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Originally Posted by Holyheart
I hate this word:

CLOSURE

WH says he needs closure. So instead of ending the affair and getting closure with OW, he's filed for divorce to get closure from BS, kids, dog, parents, siblings, in-laws, friends, neighbors, etc., etc.

How does ending all these relationships, not just the M, bring about "closure"?

I concur

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I hate the word:

ENTITLED

And I hate it almost as much as I hate the word paradigm.

I got yer entitled paradigm right here... (where is the smiley dropping trou?)


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

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You know that woman of mine forgets to sign off all the time - opportunity knocks again !! laugh

Well I can honestly state that I have MOVED ON from big brother and I also have CLOSURE from Franklin and further more -

I'm ENTITLED to call a show crap when its crap


however I don't see any reason to discuss that with my daughter or DIL to be - let alone the missus.

I can remember when spousal support meant something. Like when we were having our first kid and the missus made me - I mean invited me - to join in the Lamazy thingy you know the excercise thing women need.

well the class was in full swing. The instructor, Army nurse Captain, was teaching the women how to breathe properly, I asked the missus why she didn't just breath in and out, but apparently my input wasn't welcomed, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. Not that the instructor got it right, when it happened she called me so many names I didn't even know she knew. I still have the scars from her nails.

Anyway the teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"

The room got really quiet.

I raised my hand cause it felt like school, ok the instructor scared the sh1t out of me. "Yes," replied the teacher. "I asked if it was alright if she carried a golf bag while we walked?"

Women can be SO unreasonable ya know?


Life may feel as if you are constantly getting kicked on a daily basis, living is about picking yourself up each day and going on and on and on regardless.

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naughty

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Wot???? I thought you said I could rant rant2

Anyway if you don't dob me in to the missus neither will I stickout


Life may feel as if you are constantly getting kicked on a daily basis, living is about picking yourself up each day and going on and on and on regardless.

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I did not say a word!

WOT you talkin'bout Willis?

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"But" when used "innocently" to say something just the opposite.

"I'm not judging anyone here, but..."

"I apologize, but..."

"That dress looks great on you, but..."

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Originally Posted by fiori
Originally I could not think of one but I just did...
We're just pukeFRIENDS!!!!!

puke

I mean, come on....do you need to be knocked on the head with reality? You're not supposed to be FRIENDS with the trash you work with!!!!

sorry...got a bit off topic there.

This is mine too. If you're really friends with someone and nothing more, then you shouldn't have to put JUST in front of that.

If you do, then you know you're doing something wrong and betraying your marriage and you're trying to justify it grumble


Me46
FWH42
Married 19 yrs
EA 4/07 - 4/08
(Confirmed by polygraph that it had not gone PA)
Dday1 4/13/08
Dday2 8/8/08
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Pep,

I like your rant, and I also hate to see how insensitive and dismissive some people are about the recovery process following infidelity. Far too often (and too soon) the grief of BSs is disrespected and misunderstood.

Quote
have come to really distrust and dislike the phrase

"moved on"

It's always the WS that has already "moved on" and the BS who's expected to "catch up", "get on the learning curve" and left to clean up the ashes and "mop up". It's a bunch of carp. It's a useless phrase to face the work of recovery.

Quote
when used in context with discussion of the days, weeks, months, yes even years following infidelity

infidelity is grieved like a DEATH

This is such an important statement because I don't think that most people (especially fogged up WSs) understand that recovery from infidelity is a long (amazing long), arduous, and debilitating process. It's not "like" death....it IS "a death". It's a death of innocence and trust. It's the death of dreams and promise. It's a death of enormous proportion that creates the same massive upheaval as an earthquake. The ground shakes, the foundation cracks and the buildings fall. Recovery is built (or falls to ruin) amidst the rubble of that event. And yes, it requires the same grieving stages and process as any other mass casualty incident....only the destruction, is often invisible. When there is a physical death, or plane crash, a flood, a hurricane, a war....everyone expects the recovery to be long and painful. But victims of infidelity are asked to "get over it", "move on", or "accept" the UNacceptable. PTSD is not just for returning soldiers. Many many BSs suffer from PTSD....that's how traumatic it is.

