, but who already care about you.


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
Joined: Jun 2008
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Please, calm down.

Remember your children, they love you.

You will make it through this if you just calm down a little.

Please seek counseling, I had to for my own health, and It did help me. Think rationally, getting supper upset will not help.

Just calm down.


Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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BrownEyes-

I know your pain. I'm a BS, I've dealt with depression nearly my entire life. I attempted suicide because of it when I was 28, and when I found out about my H's EA, I wanted to die. I know that right now you're in a blinding amount of emotional pain and you can't even see past your own nose, and you honestly believe the only way out of your agony is to die. I get that, I really do.

Please...open your eyes. You have a responsibility to your children. They don't deserve to be scarred forever by your death. I know you believe they'd be fine without you, but they won't. They need you. There's no replacement for a mother.

Please answer us.


Me(bw/fww) 39
recovering with amazing fwh/bh 36
DS 7
DS 4

His
EA Oct '07 - 7/2/08 (d-day)
NC 7/4/08

Hers
EA/RA 6/'09-3/'10
NC 3/17/10


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browneyes, please let us know you're alright.

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Browneyes, You are in our thoughts our prayers and we need to hear from you.

YOU MATTER TO US..... pray hug


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Posts: 6,643
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bumping for Browneyes to know she is in OUR THOUGHTS....


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
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bump...

hello?


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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he was worried about me so he came into my house and refused to leave, tried to make me eat threatened to call 911.
He is in deep with ow and doesn't see what it's done, I am done not okay, just done
Please don't worry you don't even know me and the one the does know me best only wants to get away

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Originally Posted by BROWNEYES
he was worried about me so he came into my house and refused to leave, tried to make me eat threatened to call 911.
He is in deep with ow and doesn't see what it's done, I am done not okay, just done
Please don't worry you don't even know me and the one the does know me best only wants to get away

It's ironic that he recognized that you needed help but doesn't recognize that he's the cause. :RollieEyes:

Browneyes, we don't know you personally. But we know you in other ways, because we've been where you are right now.

Your kids need you. Forget WH for now. Concentrate on YOU and those kids. Don't be selfish like your WH and think only of yourself. Get mad if you have to, throw something against the wall, beat a pillow (but do this away from the kids). rant2

We're still here for you whether you like it or not. smile


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Please don't worry you don't even know me and the one the does know me best only wants to get away
YES I DO KNOW YOU..... I was THERE, with all the SAME THOUGHTS, the DESPERATION, the NO HOPE, the not KNOWING WHAT TO DO.

I remember not imagining how he WOULDN'T EVEN GIVE ME A CHANCE.

Brown, he wanted something more... that something more was a crack addict with hepatitis C, twice divorced, on state disability, sucking the system along with my husband. She gave birth to her first kid at 15.. Uglier than you can imagine.

And he WALKED OUT WITHOUT SO MUCH AS A GLANCE OF DESTROYING ME.

This MAN is NOT your HUSBAND. DON'T LISTEN TO HIM, DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING BUT TRASH FROM HIS MOUTH.

You'll understand how we KNOW you, because you are ONE OF US. We have GONE THROUGH THIS...AND ARE HERE FOR YOU.. Every step of the way.

Are you breathing? Are you talking to G-d?




BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
Joined: Sep 2003
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Do you have a girl friend, or sister, you can call to come over right now?

I know that in the beginning, you dont even want to tell anyone what is going on! it is too horrible to admit, and you hope that if you keep it all a secret, then he can quietly coem back and no one ever needs to know.

I kept my secret for 3 days. And when I couldn't take the pain any longer I called my sister in law and it was the best thing I ever did. She just sat with me and listened. And then, anytime I was reaching the panic mode again - I would call her. And she would sit with me.

Call your Doctor. Quit insisting that you know what they will say or do. Call. There is nothing wrong with taking "a pill" to get you through this.

And call a friend.

Your H is sick right now. He has an addiction. He is not thinking straight. Can you take care of yourself for now, while he is working through his sickness? Do you really want to leave your children with no Mom, and a sick father?

if nothing else, think of this: you get yourself some temporary support coming from this man. Make sure it is in writing so he cant wiggle out of it. How much fun will he have in his apartment when 2/3 of his income is going to you?



Married 18 years
D Day June 25, 2003
Divorced December 17, 2003

Newly married to a wonderful man!
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BROWNEYES,

I remember you from years ago, and I'm so sad to see you back & so troubled.

PLEASE know,,we KNOW what you're feeling right now and how hopeless it all seems. So many of us have been there.

But it's NOT hopeless! You've been here long enough... You've SEEN the miracles happen, whether they were martial recoveries or personal successes.

BROWNEYES, I'm not too far from you. If you need someone to email or to call, or to call you,, PLEASE contact JustUss or one of the mods and we can exchange email addresses and/or phone numbers. PLEASE!


Dday- Feb 1998
Recovered!!
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