Hi Scotland, I'm glad you came over. I truly truly truly understand these feelings. I remember them so well.
Somewhere in life I learned that crying was G-ds way of cleansing our souls. I have come to believe and you may be experiencing right now that bottom of the barrel emotions where you think you tried to do it on your own for so long and you thought you were letting G-d in, but you were completely and this was G-ds way of reaching you.
As silly as it sounds, we are creatures that hate change and I have experienced it's only when the pain to stay or hold is is greater than the pain of the unknown.
Could it be you are frightened, frightened of the unknown, of that future. You can't possibly see how G-d can turn this around if given the time? I certainly didn't. I needed to keep my hands in the mix, even though intellectually I thought I had let go.
I just remember something Mimi, who I MISS very much girl, but Mimi taught me over and over again. The M we know are DEAD. The sad reality is that they have fallen in love with someone else. But we are the connection to light with G-d and that you can't do anything for them now. They are truly in G-ds hands. If you are like me and need to DO something, then continue to pray for them. I suscribed to the Charlene Cares email everyday that gave me the continue direction on how to get through this.
Here is today's sample. I'm not sure if it's fitting or not, Charlyne Cares is a free daily devotional from Rejoice Marriage
Ministries, Inc. sent only to subscribers. If these no longer
meet your needs, you can unsubscribe at the end of the message.
Read back issues from
http://rejoiceministries.org/devotion.php - - - - -
Today's Free Conference Call Information Below -
"Do You Hate Divorce AS God Does?" -
"Another thing you do: You flood the LORD's altar with tears.
You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your
offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You
ask, "Why?" It is because the LORD is acting as the witness
between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken
faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your
marriage covenant. Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and
spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly
offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break
faith with the wife of your youth. "I hate divorce," says the
LORD God of Israel." Malachi 2:13-16
Bob and I were watching a sermon recently when the pastor said
very strongly, "Divorce is not an option when you have marriage
problems." We were both praising the Lord for that pastor's
boldness. God hates divorce. So should not all men of God teach
and preach God's Word and what God's will is for His children?
Our prayer every weekend is for pastors around the world to
preach regularly from the pulpit that God can reignite and
rekindle the couple's love in their loveless marriages. Our Lord
can revive dead marriages and then they will rebuild their
marriages and be witnesses about the power of God. Nothing is too
hard for our mighty awesome God to fix especially since God
created marriages. We can stop divorces in our churches if our
Men of God would preach this regularly and have Bible Study
classes showing spouses how to work through any and all of their
marriage problems that will pop up throughout all seasons of all
marriages.
When Bob was gone for over two years, he was talking of a wedding
with the other person. I prayed about what that would mean to me.
We were already divorced when the Lord spoke to me supernaturally
that I was to stand and pray for restoration of our marriage. I
sought my Lord and He spoke scriptures of confirmation that my
marriage was a covenant marriage, not a contract that could be
broken or discarded, regardless Bob's present sinful lifestyle.
Bob and I had both failed in not knowing how to pray and fight
for our marriage. Bob was tempted by the enemy, satan into
sexual immorality. I did not know how to forgive and pray for my
husband daily. I did not choose to fight for my marriage, but
gave up on Bob and on God. I could not see with my own blinded
eyes that my Lord could change Bob's heart, regardless of the
abuse and adultery. Where are you?
What are you facing? Is it alcohol, drugs, gambling or a unsaved
spouse? We Christians must believe in the power of our Lord God
and in His Word.
In one of our concordances regarding Malachi 2:14, (as written
above) it says: "...that Jehovah affirms that though a legal
divorce has taken place and another marriage has been legally
consummated, that divorce did not break the marital tie. The man
is still married to his Hebrew wife, the wife of thy covenant.
The covenant is not broken by divorce and a subsequent
remarriage. It is clear that God regarded marriage to be a
lifelong commitment broken only by the death of one of the
partners." (Liberty Bible Commentary)
Oh, that you and I would believe that every day regardless of
what your spouse is doing, you can walk in faith with your Lord
to touch and change your spouse's heart to bring healing and
restoration to your marriage. You made a vow and a marriage
covenant for life with your spouse. Never give up! Keep praying!
A pastor wrote to a spouse who was in a non-covenant marriage.
The spouse wanted the stander to go to counseling with the pastor
to work out the problems that were arising. With permission from
the pastor we share his reply to a man who had married the other
person:
------------------------------------------------------------------
"It has come to my attention that you are requesting my help to
ease some of the relational tensions you are facing with (wife).
It appears (wife) refuses to 'move on' and could use my help
embracing the events of the past.
