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I think you may find the boundries you have are a bit week. Your at a MB site talking about how it's ok to act like a flirt.

You have a friend that occassionally gets raped by the way she acts?

This is too much for me.

I have not read your thread GL, however I think I know all I need to know. Best of luck


Me BS (41)
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Sorry GL but i have to agree with Lie2Me.

It is NOT okay to flirt if you are married, there is NOTHING innocent about flirting.

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I have a friend that hangs out with all kinds of strange people and gets drunk and occasionally gets raped. And she brings it on herself.



<<<<<THUD>>>>>

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Originally Posted by committedandlovi
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I have a friend that hangs out with all kinds of strange people and gets drunk and occasionally gets raped. And she brings it on herself.



<<<<<THUD>>>>>

faint

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I respect your opinions, but my husband flirts too. And that doesn't mean that either one of us actually want the people that we are extra friendly to. It doesn't mean that we are even attracted to the people really. I simply means that we are nice and enjoy interacting with people. I will admit that my marriage is not solid. But its not because of flirting. And flirting is completely different than propositioning. Flirting is not saying "hey sexy want to come back to my place for a little hide the salami" Its more like "hey how are you doin. You're looking good." I've even heard so much as "You're husband is a lucky man" and I responded with "why thank you, I'll let him know."
That's what I'm talking about. And honestly what is wrong with that?

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What is wrong with that is that both of you are having ENs (admiration) met by someone OTHER THAN YOUR SPOUSE.

And my H flirts too and look where we are at, and it did have something to do with his flirting.

Last edited by Still_Crazy; 03/31/09 01:04 PM.
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Looking for attention form other's will cause someone to get hurt.

With every action you take should think about how this action will affect my H and my M. Boundries need to be set to protect your M, not hurt it. Everyone here can tell you stories, firsthand of how flirting affected the core M. This is the first step to an A.

Everything thats starts in an inocent way ends with much pain and hurt. You need to A proff your M. Are these actions and flirting things the two of you do together?


Me BS (41)
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This is shocking yes I realize but I don't know how many times she's had stuff happen to her in the last 6 months. All because she was being stupid. I got tired of hearing her excuses and whining about all the crap that was happening to her. My husband works with her and would come home with something new that she was whining about almost every day. Eventually I told him I didn't want to hear about it any more. She's 4 months younger than I am and has a daughter 4 months older than our son. And she's smart enough to stay out of those situations, but she does it anyway. And I feel she does it to her self. Either she likes getting raped or she wants the attention after the fact. I just refuse to feel sorry for her any more. At 25 its time to start taking responsibility for your actions.

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Men like married women bacause they have H's, houses and kids and responsibilites already filled. These men are looking for sex without strings.
roblem is, it never stays that easy. Dumb.

Why are we focusing on the OP so much lately? The true SKANK is the married partner who betrays his (or her) spouse.


Me; W 46
Him; H 46

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GL,

Memorize this for your married life.

Thoughts become words.
Words become actions.

Think hard about this.


M'd 22 years
BW-me
D-Day 08/08 LTA


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At 25 its time to start taking responsibility for your actions.


Perhaps you should listen to your own advice.

I don't see anything here about you wanting to work on fixing your M.

You spend more time defending your own actions.

Time to buck up, act like a W, help your H act like a H, and start living in an open honest M, without looking for all the attention from other people.

Flirting will kill your M. You keep saying I have not had an A, yet what is flirting, it is an emotional conection to another person that crosses a boundry that should not be crossed.

Makes no differance if your H does it as well, it is wrong and will lead to other things, allways does.


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Well neither of us are looking for it. If someone comes up to me and flirts with me dos that mean I'm looking for it? No it means they want to flirt with me. It used to make us flirt more with each other. And since I've been home with our son, I have been out enough to get flirted with. And now we haven't flirted much with each other, mostly because I have not been feeling very attractive lately. And that's because my husband and I are in a slump. Its different for every one though. Because honestly when I see a woman flirting with my husband I feel proud, because someone else finds him as attractive as I do. And it makes him look even sexier to me.

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Why did you use the word 'friend'?

Your attitude about her is so far from "friend" it isn't funny.


committed

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Originally Posted by barbiecat
Men like married women bacause they have H's, houses and kids and responsibilites already filled. These men are looking for sex without strings.

Exactly. My FWW found that out the hard way, when the OM dropped her like a rock with apparently no regrets. Apparently he was just interested in seeing what it would be like with her, and didn't want anything in the way of responsibility or commitment.

And of course the poor BH (me) gets not only to feel the grief of betrayal, but to clean up after the mess.


Originally Posted by barbiecat
The true SKANK is the married partner who betrays his (or her) spouse.

