Thanks,

Also, I almost have her convinced to counsel with Harleys.

Our son has his first baseball game this weekend and I suspect she will ask or I will suggest we go together as a family instead of separate...since we are living apart.

Sounds good on all fronts!

Keep us posted on how things are going.

RTQ, I agree with your thinking. With things going so well, there is no reason you can't put this off for a couple more weeks. You just don't want her to get too comfortable in her new digs, because once that happens you will have lost an advantage.

HOWEVER, if things are going good and she don't think the OM is going to allow her to get through, you have hope.

You have nothing to lose by waiting a while longer, RTQ.

RTQ

Steve did a beautiful job talking to my WW .....

I think it would be to your advantage If you can hold off on Plan-B until he talks to her .....

It's not a magic bullet but it's close.... He'll put things in her head to think about on those cold nights alone...... and you'll be looking better buy the minute to her.....

I agree with ML nothing to loose by waiting a while longer....

I have one other question. We are living apart but she has been dropping by to pick up our son when I am not at home. She uses the computer to check her email, maybe watch a little DVR, wash our clothes (not hers).....

just wondering if that is ok. Should I gently stop it and say we have separate houses now....I can't go hang out at your place for an hour watching TV.

I have avoided that in order to stick with PLAN A.

I my mind your not in Plan-B yet......

So I think it's more than ok.... sounds like she's trying to reconnect to you ......gets comfort from being home......

Anything to help her reevaluate leaving her marriage.....

When you get to plan-b all that changes.....

I would let her keep coming to your house. The more time she spends there and the more comfort she gets the better. I would recommend keylogging the computer though so you can check her activity. If she spends her time on the computer trying to connect with OM or anyone else, then I would pull the plug.

This is good! She is missing her home. See, when the OM comes back she will try and get him back on the farm. She may chase him for a while longer. After a couple of weeks of that, you should go dark and shut her out. That will yank her off the fence.

I asked her last night if she was still "waiting on him" to have a change of heart and leave his BW. Her answer:

"No.....I am really curious why he changed his mind after he told me he was leaving.....I think he will call or send me a letter to explain.....but right now I am waiting on ME.....I am trying to know in my heart if I want to stay in this marriage regardless of what he does".

Also said this separation has been good for her to take the pressure off day to day and allow her time.

You aren't supporting her financially still are you?

When you cut her loose for Plan B, she needs to be set totally adrift. Not even a single oar.

No, we are splitting the costs of our main house that I live in and expenses related to our son.....she is paying all expenses related to her house she is living in.

I don't think her expenses are very much, she is staying at an empty house owned by a friend.

There's a sad statistic in SAA book....

Most WW's won't return to their marriage until their dumped by the OM.....

Looks like your hitting on all 8 cylinders !!!!


Your still getting to Plan-A her and She's getting a nothing from the OM .....

It's just hard to take that the only reason the WW comes back is because she got dumped.......

I'm with ML ....I see alot of hope here.... even odds you won't have to pull the trigger on Plan-B

BINGO!

Sounds very familiar to me...

This is a lie. She is waiting to see if she can get him to leave his wife. That is what she is waiting on. When she sees that he won't leave is when she will come back.

RTQ, asking a liar for the truth is a little unrealistic.

I am pulling for you, Ready...I really hope your WW comes around.

The above quoted truism is a cold fact that many BHs (myself included in the past) have a hard time with. Yes, there are outlying exceptions of course but they are very rare. The vast majority of WWs:

Do not leave their affair/OM voluntarily (a BH isn�t going to successfully �out-romance� or convince her out of it)
Only reconsider their marriage if/after the OM dumps them
Are considerably more difficult and less likely to recover a marriage with than WHs

Personally, I think Plan B (other than its important individual benefits) is far less effective as a recovery-tool in the BH/WW scenario. Nuclear exposure�focused esp. on the OM, cuz she ain�t gonna dump him�is the best hope for getting him to leave a WW. That is the only way the affair is likely to end, at least in time for it to be meaningful for the marriage. If the OM hangs on to the WW through Plan A and well into Plan B, the BH has very little chance to avoid divorce.

WWs simply don�t cake-eat nearly as much and nearly as long as WHs do. It�s far less likely for the marriage/BH to �out-last� a WW-affair. Unless the OM dumps her fairly early on, she usually vigorously pursues divorce even if the BH does not.

Right on the money.

She is keeping you "on the side" as a backup while waiting to see if the OM will leave his wife to be with her.

If he does, she will be gone like a rocket to be with him.

RTQ, I guarantee this is true. Prepare yourself because that is exactly what happened to me. Unfair as it is, your marriage prospects depend almost exclusively upon OM/OMW right now. Your WW has one toe in your marraige and the other 99% of herself with the OM emotionally right now.

I hope for your sake that the OM is permanently done with her; then you 2 can recover. God Bless

can you give some more info about this voice activated recorder?