Won't be posting any more today. No sense wasting you folks time.

You are not wasting our time!

Have you started the book yet? How do you like it, Herb?

I have not started yet. Been listening to HNHN on cd. Also finishing SAA.

Nothing else changed.

Don't despair, it will get better, Herb!

bump for mmmherb . . .

said a prayer for you herb - I have not written to you yet, but I've been reading your thread. I know it's difficult, I am a former BW things are so much better in my situation. MB principals gave us some tools to use practically, but our situation turned around because of a truly repentant FWH and us both being open to God's intervention. I am hoping to hear something positive in your situation!

Thanks, I am still here, nothing much to report. Maybe a little less chilly at home, but I am not the most objective judge.

OT, I guess, but I have seem many mentions of MB weekends in various posts. I am not able to find any information about them. Once I saw an ad on the home page for a weekend, but the link took to me to information about the online program. Before and since then, all the ads are for the online program.

Has the online program replaced the weekends, or are they infrequently scheduled? Am I looking in the wrong place?

Not that I think there is a chance in Hades that we will ever go to one.

Herb, go rent the DVD 'The Secret', get it for the whole weekend so you can watch it twice.

You are correct, the online program replaces the weekend seminar. But, you get as much offline support as with the weekend.

MMH
A little less chilly is a step forward. How's it going with bedroom - have you tried to get there first?

GG

No real change in status.

And there will continue to be no change until you take action (sleeping in your own bed would be a start).

Herb - what's going on? You doing o.k.?

MMMherb,

How are you???


GG

How's it going, Herb?

I guess I owe people an update. I will give the condensed version.

Wife was in EA with our pastor. After the first exposure, we quit attending there.

When I quit posting here, it was a little over a year ago. I had exposed. My wife was very depressed, upset and angry. Things were quite stressful and in mid-May last year I moved to an apartment, which I immediately regretted and realized was a mistake. I had learned my wife's passwords and continued snooping as best I could. Discovered renewed contact via facebook messages. I exposed a little more widely, but still never blew the lid off the church. Exposed again to his wife and this time too his adult daughter. This seemed to stop the contact for as long as I could somewhat monitor it, which wasn't all that long as will be explained later. I moved back home against her wishes. This was in late June.

She immediately filed for divorce. I retained a lawyer. She filed a motion for temporary relief, asking for her to have residency in our house. The hearing was in August, I agreed to move the day before the hearing. I should have gone to court, but anyway, I had to move. At the end of Sept., I started Plan B, still hopeful that we would reconcile. In my answers to her interrogatories, I named OM as a potential witness, even though KY is a no fault state and adultery is immaterial. In my requests I, asked for phone records, emails, etc.

I sent OM a registered letter vetted by my lawyer informing him that he would be asked for his testimony under oath. This was just before Thanksgiving.

Like most BS, I kept hoping things like our anniversary, children's birthdays, holidays, etc., would be the thing that would bring us back, They all passed. Plan B was working, just not like I envisioned it. I started feeling much better, I was coping, and detaching a little more all the time. But I still hoped. In mid December, there was a tragedy in my family. My brother committed suicide. There was a temporary limited break in Plan B. Of course, I was hoping that things would change, but they didn't. Christmas came and went. In early January, OM resigned from pastoring the church, I suspect the letter had something to do with it. He went back to working at a seminary. Any of you around Wake Forest might be leery.

About this time, I realized I was through. Our final hearing was already scheduled for March. I started moving to settle. Things were finalized in early April.

I have bought a house. Things are going well. I am OK. Plan B helped me mentally.

That is what Plan B is for.

mmmherb - what happened to your xWW? Did her Karma ever arrive?

Not really. Just erased me from her life, more or less. I don't have any contact with her, never talk to the kids about her. She is seeing someone now, I see them at my youngest's ballgames.

Sorry to hear ... how has your personal recovery gone? Are you still in Plan B ... How are your kids?

The kids are OK. The oldest two are grown. I miss being with my youngest, but she is 17 now. They come over regularly.

Not really plan b, because I don't avoid ballgames and things, so we see each other some. Minimal communication now, mostly just about money. I pretty much ignore her.

I'm doing OK. Stupefyingly bored most of the time. Have dated a little, nothing has stuck. I do get down sometimes. There was no reason things had to go the way they did, but I realize my part in letting things get to where they were, so I still have a lot of regrets.

I still have a part of me that yearns for reconciliation. I think I know enough now to have to have certain changes. I feel like I could make the changes I need to. Wish I'd had the chance to demonstrate. But I realize that the things about her that kept her from attempting recovery then will likely keep that from ever happening.

And I suspect I'm the only one that thinks about it.