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Life's choices have concequences. Many people won't put up with an adulterous spouse.

You need to turn your gaze inward and fix yourself. Then perhaps your H will see the changes and want to come home. Blaming him for the failed marriage isn't quite fair is it?

All sin is sin. But some sins affect a marriage more than others. And adultery is right up there as to its affect on a marriage.

My wife stayed with me after my A. Why? I have no idea. I certainly didn't deserve her to stay.


What we think or what we know or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do. ~ John Ruskin
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My advice to posters here who lash out against other posters' advice is 'take what you like and leave the rest'. As a previous poster pointed out, it is up at the top of this page, in black and white--we are not professionals.

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Plan B was never in order here.

HH, what your H did was not Plan B. Plan B is a heartfelt letter that describes a path to recovery. Had your H given you a Plan B letter, focusing on what actions both partners take in recovery, he would have seen that you were in fact addressing them. If the individual issues had been successfully addressed, I think it Plan B could have worked as intended, as a path home for both of you. I can’t know that, though. Again, I’m SO sorry for your loss. You are a special person. I hope that you take this time to continue to create the life you want.


Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010
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HH, what your H did was not Plan B. Plan B is a heartfelt letter that describes a path to recovery. Had your H given you a Plan B letter,


Thanks for posting that, Ears. I was feeling a bit guilty after CN thrashed me today for wanting to abandon my sick spouse. But I know I'd given him what amounted to a Plan B letter, with a very clear path back. And after talking to Steve, a follow up detailing my own accountability. So yesterday's email was a following through. He didn't follow the Plan B.

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I don't "blame" others, but I am cognizant of influences. I have also owned my own mistakes. I have come to terms with my own mistakes. I can acknowledge them, deal with them, work through them, heal through them. I'm not focusing on my mistakes not because I don't recognize them, but because I have already recognized them...

My heart mourns misunderstandings.. Misunderstandings that could have been prevented, healed, addressed... misunderstandings that took us down this path. To feel misunderstood, to have my heart judged and actions decided from it--- that is what my heart can't bear.

It feels to me that my husband isn't asking, "Could I have a wonderful, meaningful life and marriage with my wife?", but, "What mistakes has she made and in what ways will I not believe in the future?"

There is a lot to be said about hope. I have felt boxed up for a long time, that H treated me like I would not/could not change... I felt he projected onto me his own fears, and it feels he's decided to leave me because of his projections, not really who I am.

Have you ever hung out with someone who keeps treating you like you are still the person you were in high school? It's like that... even though I've moved past these dark places in my life, it still felt that in interactions H treated me like the same old rotten shoe. I never felt he gave me a fresh chance.

Either way, it is my role to find peace with it. But false projections and motivations and thinking behind projections also come from somewhere... if not from the person (me) then somewhere else. I certainly never told H that I would not change, or that I did not want to grow. In fact, my actions showed the opposite. I worked for change, for healthy patterns and loving patterns of interacting. I don't know what he was fighting against, but it felt like H was fighting against a status quo, a worldview, something whatever it is, that he projected onto me, and then rejected me as a personification of rejecting whatever he was fighting against that he did not like. This is just how I experienced it. He would not take my words as my words--- he would ignore what I said and form his own opinions. When I would confront discrepancies between how he interpreted me and what I really said/meant, I did not feel he was interested in checking in to make sure his interpretations were correct hearrings of me. A simple example of this is when he'd ask me to read over a business letter or something he'd written. If I told him it was excellent, he would not believe me. He had this constant insistence in believing I was lying. This was something he did ever since we started dating--- so I know it didn't start with me. He has inherent trust issues, which I believe are FOO issues--- but I believe in our marriage they were projected onto me, instead of owned for what they were. It's hard enough to have to regain trust for mistakes I've made, but having to fight again the mistakes everyone else in his life has made (his alcoholic parents in his childhood) is just not doable. It's not fair that he withheld that trust from me, trust that his parents broke, and conditioned him to doubt everyone.

What do we call that? The demons in the closet?

It's not about "replacing" H, worrying about that. It's not about not feeling wanted. It's not about any of those things for me. I like myself, I know what I offer, and I don't want H back just so I don't feel lonely or something like that. I genuinely love H. I care about him. I like his heart and who he is, although the past year it's been feeling like his body has been occupied by someone else... Sometimes it really feels like he is in a fog. It's like he's going through a mid-life crisis. It feels like someone took over the body of my husband.


