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Big Bob,

One thing to consider this week before you "let her know" you are "likely" gonna move out.

If she takes a rusty blade to your testicles while you are sleeping and you awake in a pool of your own blood, you need to be prepared to tell her that that is a LB or "love buster."

SWW

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YESSSSS Exactly why I ain't saying anything and there is a lock on the door of the spare room.

(Ouch! did you have to mention that)


Me 44
Her 43
Married 14 years
Relationship 26 years
1 son 24 left home 4yr ago
WS had A started in Oct 07
D-Day 05 Jul 08
Plan A for 5 months
Plan B (of sorts) happened Jan 4th ended Jan 12th
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Originally Posted By: bigbob1964
POSOM? Whats that mean?
Piece of $**t other man (as if there are any other kind)

Quote:
Why does this stuff happen? I can understand A's and the reasons why they take off but when it all comes out in the open why does it continue? WTF is going through the minds of WS's to let this go on? Why do otherwise reasonable humans embark on this mindless stuff? Is it a form of clinical mental condition? I'm really at a loss to where this sort of behaviour comes from because it makes no sense and holds nothing but misery for everyone including themselves. I know what I need to do but I do struggle with the rationale behind it all. I mean, over the past year, she left and asked to come back. I left and she asked me to come back. I even told her she could have the house and I would move way but she said she wanted me and to work on our M. It seems like she doesn't know WHAT she wants apart from continued misery for all. What reason is there in this?

There's the million dollar question. I personally think that someday, someone will discover an actual clinical medical condition that causes it. Other psychological diseases that have names and treatments don't have nearly as specific symptomology as waywards do. How else is it possible that they all read from exactly the same script? Because aside from an actual, real, physical problem in the brain - there IS no reason in this!

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Brief Threadjack (better known as 't/j'):

In the southern part of the United States, there is an animal whose fairly proper name is o'possum. It's commonly called a 'possom'. When frightened, it lays down and pretends to be dead. It also moves at a very slow, leisurely pace - even when crossing streets - so it is most often seen in the form of 'road kill'. I have always thought the similarities between "possums" and exposed "POSOMS" to be somewhat amusing.

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rotflmao

We have possums here too - usually dead on the road! I'll never look at them the same again. I wonder what form of roadkill would best describe an OW?

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Originally Posted By: Tabby1
rotflmao

We have possums here too - usually dead on the road! I'll never look at them the same again. I wonder what form of roadkill would best describe an OW?


Vampire bat.

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Originally Posted By: cinderella
Brief Threadjack (better known as 't/j'):

In the southern part of the United States, there is an animal whose fairly proper name is o'possum. It's commonly called a 'possom'. When frightened, it lays down and pretends to be dead. It also moves at a very slow, leisurely pace - even when crossing streets - so it is most often seen in the form of 'road kill'. I have always thought the similarities between "possums" and exposed "POSOMS" to be somewhat amusing.


You forgot to add that they are EXTREMELY ugly (even their babies aren't very cute), look like ginormous rats right down to bald tails and UGLY set of canine teeth, they eat garbage, carry rabies, and hiss like a M/effer when cornered...and they can be meaner than a Southern Mother-in-law when ticked off.

If'n you think that Texans aim for armadillos on the highway, you should see the sides of the roads during possum mating season....you could carpet the highway with 'em.

Personally, I think the analogy fits like a glove.


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

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Originally Posted By: sickwithworry
Originally Posted By: Tabby1
rotflmao

We have possums here too - usually dead on the road! I'll never look at them the same again. I wonder what form of roadkill would best describe an OW?


Vampire bat.


BATS ARE WONDERFUL CRITTERS AND VERY BENEFICIAL TO THE ENVIRONMENT!

OW are ticks. Ginormous blood and life sucking ticks.


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

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Originally Posted By: Dealan-de
Originally Posted By: sickwithworry
Originally Posted By: Tabby1
rotflmao

We have possums here too - usually dead on the road! I'll never look at them the same again. I wonder what form of roadkill would best describe an OW?


Vampire bat.


BATS ARE WONDERFUL CRITTERS AND VERY BENEFICIAL TO THE ENVIRONMENT!

OW are ticks. Ginormous blood and life sucking ticks.


Ok, Vampire Ticks then. Good call!

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Glad y'all understand! rotflmao

POSOW's are just like POSOMs only female

ugly, mean, suited for life as roadkill, disease laden

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Quote:
I can understand A's and the reasons why they take off but when it all comes out in the open why does it continue?


An affair's supposed to be like an addiction. The affair partners crave contact and will do anything to get it. Even after exposure. Breaches of no contact seem to be the rule.

With a decent period of no contact - going cold turkey - your WW would probably go through withdrawal, and then she might recover. As you know, she never was in no contact with OM for any length of time.

I think there is extra pressure on the A right now.

OM has seen you now. In his peripheral vision anyway. He doesn't seem very brave. He might cool off now.

And your WW has to face the fact that she ran over her H of 30 years.

