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At a certain point, the delivery can cause some to turn a deaf ear to even the best advice. A certain somebody comes to mind in the Foxy situation, who shall remain nameless OK not nameless, it's BR!!!! Some good advice can get lost when we are sensitive to our childrens' needs and feel like we need to DEFEND our choices. There is no need to defend them, they are our choices. People here and just trying to give us the best TOOLS so we make the most informed choices. The nameless poster...is that me? What did I say?  No, it wasn't you.  It was a long time poster named bramblerose. Let's just say - we often ended crossways because I was OFTEN offended by HOW she said something.
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I couldn't think of any other poster with those initials and I know I'm not the most indirect person in the world. LOL 
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Me; W 46
Him; H 46
2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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Not my opinion, just the assesment standard.
This is a wierd post. Don't ask questions if you don't want to hear the answer.
Even if it is the truth.
Last edited by barbiecat; 02/10/09 02:18 PM.
Me; W 46
Him; H 46
2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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I don't understand the attacks and it really pisses me off. It's one thing to offer a differing opinion but to keep hammering it ad nausem is not being helpful anymore.
Seriously. [/quote]
What, besides CP and one or two others, are you talking about?
There has been almost nothing discouraging said on that post until a few days ago. Do you know what ad nausem means?
--seriously.
Last edited by barbiecat; 02/10/09 02:18 PM.
Me; W 46
Him; H 46
2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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What, besides CP and one or two others, are you talking about? There has been almost nothing discouraging said on that post until a few days ago. Do you know what ad nausem means?
--seriously. You're right, there has been almost nothing discouraging said until a few days ago and SINCE THEN, it has been discussed ad nauseam (correct spelling). Here's the definition in case YOU didn't realize what it meant (emphasis mine). Main Entry: ad nau·se·am Pronunciation: \ad-ˈnȯ-zē-əm also -ˌam\ Function: adverb Etymology: Latin Date: 1647 : to a sickening or excessive degree Seriously. ETA: the start (and continued discussion of T2L's choices) of this thread is an example of how ridiculously far this has been taken.
Last edited by princessmeggy; 02/10/09 02:34 PM. Reason: ETA
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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What, besides CP and one or two others, are you talking about? There has been almost nothing discouraging said on that post until a few days ago. Do you know what ad nausem means?
--seriously. You're right, there has been almost nothing discouraging said until a few days ago and SINCE THEN, it has been discussed ad nauseam (correct spelling). Here's the definition in case YOU didn't realize what it meant (emphasis mine). Main Entry: ad nau·se·am Pronunciation: \ad-ˈnȯ-zē-əm also -ˌam\ Function: adverb Etymology: Latin Date: 1647 : to a sickening or excessive degree Seriously. ETA: the start (and continued discussion of T2L's choices) of this thread is an example of how ridiculously far this has been taken. O.K. I'm lookng here for your point....
Me; W 46
Him; H 46
2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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O.K. I'm lookng here for your point.... Huh??? ETA: nevermind. I'm done with this thread. I stand by everything I've said. I don't play games.
Last edited by princessmeggy; 02/10/09 02:53 PM. Reason: ETA
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Not my opinion, just the assesment standard. Because whomever is doing the assessment has actually MET the children and T2L, right? So we know that the "standard" assessment is applied, right? And we all know what "standard" is being referred to, right? Don't ask questions if you don't want to hear the answer. Who says I don't want to hear the answer? Well, since now we know the "truth" we can all just sign off and the forum becomes unncessary.  Sorry, Dr. H., the "truth" has been found. /sarcasm 
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Oh, goody! Let's turn this into a fight on the merits, or lack thereof, of homeschool and homeschoolers. Not everyone is cut out to homeschool their children. Of course that's true. But it's also true that a LOT of teachers are WAY the heck not cut out for what they're doing either...and I say that as the daughter of two teachers and the wife of a former teacher.
Our four children were homeschooled. Neak is an accomplished musician on a variety of instruments, composes music, sings like a warbler, is the published author of 2 books, and a full-time mother and homeschool teacher herself (to name a few accomplishments). Neakbro graduated from Berkeley a few years back with a double major, primarily by scholarship, in physics and computer science. He's now a genius computer dweeb, designing some software wizardry that nobody has done before. (Don't ask me to explain it. I can't.) Flard graduated last summer from the University of Arizona with a Masters in biology. He was immediately hired, without an interview and solely on the basis of his undergraduate performance, as a professor in the biology department of the university where he got his B.S. Neaksis received, from the state of California, the blessing--at the age of 25 and while single--to adopt 3 children (10, 7, and 5) who had been molested and abused due to the neglect of their biological parents. She is so well-versed in the pathology and treatment of attachment disorder that I think should be able to get a degree simply on the basis of life experience! She also homeschools one of her children. Neakbro, Flard, and Neaksis play at least one musical instrument each--one plays 2, and one 3, and 2 of them are also vocalists.