Someone mentioned that being "self-sacrificing" was a personality problem. Sorry, you are wrong. It is a personality type, not a personality disorder. There is nothing wrong with being self-sacrificing, and labeling it as such is down-putting. So please don't put down my personality, or tell me there's something wrong with it, or act like it's psychologically unhealthy. I find joy in giving to others, sharing with others, serving others. That is not a weakness. I believe it is a strength. Just because I may have gotten exploited does not mean it is wrong. The exploitation is wrong, and perhaps my lack of setting good boundaries. Being self-sacrificing is not "wrong" however.


"Jesus looked at them intently and said, 'Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible.'" Matthew 19:26
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Sounds like your marriage was good for at least 4 out of the last 9 years. That is something at least.

Remember when you told us he wants a domestic slave of a woman that would bear him several children... instead of you that he married? Perhaps he has made his mind up to go looking for that type of woman.

If you want to be properly understood as a spouse and a person, which we all want and need.... I think maybe this man might be too dysfunctional to do it.

What are your plans for the future?

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Hi Bubbles4U,
I am back in grad school and finishing that. It's a great program and I'm excited about it. I'm working on my own goals too.


"Jesus looked at them intently and said, 'Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible.'" Matthew 19:26
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Sounds good! From me, formerly Stellakat.

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I don't "blame" others,

HH I haven't read all your threads, just skimmed this one, but the overwhelming thing that struck me is how much your posts are about blaming others for your marriage.

Apart from the things others have said, how about your sig?

You get a terse "FWW 30(me)"

He gets an essay on why he's faulty "BS 30 H is adult child of serious alcoholics, enmeshment/emotional incest issues, financial infidelity (taking care of parents not us)"

IMO more humility and contrition and less blamestorming would serve you very well.


Me 49 SAHD; W 41 SAHM; DS3, DS4.
Seven year affairage.
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H never told me why he left. I asked for him to share with me why. When he moved out, he said it was because I was "abusive". He did not specify how. I felt confused because he often raised his voice at me, called me names like "loser" and "failure", and regularly made value judgments about me. I routinely attempted to look at our conflict through the big picture lens: what were the dynamics playing a part? What led to the fighting? What were the prerequisites? H would not look at the factors around our conflicts, and he did not acknolwedge his abusive tendencies.

I still don't know why he left. I am having an exceptionally hard time tonight as I learned that my husband is hanging out with my sister, and they are "friends". My sister has been incredibly abusive to me. My sister has very deep anger problems. When she gets upset about something, instead of sharing that something you did upset her, she starts screaming and yelling and name-calling. My sister is incredibly abusive. She is also physically abusive and violent. She scares me. I have tried to limit my exposure to her as a result. I am confused how and why my husband is hanging out with her. I am deeply loyal and cannot help feeling incredibly betrayed. For all the hurtful things my sister has done to me (as she has my whole family, every family member in my family is wary around her), she has never apologized once to me, never owned up for her hurtful treatment. I do not understand how my husband can hang out with her, as I have in every case I can remember apologized heartfelt for when I hurt my husband, when I did anything hurtful or invalidating. I am very quick to take ownership, to apologize. I am not "prideful" as some as tried to allude. I have no problem with acknowledging my mistakes. I am growth oriented, and I am aware of my mistakes and their impacts on others.

Yet, despite taking ownership, my husband has made friends with someone who does not take ownership. He has disowned me an befriended exactly who he insists I am. But I am not this person.

The levels of abusiveness present in this dynamic with my husband are beyond what I can fathom. My sister is not a self-sacrificing personality type. She makes sure she gets hers, if that makes sense. And H makes sure he gets his. Yet I don't understand how, in the midst of everything, I get attacked, things get turned onto me. Even today, when I talked to my sister, she turned them onto me.

I just don't want to be the scapegoat any more. I just don't know why he won't love me. It comes down to that. He just won't love me. For years, he has given me excuse after excuse. I thought it was because I wasn't making enough money for him. Then I thought it was because I was "fat" (which I never was, but he was judging me by supermodel standards). Then I thought it was because he didn't think I kept house well enough. There has always been a reason. Yet, he has never been my friend, never offered me friendship. And he offers it to my sister. Ouch. My sister who talked bad about me to him.

I am going to give up. I can't love this man any more. What is wrong with me that I throw myself at him. He never received me. I am worth loving. I feel so hurt that he rejects me. I guess deep down I still believe in him, in his good heart. I don't understand how he can leave me. I don't understand how he can just take my love for granted. How he can treat it like it's nothing. I feel utterly heartbroken. I am going to pick myself up off the floor and move on. Harden my heart to him, because I have to. I cannot do this any more. I gave him everything I had, and even now, all I've gotten is the crumbs. He won't even talk to me on the phone. I just can't do this any more. I just can't cry any more.


