Well neither of us are looking for it.
You do realize those are words quoted over and over by EVERY WS that comes on this board.
If someone comes up to me and flirts with me dos that mean I'm looking for it? No it means they want to flirt with me.
It means that you are willing to let someone other than your husband meet your ENs.
Have you read anything Dr. H says about ENs?????
If so, you already know why this is not a safe thing for your marriage.
It used to make us flirt more with each other.
That would be because you both feel insecure and not safe in your marriage. You know you have competition. Dr. H says there should NEVER be competition in a marriage. You should be protecting each other from competition.
And since I've been home with our son, I have been out enough to get flirted with. And now we haven't flirted much with each other, mostly because I have not been feeling very attractive lately.
So you are not getting some important ENs met by your husband. And because you allow flirting (poor boundaries), your marriage is NOT affair-proof and is actually set up to suffer an affair.
What is needed for an affair?
ENs not being met.
Right now you have both. You are in dangerous waters. It's time to PROTECT your marriage, not justify why it's OK to RISK it.
And that's because my husband and I are in a slump.
Your "slump" leaves you open to an affair. When some OM flirts or does something else that meets your ENs, your bank is open for love units to be deposited from someone other than your husband. Eventually, that could lead to you having feelings for someone that right now you don't have "feelings" for.
It's BECAUSE you leave your bank open (allowing flirting) that will ENABLE you to develop feelings for someone other than your husband.
Its different for every one though.
No, it's really rather typical.
Almost all affairs start just as you have described.
1. Feeling something is missing in the marriage--slump.
2. Having poor boundaries--thinking flirting is fine, even helpful (it causes us to flirt with each other :crosseyedcrazy: )
3. Someone else meets ENs (by flirting).
You already have one foot in the affair. All you need is one particular OM to interact with you enough depositing units by flirting and other ways that you probably don't even realize are happening.
Because honestly when I see a woman flirting with my husband I feel proud, because someone else finds him as attractive as I do. And it makes him look even sexier to me.
Well, prepare yourself. Because one day, one of those women who make you feel "proud" now, will cause you horrendous pain and suffering when your husband tells you that he doesn't love you anymore and this woman knows what he needs.
Have you read ANYTHING on this site????