ITA. You need to wrap this up. There is too much time elapsing here.

I think you paid him EXACTLY what his services are worth......

TB

This is EXACTLY what we have told you. And she has refused to quit the job.

Are you on track now to expose this affair and get this ball rolling?

I do too. I don't believe the affair has ended at all.

ok, are you ready to launch the nuke and follow through on this plan?

Just out of curiosity, why do you think a physical affair is still going on? Therapist agreed, but said why he felt that way wasn't important?

Still on track Friday...noon...defcon 1!

It's all about her current secretive, defensive, wayward behavior. If she was no longer wayward, she wouldn't fear exposure so much, wouldn't fight to keep her job and stay near him, wouldn't fight to stay friends with him on Facebook, wouldn't keep coming up with insane justifications, and most of all, wouldn't be saying she wants a divorce all of a sudden.

That makes it so that the chances are good he said he'd only be with her if she dumped you, and she's desperate to get him back into her arms, or at least there with more regularity. Chances are good the OM is cake-eating with his girlfriend, too, and some part of her knows it.

Um, because your WW is lying so badly to keep her fix going?

Good going on getting the truth from the therapist. Would love to be a fly on the wall the next time he speaks with your WW!

jcb,
You don't probably know me. I don't post often anymore. I like to stop by and see if anything is catching my eye. Your post is. I don't know your story, but have read this thread. I will tell you the advice I have given a few BS in here over the years.

Stop being paralyzed by your own fears. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you have ALL the power. You are acting like she get's to make the choices for your life...you are wrong. You get to make the choices for you and your marriage right now. She committed the affair, you get to choose to let her come back to you. What are the percentages of success, who can say, but I believe your success is going to hinge more on your ability to forgive your wife and move forwards, rather than on her current actions.

How can I say this...well, because she still doesn't see any consequences to your activities. Oooh, he's suspicious (that's kind of fun -- texts you from work feeling sorry --[now, this is a bit brutal, but she probably had just gotten it in the broom closet]and was feeling bad......

When you get to the point when you are finally a bit angry, and just plain done with your wife in her current state, she will realize what she is LOSING ... cuz right now, she ain't losing it. Your actions don't pose any threat to her behavior, they actually encourage it, because they make it even more exciting. Quit listening to what she says, he says, your therapist says, or even what I say. Think about what you want and start behaving that way. How do you think your wife would be with you, if the situation were reversed.

You've been given so much good advice here...if you can't see that yet, then your probably not ready to take on the role of recovering just yet. You maybe need to focus on yourself more, and get stronger (mentally, and a physical tuneup won't hurt your self confidence at all right now --- which I personally now is shattered).

Hang in there, you can do it. You know she is the one who is doing wrong right now, don't settle for any other excuse or argument about that.

""You don't probably know me. I don't post often anymore.""

Yes but WE know you ROOKKEV Hope all is well.

You take it to the next level as usual.

He does have the power...the power of the HIGH ROAD.

jcb, read RK's post a couple time and let it sink in.

It should give you the stregnth you need my friend.

Stay strong.

kirk

My wife 'ended' the communication 3 times. Once, by stopping the texting and cell calls. Then, she vowed NC, stopped messaging via FB, but left him as a 'friend' - that lasted 2 weeks. Then, she eliminated him as a 'friend' and blocked him on FB, but kept her FB account. That also lasted about 2 weeks. Real NC started, marking the beginning of the end of the EA, ONLY when she DROPPED HER FB ACCOUNT and stayed off of it. All of the other times, she was merely putting the EA 'on hold' until she felt it was safe to resume.

Yes, I am continuing to monitor, but just her attitude tells me that this time it's for real.

Your wife is still engaged in the affair. If she was not, she'd quit her job and get rid of FB. I learned the hard way.

Remember what I said about waytards lying? I didn't mean just on their back.

Pep,

I've been on this board a long time. I'm all for trying to save a marriage when kids are involved. But I also believe a man should be prepared for the worst case scenario. So again, by all means, Plan A, Plan B, do everything you can to save it. But if a woman is consulting a lawyer and throwing legal terms around, it means she's prepping for war.

Having been there myself, and caught with my pants down, it is a disservice to have men like JCB NOT get advice on preparing themselves for the worst case scenario.

I've been on this board for years. I haven't seen too many WWes be remorseful and come looking for R. I usually back off of a thread at that point since I have no experience with dealing with recovery, but I know PLENTY about being caught unprepared for divorce by a WW who is educated on it.

JCB, if you don't wish to hear my advice, then let me know.

Great point JCB, The winner in this battle between you and your WW will be the one of you that can step outside your emotions and act for the Integrity of your marriage and what will effect your children. <<The innocent ones first. Then that person will have won even if they don't "Feel"like they did at first.

>All of them are horrible, and to a non-MBer, none are worth saving.


Even to most MBers mine was not worth saving...but it WAS SAVED...and it's wonderful now...

But you know JCB, my marriage was NOT savable - no matter how much I wanted it to be - until I followed MB TO THE LETTER...there was no "tweaking" it or partialling it...it had to be the full monty or nothing at all.

Trust what these people are telling you. DO what they tell you...and find an IC that can't be snowblowed.

Kick it up to defcon 4.

Wife agreed last night to quit work and delete facebook....but acted like I was forcing her to do something she didn't want to do....

Until she has quit and deleted, you should continue with exposure. Her words mean nothing at this point. Do not back down now.