Quote
the world is so knocked off it's axis when infidelity does it's damage that there is no such thing as "moving on" - you cannot "move on" - the Earth has stopped spinning
gravity ceases to exist

Yes. Hopefully, it doesn't stay that way....but I know of no one who's initial reaction wasn't temporarily paralyzing and painful.

But, thankfully, that's not the end of the story, and the other message (the balance for this one) is so important too. Because we CAN ultimately "move on" with...or without...our WS. Marriages can survive this earthquake. That is the primary message of this site....that there is HOPE and that something that seems fatal to marriages, is in fact be SURVIVABLE....even when the beginning of the process seems so hopeless. The book is called "Surviving an Affair" and above all else....THAT is the message that makes MB so very attractive and useful to so many people. What brought me to this site, was the firm belief of it's founders, that infidelity was not as fatal as I believed it was when I was overcome with my initial grief.

There are two parts of me that react to the phrase "moving on". One part is completely peeved to hear the phrase....yeeeech! Like you, I'm angry at anyone who has the audacity to tell a betrayed spouse to "move on" or "get over" their pain. Excuse me? It infuriates me. It's cruel.

There is another part of me that sees those messages as healthy, and ultimately (down the road at the end of the grief process) as reasonable and desirable goals no matter the outcome. Who doesn't want to eventually "move on"? We all do....we just don't want anybody else deciding WHEN we need to do it!

I want this MB process (along with the grief process) to empower people....help them overcome their fear (both in facing the WS AND in developing enough confidence and strength to reject false recoveries and unrepentant WSs, rebuild their lives, and safeguard their marriages and their futures.

Just like "moving on" bugs me....so does overemphasis on the hopelessness and destruction. In our quest to understand the true tragedy of infidelity, we compare it to other great losses....divorce, death, rape, etc. And I worry about placing so much emphasis on how insurmountable and tragic it is, as much as I worry about dismissing it's devastation or trying to push people too fast.

Sometimes, I read the posts of BSs and think "This creep doesn't DESERVE your tears!" I see so many faithful and willing BSs who are so fearful of losing unrepentant waywards, that they are paralyzed from using the strategies that will save their marriages...afraid they will anger the WS.

No matter how hopeless it feels in the beginning....I want my message to be "FIGHT! It's NOT hopeless. Don't give up on your marriage. Don't give up on the recovery of your marriage. You can be happy again."

And no matter how hopeless it feels in the end....I want my message to be "Fight! It''s NOT hopeless. Don't give up on your own resiliency! Don't underestimate your ability for self-recovery. You can be happy again".

It's hard for me to find the right balance of advice, and both recognize the agony and grief of infidelity and still empower people to use the tools in spite of their grief. There are times to say not "move on"....but GET UP and DON'T GIVE UP because even though this is horrible.....there is still hope! And even if the marriage fails because of this....do everything you can, do it the right way, have no regrets....and THEN if nothing helps, in time, as you need to, as you, yourself are ready to.....move on...then do it....because you must.

"For everything there is a season" I guess, and a time to "move on". I hope I know the right timing for that advice so that it is empowering rather than disrespectful. But I do honestly believe that my marriage is better now than it was before the infidelity. Not BECAUSE of the infidelity, but IN SPITE of it. Something was lost. Something died. There's no help for that. I can never have that back. I can never have back my "prettiest" dreams.

But something was born too. I have greater personal strength and believe in my own ability to survive happily in my life. My dreams for the future are really beautiful. My family is so connected and intact in a way that seems more sustainable and real now that it's survived the ultimate test. It's not a test I think is necessary....but it happened...and we made it. I hope I face the rest of my trials (and there will be many) with as much tenacity. I like my marriage now....and honestly, I really like it better than my old marriage....and didn't believe I EVER would. I also have the comfort of knowing that my image of my husband is less important to me than my love for him. What I mean is that I forgave him....I really did forgive him in the deepest sense. I "forged on" rather than "moved on"...and now I'm really in a good place.