"Jesus looked at them intently and said, 'Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible.'" Matthew 19:26
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I wish that people would stop attacking me. I talk about what H did because H did those things. It is possible that H did many more hurtful things in the M than I did, yes, it is. Because I am highly self-sacrificing, when I post I need to be validated about what I am wrestling with. This is because I have a tendency to not watch out for myself in normal life the way other personality types do. So when I come to MB, I end up grappling with what transpired... I end up grappling with the instances when YES I was stepped on. That does not make me selfish, that doesn't mean I "blame" everyone. I don't understand why people say I "blame". If I am grappling with influences and I say something was an influence, or a bad influence, that's not me passing the buck, that's me merely acknowledging what was, trying to ascertain it. I don't need to talk about how I contributed. I already know. I already know that I panicked often when H would regularly threaten to leave me, as loyalty and committed relationship is important to me. I already know how I would become defensive after H said verbally abusive things to me, how it ruined date after date, in the period during the separation and after which H decided he just couldn't be with me. There is nothing I can do about this. He never came to the table and treated me sweetly. He got me a CD for Christmas and nothing for my birthday. Not on one of the dates was he happy to see me. He often came upset, agitated, and turned it loose on me. Several times I was a few minutes late when he picked me up, and he let loose on me. I seriously feared his verbal attacks. I was uncomfortable just to be with him. If we managed to make it to the restaurant without him canceling the date after the first 5 minutes, he would then let loose on me at the restaurant, tell me how upset he was about me in this or that way. He said our dates were about "building positive experiences together", but that never happened. He attacked me every date.

When he says he did everything he could, I do not believe that is true. Tearing down your wife on dates is not "doing everything you can" before giving up on the marriage. How about getting an attitude adjustment, and stop punishing your wife? Stop tearing into her? How about treating her like the special, worthwhile person she is?

I regret so many things. Just recently we talked, when he told me he was going to divorce me for good, he had made up his mind, and I had just come back from a run. I was starving and worn out. I took the call, and I shouldn't have. My energy was low. When he told me he had made up his mind and he was divorcing me, I panicked. If I was in my right mind, meaning, not starving and not worn down from a long run, I wouldn't have handled it like I did. But, it didn't matter to H. The conversation just affirmed why he was divorcing me.

Divorce is dirty. It tears people apart. It is incredibly hurtful. I don't even want the divorce, but H decided he is giving up on the M. I can't bear it any more. Where is the love in all this? There is no love. There is no grace, mercy, kindness, forgiveness, gentleness... there is only condemnation. Divorce is the greatest condemnation of another. It says, "I don't want you any more" and "You are not worth working for". I do not know how to deal with it. H is so wrapped up in the fog of victimhood, and it is fog--- that he sees himself as powerless to save the marriage. I feel that he has so much contempt for me. The harder I have tried to hold onto him, the more contempt he has. He sees me as "weak", "dependent".

I have made many friends in the recent months and developed a support structure. I am preparing for a life on my own. But H is everywhere. He is in my memories and experiences, he is in my thoughts, and he plagues me at night when I lay down to sleep. I think about how rarely he made love to me, how rarely he cuddled with me. I think about how often I wanted to connect with him in conversation, and he was not available. I wonder in agony why he would not love me.

I cannot stand it. I have been with him my entire adult life. I built my life around him. All my business contacts-- they are his. I have been disowned by everyone. Now they are H loyalists. Even though we were in business together, I cannot call on a single one of them to help me out--- to connect me with possible job opportunities, etc, to do any of the things they would help H with, because he has successfully allied them to his side. I am merely "the wife of". but now "the ex-wife of". I am like an old accessory. I can feel it. This is what it's like in this industry.

H doesn't understand this. He does not understand what it means to be scared financially for the future, the way a W is when her husband, the financial provider, leaves. Even if he gives me alimony, he does not understand. H does not understand what it means to lose all your business contacts. H does not understand how vulnerable I feel.

I feel incredibly taken advantage of. I feel used. I feel my love was used. I feel hurt. I hate the hurt. I hate the pain I feel. I hate this place I'm at. I don't want to be here any more. ugh!!!

sigh This too shall pass.


