You might be getting SOMETHING in April or May...........

Haha not my dog.....my friends. If she has goyotes (they live in the country) they will find homes for the litter.

Goyotes???

Cross between a gargoyle and a coyote?

Cross between a gentile and coyote???

what???

no a golden retriever and coyotes

"Cross between a gentile and coyote???"

Soooooo.... is a chupote a cross between a chupacabra and a coyote? LOL It sounds like something to eat. "I'll have two chupotes and a gordito with a diet coke, please."

*** bURp ***

Damn now I am hungry....what's the nearest taco bell?

Mornin' Y'all,Well I am super hesitant to post my weekend, so i'll give basics as I am feeling a super weak, I guess. I am forcing myself to update at this point. And for the record Yes I am in Plan B, at least thats the goal. Please no massive 2X4's not feeling strong enough, I can handle gentle correction if needed.

I don't feel I have lost my love for my H which actually is starting to bug the crap out of me.  I have questioned myself over and over on all my motivations why I would even consider still going.  I have questioned condependency, I have qeustioned my fear of being alone Ihave questioned if I have a problem starting over.  I don't feel I am comdependent, and I am not bothered by being alone as much as I was in the beginning I have adjusted to it and I know that I am fully capable of starting over and beng quite happy because usually that is my nature.  The ONLY thing I can say is for some reason God has given me grace in my heart for Mr. T2L, its something I cannot understand. I hate using "Christianees" quotes but I cannot figure any other reason why I have not stopped this madness.  I am fully aware I can in my mind shut it off and get pissed and say forget it.  But God has always used my heart and when the grace to do something is removed from my heart usually so it the desire for it and I usually cannot do that thing for another second.  I am hoping that is what will happen in this case and I guess if for some off reason it doesn't then I can at least wait til DS10 turns 11 in Oct and hopefully that will give me more protection in lovely california. Of course if he had been abusive and there were any safety reasons then Mr. T2L probably would not get the chance he is getting now.

Anyways here is the basics of what happened.  Saturday H called DS10 and said he will arrive at 12:45 for visit.  I said wonderful I will be gone at 12:15 for a 12:30 hair appointment.  I asked DD18 if she would stay til her dad got here to pick up DS10 so I could go get my hair done.  So I leave at 12:15.  I am quite happy because getting my hair done is a thing with me and I am trying a new less expensive stylist.  I have had the same stylist for 11 years and had been driving an hour to go see her.  Anyways I am sitting in the chair with those lovely foils in my hair(can you say buh-bye gray hair LOL) and I get a text.I read the text and I am dumbfounded.  DD18 say OMG mom dad just walked in the house and he is now eating your leftover pasta and Ice cream.  She said he parked on the street so we didn't see him pull up.  I say ok there is nothing I can do I will be here for a while.  I am at the salon for just short of 3 hours and I go home. We usually don't lock the doors in the day becasue we all come and go and in the last 10 months he has NEVER just walke in he has always called or knocked. The kids have been told from now on the door is to be locked.

He is there cleaning my pool and garage again.  I decide to go to my room and wait and see if he leaves after a while.  Well an hour later he takes DD18 to get her oil changed in her car.  I shut the garage as kinda of a go home hint.  WEll they come home and he asks DD18 to open the garage.  I finally decide I need to do something about this. 

I really didn't want to because I knew in my heart it would LB but he has done this so many times that I finally decided this has to stop.  I walk out to the backyard and I as nice as I can say what are you doing?  He says he I am visiting my kids and cleaning the garage an pool. I say well I can do the pool myself and he says well you didnt and its dirty and I say i chose not to do it and why do you care you do not live here. He says well maybe it makes me feel good to do it. I say this is not normal people who are split up do not hang out at each others house. He says well we dont have to be like them. HE says I don't undertand why my son won't tell me how he feels, your brainwashing him. I say that is not the truth i have tried he is nervous and says he can't.