Whatever mistakes I made as a mother--and they were legion--do I need to apologize for their homeschool training? Do I think they would've fared better if someone else had done the teaching? No, I do not. If they were any more accomplished, I'd be scared of them!! Education isn't like one-size-fits-all pantyhose, after all. If T2L is committed to teaching her kids at home, there is no reason why she can't do every bit as well, or better, than someone hired by the state.
tl
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Especially when the state in question is California! :RollieEyes:
tl
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Oh, goody! Let's turn this into a fight on the merits, or lack thereof, of homeschool and homeschoolers. Not everyone is cut out to homeschool their children. Of course that's true. But it's also true that a LOT of teachers are WAY the heck not cut out for what they're doing either...and I say that as the daughter of two teachers and the wife of a former teacher.
Our four children were homeschooled. Neak is an accomplished musician on a variety of instruments, composes music, sings like a warbler, is the published author of 2 books, and a full-time mother and homeschool teacher herself (to name a few accomplishments). Neakbro graduated from Berkeley a few years back with a double major, primarily by scholarship, in physics and computer science. He's now a genius computer dweeb, designing some software wizardry that nobody has done before. (Don't ask me to explain it. I can't.) Flard graduated last summer from the University of Arizona with a Masters in biology. He was immediately hired, without an interview and solely on the basis of his undergraduate performance, as a professor in the biology department of the university where he got his B.S. Neaksis received, from the state of California, the blessing--at the age of 25 and while single--to adopt 3 children (10, 7, and 5) who had been molested and abused due to the neglect of their biological parents. She is so well-versed in the pathology and treatment of attachment disorder that I think should be able to get a degree simply on the basis of life experience! She also homeschools one of her children. Neakbro, Flard, and Neaksis children play at least one musical instrument each--one plays 2, and one 3, and 2 of them are also vocalists.
Whatever mistakes I made as a mother--and they were legion--do I need to apologize for their homeschool training? Do I think they would've fared better if someone else had done the teaching? No, I do not. If they were any more accomplished, I'd be scared of them!! Education isn't like one-size-fits-all pantyhose, after all. If T2L is committed to teaching her kids at home, there is no reason why she can't do every bit as well, or better, than someone hired by the state.
tl tl, thank you for your well said post. I was trying to formulate my own, but was so stinking angry I couldn't eloquently say what I wanted.
Happily married to HerPapaBear
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Well, since people have asked what T2L could do differently.
Note:
A. I have 20 years experience evaluating "at risk" population. This is my honest opinion. No, I do not diagnose,I am not qualifed to do that. I just fill out forms, observe, and answer questions asked.
B. I am currently working on my PHD in Curriculum Development.
B. No, I never PB'ed. In my situation I did not need to.
A ten year old boy does not need to eat, SLEEP, play, be educated and worry about his family life all day with his mother, 24/7. He needs friends that he choses to make-- on his own (not put on a team by a coach).
He also could benefit by eating lunch with kids he likes, that like him. Kids that have worked out the social glitches, that is a huge part of "Carrer/Trade vocation skills."
We all know she loves her kids. Don't rip my face off for stating the obvious.
Her older, home schooled daughter is now looking into online courses. I'm sorry, but there is no such thing called "home school college". All 12th graders need to be taking the ACT now, she should be in an ACT prep class. Did she take the PLAN in Novermber? A lot of scholarships come from this pre test. Some people consider this a right of passage.
These kids are way too dragged into this PB, IMHO. No one wants to see the family reunited more then the kids- but they are too young to have "20 year marrital problems"
Oh what the he(). I will go ahead and say it. DD17 needs to go to campus and actually be a FROSH. Gain the Frosh "15", cramming for tests, cold pizza, no money- cute boys everywhere---Yahoo!
.....not wondering if WD can come into the garage at night.
Mind you, I do not like most home school programs. They are not held to the same standard as public school.
Beyond that, I am sympathetic to T2L's situation. She tries very, very hard to do the right thing. She listens to advice, and she asks good questions.
But I have wondered for quite a few weeks when there was going to be someone alerting her to the "other side" of this situation.
She seems obsessed with WH movements.
and this has been cheered on, myself included in part- by quite a few posters. Maybe we have done a dis service> sp?
As far as I know, PBers are supposed to be creating a better SELF- independant of WS.
The above is the biggest problem I have.
Yes, we are to be giving positive encouragement, but blindly defending someone is not helping. Oh great, another ****edit**** person. :RollieEyes:
Last edited by Dufresne; 02/10/09 05:20 PM. Reason: TOS name calling
Happily married to HerPapaBear
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Enough! This thread is dangerously close to being locked. Respectful disagreement is OK, personal attacks are NOT!
This is being said to MANY on this thread.
Thank you.
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Check out this post from Mortarman to me in MAY 2003 Mimi,
Let's look at the other side of this. It might be GOOD that you have these loose ends to tie up. Why do I say this? Let's look at this.
