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Originally Posted by ExpectsAMiracle
Thanks Pep! I will do that. I am thinking of also contacting the CPS worker. My WH called them on me and they came 3 times. The last time the worker told me that she was SURE he just did it to hurt me and said she's closing the case. Maybe she can help or attest to the emotional/physical abuse we have endured, or give her opinion or something..

Good idea!


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The RO is granted only if there is sufficient evidence that OW is in fear of her life or that you are "slandering" her. Nothing in your exposure letter was untrue. The Judge hopefully will see her for what she is and wouldn't it be cool if the Judge had actually heard of Dr. Harley and Marriage Builders? OTOH, so what if the RO is granted, no skin off your nose, the exposure is already done. Right?

OW is panicking... trying everything within her power to make you look bad. In Court, you are calm, cool and collective (SANE) while OW will be loud, argumentative, finger-pointing (BUT NOT AFRAID). When the Judge puts two and two together, my guess is he'll grant the RO with a wink but that'll be all OW gets.

You could file a cross-RO, asking the Judge to prevent OW from emailing and harassing you with her distressful and UNTRUE emails.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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K Princess...OW won't be there. Just the attorney. The skin off my nose is that they took $1,000's of dollars in guns. Apparently my WH said he was worried I was going to kill myself or hurt them. He left me towards the end of October...If I wanted to do something like that, I have had more than 3 months to do so. OW and WH are almost all the way across the country from me, so it's simply implausable that they should be afraid for thier lives. This whole thing is so stupid.


Married 11/21/03
BW 40 (me)
WS 37
DD-14
DS-10
H went to Iraq 1/7/09-10/5/09
D-Day 10/29/09
Got the D papers 11/21/09 (Our 6th Anniversary)
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Well, I went. WH's attorney told me that the judge was likely going to reschedule since I was only given two days notice. She also said she was going to talk to WH about dropping it.


Married 11/21/03
BW 40 (me)
WS 37
DD-14
DS-10
H went to Iraq 1/7/09-10/5/09
D-Day 10/29/09
Got the D papers 11/21/09 (Our 6th Anniversary)
Not giving up! Still on Plan A
I can only get stronger!
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Is there any article by Dr. Harley that suggests exposure to end an affair?


Married 11/21/03
BW 40 (me)
WS 37
DD-14
DS-10
H went to Iraq 1/7/09-10/5/09
D-Day 10/29/09
Got the D papers 11/21/09 (Our 6th Anniversary)
Not giving up! Still on Plan A
I can only get stronger!
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Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
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Thank you Fred! I looked all throught the articles..I knew I saw it somewhere...


Married 11/21/03
BW 40 (me)
WS 37
DD-14
DS-10
H went to Iraq 1/7/09-10/5/09
D-Day 10/29/09
Got the D papers 11/21/09 (Our 6th Anniversary)
Not giving up! Still on Plan A
I can only get stronger!
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Just as a helpful hint to anyone reading who wants to search for something on this site: Google is your friend.

Here's how I found what ExpectsAMiracle was looking for:

Using Google -->"Harley" "exposure" site:marriagebuilders.com

The list of returned results typically has what I'm looking for within the top five "hits."


Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
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LOL! Funny, last term I took an internet search class....Unfortunately, this time I just used the MB search and it yeilded no results.

Thanks again Fred!!! You're an angel!


Married 11/21/03
BW 40 (me)
WS 37
DD-14
DS-10
H went to Iraq 1/7/09-10/5/09
D-Day 10/29/09
Got the D papers 11/21/09 (Our 6th Anniversary)
Not giving up! Still on Plan A
I can only get stronger!
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Okay, I need some opinions here please... I've been working on my defense for the restraining order. The timing of it all seems really weird to me.

I told WH attorney that I was going to sign the agreement on the 5th.

That morning I received the first coorespondence from OW saying how much WH wanted to be a part of my son's life (he's not his real father)

I didn't respond to her, but wrote my WH saying I didn't trust him and that any coorespondence with me needed to be through his attorney or my mom. I also relayed from my son that he didn't want to see him if he was with OW.

I signed the agreement.

The next day (Feb 6th) the Sherriff comes to my house and gives me the RO and takes all our guns. The RO was dated Feb 29th and OW name was included on it. I'm fairly certain she has financed his attorney and i know he is living with her, so I know she must know about the RO; likely it was her idea.

Here's my question...There is one part in her email that makes me feel like they were holding the RO or something and when I didn't agree that WH could see DS, they slammed me with it. I don't know if that could be a defnse, but the timing is very odd to me.

Here's the portion I'm referring to..."You know WH has a good heart and he is the person you know he is, he's not out to hurt either of you. He'd like DS to remain in his life, if you'll allow it. It doesn't have to be this way."

"It doesn't have to be this way"????

Weird to me because prior to this letter I had let WH see DS whenever he wanted. DS was fine with it until he found out that WH had moved across country and in with OW. He doesn't want to seethem together and I won't force him to.

So, do you all think the "It doesn't have to be this way" thing was like saying, "If you let WH see DS, then we won't serve to RO"?

