Kip... DO NOT threaten exposure. It will give both A partners to spin the whole story about you being a controlling and jealous H.

Exposure is a calculated act, done completely without threat or warning, so they have no time to "get their stories straight".

Whatever you find, bring it here and we'll help you in the next steps.

Shattered dreams is right....no threats. Everything must be done at one time. Like an atom bomb dropping on their heads. Don't tell her about the bank accounts or credit cards. The best way to deal with that is if she is trying to pay for something and either they don't accept her card or refuse her check due to NSF. The ideal situation is, if she is in a store and tries to pay. Then she calls you and you tell her you will be right over. Have money with you. And when she says she doesn't understand and in front of everyone there (not yelling, but make sure everyone can hear). Tell her that you closed all accounts credit and bank because she is cheating on you with the police chief. Make sure everyone hears you. And then. Tell her she will need to give you a budget of what she needs and you will buy it. When you leave for the rig you simply go shopping before. Leave her no money. But hide some in case there is an emergency. She will be begging for you to leave so she can talk to you.

I would also file on her. If you do she cannot run up any more debt. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DIVORCE HER.But filing will basically destroy her world. Then you will set the agenda. For either reconciliation or divorce.

Now this is the hard part. But you must do this because you are gone 2 weeks of every month. You must involve all family members. Kids included. This is their family too.
You will need to tell your wife that the kids know everything. And that they will be on guard while you are away. And that they will rat her out in a hot second to save their family. The kids must be brave and tell her that if its a choice between you or their mother, that they will choose you. And that this will severely damage their relationship with her for the rest of her life. Then she will have an easy choice. Lose absolutely everything dear to her in her life and be #4 on the Police chiefs cartridge belt. Or do what ever it takes to save her marriage and family.

Do not yell at her or fight with her. You or anyone else. Tell her that is the way it is. There is the door, I will allow you one telephone call to the police chief to come and get you. Or you do not contact him ever again and we go to MC and you go to IC. Case closed.

If you show weakness. She will ease you into allowing her to continue with the Police Chief. Instead of her leaving you.
If she threatens to leave......help her pack. And if you have not filed yet. Tell her the minute she gets into the chiefs car or contacts him in anyway, other then to tell him that he is never to speak to her again (all in front of you), that you will immediately go to the lawyer and file divorce proceedings against her. YOU MUST BE A ROCK IF YOU WANT TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE!

I agree with everything i have read so far except this

Quote*********The kids must be brave and tell her that if its a choice between you or their mother, that they will choose you. And that this will severely damage their relationship with her for the rest of her life.*********

i disagree with using or getting th ekids involved this way. they should know the truth and their feelings counted. but not be put in the middle of this adult confrontation.

besides trying to turn a childs view of a parent against another parent usually backfires. it's the same as trying to tell any teenager that their best friend is a bad egg. right or wrong it drives them closer to that friend

It's wrong to use the kids.

This is the big difference.

It's right to tell the kids. The kids need to know the real reason behind their families problems.

It's the kids own choice as to how they want to react. They usually support the BS and withdraw from the WS.

I was 5 and my brother was 6 when we went through this with my mom. If I could have helped stop it I would have. I speak from experience. The kids are old enough. And I wouldn't force them to do it. But he has to work. He may want to hire a PI but with the affair going on between her and the COP. This could create a lot of other problems. We are in agreement with the other aspects of the "hard line" though

Any other thoughts or suggestions for kip? I know he is out on the rig right now. But when he comes back it would be nice if we were still working the problem with him.

There's not much more we can tell him until we know more about his situation.

I hope he's reading Surviving an Affair, and I hope even more that he hired a PI to get irrefutable evidence of what his W is up to.

If the OM is indeed a Police Chief, exposure will crush him.

Im here.
Trying to catch my breath.
Talk to you all soon.

Waiting.

We're pulling for you kip.

I'm guessing you have read things you have never wanted to read and are confronting.

Remember, this is a marathon and not a sprint...you don't have to do it all in the first week...

kip? update?

I'm here.
Waiting to exhale.

I have put it behind me. Going to try and rebuild. Nothing physical took place (?), just emotional. I confronted the fellow, and advised him that he is to make no contact with our family. He advised that he was only being a friend. Maybe, but the line was crossed.

After my Wife and I watched the movie "Fire Proof", I realized that I am just as at fault as her. We just take each other for granted, and the days goes on. We have both agreed to start the book that follows the movie, "Love Dare". So when I return home day one will start.

She says she has been honest with me 100% so only time will tell.

Thanks to all who supported me in my crisis.

God Bless & Love,
Kip

If he was only being a friend. He would have shared with you that your wife you need to talk to someone. Not just being a shoulder for her to cry on. That ain't being a friend. Glad to hear you watched fire proof, good movie. Best of luck.

Ok Kip

Wish you the best.

Keep your eyes open and be keen to what's going on around you, kip. I'd watch for any signs of continued contact.

No offense intended, but you seem to be a little in denial regarding what's taken place. You have to view this attachment as an addiction, and giving it up will not be easy for either party.

Please don't just assume everything will be ok, now that it's somewhat out in the open.