"Jesus looked at them intently and said, 'Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible.'" Matthew 19:26
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TSTS, how about rereading LA's posts to you? Or getting to a meeting? That helps me when I forget that my life is full of joy because I am so hyperfocused on one person's actions. I don't say to you to be cold, hon. You have been in mourning for a long time. It is appropriate to feel grief now, of course, but you can have good parts to your day, too.

I understand that you need validation too, HH. But I feel like you're asking too much of the board here, when you barely share your good days, your progress. You don't encourage others on good days or bad, just appear when you're at your lowest, and dissappear when you feel "better enough" again. I'm asking you, HH, to read Dr. H's What to Do With a Depressed Spouse. There is treatment today. I encourage you to get the outside help you need, and come post back when you have a plan. It's too painful otherwise to just keep watching you flail, offering suggestions that don't sound good to you. What would sound good to someone chemically depressed? Please, HH, *you* make your plan, and then we can support you in it.

When I don't post to you, doesn't mean I don't care, just means that I have nothing new to say to you. I'm still rooting for you quiety. I look forward to seeing the life you create for yourself.


Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010
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Quote:
Just recently we talked, when he told me he was going to divorce me for good, he had made up his mind, and I had just come back from a run. I was starving and worn out. I took the call, and I shouldn't have. My energy was low. When he told me he had made up his mind and he was divorcing me, I panicked. If I was in my right mind, meaning, not starving and not worn down from a long run, I wouldn't have handled it like I did. But, it didn't matter to H. The conversation just affirmed why he was divorcing me.
HH, here is a really good example of how you take a situation, and look for all the possible reasons why you don't have to take responsibility for yourself.

That is not meant as a jibe against you. It is meant as an attempt to help you find happiness. You were starving so you screwed up. You were tired so you screwed up. You shouldn't have taken a call at that time so you screwed up.

All valid possibilities for why you said the wrong thing, or whatever you did.

But what does saying/thinking that get you?

Even this:
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I already know that I panicked often when H would regularly threaten to leave me, as loyalty and committed relationship is important to me.
is you saying that, darn it, if you just had a different personality type, you wouldn't have panicked. So I guess it's God's fault?

How about: I tend to panic so I'm working really hard to stop myself before those feelings surface and I stick my foot in my mouth.

See the difference?

You're doing a lot of searching. How about searching topics on accountability? I think it would be a tremendous help to you on learning how to achieve happiness.

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Why are you not posting on your own thread, HopingHeart?

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Seekingtruth527,
I think I'm writing on his thread for multiple reasons... I really miss him, I feel closer to him writing on his thread (strange, but true... kind of like holding onto the object of a loved one that deceased...)

I also feel hurt by some of the counsel he received.. I feel as an FWS, and H as a FBS, that the advice given can be bias by some just because of that history there.. Rabbittrails that I thought should have been gone down in giving H good counsel never materialized... for example, D.r Harley talks about 15 dedicated hours of quality time each week to restore the relationship... well, H never gave me anywhere near that. I was lucky in the last 6 months (after he moved out) to get even one hour a week, and because he would not respond to me the rest of the week, often we ended up doing "business" (bill discussions, responsibility discussions) even though I direly did not want to discuss such things. We ended up talking budgets.. No one in his real life told him to spend time with me. Time was my number one complaint.

Catperson,
I guess I am confused... how am I NOT taking responsibility? I didn't blame H for me being panicky. Sorry, just wondering, how many people can be told by the spouse they love that they are being divorced and NOT feel like the floor was pulled out from under them? How many would NOT get panicky? They point is not the feeling of deep loss and despair, but that I didn't handle it the way I wanted to because I was tired. I was not blaming anyone there. My action was my action.

There was a LOT of hope for my marriage. A LOT. Good boundaries, for one, with the in-laws would have helped. H participating in our marriage as a team player instead of his own boss would have helped. I addressed each issue with my husband. None of them were ever worked on by him. Instead, H took the route of trying to be "nicer", (bascially not being emotionally abusive) but did not stop the independent behavior. He did not invest 15 hours a week with me. He did not set boundaries with his parents... UNTIL AFTER HE LEFT ME.


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You are not taking responsibility because you always have a reason for everything you do wrong, everything you understand incorrectly, everything that happens to you.

Sometime you have to stop looking outside yourself and accept what you are responsible for.

Just recently we talked, when he told me he was going to divorce me for good, he had made up his mind, and I had just come back from a run. I was starving and worn out. I took the call, and I shouldn't have. My energy was low.

