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Nothing much last night. No court order, no change. She did stay down and watch TV, the 3 of us, until 9 or so. Longer than usual lately. Not much interaction.
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This kind of reminds me of the stock market and my 401k. The bad days seem to drag it down a lot farther than the good days bring it up. And it is way down from where it used to be.
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Any resolution on the sleeping arangements?
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Herb, she is never going to invite you back into YOUR bed. You need to take action.
Me: FWH / BS (36)
W: BS / WW (37)
Two youngsters
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Herb, she is never going to invite you back into YOUR bed. You need to take action. Clearly Herb doesn't really want to be back in the marital bedroom. If he did want to be there, he would. There is NOTHING preventing him moving into the bedroom except his own fears and justifications.
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mmmherb,
What happened to the idea of getting in the bed before she does. Let her find other bed in the house if she wants to. Stand your ground.
GG
D-Day #1 Aug/2007.
D-Day #2 1/27/12
Legally Separated
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Herb, Have you tried leaving love notes on her pillow? Anything that shows her how much you want to be with her. Have you tried the EN Questionnaire? If you think she will fill one out, you should try. It might help you figure out what it is that she wants and then you can go back to doing what makes her happy then she can read your EN's and she can do what makes you happy. That should get you closer to sleeping in the same bed. That's just my two cents.
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The last thing a WW in withdrawal needs is "love noted on her pillow".
Hang tough Herb.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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The last thing a WW in withdrawal needs is "love noted on her pillow".
Hang tough Herb. Oh yeah? Why not? turtlehead posted this a couple of pages back: You need to keep on making her cups of tea even when she says she doesn't want them. You need to tell her how beautiful she is, how great her hair smells, how much you love her eyes, what a fabulous Mom she is and how much you appreciate all the stuff she does (be specific!) in keeping the household running smoothly. What's the difference? Charlotte
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I kind of agree with Charotte, Af is normally a top EN for women and making a $LB deposit is a good thing I would have thought.
JMO
Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday 
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Telling his wife in withdrawal how much he loves her will cause her to throw up.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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I've also had the "benefit" of living with a WW through withdrawal too - so I just *might* have some idea what I am talking about.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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BK,
You're right. MM's wife is not ready for the lovey dovey stuff. She just needs to continue knowing he is not going to quit and that he is going to keep trying.
GG
D-Day #1 Aug/2007.
D-Day #2 1/27/12
Legally Separated
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Why do you indulge her like that? Its your bed. She is the cheater. Now you're just enabling her. Cut off the finances, kick her out of your bed. Unless you want to be going through the same thing when your thread pages reach 258. The ball is in your court.
Last edited by ouchthathurt; 04/25/09 08:20 AM.
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Telling his wife in withdrawal how much he loves her will cause her to throw up. I don't think the note needs to say how much he loves her to be a "love note". It could be inspirational things like "remember at such and such party so and so told me you light up a room. You know sos and so was so right." "Your the most amazing cook....the way you stuff a turkey julia child is put to shame" you get the idea. Something not lovey dovey. But will make her think oh he does appreciate that thing I do and he pays attention. And even something that makes her chuckle. That I consider a love note.
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Thank you SIHW I guess I need to be more specific next time. I do apologize for that. But there are many things that the note(s) can say whether lovey dovey or not. Just be creative. Think about what you want to happen and how you think the notes would make her feel. Something that says, I am thinking about you, and and I still think you are a great person.
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I've also had the "benefit" of living with a WW through withdrawal too - so I just *might* have some idea what I am talking about. Change one of those 'W' to an H and I also have had the dubious pleasure of lving with a witdrawing spouse...twice. I also might have a little idea of what I am talking bout. SIHW, thats a great idea. Flick would not listen to my ILU's but he would listen to me telling him things I admired about him. I gave him one everydays made up from skillls he had, memeories that were special to me, and thiks I appreciated about him.
Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday
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Lil- Men and women are different.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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