Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 13 of 25 1 2 11 12 13 14 15 24 25
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 230
P
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 230
I don't doubt that there is someone still active with all the NUMEROUS texts from someone that is not a huge texter/talker/etc. He just [i][/i]may not still be living with her or looking to maybe not live with her.

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,179
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,179
I think he's been avoiding her enough that she's squeezing pretty hard. Probably still velvet gloves, but the fist always shows through.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 230
P
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 230
It's been the usually bad Sunday for me. Sometimes wish that this was all over AND that he was back at home working with me on our M. (Know I can't have that right now and am just having to vent my frustrations!) The worst part of all of this is I get emotionally drained from having to care about everything with the kids 100% of the time, 24 hours, 7 days a week (awake or asleep) and he doesn't have to. When he emailed about staying with the kids one evening a week, he stated that he just couldn't be there for the kids emotionally because he couldn't afford to take them places. Several days later, it hit me, "What the h***, when do I get to not be here for the kids emotionally ! I'm drained and frustrated with finances, him not being here, taking care of EVERYTHING for EVERYONE ALL THE TIME!!!!! (OK...yelling and venting over.)

Positive for the day...he is coming this afternoon to pick up the kids for a movie. Will invite him to stay for dinner when they get home.

Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 230
P
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 230
Maybe it is a wayward thing, maybe it is a guy thing...I don't know. I just felt like I got kicked in the stomach. DS's birthday is next week. My parents offered to put our names on an IPOD touch that they got for our DS since we are struggling with money. My mother had originally said that she would put our DD's and my name on the gift and I said that I couldn't do that and not put WH's name on it too.

WH came in cause I said that I wanted to talk about DS's birthday in an email (at least it means he read it). He told me to go ahead and put my name on the ipod because he thinks he found a tv for DS to replace the one in his room that doesn't work real well from him. I don't know if him putting the TV only from him is his way of hurting me or if he just didn't think about it hurting me. Here I couldn't put my name on a gift that didn't have his name on it and he has no problems with it. Granted it is not a new, big tv, but is a used one off craigslist, but that really hurt.

At this point, I think I'll tell my parents to give him the ipod, WH can give him the tv, I'll get DD a CD to give to him, and I won't do anything. I can't give DS a gift just from me. We have never done that!! Wow...this one hurts bad!! He told me that once he found out his schedule, we could plan when we will celebrate DS's birthday.

Going out to buy stuff to make nice dinner hoping that WH will join us. Really kind of hard after that interaction. I mean, he was nice about everything, but...wow. Hurt bad!!

Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
Hon, you are expecting too much from a wayward. It doesn't even cross his mind that you are stressed, studying, and taking care of the kids 24/7. It's all about HIM right now.

Thank your parents for buying the iPod, and put your name on it. Don't worry what hubby does.

And the sooner you expose, the sooner you will throw cold water on the affair.

Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Originally Posted by believer
Hon, you are expecting too much from a wayward. It doesn't even cross his mind that you are stressed, studying, and taking care of the kids 24/7. It's all about HIM right now.

Thank your parents for buying the iPod, and put your name on it. Don't worry what hubby does.

And the sooner you expose, the sooner you will throw cold water on the affair.

Wait a minute...do you mean that we're at 25 pages of posts and the A hasn't been exposed??? Prayerfulmom, why not?


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,235
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,235
Prayerful, you cannot keep pretending there is no affair, you must expose it to his work, everyone he knows, his friends, church congregation, her landlord, all relatives, everyone, and provide everyone her name and where she lives, works and her phone numbers.

It is way past the time where you should have done this. You are suffering now for nothing since he is not going to come back by you just "waiting for the affair to end on its own". It is like kid's hair lice, it does not go away on its own. Strong medication is needed for it to go away.

I cant believe the nerve of him saying he has no money, what has he been spending it on? A new apt to have sex with her? Her clothing and food? What?

Please expose to all.

Expose to all.

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,179
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,179
Due to the vagaries of her and his schedule, the only day she can follow him is on a Sunday, unless she follows B's suggestion to take DS for a drive.

Since this is Sunday, I'm REALLY hoping that by day's end she'll be posting that she has the info, one way or the other.

