I wish that you could get ANGRY about this...about the gaslighting, about what a cruel, heartless jerk he has been, about how much he has hurt you...my ANGER helped me expose (though I did not do it in anger or angrily)...but it did MOTIVATE me.

It took away my fear and I started thinking "WTF am *I* afraid of??? I am the only one who has done NOTHING WRONG. Saving my M is NOBLE, it is nothing to be ashamed of!".

No, please let me do it ... please.

Yes, we know it is scary. But what is more scary is allowing the destruction of your D's family because you are too scared. You have a child, Ma'am. You are all she has right now. Your fear will not cut it. She needs you to stand up and do what is necessary and right to save her family. You need to buck up.....for HER.

FYI, I exposed to both of our families, to all of our close friends...I did MAJOR exposure on the message board where they met; I exposed to OWs workplace (she was a teacher), her principal and the school psychologist. I tried exposing to her ex-H but don't know if that was ever received. Basically, this is what I said:

"Dear _______",

I need your help. DH and OW are involved in an adulterous affair. This has been going on for a year now...I found out last May, and as devastated as I was, they just took it further underground.

I need help saving my M and the only way to do that is to let those who are willing to put pressure on them to end their affair know what is going on so that they can really see how ugly this truly is.

I desperately want to save my M, we have 4 young beautiful children who deserve better than this. Please let them know that you know and how much you disapprove of their relationship. When they see how disgusting this it to others, I am hoping it will end.

Love,
MF"

Thanks SIHW but he already knows. He is part of the problem because he didn't want to expose and didn't make her get another job.

Wow MF, you're right, why am I not angry enough to DO something??

You shouldn't do it because you are ANGRY, but because you want to save your marriage.

I agree...I did not do it BECAUSE I was angry, I exposed because I wanted to save my M...but the anger MOTIVATED me and squashed my FEAR of exposure.

ok, another question to frustrate you nice people....:) I read this: Dr. Harley’s plan has an excellent chance of working if it is applied in a narrow window of opportunity you have after discovery to break up the affair and win your spouse back.

Am I still in the window? he's out of the house, says it's over and wants to work on us, he has no feelings for me but is trying to figure things out, no solid proof that the A is still on (I know what you're thoughts are on this). He thinks at this point that I am willing to work with him as things are right now. My sudden change in plans will shock the crap out of him!!

okay but with recent information and the fact they may still be in communication underground.....the man needs RE EXPOSURE.....or both of you will fall in the dangerous trap of trusting both of them and allow them to keep it going underground.

I see you getting screwed over if you don't do something.

Thanks SIHW. Why in the he!! would any two people go to this much trouble to do this??

This is the first I have heard of this "narrow window," can you fill us all in?


I know! he is thinking you will work with him while he carries on his affair! What a great wife! The OW thanks you!

How do you know the OWH KNOWS about the affair?

I know the OWH knows because we've talked once since discovery. I think he thinks he can control the situation/her.

The thing about the narrow window I took directly from the Dr's website.

I think you must have misunderstood.

Does the OWH know that your H has moved out and his wife is now free to hook up with him?

.....no......they've made me very afraid of him and his anger...

"hook up with HIS WIFE!"

what do you mean?

cool! did it work?? Did they successfully scare you into silence?

Please ask yourself this, vst. If he is so scary, then why isn't his own wife scared? Apparently she is not too scared at all. So why are you??

Does the OWH know that your H has moved out and his wife is now free to hook up with HIM?

ML, I know!! I've been duped in many ways haven't I?