Not very much can gross out an old RN, yanno?
What's a little urine amongst friends?

yuk...

Hey, I like the "reclaim" concept.

Why let GM or OW, for that matter, retain little intimate memories of anything "theirs"? If you, as BS, can't throw it out, reclaim the activity as yours, and build new memories to make the affair ones fade.

In fact, I think I'm going to go work WW over in the guest bedroom tomorrow.

Much nicer than many things I can think of...chest tubes? Ewwwwwww

Hey, there is not much that will gross me out except vomit. I do not do vomit. So much so that in the ICU I would trade GI bleeds for a nauseous patient.

You are so right!

Have a good time tonight Mike taking back the guest room. I really have no other response to that except .

How goes it?

Well, we had sex but my Ds were by the guest bedroom so we couldn't.....wait, you probably aren't asking me, are you?

Hi Pepperband!

Well, it goes. I think I am going to have to get back with the books and read about some things. I am feeling very blah about everything. Could be the meds could be not enough because it feels much like I did when I was depressed. Could this be withdrawl? That is what I am going to read about and check.

I was all set to surprise GM with the hike yesterday but our oldest son got in a terrible accident and totaled his car. He is OK but if it had been about 5 seconds more his little car would have been broadsided by an SUV right in his door. That brought us into our parent state and we dealt and took him out so he could buy what he could afford, poor student. That kind of thing always shakes you back into know exactly what is important in this life. I did tell GM I was ready to do the hike and my plans for marking the trail. It made him very happy.

I think this week I am going to try to come up with a starter list for a polygraph and look around for one in my area.

I am feeling guardedly optimistic since GM is doing the post nup, signing us up for the weekend, phone counceling with Steve and agreeing to everything. Still, 25 years of other women and lying is a lot to overcome so we are having to deal with figuring out his triggers.

How are you doing? Well I hope.

shaddup

sss- i have been reading and folowing along and praying for you.

i noticed you have horses.....i do too. can you ride the hikes? thats what i do. he can hike with the dogs and you can ride along.

By the way, aren't you in Kansas, SSS? It's totally flat. Just WATCH him. The horizon is like 30 miles away. Just tell him not to walk behind a Dennys or a brokedown combine or whatever.

Hope things are going okay today.

Had to LOL at Mike's take on Kansas..............

Pepperband,


This is what I have been thinking about the last few days. I have not been posting because it is too easy to get side tracked and I needed to get a start on this.

I am embarrassed to say that I have no freaking clue. I imagine that is not unusual for women and probably a good amount of men as well but still, how is it that I/we do not know such a thing?


This I have begun. What I posted before was the first broken thing I noticed. This is an easier assignment since I tend to find many broken things daily. That has to stop, I have to be humble but aware of what I am doing, not the doormat I really have been in many ways. My little proud lines that I drew were really no more than symbolic but they kept me in the "game". I lost, he cheated but my lines actually kept me from being aware enough to see it before it happened. (I know it is not my fault, I am not saying that)

Well wise one :), you have certainly put the "game" out there for me to learn. Life, so sad to have missed the point of so much of it. I hope there is a way for this old dog to learn new tricks so to speak.

Appointment with Steve in a few hours. He always makes me feel better by giving me new things to do and think about. Moving forward seems to be the best healer for me right now. The rest moves slowly. I am waiting for GM to really make the change, not to just go through the motions. I am appreciative of those motions though, they are big steps for him.

Don't feel like the Lone Ranger, SSS. I was a lot like you.

I defined myself mostly through others, a mother, a wife, an employee, a homemaker. And there is nothing wrong with that, because goodness knows, our society needs people like us.

It is interesting that my ex chose an OW who was NONE of these. Well, she was someone else's wife, but abandoned her 12 year old daughter to go live with my husband, never worked, didn't take care of the home, liked mainly to have fun.

Since my ex had 4 kids and 2 step-kids, they never would have made a suitable pair. He had ME for that front.

He left just as our kids were getting on their own. And I discovered that other than my career, there was no ME.

Hey Believer!

I think we have to do that to get it all done!

I was lucky enough to be a stay at home mother and I loved it. It was hard but it was wonderful.

GM's OW is disabled (but she could do my husband 3-4 times a week), essentially from what I know she can be considered disabled but I do not think she is so disabled that she could not work. She is a drug addict, an alcoholic, is getting ready soon for a court date for being caught with a used Meth pipe. She does not have a legal license plate so she does not need to pay property taxes etc. you get the idea plus she made her money as an online hook up hooker. It is interesting isn't it?

Like it is not hard enough when the kids begin to leave that is when he chose to leave you? Niiiice.

Child of God
Wife
Mother

I saw this after you posted it and waited until I could properly let you know that I laughed so hard I almost wet myself. I got this little vision of GM running and hiding behind old farm implements like in one of those old shooting galleries. Good thing it is not, I am a crack shot.

Thanks for the laugh........and the laugh.......and the laugh.....in fact I am still laughing.

Hope you are feeling better. We are going at it hot and heavy over on GM's thread.

That is a great suggestion. The hiking trails around here are separated for horses, dogs or just hikers so the trails are out. We could do it around here on the farm. I will start back up riding this spring since GM is finally helping me with the farm, I will have time. My horses are cutting horses so it may take some work. They are a bit touchy. You lay a leg on them and they are in the next state. That does not mean that I can't do it. Thanks for the suggestion.

If I find a trail around we could always trailer a horse out there, not a difficult thing to do at all.

I am always happier after I have talked to Steve.

I have to make myself stay out of his thread. Sometimes he tells me stuff or reads posts to me from it.

Go for it. This place has made a remarkable difference for both of us.

SSS -- what does Steve Harley say about the polygraph? pro or con?

wiseass is more like it


I think you said you have raised 2 amazing sons. That is a life to be proud of!

One of the things that I learned during my personal recovery (besides the stupidity of playing the trooper) was that a big part of my personal philosophy on life needed to be revised. Updated if you will. Bulldozed is more like it. That pissed me off I can promise you. It was a philosophy around which I had practically built a gold shrine.

We're probably close in age (as is Believer). I turn 60 this July. Do you remember the Disney film staring Haley Mills ... Pollyanna

When I was trying to reconcile what "happened to me" (<~~~ which is how I used to think of it) I was most resentful for the loss of my inner Pollyanna.

My goodie-two-shoes blow-sunshine-up-your-tushie approach to life was exposed as a complete an utter failure.

I thought that my sunny optimism would protect me from real harm and disappointment.

Was I wrong or WHAT???

This is what wikipedia says about pollyannaism:



I had loved that sunny persona about myself. But, it was a false self.

I plunged head first into cynicism. Which made me feel ugly inside and not at all lovable.

Would anyone love me if I was not a Pollyanna?

Can you see the trap I'd made for myself?

I had to reconstruct my life long way of approaching others. More guarded. More suspicious.

And the real kicker ?????

I share this with you to give you an example of what I mean by finding out who you are at your core. Dare to take yourself places into yourself where you don't want to go. Root around in there and come out of the ashes a beautiful phoenix.

I know you can.
Believer did.