It's getting to the point that I'd rather see DS mildly involved than to keep dragging this on without leveling the most powerful weapon possible dead-on at the A.

Time to do this thing, Chica!


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,235
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,235
Many people are afraid to get the address of the other lover and many people are afraid to expose.

Are you feeling afraid to expose your husband to everyone?

Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 1,018
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 1,018
Quote
Maybe it is a wayward thing, maybe it is a guy thing...
Probably a little of both I think... As a man I am SURE I would NOT want my in-laws under ANY circumstances to by a gift and put MY name on it...
My DS would have to be happy and appreciate what his daddy bought him.
As for whether or not I think YOU should take this as a "bad sign"...
I'm not sure...if it were me...in the very same position (minus the wayward part I can't relate to frown )

I guess it would actually feel unselfish of me to allow YOU to be on the "special" gift and not deprive you of the "glory" of THAT gift just because MY manly pride won't allow me to be on it...

You know what I mean? dontknow


It’s not the absence of trials that determines our happiness
Its the absence or presence of God
Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 1,018
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 1,018
P.S. Glad you enjoyed the song... smile

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,235
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,235
Many people are afraid to get the address of the other lover and many people are afraid to expose.

Are you feeling afraid to expose your husband to everyone?

Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 230
P
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 230
I have exposed everything I know to his family (which really upset him, especially that I shared this with his sister), most of my family, important people at his work, but haven't been able to expose to anyone from her side because I only know her first name and the information that I have is limited. I did drive DS by the area that I thought the apartments were and he did say which ones he went to with WH. WH has kids right now, so won't be able to do anything now. He will be at home tomorrow evening and I have clients over there. Plan to go over after I see clients to find out.

They just got home.

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,179
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,179
Does the phone # for those texts show up? If it does, you can have OW's info by nightfall.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 230
P
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 230
No. I just get a text count, no numbers available for our plan. OK...well he left after coming in and talking for a few minutes still making plans for DS's birthday. He is weirdly in a really good mood. I am not afraid to expose A for fear of him being upset/angry/etc. I don't know that I should tell everyone at the stations on all shifts just out of spite for things, but have contacted his captain, especially the one he does side jobs with and a few other people that are important there.

I have exposed A to our pastor (actually made him do that at our meeting), but I struggle telling people at the church because, well, I don't really get along with most of those people anyway so I would think it would give them just another reason to not like me or something. There are a couple of people in my family (especially my grandmother whose in her mid to late 70's) that I haven't told because I won't be able to deal with them trying to smother me. I want to give his family a swift kick in the butt to become more active in the situation than they are. I have been talking with his mother and just sent his sister asking her to please talk to him about things. She hasn't emailed or called him since finding things out.

Don't know what else to do until I find out who she is.

Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
Would your parents have money to lend you to buy a GPS to put on hubby's car? That is a fool-proof method of finding out. You install the GPS and it will send real time info to your computer of where hubby's car is. I know funds are tight right now, but it may be that hubby is spending your family funds on the OW.

Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 230
P
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 230
How much is a GPS and how do you install it? I never have any time where I am around his vehicle to do anything since he doesn't live at home right now.

Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
Put out a thread asking for GPS info. I'm not an expert, but know that many here have used one. You just need to get it into the car, under the backseat, or under the bumper and it transmits all info on where the car is, what stops it takes and for how long, to your home computer. As I recall, you can get one for about $250.

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,179
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,179
Do you have a friend who could follow him leaving from your house? Or to stay with your kids while you jump in the car and follow him? Since you know the general area he's in, he'll be easier to follow than if you had no idea.

If your friend pulled up 2 seconds after he drove off and you borrowed the friend's car, he'd be less likely to notice than if you were in your own car.

If he comes over and falls asleep, maybe you'll be able to get a look at his phone.

What cell plan do you have? Please tell me it's Nextel. smile


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,179
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,179
Also you can put a keylogger on your computer and leave it temptingly open for him to use.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
Page 13 of 25 1 2 11 12 13 14 15 24 25

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 38 guests, and 75 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Kingpin, MikaylaVaux, I.P., Alex82, Dezzeiemm
71,726 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,545
Posts2,322,787
Members71,727
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5