Okay this may be a LB...I say this is completely unfair that you come and prance your as$ all around my house like a donkey and carrot. I say I am uncomfortable with you doing this. He says well I want to visit my kids and I say well get them and go he says I can't becasue of the company vehicle and then he says can't you just go to your room and I say NO I am tired of being a prisoner in my own home. I try to explain how I feel and he says I treat him like a counselling session and a child. He has said this before, I am not sure If I communicate well but at this point I think he may have a hard time dealing with emotions. Pre-A he said women crying makes him uncomfortable. He says well I was going to change your daughters brakes but Im going to leave I say great I will get your children to say goodbye to you.

So I bring the kids out front they hug him and I say by the way kids now that he is in front of you tell your dad. Do I tell you he loves you theysay yes and I say son, have i tried to get you to talk to your dad he nods and I say and why wont you he says I am afraid. I say now you know the truth.
At this point its the 4 of us outside at the door. HE then starts talking about the things I did and i say kids I have apologized and asked him to gforgive me but I cannot go back in the past. DD18 says dad its really pretty simple if you ask me. Come home. try. change your cell phone number. DD18 then says to my absolute amazement dad what are you willing to do to build trust he says nothing, because your mother never trusted me in the 1st place. I say at the beginning of our marriage we were very young and I didn't. I didn't probably till the last 8-10 years because your dad became trust worthy. At this point I have the look of confusion on my face and he says I hate when you get that worried look and I say well its not worried its absolute confusion.

Anyways a few more things were said and he says I am going to my moms and the kids say goodbye and we walk in the house.

I had no idea this was going to happen and really ws shocked becasue I told him last don't come home and that whole convo when I asked about his plans and go figure out what you want. I surely didn't expect the dude to walk in like he actually lived her. We're keeping our doors lokced from now on and I am guessing I have LB'ed him so badly by asking him to leave he may now want the other woman more. I really really did not to ask him to leave but knew it was going to end up another late night with him there.

So planning to go dark AGAIN as lame as that sounds. I didnt intend to not be, just went out to get my hair done and he walked in. THe kids said they stared at each other with HUGE eyes like OMG but I didn't want them to say anything to him its not their problem to deal with.

If he hates me so bad why does he come here. He says its for the kids, I have been told thats cr@p. IDK he may hate me now. Anways your updated. You know I SOOOO love y'all If ya wanna post for my sakes if its hard smooth the edges for me I have a tendency to hide and shut down if it gets to hard but I feel connected to you all so I am not posting for me I am posting to update you.

On the bright side, I love my new hair color and cut. Also, Firday night I made sure I was out of the house when he called to talk with the kids(still try to do that a few times a week) and I went to the bookstore. I bought this book someone recommmended to me. Its called THE SHACK by WM. Paul Young. Wheeeew! Its so good I have hardly been able to put it down. I can't tell you anything about it but tell everyone to go get this. It has a spin on it about God in a way I have never ever ever read the likes of and its birthed out of tragedy its the #1 best seller on New York Times list and it has kept me busy all weekend I should be finished with it today. I have read it in 3 days. Quick go get it!!!!!! You will not be let down, i have cried several times during this book.

Hey, I have that book and it is WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On another note, whether hubby slipped in the house or not, Plan B says that you don't talk relationship talk with him.

I loathed The Shack. I felt soiled by reading it, but finished it because it had been given to my oldest grandson at the residential treatment program where he's been living, and I wanted to see what it was about. Interesting story, but the most deadly mix of spiritual error and truth I've ever come across in my life!

I'm not going to argue with anyone about this, but since the book is getting so much praise, I at least want it known that there are alternate opinions about it!

tl

(((((((T2L)))))))

I'm sorry you had such a challenging weekend.

My best advice is to file...file SOMETHING!!! That is the only way you are going to be able to Plan B.

As I was preparing for Plan B, I was told to "get my ducks in a row". I asked what that meant. Part of that was filing something official (LSA or divorce) so that I was legally protected from this intrusions.

I really think you need to file something legal. This will protect your "safe haven", and it will send a message that you mean business.

He has had enough olive branches. What he needs is a kick in the [censored].

Why have you not filed anything?

ditto

T2L,
For a guy who doesnt 'want' you he sure hangs around alot. Some women see their boyfreinds less often than you see him LOL
Funny how its always him breaking your PB

Great idea about locking your doors. What a nuisance tho. Waywards are crazy!

