Thank you Faithful Follower, that means a lot to me coming from you.

I think it was you that said, "this place is a godsend.". Whoever it was was correct. I was rapidly losing my mind the 3 months before I found this place and if all these other revelations had come before I started here I would have.

Personal growth is always a good thing. I hope my M makes it although right at this moment I have doubts, big ones. Dr. Harley made me feel that it was possible. WH has a lot of work to do, lots of hard changing. If it is possible and he does it I will be there. I have work to do as well.

Yes, Mike has been wonderful. His support and suggestions have been immeasurably helpful for both of us although it was really hard for WH. It was needed and made him open his eyes a little more and look inward where he had not before.

I just came in from a goat walk. I always feel better, they are so funny to hang around with.

Thank you. There is indeed a lot of work ahead of us. I hope he can do it and be successful. He is safe, I just spoke with him again. He did not cry this time, said the groups have been good and has had 2 sessions. One meeting with a Psychiatrist the other with a Psychiatric Nurse. Anti D's start tomorrow I guess then he can come home.

The prostitute thing is a shocker. But the estimates are that around 16 to 20% of married American men visit prostitutes. In many other countries, the figures are much higher.

What I don't get is why intelligent men don't use protection.

I was in the psych ward on lock up about 20 years ago, and it was no fun. They DO take your shoelaces, shampoo, anything that you could use to harm yourself. Then they dole out the shampoo by the cup.

They have group therapy, art therapy, crafts, exercise, etc. I HATE crafts and art therapy and later found out that it cost $100. a session. But you have to comply, or you can't get to eat out of your room.

I was moritified. And I'm sure hubby will be too. All I wanted to do was get out of there.

omigod, this is my marriage.

Hello Chrysalis and thank you.

You are so correct about how family unfriendly that profession is and there is always a lot of ego feeding. When they come home they expect it as well and it takes a lot to finally teach them that they are part of the family not a God in the household. I finally told mine that I was NOT a scrub nurse at work and I would not be his scrub nurse at home (nothing against scrub nurses at all, it was just a phrase). It did not help but you know how that goes. I would imagine there are other professions that affect people the same way. It would be interesting to know how these powerful positions affect women in their marriages. I would guess there is a very similar component to their relationships.

Congratulations on finally getting to recovery. I wish you well and luck.

I have never met an ICU nurse who could not make a joke out of anything horrible because it just has to be that way sometimes. The horrible things we see and do. It was as bad when I did ER, it just is difficult without it.

WH was a pathologist and did a stint as a deputy coroner, he has me beat in the gallows humor department.

Thanks so much Vittoria.

So now it's the land of fruits and nuts and singing goats?

tst,

WH really grasped on to you and your advice. It meant a lot to him. It took him a while with Mike but he came to really respect him as well. Everyone helped him by not letting him get away with the BS he is so good at shoveling. Made him finally face himself and that is when he started to change a bit here at home so I owe you all a huge debt of gratitude for getting that started. I just hope he can continue it.

He just called me between groups (I have to say that this whole thing cracks me up and if you knew him, and I think you do enough, you would have a chuckle too). He is trying really hard, the nurses have told me he is trying to do everything and be a participant in his treatment. I am not making light of it, it is just so NOT him. He is coming home tomorrow hopefully.

Thanks for the hugs and prayers. I will tell him when I visit tonight about all of the hugs and prayers.

Dr. Harley helped me so much this morning. I am looking forward to more appointments and the MB weekend. He thinks we can do well there if we work from now till then we should be ready to move forward. I am looking forward to the time that WH thinks about me enough to make an effort to make me feel safe and loved. I have waited so long for that.

They DO take your shoelaces, shampoo, anything that you could use to harm yourself. Then they dole out the shampoo by the cup. They have group therapy, art therapy, crafts, exercise, etc. I HATE crafts and art therapy and later found out that it cost $100. a session. But you have to comply, or you can't get to eat out of your room.

omigod, this is my marriage.

Mike - LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!

He did use protection with the Escorts but not with his own personal girlfriend hooker that was faithful to him :RollieEyes:. I guess he must not have used it with the one in 84 that gave me a nasty STD. Perhaps that little episode got him to use one the rest of the time.

The real shocker to me is that he has cheated our entire marriage. There were months when he went to hookers 3 times and since that is what he says I am guessing there were times when there were more. Why only once when away at a medical convention where they are crawling all over? He estimates well over 50 women. I would guess over 20 years there were more than that.

This is a man who has never been married. I thought he was married to me but nope, he has never been married. At least not in his mind he hasn't.

Sorry about your experience. I do know that he is mortified but I also know that that is good for him. He is mortified by just about everything right now.

***snort***

You really make me laugh sometimes. Thanks.

I think my WH is going to be thinking this for a good number of years.

Me, too.

Mike, I confess I had little respect for you (I know that must be a shocker ) from the way you talk about your wife on your thread. I did not expect to see such a balanced, sound approach from you here. You surprised me and have certainly gained my respect (for the pennies it's worth).

P.S. I think your involvement in this thread has not only been valuable for SSS and GM, but also for you.

SSS, I'm so sorry that you are facing all of this. But it is clear from your thread that you are a strong woman. I pray God gives you direction.

Thank you SMB. You and tst have been so helpful.

I am getting direction from many different places and God is saying the same thing everyone else is. I can do this. I may have to end up leaving but I can do this. I hope we can be fixed but if not it will be OK.

Thanks.

Those who can do, do, those who can't, teach? :-)

It is easy to come off distanced and wise when it isn't your guts broiling.

Anyway, off to new counselor in an hour, see what kind of miracles she can work. Not particularly hopeful, we are both pretty entrenched....

I wouldn't mind seeing *MY* WS with velcro slippers making doilies, by the way...

Hi sss,

Your story is heartwrenching...very sorry for your suffering. Some parts of it hit pretty close to home. You are getting great advice. Prayers to you.

And Mike is a big softie.

Good luck. I hope it goes well.

Entrenched, man oh man do I know that state! I hope you come away with a positive outcome.

I am still hoping for an ashtray. Don't know why since nobody smokes here but it sounded good anyway.

Thank you.

We are all here feeling sucky and it stinks but we are all in this together in some way and that helps.

Yes, Mike is a big softie but apparently he does not get singing goatherds.

I'm joking around a lot because I understand what hubby is going through.

Sounds like he has been compartmentalizing things for a long time. The lovely wife at home, and his trysts with hookers.

And his "faithful hooker"? Oh, puleeze, don't make me laugh. She is in it for money only.

huh....

Is that better than a little hardie?

Uh, no.

Hard softies are best, regardless of size.