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"I checked phone records. She really did it."

I want to check back here and see that you exposed.

See that you really did it.

If barnboy's post doesn't move you to expose, how about a stick of TNT under your butt?

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I am in process of doing just that. Have called OMW's mother's house and got machine. Called OMW's phone went to VM. Still trying. W's family already knows.

Also set up face to face appt for consult w/ my own atty, so I know all my rights too.


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I exposed to everyone I could reach. I never could reach the OMW. Both our families now know, all of her close GF's, whoever I could think of. Felt like I was betraying her every time but remembered she was the one who betrayed me.

Lost sight of Plan A, however, during discussion about her atty visit. It got heated and I ended up trapping her in her own words. I feel like I fell on my face with Plan A, now have to start all over again, if I have the time.

Ended up with no sleep and feeling sick this morning. Cried myself to work.

I am sure once the phone calls start today due to the exposure, that tonight won't be any better.

This really sucks. Will someone please wake me up from this nightmare!


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Hang on. It's gonna be bumpy.

Don't react to the venom she will spew when she hears that you told people the truth. That's pretty much the only thing you should expect.

Other than that...

Remain calm.
Stay focused.
Take care of yourself.

Meet her ENs as much as she allows.
Avoid Love Busters.
Have no expectations.

Do NOT try to educate her, correct her thinking or fix what she says. Ignore anything you know is not the truth.

Let me repeat that so you don't miss it...

IGNORE ANYTHING that you KNOW is NOT the TRUTH...

The garbage won't weigh you down if you don't pick it up.

Refuse to carry the garbage.

Mark


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Two mantras in my head help me a lot


"Don't react, respond"
meaning I don't let myself get caught up in the drama with emotional, ego based reactions. I respond with thought to all interactions as they happen

and

"(My Wayward) does not define me"
meaning I am not letting my waywards contorted, rewritten image of who I am effect what I do.

Hope these statements can help you as you go along.







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>Will someone please wake me up from this nightmare!


We've all felt like this, PH. Please take care of yourself and the children in the next few days. Go to the park or something.

It gets better.


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

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Nicely done.....

(((PH))),

Yeah it's hard.....but if you take a good look around at the recovered/recovering marriages you'll find no one here regrets it. Also, once you GET into recovery, you won't regret the fight you put forth and you will be able to hold your head high knowing that while she was destroying herself, you did all you could.

Keep trying the OMW. She is the key in exposure. You might want to start writing that letter to her if you can't get her by phone.....oh, are you blocking your number when you call?

Hang in there and get back on the horse.....I too fell off many times. The only thing you can do is dust yourself off and begin again.....and learn what not to do for the next time....

Not2fun

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This just gets worse. I have found out through another source that WW has received a large (5 digit) check from OM to start new life for herself, him and my kids. Here I am struggling with our finances which she wholeheartedly contributed to. How do I compete with that?

I don't know how much more of this I can take.



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You HAVE to contact his wife. Drive to that house and park yourself in front of it if you have to.

Protect your children at all costs. WW is free to go. But those kids aren't going ANYWHERE. Get yourself into an attorney pronto and find out what you need to do to file emergency protection from her removing the children.

And get some support offline from Mark or Barn or JL -- it gets very quiet here on the weekends....

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Wow.

Bet OMW would be surprised by not only the affair BUT the money her H put aside for it!

Yikes!

She must be told soon.

Hoping you get a hold of her ASAP!







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Originally Posted by PatientHusband
This just gets worse. I have found out through another source that WW has received a large (5 digit) check from OM to start new life for herself, him and my kids. Here I am struggling with our finances which she wholeheartedly contributed to. How do I compete with that?

I don't know how much more of this I can take.

PH,

Whatever you do, DON'T PANIC. Do not let your fears get the best of you.

Who is this "source"? Are they reliable? Are the against this affair?? Can you trust what they have told you?!?

Also, do you have a computer at home??? If so you need to get a keylogger on there ASAP, so you can monitor what is going on in the enemies camp.....

Not2fun

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The source is completely reliable and against the affair 100%.

I do have a keylogger, very little useful info. All the communication is done on the cell phone, none on computer.

I am trying to keep my composure. Trying to be the man here. I feel suckerpunched.