This has always being the area of contention for me. The area where things "don't compute". My FWW would never strike anyone as a skank. No way, no how. Yet, she chose to act like one during her A. I'm I M'd to a skank who's good at hiding her real character from me, or a good decent woman who chose to act like a skank during her A to get her ENs met?

I do hope it's the latter..


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MelodyLane...just curious as to what you had hoped to accomplish by this thread? Is it theraputic for you to think about others with these titles? ie., skank, ho, etc.? Just wondering what you thought could be positive about this?

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I'm not looking for attention. I'm not looking to make a connection with anyone other than my husband. My husband and I are trying to work on our M and we have not had affairs, even though we've had plenty of chances. Flirting does NOT always lead to affairs, I'm sorry but it doesn't!! I'm not going to have sex with every guy that flirts with me. I'm really unsure as to why its become such a square subject. Its not exactly the same for every person. You can think what you want to about me. But just because I'm a flirt that doesn't make me a whore. I have not had sex with anyone other than my husband, ever. And I don't go out trying to Hook for someone to flirt with me. Lately its actually been happening when I go out to walk and play with my son. Does that make me a whore? And I don't dress like like a slut, comfortable jeans and tee-shirt. I never show cleavage unless my husband wants me to.

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Originally Posted by committedandlovi
Why did you use the word 'friend'?

Your attitude about her is so far from "friend" it isn't funny.


committed

Because she used to be a friend. No I don't consider her that any more. But she and my husband are still friends. And it was easier to say friend than girl I used to be friends with or person I know. Just less typing to say friend.

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Well say what you want and think what you want but flirting WILL lead to an A in the end.

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Originally Posted by GoddessLacey
Well neither of us are looking for it.

You do realize those are words quoted over and over by EVERY WS that comes on this board.



Quote
If someone comes up to me and flirts with me dos that mean I'm looking for it? No it means they want to flirt with me.

It means that you are willing to let someone other than your husband meet your ENs.

Have you read anything Dr. H says about ENs?????

If so, you already know why this is not a safe thing for your marriage.



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It used to make us flirt more with each other.

That would be because you both feel insecure and not safe in your marriage. You know you have competition. Dr. H says there should NEVER be competition in a marriage. You should be protecting each other from competition.


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And since I've been home with our son, I have been out enough to get flirted with. And now we haven't flirted much with each other, mostly because I have not been feeling very attractive lately.


redflag

So you are not getting some important ENs met by your husband. And because you allow flirting (poor boundaries), your marriage is NOT affair-proof and is actually set up to suffer an affair.

What is needed for an affair?

ENs not being met.

Poor boundaries.

Right now you have both. You are in dangerous waters. It's time to PROTECT your marriage, not justify why it's OK to RISK it.



Quote
And that's because my husband and I are in a slump.

redflag

Your "slump" leaves you open to an affair. When some OM flirts or does something else that meets your ENs, your bank is open for love units to be deposited from someone other than your husband. Eventually, that could lead to you having feelings for someone that right now you don't have "feelings" for.

It's BECAUSE you leave your bank open (allowing flirting) that will ENABLE you to develop feelings for someone other than your husband.





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Its different for every one though.

No, it's really rather typical.

Almost all affairs start just as you have described.

1. Feeling something is missing in the marriage--slump.
2. Having poor boundaries--thinking flirting is fine, even helpful (it causes us to flirt with each other :crosseyedcrazy: )
3. Someone else meets ENs (by flirting).

You already have one foot in the affair. All you need is one particular OM to interact with you enough depositing units by flirting and other ways that you probably don't even realize are happening.

redflag redflag


Quote
Because honestly when I see a woman flirting with my husband I feel proud, because someone else finds him as attractive as I do. And it makes him look even sexier to me.


Well, prepare yourself. Because one day, one of those women who make you feel "proud" now, will cause you horrendous pain and suffering when your husband tells you that he doesn't love you anymore and this woman knows what he needs.


HELLO??????

Have you read ANYTHING on this site????





Happily married to HerPapaBear



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GL,
My FWW used to sound just like you. Innoncent flirting, no harm, no foul. Makes me "feel attractive" or "feel good" about myself. No FWW on this board will tell you that they intentionally set out to have an affair. Most of the time it started as innocent flirting (poor boundaries). Once you are on the slippery slope, it is hard to stop the slide. Everyone here says I would NEVER cheat, but hey guess what. There are a many, many cases here that started out with flirting. I know that you are different, and you would NEVER cheat. You are NOT selfish. You are at a very high risk for falling into an affair. I suggest you go read Fall in Love, stay in love.


Me: 32 BS DDay: 9/14/08
Slowly coming to the realization that I
am one of those who can't get past it.
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