Well now, some of the dynamics are starting to raise their ugly heads.

1. Wimp: definition of a male who does not act to protect his mate from predatory males looking for a rut. And trust me on this one; high school females are famous for starting fights that serve the purpose of both enhancing their importance AND sorting out who is the physically superior male. Later on in life, those same female critters develop more sophisticated methodologies to sort out the same two traits, usually by adding money to the equation.

2. Justification: It ain't gonna happen here for the most part. What the both of you did cannot be justified except on the altar of immaturity and lack of judgment. If you are here to be supported, then consider finger pointing a form of support. In other words, if you are hear to learn, then pay attention. If you are here to rationalize the sign you are hauling around, expect the opposite.

3. Recommendation: Get professional help. The Harleys tend to be expensive per session, but they take far fewer sessions to provide guidance, so overall, they tend to be the cheapest way to go AND in my opinion, the most competent. The ethics of your situation indicate that both of you are living in lala land,

4. Grow a pair: Your comments indicate to me that your wife is leading you around by the nose and you don't think it is worth the effort to man up and provide the leadership your association needs. After a while, you will get tired of hauling all the water and if she doesn't learn to fly with you, will probably get a divorce. But for the sake of your own manhood at the fate of your kids, you gotta shoulder the load for a while to see if she can grow up and be a partner. You too pal.

5. Recognize: You are as muddled and confused as anyone would be who started down the dead end road you picked. Instead of trying to find excuses, start learning.

Larry

+10 this is the post of the day!

The ONLY reason I gave her permission to MEET this guy was so in the future if we were to argue or have troubles she wouldn't throw back in my face that she should have met him or regreted not meeting him in some way

You didn't give her permission because she didn't NEED your permission.

You gave her your BLESSING...BIG difference.

committed

I'm getting a smidge tired of all the men who come here and don't want to upset their precious perfect WWs.

Aren't men willing to defend what is theirs anymore?

Hi commie!!

Hi There yourself.

I see that you are still busy.

I haven't visited the site in forever and there are so many new names...but sadly, the stories are still old.

commie

'Larry', brother you just made a great post, spot on.

****edit****

If you are still dealing with the type of female interested in pitting you against other guys, at the adult stage of life, you are in for an exhausting life, IMO. Nothing wimpish about bailing on someone that would consent to a "rut" based on her perception of who is the "alpha " male.
Life is too short to worry about marking your territory and battling for the right to have sex with your mate. Leave that for the mountain goats.

Well, uh, guess it is confession time.

See it is that I was a wimp for 30 days after I learned that my wife had put horns on my head. It was a fairly UNIQUE circumstance and I was knocked off my feet and out of my head.

I called the suicide hot line and got an old goat in Dallas as the lay counselor who was the designated phone person on the late night nutcase protective society line. Just making a joke out of my pitiful act, so please don't take that last line seriously.

Anyway, old goat and me had a lot in common as he figured out in a minimum of time before hitting me upside the head with verbal two by fours. Rather than whining about it, I listened.

Shortly, embarrassed and more than a bit humiliated by my equivalent of Cockold Wimp John's stupid sign act, I returned to my roots. Uh, Wimp John is a famous writer of Internet Story Porn from the Usenet years ago. I am not comparing him to the current John and this thread. It was me being the wimp.

Ask my best friend from way back when, I used to prove my manhood (or ability to carry a stupid sign) by picking on guys bigger than me who I thought deserved it. Yea, I got beat up a lot. I also wounded a few egos and seldom had to fight that particular cretin again. Okay, so I'm Irish.

Anyway, I hoisted up my male identity and called my wife, who was out "shopping" with the OM. I told her to get her sorry [censored] home, that I had made up my mind and had some things to say to her. She ordered low life to drive her home. I could hear cussing in the background. Guess I messed up his plans for that night.

In the ultimatum that followed, I never raised my voice. I did not pummel the OM into a smear on the ground although I gave him about 30 seconds to depart the scene before I so did. I simply made my position crystal clear. As it turns out, my wife decided that of the choices I gave her, dropping the OM and staying with me was the best.

I can smell it when a male BS is rolling over wanting someone to rub his belly. And I ain't playing that game. Just as 2 used take apart the pretensions of WS, it is my job, based on experience, to bluntly and completely blow apart the ego protection racket practiced by BS who make excuses instead of progress.

So there you have it.

This thread is attracting a lot of well deserved attention, so let me take this opportunity to say something else. We finally divorced. See, you can forgive but sometimes you can't forget.

And that applies to both parties.

My now ex-wife and I still have a great and caring relationship. Oh, and the two guys she has dated since we split are so jealous of me it is just plain funny.

For the record, you can be a man without being controlling.
For the record, you can be a man without abusing your wife.
For the record, you can be a man and still be a partner for your wife.
For the record, you can be a man and rely on your wife for those areas where she is strong.
For the record, you must be a man or your wife will not respect you.
For the record, you must be a man so those little people who depend on you, know what one is.

Thanks to those who liked my post. More will be coming in times forward from here.

Larry

I think being a strong person, man or woman, involves letting folks know that you will not be treated like dirt.

Hey Zelmo


Too true. Now go back and read John's posts and tell me who and what he is dealing with. Then think about how he is dealing with it.

Would that we could all be associated with sane grownups. As it turns out, when we first get attached to someone, we seldom have the mental ability to know who they really are.

Guys get attached to their jobs, especially high profile or demanding jobs. They have a "Wife" at home who fits into this projected mold. Years later something happens to show the guy he had no idea who he was married to.

It happens a bunch.

Larry

Yeah, apparently , it does, Larry. Then the guy has to decide if he wants to stay with someone like this. Usually, in this society, a successful wage earner is going to have other options, options that, perhaps, permit him to relax and avoid having to stay ever vigilant.
I have no illusions that many women, like men, are dogs who will have sex with whoever appeals to him or her at a given moment.
John's WW, is a pretty messed up woman. Question is , is this temporary ro is it who she is at heart.
And, another question is whether he wants to have to deal with a tainted marriage, now. I think it is his call.

We need some more info from this poster:

Any kids?

What was her behavior like before she went wayward?

Is she very needy of attention?

Is this the result of being alone a lot?

We need some more background.

Also, the horse is dead. He gets the fact that it might have been a big mistake (it was) to have agreed to let her meet the man. There's no point in dwelling on that any further.

Let's help him figure out where to go from here.

So what's the situation? You love her, but that, as you have acknowledged, isn't enough.

Why would you want to keep her in your life? Why would divorce be better?

Are you afraid of her anger? How is she acting now?

Hey GentJohn,

Like you I posted on a weekend and then didn't post for a few days until someone (I think it was Chrisner) bumped my thread and asked how it was going.

Even if I don't post much now (3 years later) I thought I'd ask you.......are you still around?

How's it going?

What, if any decisions have you made?

Wishing you well,
Ace