Hey, had a thought. The next time he trots out that rubbish about his 'planned break up', how about reverse it back at him with "thats nice, how about leaving us alone until you do that?"

Mind you, that would be communicating and that would be bad.

Prepare for 2X4.




With interactions like this one, you WILL stop loving him. Or to describe it better...

You will believe the man you married is dead. You will wake up one day, and just be done. You WON'T see it coming.







DING, DING, DING.

This tells me he believes that eventually you will quit this silly plan B and you can all be one happy family...he and OW living together and him playing daddy in YOUR home whenever he feels like it.

So again, I say file something. He needs to know that you really will not live like this. So far, it appears you will.






He just told you here that he has no intention of respecting your Plan B (he never has, why should he start now?)

His lack of a vehicle is NOT your problem.

The vehicle issue is for him to fix, and right now, he just uses it as an excuse to continue to invade your life.

Are you really going to continue to allow this???




This should have never happened in the first place. Do you see how your actions (or lack of action) permit him to break your Plan B then cause him to consider it a precedence for future behavior?

"Well, you've BEEN GOING to your room. There's no reason you can't keep doing that. You're just being unreasonable."





Why on earth would you try to explain anything to a wayward?

We keep telling you that you cannot reason with them, and you keep thinking your different/he's different and you can explain reason into his alien head.

How's that working for ya?






None of this matters. He is an alien, not your husband. He is totally absorbed in his own self and whatever he can do to get what he wants (a fix, cake eating, etc.)




T2L's acting controlling, so I'm gonna go away and pout.







OK, here's the 2X4. You thought I was already giving it to you. No, here's where it begins.

This conversation never should have happened.

You both stuck your children right in the middle of this and that was WRONG!!!

WRONG!! WRONG!! WRONG!!

You should have said goodbye and told your children to come inside. You should have not started this conversation about "proving" to the alien that you are not brainwashing your children. (remember above, I said you cannot reason with an alien)

This entire conversation was inappropriate.

You both were using your kids to prove your points to each other.



It IS TIME to file an LSA or for divorce. (I did not say GET a divorce, but FILE for one.) You allow him to have all the power, and then wonder why he keeps overpowering you. Empower yourself, T2L.

I totally agree.

This has become a vicious cycle. You, being the sane one, are the only one who will break it.

Very strong action is called for.

Otherwise, you'll be here 6, 8, 29 months from now, "Well he broke Plan B again today, this is how I dealt with it, and now I'm going dark again."

Not what I would want to do in the same place...

Also, with finances are tight, you can always file the initial paperwork yourself. You can possibly even get the fee waived. If not, it's still cheaper than seeing an attorney.


Link to do-it-yourself paperwork.

T2L- you've got mail. Sorry I missed it earlier!

Hi T2L-

I just wanted to respond to one thing you said.



I understand this. You know I do.

Sometimes what God wants for us to do is to give this love we have for our WH's to Him instead of holding onto it with some "hope" for an outcome that is part of "us" and not part of God.

It's our "Isaac", our deeply held hope for the promise of our future and what WE think it is supposed to look like or what WE think is supposed to happen. God wants us to lay it down-to sacrifice it-no matter what may come-to Him.

Sometimes all God wants is for us to release it to Him. Not because we are going to "get" something from God, but to grow our faith so that God can then give us what He wants to; something we weren't ready for until we surrendered that hope-that love-to Him.

Regardless of what happens with your WH, surrendering your love for him to God the best place for it to be.

BTDT and what I can tell you is that God is faithful.

Love ya'

T2L, I know 2X4's don't feel so swell, but they are for your own good and are given in love. I've had a few lovingly given to me, too.

How are you doing today?

Originally Posted By: Trying2liveI don't feel I have lost my love for my H


"With interactions like this one, you WILL stop loving him. Or to describe it better...

You will believe the man you married is dead. You will wake up one day, and just be done. You WON'T see it coming."

SMB has it exactly right. For me it was like I went to bed one night loving my husband, and woke up the next morning not loving him. And I never in a million years thought that would happen. I did a lousy Plan B.