When he told me he had made up his mind and he was divorcing me, I panicked. If I was in my right mind, meaning, not starving and not worn down from a long run, I wouldn't have handled it like I did. But, it didn't matter to H. The conversation just affirmed why he was divorcing me.
Honestly, what difference would it have made if you had come up with the smartest, wittiest answer in the world? You can't change him or his mind. You can only change yourself.

So, because you were tired, hungry, and weak, you did/said the wrong thing? What good does it do to say that? To think that? How did anything turn out better?

My H is the King of Denial. EVERYTHING in life is someone else's fault. He ran a red light and got a ticket, and it was the fault of the guy behind him cos he was tailing him too closely. His boss has a hard time dealing with him (as all his other bosses have, as well), but it's because the boss is 'looking at everything wrong.' He didn't get an ad turned in on time yesterday, when the ad was supposed to be turned in Wednesday, but it's his bosses' fault because they wouldn't review the ad when he asked (on Friday, already two days late), and because he was gone all day Wednesday and Thursday (which he knew about ahead of time); when I asked him why he didn't get it done on Tuesday, he got mad at me.

What good did it do my H to blame his problems on someone or something else? He STILL has to suffer the consequences, whether it's his fault or not. The only reason to blame your problems on anything besides yourself is to make yourself feel better, and not have to do the work you need to do on yourself.

I also feel hurt by some of the counsel he received.. I feel as an FWS, and H as a FBS, that the advice given can be bias by some just because of that history there.. Rabbittrails that I thought should have been gone down in giving H good counsel never materialized... for example, D.r Harley talks about 15 dedicated hours of quality time each week to restore the relationship... well, H never gave me anywhere near that.

So, now it's OUR fault? WE didn't tell him what to do that YOU wanted? Why didn't YOU tell him what you wanted, and work on that?

Does that make more sense?

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Hoping
I have been reading over your thread, and I really feel for you. It is obvious that you really love your husband and from your husbands own words he 'desperately loves' you. I hope that it will work out for you regardless of what you have been through. I have to ask, what 'industry' are you in, what type of work do you and your husband do. Over the last couple years your work is repeated to constantly, but only hinted at. I am very curious? Also if it not going to work out or he does not want to try, maybe you need to find a new line of work. Sounds like he has basically blackballed you and if you do get a new career path it may help you get over him. Maybe there are too many memories in this business and you need a fresh start.

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Hi HH:

I read your thread and it hit a nerve I guess. I can tell from your post that you are in a lot of pain and are really hurt. You remind me of my ex-wife in some ways. My XW cheated on me and I divorced her. I felt just like your H that she was never happy and then went on to have an affair. My XW affair signaled the end of our marriage. I had told her I would divorce her if she ever cheated.

I realize my XW was not happy in our marriage but that was not my fault. I did everything for her and yet she was never happy. I started earning good money and give her things and she just wanted more. She felt entitled to be happy. Whatever made her happy was what it was all about. I don't think it every occured to her that she could lose me. That maybe she should treat me well and try not to lose me.

When I had her served and ruined her trip with the OM everything changed. My XW did not want the divorce and even though it has been a couple of years she still wants us back together. I feel bad for her because she was so unhappy with me but she is worse without me. Her affair killed any love I had for her. Some of us have a firm line in the sand. I look at it this way if you need another man then we need to divorce so you can have him forever and I can find a woman who will look at me the way she looked and felt with the OM.

I am too good a catch to wait for sloppy seconds from any woman so I divorced her so she could be with the OM. She dropped him like a hot potato when I filed and has not been with him since. I tell you this since I have included posts from your thread and your H thread above.

Originally Posted By: stuffless
The person I married was the most loving and lovable person I ever met. She had a childlike joy that was rare. She still has that rare quality, but sadly it is often hidden behind her depression and abuse.

I still love her deeply but looking back over the past few years I mostly remember lots of unhappiness on her part. Lots of yelling and lots of depression.

We have been married for close to a decade, she had her affair a couple of years ago and confessed it to me.

My experience is that no matter how hard I try, how many of her rules I follow, I am still not good enough.

But really I think the root of the matter is that she is just unhappy with her life; her self. And she projects her unhappiness onto me. As long as I am with her, then she cannot will not look at herself to make the real changes that need to be made.

At this point I believe that a formal separation (Plan B) is the right way to go but that seems like such a huge step towards divorce. Which is something that is off the table for me.

ugh.