It seems so to me, but I just need second opinions as I don't want to look like a fool in court. It's me against the attorney. WH and OW won't be there.


Married 11/21/03
BW 40 (me)
WS 37
DD-14
DS-10
H went to Iraq 1/7/09-10/5/09
D-Day 10/29/09
Got the D papers 11/21/09 (Our 6th Anniversary)
Not giving up! Still on Plan A
I can only get stronger!
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Originally Posted by ExpectsAMiracle
So, do you all think the "It doesn't have to be this way" thing was like saying, "If you let WH see DS, then we won't serve to RO"?

No, I don't.

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Thanks Pep...Just with the timing of it all it seemed so, especially since I had never not let WH see DS.


Married 11/21/03
BW 40 (me)
WS 37
DD-14
DS-10
H went to Iraq 1/7/09-10/5/09
D-Day 10/29/09
Got the D papers 11/21/09 (Our 6th Anniversary)
Not giving up! Still on Plan A
I can only get stronger!
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She's not that smart.

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See part of the RO took the guns. I don't care too much for guns, but two of them were my sons; although registered in my WH name. My WH knows how much those mean to DS, and he can now claim them and use them as bribes to convince DS to spend time with he and OW.

DS won't do it though...he says if he never sees his guns again, then WH won't ever see him again even if he and OW break up.


Married 11/21/03
BW 40 (me)
WS 37
DD-14
DS-10
H went to Iraq 1/7/09-10/5/09
D-Day 10/29/09
Got the D papers 11/21/09 (Our 6th Anniversary)
Not giving up! Still on Plan A
I can only get stronger!
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You're right Pep. But why write me the day before the RO is served? Even the judge said it wasn't served in time. WH lawyer said people were sick, so it took a week...I just feel the RO is a weapon.


Married 11/21/03
BW 40 (me)
WS 37
DD-14
DS-10
H went to Iraq 1/7/09-10/5/09
D-Day 10/29/09
Got the D papers 11/21/09 (Our 6th Anniversary)
Not giving up! Still on Plan A
I can only get stronger!
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Seriously, a RO? You would think that would be a priority for the Sherriffs office in a rural community. It's not like I'm in the city here. Should it really take a week?


Married 11/21/03
BW 40 (me)
WS 37
DD-14
DS-10
H went to Iraq 1/7/09-10/5/09
D-Day 10/29/09
Got the D papers 11/21/09 (Our 6th Anniversary)
Not giving up! Still on Plan A
I can only get stronger!
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Bring all your evidence to court.
Have it organized under tabs, so you can find stuff quickly.
Emails.
Journals.
Financials.
It would be useful for you to construct a timeline of events.

Your attitude will say things to the judge.
Calm.
Respectful.
Attentive.
Not argumentative.
Listen to the opposition's attorney without showing any negative reaction. (You need to be the epitome of serenity)
Listen to the judge. Especially when being asked a question. Answer the question, without going on and on.
If the judge asks a "yes or not" question, answer it that way, if possible.
Ask if you may elaborate, if you want to say more.
Ask for details to be clarified if you are not certain what is being asked/said.
When appropriate, smile.
Keep your arms unfolded and your hands relaxed.

My prayers will be with you.



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Originally Posted by ExpectsAMiracle
Seriously, a RO? You would think that would be a priority for the Sherriffs office in a rural community. It's not like I'm in the city here. Should it really take a week?

I have no idea.

Try to anticipate questions.
Have comments/responses ready, "in your pocket".

Start today.
Write out the possible questions and answers.
Such as:

What do you think the judge will ask you about the guns?
Who bought them?
Where are they kept?
Where is the ammunition kept?
Are they licensed? To whom?
Have you taken firearm safety training?
When was the last time you used the guns?
What is your purpose for keeping the guns in your home?

See what I mean?
Anticipate the possible questions.

Not just about the guns, but about any correspondence you sent.

Why did you contact OW's FB friends?
Did you say anything that was false?
Show me (the judge) exactly what you said.
Etc.

Also, ask the judge if the email OW sent you , essentially waving your husband's betrayal in your face, would constitute a valid RO against her.
Do NOT ask the judge to read into her email anything that is not written. It won't work in court (just fun on this board).

Last edited by Pepperband; 02/13/10 03:02 PM.
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Another question likely to be asked.

"Have you ever threatened bodily harm to OW?

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Thanks Pep...I could use the prayers...and I will do all those things. I've been to court before and know how to behave. The last time I went (for this), I think his attorney was surprised, as he had made me out to be a monster. We'll see what happens. I'm not worried about never having contact; frankly I really don't want to. I'm more concerned about the guns; thier value, and the effect having them taken is having on my son...he was counting the days until he could go hunting with my bro.


Married 11/21/03
BW 40 (me)
WS 37
DD-14
DS-10
H went to Iraq 1/7/09-10/5/09
D-Day 10/29/09
Got the D papers 11/21/09 (Our 6th Anniversary)
Not giving up! Still on Plan A
I can only get stronger!
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