You are in Plan B now. He may think you are not serious, but may wonder what you are up to. look at my post with ALost Soul today. I think that Plan B is for getting you ready for either your husband's return or a new life without him. So...start getting on with your life. Start tying up the loose ends. do it on your own. Dont tell him...just do it. Start a new account at a new bank. Move your electronic payments to the new account. Anything that is his, begin to shut that down. tell him before hand in an email or letter. "H, I have made the car payment on your car this month. That account is now being closed. You will need to find other arrangements for next month for payment of your car. Mimi."
Begin to start separating things Now, what will this do? several things actually. As you know, this is not a game. But there are rules. You are in Plan B and finally getting on with your life. If your husband is never going to return, it is time you start getting things ready for your new life. If he is, it is time you stop enabling him. I started doing this to my wife when I got in Plan B. I shut off the car insurance on our cars, and got new insurance just on my car. She was forced to go get her own insurance.
Now, besides the pain of having to do all ofthis to them, what else will be done here? They will begin to see that you are moving on with your life. You are serious about NC. You are serious about moving forward. This will force them off the fence. If he still loves you, he will begin to panic that he is losing you. He wont hear from you because you are in Plan B. He will only see your actions. And they will be slowly turning out the lights on the marriage. If it is still in him, he will come looking for you before it is too late.
So, I see these loose ends as good. Take your time. Begin to shut things down a little every week. As each tie is broken, you will begin to feel stronger. If he comes back, you will feel more in control of yourself in the reconciliation. If he doesnt, then Plan B will lead you to the eventuality of no love for him...and then you can begin your new life.
I still bet that your hubby will be like my wife. When Plan B is fully NC, and he sees you beginning to turn out the lights, I believe it will cause the fog to begin to dissipate. tne we will see what kind of man he is. Thanks for posting this gem from Mortarman Mimi, it's a good one for sure. I especially like the gentleness and patience with which he expresses his guidance toward you .... Here is my favorite part: So, I see these loose ends as good. Take your time. Begin to shut things down a little every week. As each tie is broken, you will begin to feel stronger. If he comes back, you will feel more in control of yourself in the reconciliation. If he doesnt, then Plan B will lead you to the eventuality of no love for him...and then you can begin your new life.
again, thank you
Last edited by Pepperband; 02/10/09 05:18 PM. Reason: word change for clarity ... I went to public schools !!!
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Oh, goody! Let's turn this into a fight on the merits, or lack thereof, of homeschool and homeschoolers. Not everyone is cut out to homeschool their children. Of course that's true. But it's also true that a LOT of teachers are WAY the heck not cut out for what they're doing either...and I say that as the daughter of two teachers and the wife of a former teacher.
Our four children were homeschooled. Neak is an accomplished musician on a variety of instruments, composes music, sings like a warbler, is the published author of 2 books, and a full-time mother and homeschool teacher herself (to name a few accomplishments). Neakbro graduated from Berkeley a few years back with a double major, primarily by scholarship, in physics and computer science. He's now a genius computer dweeb, designing some software wizardry that nobody has done before. (Don't ask me to explain it. I can't.) Flard graduated last summer from the University of Arizona with a Masters in biology. He was immediately hired, without an interview and solely on the basis of his undergraduate performance, as a professor in the biology department of the university where he got his B.S. Neaksis received, from the state of California, the blessing--at the age of 25 and while single--to adopt 3 children (10, 7, and 5) who had been molested and abused due to the neglect of their biological parents. She is so well-versed in the pathology and treatment of attachment disorder that I think should be able to get a degree simply on the basis of life experience! She also homeschools one of her children. Neakbro, Flard, and Neaksis children play at least one musical instrument each--one plays 2, and one 3, and 2 of them are also vocalists.
Whatever mistakes I made as a mother--and they were legion--do I need to apologize for their homeschool training? Do I think they would've fared better if someone else had done the teaching? No, I do not. If they were any more accomplished, I'd be scared of them!! Education isn't like one-size-fits-all pantyhose, after all. If T2L is committed to teaching her kids at home, there is no reason why she can't do every bit as well, or better, than someone hired by the state.
tl The home schooled Neak sent me this earlier today: There once was a Pep with a colon.
At first, she was worried 'twas stolen.
Then the doc took a peek,
Into her mystique,
And found it there, loopin' and rollin'.
It cheered me up ! You done good TL, real good. 
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You done good TL, real good. Thank you, Pep. And so is T2L doing, regardless of glitches (or not) in her Plan B. tl
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Thank you, Pep. And so is T2L doing, regardless of glitches (or not) in her Plan B. tl Hunny, I've had so many glitches in my own plans in life - I might be doing it on purpose to amuse God. or not >snicker< PS I *heart* Propofol
Last edited by Pepperband; 02/10/09 05:25 PM.
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I especially like the gentleness and patience with which he expresses his guidance toward you .... Yep..but he was often HARD on ME, too..I needed it or else I woulda totally messed up PLAN B... Who knows what I did right in the very middle of PLAN B???
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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If MM ever implied you were a bad mother for allowing your sons to see their Dad, I'd like to see that post.
And your response
LOL
Stay sweet Mimi, it looks fabulous on you!
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