Your H loved you but he realized that you acted like you were never happy with him. Maybe he did neglect you but it was clear that you were unhappy and then you cheated with another man. Now I can tell you as a guy that some men cannot overcome the betrayal. Maybe your H is one of those people. Plus it is just to much work to live with someone who is always unhappy and goes out and cheats but yet expects the betrayed spouse to want to work on the marriage.

You should have known that if you cheated it might send the signal that you no longer want to be married to your H. And if you were unhappy and depressed well it just might have been asking to much for him to overcome. Just my opinion from a guy who lived this life.

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We moved to another state and i quit working with my husband. I went back to school and fell in love with another man. I never meant to fall in love with him, I didn't even look around at other guys. But this guy listened to me, made time for me, and genuinely cared about me. He had a high need for conversation just as I did. My husband doesn't care to talk much. My husband also doesn't care for sex as much as I do. I had an affair with this guy against my better judgment and despite extreme feelings of guilt. Now I cannot stop thinking about this guy. We ended the affair many months ago, and I haven't communicated with him in any sort for over one month. I told my husband about the affair.

I miss my lover so badly. I feel doomed to be alone. Staying in my marriage is to me a certain way to be both conversationally and sexually deprived. I love my husband so, so much, but I cannot handle his lack of emotional availability. He was not available before the affair, and I certainly don't understand how he will be available after.


Now HH I got this from your first post. When I read this I see a woman who was very unhappy. You were married but in love with another man. I lived with a woman just like you and I will just say for me it is just not worth it. It does not appear that you were happy with your husband and you are not happy when he is gone. I lived thru this and it is a horrible life.

I did not want an unhappy wife. Nothing I did could change that she was unhappy. She was so unhappy she went and found a guy to have sex with and she got to take my paycheck and as long as she could do that and not care about my needs she was happy. You see to make her happy all I had to do was let her shop and let her have a lover she was hot for and just turn over my paycheck so she could buy what she wanted... At last I had found out what would make her happy and I realized I did not care if she was happy. I realized I could divorce her and keep my paycheck and find a woman who did care about me. It was an easy choice.

Now it sounds like you felt neglected and he was not there for you. If that is the case you need to move on and find someone else. I understand being lonely in a marriage is horrible but finding another man and cheating is a hard thing to get over. But if you were that unhappy then I don't blame you for wanting to get out but you don't seem to understand how having an affair can end a marriage right away.

I hurt for you because my XW hurts just like you. You need to find a way back to happiness. But if your H only sees an unhappy woman who cheats then really I just don't see any way to get him to want the marriage. My wife neglected me for years yet I did not divorce her. But her cheating on me sure made it easy to leave the M.

You need to learn how to be happy in life. You also need to realize your part in this. Your unhappiness is something that is within you. You need to learn how to be happy again. I wish you the best in your search.

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HH, if you don’t want to divorce, if you still want to make a go of this, why not? How about calling the Harleys for support and a plan? Looking4 is getting a lot of relevant advice and support on her thread InRecovery, how to continue on your recovery plan when your BS expects you to do ALL of the heavy lifting. If you look at the successfully recovered FWWs on the board, they ALL had to do ALL the heavy lifting with zero short-term return for long periods of time in order to recover their marriage. But they did recover their marriages, marriages that were better than they had ever been.


Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010
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Ihadenough,

I was very happy many times with my husband. I am not sure why my beloved Hubby felt I was never happy. It was not true.
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It has been a long time, and many things have happened. I am still standing for my marriage and praying for God's healing over it. God can take the impossible and make it possible, he can wash the stain of sin away, soften hardened hearts, heal brokenness, and plant a garden where there was only death and destruction.

The bible describes Satan as coming to kill and destroy. I used to not believe in spiritual warfare, but I believe in it now. Satan wants to destroy marriages and destroy homes, and sin will take people captive to its power and wreck everything in its way.

God freed me from the power of sin on my life. God wants to restore if people are willing to seek Him. If we are willing to forgive, anything and everything can happen. God works in supernatural ways and makes things new.

I didn't know how much anger I harbored in my heart. My anger blocked the door to restoration. I did not know that I was not willing to forgive. I did not know what it meant to love.

Now I know. I love my husband very much.

Every day I ask God for mercy. His mercy in my life, his mercy when I interact with others, the mercy to be merciful, the mercy to love, to mercy to forgive and be forgiven. His mercy in my marriage. God's supernatural power is my hope and strength. What is impossible with man is possible with God.

Love you all.


"Jesus looked at them intently and said, 'Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible.'" Matthew 19:26
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