Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 4 of 5 1 2 3 4 5
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Originally Posted By: dsd
TO ALL, Do people really change or are we all going to be what we have been the rest of our lives,OM,OW,BS?


Are you paying a lot of child support for the children you've sired and no longer live with?




Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,316
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,316
Originally Posted By: dsd
TO ALL, Do people really change or are we all going to be what we have been the rest of our lives,OM,OW,BS?


How has this WW changed? How have you changed? You and she continue to commit adultery today...Saying, "Oops, sorry" doesn't equal "changed"...Not by a long shot...

You and she want others to accept the unacceptable...NICE WORDS do NOT change CONTINUED WRONG ACTIONS...

dsd, it's like a bank robber saying "Sorry, what's done is done!" while continuing to spend the money...

It's like a rapist, saying "BYGONES" while continuing to rape...

NOTHING HAS CHANGED...

How can you make a relationship that began as adultery into something else? You can't, it's not possible...

You cannot turn this sow's ear of a relationship into a silk purse...IT WILL FAIL...Don't believe me? Go read ZenWolf's thread - it should serve as a cautionary tale for you...

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,316
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,316
Originally Posted By: dsd
and there is nothing we can do about it now,but to learn and move on and show them what we have learned and to show them what rasing a child should be like with loving parents.


YES, there IS something you can do about it...You can start leading a MORAL life...You can turn from this sin...You can teach them by righting the wrongs in your life - ending the ADULTERY and teaching them WHY your actions were WRONG...YOU can break the cycle - if you don't, you realize they will follow in your footsteps, and the cycle will continue, right?

dsd, you can't raise a morally sound child in a household where adultery continues DAILY...That is UNHEALTHY and IRRESPONSIBLE...

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 113
D
dsd Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 113
MrsW so with 5:32 are we going to go with gods law or mans law? many times they dont work together. So there seems to be so many gods on here! To who ever ask about child support no i didnt pay except for a short time before i got custody of the child. The other two of my marriage we had 50/50 with no support either way for if our children needed something we worked with each other. We will all be judged one day so lets not do it here. I was not blaming my parents just stating the facts!!!!!

Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 113
D
dsd Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 113
Merriam-Webster online search -Adultery:voluntary sexual intercourse between a married man and someone other than his wife or between a woman and someone other than her husband

Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 895
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 895
Give it up DSD. Content yourself with reading all of the valuable information on this site and glean all of the advice that you can off of other threads. Even if your live in does not decide to go back to her H, you are going need aal of the help you can get.

This forum is definately NOT the place for you to seek advice.

God's Blessings,

Say


Me, BW-57
FWH 54
4 kids and 4 grandbabies between us
In recovery since D-day, May 28,2007
FWH never onboard the MB boat but still clinging to the side.
One day at a time by God's grace.
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 113
D
dsd Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 113
Pep you took my question that you didnt answer and then ask another question that wasnt even related to the one I ask! So I have to ask are you in politics or public relations? You can add the two together and become a spin doctor!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 113
D
dsd Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 113
say -you read the definition of adultery, right there it is black and white. So many say that it is not grey only black and white but then post in the grey area of what they believe. We are not living the life of adultery. Maybe living in sin but then again you or I arent to judge each other!

Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 113
D
dsd Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 113
If I had it to do all over again I would nt of dated her while she was seperated and going through a divorce, knowing what I know now. That was 6yrs ago. There are others on this sight that came here for help and are getting divorced knowing all the info and are dating or telling of all the attention that they are getting and they knew the information about dating while seperated or divorcing. I didnt know and never even thought about it untill I started ready here. A little to late !!!!!!!!

Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,316
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,316
Originally Posted By: dsd
MrsW so with 5:32 are we going to go with gods law or mans law? many times they dont work together. So there seems to be so many gods on here!


Uhhhhh...HUH? Scripture is the word of God, dsd...I don't know what else to tell you...I'm not a fan of the "my truth"/"your truth" kind of baloney...After all, there is only THE TRUTH...That being said, THE TRUTH is your "relationship" is ADULTEROUS...

Originally Posted By: dsd
We will all be judged one day so lets not do it here.


When someone says something to the effect of your above quote, I will, for the rest of my life, think of something Pep said here once - I wish I had the link for her exact words...Here's my very liberally paraphrased version:

Ever notice that people only trot out the "Don't judge me" card when doing something they know they should be judged for?

For instance, you never hear anyone say...

"I do volunteer work with the homeless. DON'T JUDGE ME!"

"I eat healthy foods, and feed the same to my children. DON'T JUDGE ME!"

"I read to my child every night. DON'T JUDGE ME!"

Personally, now when I hear or read the words "DON'T JUDGE ME!", it is a flashing neon sign saying "JUDGE ME", so I reach for my gavel...stickout

Originally Posted By: dsd
I was not blaming my parents just stating the facts!!!!!


And the facts are that your parents made your adult life choices for you? Wow...okay...

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 113
D
dsd Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 113
Originally Posted By: dsd
Merriam-Webster online search -Adultery:voluntary sexual intercourse between a married man and someone other than his wife or between a woman and someone other than her husband
were do I fit in here MrsW.I see were you fit.

Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 113
D
dsd Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 113
Originally Posted By: dsd
Pep you took my question that you didnt answer and then ask another question that wasnt even related to the one I ask! So I have to ask are you in politics or public relations? You can add the two together and become a spin doctor!!!!!!!!!!!!!
bump

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 1,928
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 1,928
Quote:
Maybe living in sin but then again you or I arent to judge each other!


Oh, but we ARE to judge sinful behavior and point it out to the person who is sinning.

I think that you are misquoting Matthew 7:1, as many people do. The problem is...people quote it out of context.

The entire passage is Matthew 7:1-5:

Matthew 7
"1 Judge not, that ye be not judged. 2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. 3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? 4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? 5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye."

What Jesus is teaching is simply this: "Do not be a hypocrite and judge someone for doing wrong if you are doing the same thing yourself."

He is NOT teaching that Christians are not to point out wrong-doing or sinful behavior. We ARE to do so, while examining our own lives to eliminate sin.

It seems to me that you have behaved irresponsibly for much of your adult life.

1. Fathering a child prior to marriage with your ex-wife,
2. father yet another child outside of wedlock,
3. choosing to have an affair with a woman who was not yet divorced, and
4.fathering a child that you PLANNED without the benefit of marriage.
5. Now, you wish to USE that child to force this woman into marriage with you.

4 & 5 absolutely makes me think of the irresponsible young girls/women who deliberately get pregnant because then the guy who just wanted in their pants will somehow "realize that he loves her and wants to marry her."

You are exhibiting the same kind of stinking thinking.

You keep talking about YOUR child needing to grow up with both her parents. Well, if her mother's ex-husband desires to reconcile with her, why should THEIR children not grow up with both their parents? Over the past 6 years, they could possibly have grown up with both their parents...except that your presence in their mother's life interfered with the possibility of their parents' reconciliation.

Now, it seems that their father IS open to reconciliation.

What makes YOUR daughter any more special than HIS children?

You need to work out a custody arrangement nnd let this woman go.

You ARE in an affair, and you ARE in an inappropriate area on this forum.


"Your actions are so loud that I can't hear a word you're saying!"

BW M 44 yrs to still-foggy but now-faithful WH. What/how I post=my biz. Report any perceived violations to the Mods.
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,316
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,316
Originally Posted By: dsd
Originally Posted By: dsd
Merriam-Webster online search -Adultery:voluntary sexual intercourse between a married man and someone other than his wife or between a woman and someone other than her husband
were do I fit in here MrsW.I see were you fit.


Firstly, are you saying you didn't sleep together until the divorce was final...Come now...I was born in the morning, just not THIS morning, dsd...

As for your current status of doing all that you can to marry this WW, I will quote from Matthew for you again...

Quote:
"But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery." Matthew 5:32


Let's not forget you are still sleeping with her...She who belongs to another...

As for me?

I stopped committing adultery...I returned to my marriage and am very in love with my husband...I have repented and have been forgiven...

Quote:
At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"

"No one, sir," she said.
"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin." John 8:9-11


In a nutshell dsd, I did as Jesus asked...I left that sin behind...

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 113
D
dsd Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 113
is it a affair or adultery? Also i wasnt trying to quote anyone

Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 113
D
dsd Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 113
MrsW. There again you are trying to use both mans law and gods law it doesnt work that way when its black or white.Also you hsay you have been for given, by who?

Last edited by dsd; 02/02/10 08:45 PM.
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 1,928
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 1,928
DSD, you are both in an affair AND committing adultery.


"Your actions are so loud that I can't hear a word you're saying!"

BW M 44 yrs to still-foggy but now-faithful WH. What/how I post=my biz. Report any perceived violations to the Mods.
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,316
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,316
Originally Posted By: dsd
MrsW. There again you are trying to use both mans law and gods law it doesnt work that way when its black or white.


I have no idea what you are trying to say, dsd...HUH?

Knock off the mental gymnastics of trying to make WRONG into RIGHT...

You ARE the OM...Your rationalizations and justifications are both disturbing and sickening...

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 113
D
dsd Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 113
Originally Posted By: MrsWondering
Originally Posted By: dsd
Originally Posted By: dsd
Merriam-Webster online search -Adultery:voluntary sexual intercourse between a married man and someone other than his wife or between a woman and someone other than her husband
were do I fit in here MrsW.I see were you fit.


Firstly, are you saying you didn't sleep together until the divorce was final...Come now...I was born in the morning, just not THIS morning, dsd...

As for your current status of doing all that you can to marry this WW, I will quote from Matthew for you again...

Quote:
"But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery." Matthew 5:32


Let's not forget you are still sleeping with her...She who belongs to another...

As for me?

I stopped committing adultery...I returned to my marriage and am very in love with my husband...I have repented and have been forgiven...

Quote:
At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"

"No one, sir," she said.
"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin." John 8:9-11


In a nutshell dsd, I did as Jesus asked...I left that sin behind...

Mrs. W
just saying adultery is not happening as some say it still is

Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,316
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,316
Originally Posted By: dsd
Also you hsay you have been for given, by who?


God and Mr. W...Why do you ask?

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

Page 4 of 5 1 2 3 4 5

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
1 members (1 invisible), 15 guests, and 69 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Lethabo, Livn1dayAtaTime, widup, Reggg, Endlessvow
71,682 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,528
Posts2,322,562
Members71,682
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5