"I want to inform you that I will be unable to assist you. I am
pro marriage. Your union goes against everything I believe in
with regards to marriage. The Biblical view of marriage is a
covenant not a contract. In the marriage covenant, individuals
lose their rights and assume responsibilities. (Even if you are
unfaithful, I will remain faithful.) They are forever and binding.
"In a marriage contract, individuals are granted certain rights
and have limited responsibilities. (If you don't do this, then I
will do this.) (Husband) and (wife) have entered into the
covenant of marriage. Even in (husband's) unfaithfulness, (wife)
chooses to remain faithful because she entered a covenant before
God and (husband) to do so. If you want me to help her deal with
your union in a better fashion, and accept (other woman) to be
(husband's) new covenant partner, that would make no sense.
"The (husband) I know of, before his adultery and being found
unrepentant, was an incredible man of character, a leader in his
church, a good husband, and an awesome father. If you turn the
clock back a few years, I am confident that (husband) would
neither endorse nor embrace the life you both are now asking
everyone to accept. I along with (wife) wait for the day that
(husband) returns and is restored.
"I realize that you will consider this judgmental. You asked for
my help and I am pleading with you to return to what you know is
right, not what feels right. In your heart, you know that it is
not right to blow town when (child) needs a father's love. In
your heart, you know it is not right to parade your
unfaithfulness in the church your wife attends. If I ever do
these things, please judge them to be out of my best interest and
out of line with God's will for my life. Do the right thing; be
restored to your families. Be restored to God. I will help you do
this to the best of my ability."
Pastor
------------------------------------------------------------------
What a powerful statement this pastor made to a man who had been
in his church, but who had fallen into the trap of adultery. That
man has a praying pastor and a loving, praying spouse wanting
him "to come to senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who
has taken them captive to do his will." (2 Timothy 2:26)
I pray that this pastor's heartfelt pleas to this prodigal will
touch you so much that you will pray weekly for all Men of God to
have their own hearts transformed to "hate divorce" as God does.
Will you pray that your pastor would feel led by the power of the
Holy Spirit to write a letter to your own beloved spouse how much
they are praying for them? You and I can make a difference in
praying for a revival to come to our churches around the world in
healing, strengthening and resurrecting dead marriages, back into
strong and healthy marries with powerful testimonies of both
couples to share with other married couples. Jesus Christ is the
answer for all marriage problems. Now we need to pray that the
church will become the lighthouse for all hurting marriages so
that they be restored and rebuilt on the solid rock of Jesus
Christ.
Today, regardless of what your pastor, counselor, family or
friends may say, you must seek your Lord for His divine answer
for your own marriage. Yes, it may seem impossible in the natural
eye, but nothing is too hard for your Lord God to do.
You must remember what the entire Bible teaches us about faith,
trust and hope in our Lord God in impossible circumstances. Bob
and I believe that if you have found our Rejoice Marriage
Ministries by God's divine intervention, your Lord God has been
revealing His truths to you, a little at a time, to say in the
end, your marriage is forever and can be resurrected from the
dead!
End....
I went to google and searched for the praying wife and so many prayers came up. I printed them out and said them for weeks on end. And I just simply talked to G-d. Sometime early on I got this message from G-d, and he TOLD me that this was NOT about me and my M, but that my WH was so unhappy with his life and he was blaming me and our marriage on the misery. He TOLD me to stay out of it, it was a spiritual battle between him and my WH and that all I could do was become the woman he always envisioned for me, a Proverbs 31 woman, and to pray. Because in reality we were fighting Satan and G-d needed my help.
So I looked up spiritual battle and I took from it what applied and I reinforced myself in the ways that I needed to and after Plan B was fully in force, I let G-d protect the love I had for my H.
You see the sad reality is, while they are with the women, or are completed wayward in actions and thoughts, you can't convince, fight or cajole them. That NEEDS to happen from G-d. I one day realized that G-d wasn't saying no, he was just saying not yet. I studied the bible, torah, and I came here and just find so much comfort in knowing that what was happening to me wasn't crazy and that there were people who understood my feelings because they were going through so many similarities.
Today... when you think of WH... shake your head and ask G-d to help you give them to him. I tried so many things.. putting him in a balloon and sending it off was one suggestion. I took a stick that represented my WH and threw him into the cold waters. You will intuitively know when that happens because there will be a peace of openness.
Please remember this is YOUR journey. We can give you all the advice, hold your hand etc, but ultimately this walk is with you and G-d. He is your shepherd.
Psalm 23
A psalm of David.
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.
And finally I truly recommend a book that saved MY LIFE. It's called G-d is More than Enough. It can be found on amazon.com. It's about psalm 23 and helped me understand what G-d needed from me. I couldn't help G-d with my WH, but I could help G-d with me, and that's what HE wanted all along, because you see.
Psalm 139
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in�behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.
19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Hugs to you both.