Will be heading home soon, don't know what to expect. Haven't talked to her all day, other than when I was leaving this morning, I asked her if she wanted me to make her a smoothie. In the days before exposure, I did that quite often. She quickly said no.

Has it really only been 2 weeks?

Make one, put it in the fridge, then tell WW you made one. WW can't get the chance to say no.

Good idea. I will do that Monday.

I guess that is assuming we make it through the weekend.

I love how you handled this, Herb. You handled this with grace and sensitivity, like a LEADER in his marriage. I am so very proud of you.

I have no doubt you will have the courage to move back into your bed as a leader in your marriage tonight. She was TESTING your resolve when she threatened consequences, and you passed the test. You did not cave. You are now following YOUR PLAN, rather than the plan of a very lost, wayward wife.

I won't be on very much the next few days. I had some surgery on Thursday and am up for the first time today, but will check in from time to time.

Mel,
Sorry to hear about your health - hope you recover soon!

mmmherb,
I read the last couple of your posts and I couldn't help but remember scenes from the movie "Fireproof" where the wife rebuffs all the H's attempts to meet her needs. I think you're doing great - I hope it works out for you.

GG

I'll probably get locked out of the bedroom tonight. I'll have to take care of it tomorrow.

Well, if my 17-year old knows how to pick a bedroom door lock - I'm sure you do to!

Or, you can also come up with a better plan in preparation for being locked out tomorrow too!

GG

Although I am somewhat reluctant to appear a paranoid freak (whether or not I am is irrelevant to your sitch..lol!), her choice of words sound a bit threatening to me.

Mmmherb, you do not seem the sort to let things escalate rapidly, so I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir.

I've been reading your thread, and with her oft repeated desire to have you leave your home, and the swirls of fog that seem to escape in little puffs from her ears on occasion, please, just be careful. Don't let her turn this into you *forcing* your way into the room and *forcing yourself on her*.

I'm sure, had I not witnessed horrible and treacherous actions perpetuated on many BH's around here by determined and conniving WW's, this wouldn't even cross my mind. But there are more than one situations like this (on this board) in the past. The WW calls the police and then further increases the betrayal by getting an order of protection, causing temporary denial of access of the home and children to the BH. This is then used in the D to the extreme detriment of the BH.

I'm not saying she would ever do this, but I would hate to see more damage to your obviously gentle and giving heart.

Best of luck to you in the recovery of your marriage.

Screw it

mmmherb,
Don't give up - be the leader in your marriage. Do you honestly think your wife would go that far? Only you can answer that question if she is conniving. The consequence she spoke of may be locking the door. Have a better plan tomorrow

GG

Are you okay, mmmherb?

I sure hope I did not upset you.

Grab a few books and be the first one in the bed ....

Smell good, look good in a white T-shirt and PJ bottoms and sit there reading, if you have reading glasses even better ...
when she comes in, look up from the book and say ' Wife, I'm so glad you decided to join me'

Here's the plan for tomorrow (Vittoria's post).

GG

Yes, beating her into the bedroom seems the best way to go!

I applaud you for how far you've come already. You sound like a different person than when you first came here, and I'm sure that's why your wife doesn't recognize you. That's a very good thing.

I also applaud you for recognizing your own flaws in the marriage and how you are willing to change them. I can't tell you how frustrating it is to see some of the BS's here that believe their WS has to do ALL the work to make the M work. By recognizing this so early, you are making a strong foundation for your plan. Don't worry, your wife will look back and see all the hard work eventually.

I'm sure right now she's afraid to believe that you're for real and you're really going to follow this through. Just like a WS has to prove to the BS through their actions, the BS has to prove through their actions that they're willing to do their part to make an amazing M that beats the heck out of the previous one.

Stay strong. It's a hard journey, but it does get better.

What happened, Herb?

I know I will probably get strung up by my ears for saying this, but it doesn't make you any less of a man for not sleeping in the bedroom. It makes you understanding. I mean that's just MO, but I've been watching your thread from afar. I think you have made a lot of progress. And I think you are a good man that can get through this. No matter what happens you have to make sure that you stay true to yourself. If you want to be comfortable sleeping in the same bed with her, give her a little time. Make sure you are comfortable sitting on the couch together. Spend some time together watching movies that you both love. If you get home first, make her a romantic dinner with candles and soft music. Even leave love notes on the bed for when she goes to bed, telling her how much you miss being there with her. Telling her how much you love her. That will give her a chance to realize how much you care for her and how much you are willing to woo her. But take it slow, you will learn for yourself how much you really want to be with her.... or not. You will find out how you feel at the same time as she does. Because you have to consider yourself and how you will be affected by trying to push things. Do what is best for you, physically, mentally, emotionally and if that is taking a break, then you have to do it. Because you can't do any good if you are sick and stressed and so worn out that you can't think straight. Just stay strong and stay true to yourself.

How are you, Herb? If it didn't happen last night, there are other nights, friend. Just hang in there and keep up your resolve. Rome was not built in a day.

ML had surgery and the MB forums went down on the same day. Coincidence? I think not.

I don't know how much I have left in me.