So don't "move on"....FORGE ON! because marriage and life are worth the effort.





Last edited by star*fish; 01/29/09 05:42 PM. Reason: edited for grammar
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Star* - seriously girl - you need to work on you rant skills -

Where are the F bombs?

The multiple !!! exclamation !!! marks?

The BOLDED CAP words?

The sized up words?

The multiple mad mad mad emotional faces?

The colorful words?

The line of ?????? dancing question marks?

We're going to have to coach you on proper ranting technique.

STEP ONE - No more rational thoughts - emotions only.
Let me know when you have mastered the first step and we'll proceed slowly from there.

and





.






.



.
Nice to read such a lovely post - thanks for stopping by

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RANT ON

People who ride your bumper.

Seriously, what is the DEAL with these bonehead maniacs? And worse yet, the ones that do it on the FREEWAY going 55 - 75 MPH.

Me? I try to follow the car in front of me by using the rule: 1 car length for every 10 MPH I'm traveling

Thanks for reading.

RANT OFF

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wax on.....





wax off.....




wax on.....





wax off.....


not2fun

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Originally Posted by Resilient
RANT ON

People who ride your bumper.

Seriously, what is the DEAL with these bonehead maniacs? And worse yet, the ones that do it on the FREEWAY going 55 - 75 MPH.

:twobyfour: CLUEBAT!!! :twobyfour:

If folkses are riding your bumper if might be a CLUE that you need to DRIVE a little FASTER!! If you would drive a little faster, we wouldn't ride your silly bumper! Can you not get a move on, people?? Cars are for DRIVING FAST, not for meandering along yakking on your cell phones! Let's move it, people! :RollieEyes:

ondelay! ondelay!!



"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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RANT

All these new drugs advertised on TV where the drug's side affects are worse than the illness. Do they think we're stupid? Where is the FDA in all this?

Example:

FIXALL-ADENE

A new drug to make your gray hair turn back to it's natural color.

DRUG WARNING:

FIXALL-ADENE may cause balding, heart attack, cancer, blindness, paralysis, hearing loss, cataracts, brain tumors, shortness of breathe, loose stools, scabs over 98% of your body, genital disappearance, rickets, constipation, dry and itchy skin, dementia-related psychosis, piojitos, permanent limb numbness, liver disease, kidney failure or a runny nose.

RANT OFF

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Originally Posted by TexasSpeedDemon
Cars are for DRIVING FAST
Yeap. And you got the tickets and photos to prove it, Missy.

laugh

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cry


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by Resilient
FIXALL-ADENE may cause balding, heart attack, cancer, blindness, paralysis, hearing loss, cataracts, brain tumors, shortness of breathe, loose stools, scabs over 98% of your body, genital disappearance, rickets, constipation, dry and itchy skin, dementia-related psychosis, piojitos, permanent limb numbness, liver disease, kidney failure or a runny nose.

Pio will be very upset to hear that Jo

rotflmao


Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Originally Posted by bigkahuna
Originally Posted by Resilient
FIXALL-ADENE may cause balding, heart attack, cancer, blindness, paralysis, hearing loss, cataracts, brain tumors, shortness of breathe, loose stools, scabs over 98% of your body, genital disappearance, rickets, constipation, dry and itchy skin, dementia-related psychosis, piojitos, permanent limb numbness, liver disease, kidney failure or a runny nose.

Pio will be very upset to hear that Jo

rotflmao

Bwahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! Jo, you are hilarious!!!

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

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WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH THIS CENSOR????????

Can ANYONE tell my why [censored]-n-span would be censored????.....honestly, does anything in life get any cleaner than that????

And how is it that skew gets censored but not anal?????.... crazy

I personally I am not censored very often, but me thinks the censor is a little too "sensitive".....

not2fun

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Not, I think the censor eliminated a word that has racist meanings that have nothing to do with cleaning products.
It's just a dumb robot....


Chrysalis
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