If your M is ever to recover though, I think you'd need to do more than talk about moving. How about the Outer Hebrides?!

I still think with a proper plan B your M might be saved.

Whether you want to try is up to you. I don't have an opinion on that.


Me 49 SAHD; W 41 SAHM; DS3, DS4.
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Don't you cut your losses after you WW tries to kill you? What is there to save? His life is in danger.


Me: FWH / BS (36)
W: BS / WW (37)
Two youngsters
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Originally Posted By: Lostin2008
Don't you cut your losses after you WW tries to kill you? What is there to save? His life is in danger.


Yeah, i think that is what you are supposed to do after your WW tries to kill you, at least I think so.

I am sure I read that somewhere, one of the books or something.

I think it was like, "OBTW, when she tries to run over you and kill you with the car this is a rather strong indication that she doesn't want to work on the marriage anymore and cut your losses."

SWW

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Lostin, SWW, others... you've probably got more experience with infidelity than me, and I respect your opinions, even if you think mine's ridiculous.

Note, I'm not saying BB SHOULD try to save his M. I'm not saying the chorus who say he SHOULDN'T are wrong. Just not choosing to join the chorus.

I'm also saying grownups make up their own minds. BB knows a lot more about his W and all the circumstances (including the 'running over') than anyone else here.

His choice, right?

BB has been dealing with a WW. If his W ever shows up again, I think his previously happy 30-year M might stand a chance.

Do you agree with that?


Me 49 SAHD; W 41 SAHM; DS3, DS4.
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Originally Posted By: 5outof6aintbad
Lostin, SWW, others... you've probably got more experience with infidelity than me, and I respect your opinions, even if you think mine's ridiculous.

Note, I'm not saying BB SHOULD try to save his M. I'm not saying the chorus who say he SHOULDN'T are wrong. Just not choosing to join the chorus.

Do you agree with that?


So you are playing devil's advocate while giving advice?

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LMAO rotflmao

Hey you can play devils advocate if you want. As far as the advice goes I'm a big boy and a sensible individual. I know when or where my safety is compromised. I instinctively know what is right and wrong. I know that my W has more than just an A going on - she does have some bigger personal issues making the position even more complicated.

I didn't think my safety was an issue before this incident but now I know it is! The simple and plain truth is that yes there is considerable risk so I need to get away from this person as she is currently behaving. What I think is a shame is that I won't be able to see when that aggressive behaviour is channelled toward someone else. If she can't take out that frustration on ME it WILL be someone else. Wonder who that will be? grin If my W is being Jekyll & Hyde then OM can have both halves now.

And no, I'm not going to abandon her as a person I will do whatever I can from a distance. I need to get away and find peace but she needs help and she needs space to recover, whichever way she turns. If at some point in the future my W is a better person and we can find a way back to each other that would be great but right now its impossible.

Still going ahead with a letter to explain why I'm gone. Call it a plan B letter if you want. I am just calling it an explanation of my leaving even though I still love her and believe we COULD still have a future if she changes her behaviour and gets help. What she chooses to do with that information is entirely up to her...

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Now you are sounding level-headed.

Proud of you, I know it's tough.

Don't get sucked back in, she needs professional help badly.

Keep posting.

SWW

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Ok, I went back and reread:

Bob, I don't see anywhere in here where you EXPOSED!

Did you?

Last edited by catperson; 05/14/09 06:58 AM.
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Hi cp thanks for your reply.

This is not the only thread of my experiences and in others you would have seen that yes, I did expose it to everyone. Very early in the whole business I did a full exposure & I did a superduper Plan A. There was even a plan B of sorts when I asked her to either stop seeing OM or leave in January last and she lived in an appt for a few weeks. She asked to come home and make an effort to make our M work but within weeks she was sneaking off with OM again.

As a quick recap, 12 mnths ago, OM's W left when she found out of the A and he is now single living in an appt only 15mins drive from our place. OM's workplace is 2mins drive from our place! They also work for the same company although they don't generally cross paths and don't have access to company lines of communication. Initially they just happened to have a chance meet in a company canteen room and became friends about two years back. Irritatingly, her older sister works with OM and disliked him before this. She pretty much hates him now which makes family relations strained to say the least.

Everyone we know, friends and family alike have all been directly either insulted, abused or upset by her. This is much of the reason all our friends and family are not talking with her now. Everyone has seen how she has behaved so terribly. The only friends she now has are OM and his friends and family.

This is the reason I'm having trouble finding an intermediary as the exposure and the subsequent behaviour has alienated her from everyone we know as a couple.

Last edited by bigbob1964; 05/14/09 09:45 AM.

Me 44
Her 43
Married 14 years
Relationship 26 years
1 son 24 left home 4yr ago
WS had A started in Oct 07
D-Day 05 Jul 08
Plan A for 5 months
Plan B (of sorts) happened Jan 4th ended Jan 12th
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Posts: 11,245
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Well, it doesn't look like you have exposed to their workplace, or ONE of them at least would no longer be working there.

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