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Why don't you cancel the cellphone? Your name is on the account right?



What we think or what we know or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do. ~ John Ruskin
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The account is in her name, I just pay it.


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PH,

Who's your cellphone provider? I have Verizon and you can do a whole lot of things on-line and if you are the only one with access you can do it without her knowing.

I enabled call-blocking on ours to block the OM and my WW was furious. But, she's still around and has found other ways to communicate, but guess what? I can now see it with the keylogger which I couldn't do with texting or calling.

Don't be afraid to stand up! I was weak early on in my WWs A and I'm paying the price for it now. This A is wrong! Plain and simple. You fighting her to stop the A is what you need to do. And when she comes to you screaming and bellowing, be calm and tell her exactly this: "this affair is wrong. I'm going to do everything I can to protect myself and the children." Make no apologies - you don't have to. You are in the right, she is in the wrong.

Be strong. Satan is putting up a fight to destroy your family. Don't back down and always remember that the Lord is on your side.

BTW, have you read SAA yet? Remember the story? How the woman freaks out and moves out? Your WW may very well do that. Be prepared for that scenario. That's why you need to talk to an attorney pronto so that you can react lawfully if she tries to take the kids.

Good luck. BTW, what's your D-Day? It's recent right? It's going to take a while for normal sleep to return. Just do your best to get through the day.


BH - age 33
WW - age 33, pregnant w/OC, due Jun. 2010
M - 12 yrs
DS x3 (12, 6, 2)
DD x1 (8)
D-day 9-9-09
Plan D - Divorce Papers served 11-12-09
WW moved in w/OM 1-30-10 (DS12 Bday)
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(1)Go home and tell your kids right now. Tell them that she is making plans to take them from home and move them in with another man and leave you behind. Tell them in front of her if you have to. Do it now!

(2) Call your lawyer and request an EMERGENCY meeting for TODAY to draw up papers to get her in trouble either legally or with the police. Tell him that she is threatening to take your children away from you!

(3) Go to the bank and stop ALL processes at any of your accounts! Tell them that if they allow her to touch any account without your written permission, you will sue them. Whatever it takes.

(4) Call this POS OM up NOW and tell him he can expect to see you in court as soon as you can get a slot, for whatever your lawyer can find to do to him. Scare the crap out of him! TODAY! Nine times out of ten, creeps like this will back off if you get in their face. Your sitch may be a little different, but you have to take action today!

(5) Hire a PI today and get all the info you can on OM - to use either to expose more or to get dirt on him for court.

(6) Get a plane ticket and fly to OMW's house today and tell her what is going on. And OM, too, if he's there.

Now is NOT the time to be afraid.

The best results I've seen here are from BH's who take direct, STRONG actions to stop the affair. This is your ONLY chance; do it right.

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Mark-

This is very helpful to me too as I am in similar situatino as PH. I just read your Musing Thread. Thank you!

PH-
If nothing else, you are not alone brother.

Last edited by SickofLimbo; 11/13/09 04:31 PM.

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Originally Posted by PatientHusband
This just gets worse. I have found out through another source that WW has received a large (5 digit) check from OM to start new life for herself, him and my kids. Here I am struggling with our finances which she wholeheartedly contributed to. How do I compete with that?

I don't know how much more of this I can take.

I'm no CPA, but my guess would be that that check qualifies as a loan or gift? Are you in a community property state? If so, and it's not a gift, I would think you're entitled to 1/2 of that money. If you file taxes jointly, you may be responsible for 1/2 of the taxes on it. Maybe some more financial people can weigh in here.

I do work in the legal field however, and you need to get emergency temporary orders in place like yesterday to prevent her from absconding with the kids, draining your financial resources and to make her ACCOUNT for $$.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Very interesting question, princessmeggy. Although this is not a community prop. state, I will ask my atty about it.


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PH,

Are you POSITIVE this hasn't gone physical?? It seems odd that this man would send that kind of money for something that is only been happening on the phone.....it smells awfully fishy to me.......And 600 miles between them couldn't have kept them from going physical. There was 1100 miles separating my H and COW....and believe you me, there was lots of physical between them.......

I am thinking you should go visit his W. Find out what she knows. You can do this in a day.

Hang in there......you doing good

not2fun

ps.....Marks email is in his sig line.....

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