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yes...my wife told me last night that she had in fact told our therapist that she had a physical affair....it was supposed ly his decision to withhold that info from me...I want to know if that's what happened or another fantasy of the WW

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Originally Posted by jcb
Can't call mother in law until exposure. Only have the last 4 of the cell phone # until she pays for more time. would have to call all available 3 digit prefixes.

Where do you think she would hide the phone?

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When I expose to management at her employer, will they fire one or both of them? I thought of threatening to picket out front that her work supports adultery or something like that? Is that nuts?

Sometimes they will fire the affairees. My company does. But even if they don't, just having management watch them will make them uneasy. I don't know that I would picket the place though!

In your situation, I would stick to this list of folks:

1. workplace
2. WW's parents and close family and friends
3. OM's GF
4. your family and close friends
5. the OM's facebook friends

But this needs to be done SOON, jcb, and all on the SAME DAY. You can't analyze this to death while time is wasting. The longer you wait, the more strength the wayward side of your wife garners. You need to kick the affair while it is down.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I would guess if the phone is hers it would be in her car, but it could be anywhere...I never use her car so she's going to figure I'm looking for something....

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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
In your situation, I would stick to this list of folks:

1. workplace
2. WW's parents and close family and friends
3. OM's GF
4. your family and close friends
5. the OM's facebook friends

But this needs to be done SOON, jcb, and all on the SAME DAY. You can't analyze this to death while time is wasting. The longer you wait, the more strength the wayward side of your wife garners. You need to kick the affair while it is down.

I couldn't agree more


Dday 2001
Me: BH-49
WW-44
Married 20 years

Recovered after years of hard work and above all...Honesty. It's been years since I've been here but I'm still finding it therapeutic.
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Originally Posted by jcb
I would guess if the phone is hers it would be in her car, but it could be anywhere...I never use her car so she's going to figure I'm looking for something....

It's most likely in her purse, to allow her "quick access" to the OM.





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Originally Posted by jcb
wife did not confess to DD2, I told her, she denies it, wife said talking to her further was cruel and damaging (!)
Your wife having an affair is cruel and damaging. You telling your daughter the truth is kind and potentially life-saving. Never, EVER forget this!

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Originally Posted by jcb
I would guess if the phone is hers it would be in her car, but it could be anywhere...I never use her car so she's going to figure I'm looking for something....

Why dont you go search her car?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by ManInMotion
Originally Posted by jcb
I would guess if the phone is hers it would be in her car, but it could be anywhere...I never use her car so she's going to figure I'm looking for something....

It's most likely in her purse, to allow her "quick access" to the OM.

Ya know, I bet MIM is right. She keeps it in her purse when you aren't around and perhaps keeps it in the car when you are. OR..........could she be hiding it somewhere at home?

Would she dare use that cell phone in front of your DD?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Jcb,

I see you paralyzed as I was with fear. DO NOT let fear control you. It is your greatest enemy and you're talking to people who have followed through on these plans, are currently following through on the plans, or didn't follow through on these plans and wish that they had.

The greatest ally you have in ending the fantasy and the affair is exposure. You MUST expose to the OM's girlfriend. Get a hold of her on FB and send her a message about your W having an affair with her bf.

Exposure to her boss is a risk in the fact that they may not care.

Exposure to family is necessary. I was afraid of doing this and my WXW confessed first with her spin on things.

The advice I give you is coming from a man who did exactly as you are doing and allowed fear to control him. What did it get me? Divorced and separated from my kids. It took years to undo the damage in terms of seeing my kids again.

So yes, you must expose and you must do so to the OM's gf first and foremost. THAT might be enough to kill it.

Your marriage can survive her anger.

I cannot survive further contact with OM and an affair.

This will wear you down over time and literally do damage to your heart. It did to mine. My BP skyrocketted, as I'm sure yours is high right now. That high BP has enlarged my heart.

Contact OM's gf today.

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Originally Posted by jcb
When I expose to management at her employer, will they fire one or both of them? I thought of threatening to picket out front that her work supports adultery or something like that? Is that nuts?
JCB, I wrote a letter to the director of H.R. at OM's employer. I copied the CEO and General Counsel on the letter. Since my WW is not employed there, I couldn't play the "sexual harassment" card, but if you can work that into your discussion, it certainly turns your pea-shooter into a shotgun; no employer wants to be on the receiving end of a sexual harassment lawsuit.

Regardless, I wrote that I knew this wasn't a company concern, but that as a publically-traded company, they should know that investors do not look kindly on companies shielding employees who are engaged in illegal, immoral or illicit activities. That the very least they should know is that they have such an individual on their payroll.

I call that a "career-limiting move."

I found out later that OMW had actually stormed into his workplace and confronted him and others about another one of his affairs that -did- include another worker. As a result, OMW was escorted away and banned from the premises. I guess she got a little carried away, ya think?

So I'm just content in knowing that I helped punch another ticket on OM's Karma Bus ride...


Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Have you reached OM's GF yet? Make that your #1 priority THIS HOUR. Hire someone to find her, if necessary.

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The longer you wait, the more strength the wayward side of your wife garners.
Plus, it gives THEM the chance to call up your family, her family, the priest, the friends, Protective Services, and tell everyone that YOU have gone bonkers and she's afraid for her life and you're crazy and accusing her of having an affair when she's not. How do you think those people will look at you AFTER that?

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Found cell phone number, called (*67) no answer, generic message. Can't login to account need password...

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Originally Posted by jcb
I would guess if the phone is hers it would be in her car, but it could be anywhere...I never use her car so she's going to figure I'm looking for something....

She's gotta take a shower sometime.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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You could always send her a message on FB. That's easy.

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Oldest daughter searching wifes purse tonight late, while we're in bed....

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HooooWeeee...my FWHs A took on a whole new look when his employer read the words "sexual harassment" on the letter HE got and called H into his office! rotflmao

Last edited by maritalbliss; 01/06/10 01:49 PM.

D-Day 2-10-2009
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Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Exposure to the GF, whether by FB or some other means, should only be done in the context of exposure to everybody else. You can't do this in increments or it will be nuclear on YOU, not them!

tl

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My plan, so far is this:

See therapist tomorrow
Get cell phone records (if possible)
Leave office early Friday (noon)
Call OM girlfriend
Visit WW mother
Go to wifes work..talk to dept supervisor, store manager, send reg letter to HR
confront OM
email blast all OM's facebook contacts
Call wifes sister
Go home, tell girls what I've done...
wait for wife to come home and repent (hahaha)

What do you think?

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jcb,

Hidden cell phone, won't quit her job, won't take him off FB....I think the A is still going hot and heavy. The girl friend could be a smoke screen or the slime ball is cake eating with your wife and the GF. faint mad puke

I would go on the assumption that the A is still on.

AND as long as she works with the guy and "sees" him everyday she will still be getting her "fix" and the addiction will continue....and you, my friend, will stay a hinderence and obstical in her eyes.

Exposure to HR should end the A and if they fire her...all the better.

IMHO

kirk



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You left out email blast all WW's facebook contacts.
Also left out calling WW's best friends and any other relatives she's close to. Once you start calling, you need each and every one of them on your side, and aware of what's going on, because she'll try to call people first and spin HER version - that you're a psycho and she's afraid for her life.

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