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Originally Posted By: believer
Some WW's make up reasons. That is why you need to be very careful.


Ah, yes. That is why the cam-corder is coming.

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This is starting to remind me of the TV show "Cheaters".

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Originally Posted By: Wheels_spinning
8 guys?! Dang this guy must be Terry Crews!


HAHA! I'm hoping they all can make it. Most have to change plans and such but all want to come.

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So do you have info on how to contact OM's wife?

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Originally Posted By: believer
So do you have info on how to contact OM's wife?


Through FB I guess. I have her name and I think she is a student at a university from what I gathered from her FB.

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See if you can find her on spokeo or intellius. Get all of the info you can and be sure not to tip anyone off. Otherwise OM will put a spin on the story and make you out to be some nutcase.

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That is exactly how the OMW was made out to be 5yrs ago by WW, when OMW called me.

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That's because it came right out of the wayward handbook. They ALL do it.

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I can see how the connection has been made to assuming who the OM is. Just be prepared for anything though, it could well be someone else that you know nothing about. I would get all the information I could on the first OM but keep an open mind. You don't know anything for sure yet. That's why the snooping is vital.
I'm so sorry you are going through this ordeal.

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Yep, gotta get the right OM.

Haven't seen anything on the news about 8 army guys going to jail after a search and destroy mission. That's hopeful.

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HAHA, the steak-out was fruitless. Can't wait to listen to the VAR tonight.

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So was the GPS still on the car?

We were worried.

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now-what, I have been where you are right now, so I do know how you feel. IMO it's time to settle down and just slowly, but surely work on gathering your evidence and getting all the facts together.

I think the fact your wife found you going through her purse last night would have made her hesitant about meeting today.
Perhaps they only meet once a week or when the opportunity presents itself. There is no way for you to know that at the moment, unless I missed something ???

She is probably highly vigilant at the moment and being very, very careful. I actually found emails where my WH would tell the OW that he would have to "cool it" for a few days as his wife was asking too many questions! They do not get to deceive us by being stupid, just dishonest and deceitful.

I'm sorry today didn't work out for you. Anything on the VAR?

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Originally Posted By: ManInMotion
Originally Posted By: lousygolfer
And you can travel to the parking garage and introduce yourself.


IMO that is likely to turn out badly. Like a RO being filed against NW for trumped-up "abuse" charges or because she is "scared" when he's around. We're dealing with an active and devious WW here, and she should not be underestimated.


Precisely why a PI is the better way to get "damning proof".

If NW shows up there and even if he finds WW with OM, it isn't going to prove anything unless he literally "catches them in the act" and is able to document it. Its nice to have undeniable photographic evidence to copy in an exposure packet mailed out to all WWs/OMs targets. Just saying I saw them or I heard them is too easy for a WW to wiggle/scapegoat her way out of. In addition, MiM is rightshe is likely to be VERY PISSED and start something legal, esp. if a verbal or physical altercation ensues.

WW being pissed isnt the issue. The problem is that she or OM may provoke something or later make something up to use against NW. This is what PIs are for.


xWW:
Secret LTA w/ thrice married OM at her workplace; EA/PA starts ~ 2005-6
Files & completes D - 2007, OM/OMW#3 D - 2007, Affairage - immediately thereafter
Disappears in 2006 w/o even a goodbye to anyone, Never a paragraph of real truth ever spoken
Me/xBH:
M "for life", Suspicions (denied) & desperate Plan A latter-half '06
1st D-day 1/07, full truth D-day 7/08 (all via 3rd parties)
NC w/ xWW 8/08-date, better off w/o unrepentant vileness, betrayal, & rampant deceit in my life anymore
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SDCW has made great points.

See NowWhat, you are getting the benefit of possibilities from those who have walked in your shoes and have live those very real possibilities.

Guys here have been thrown in jail for what a WW has done.

Guys here have lost their homes, their kids and had to pay so WW could have a good time.

And women on here have seen their lives torn asunder because of what some POSWH has done as well. Affair garbage is equal opportunity.

You lose nothing by recording conversations with her. You lose nothing by hiring a PI. You lose nothing by testing, by snooping, etc. If recovery, great, you have the ammunition to expose. You also have the opportunity to explore this site and learn all of the material that is here or buy the books. But you could lose everything if you don't have the goods and a plan.

Just for emphasis, I know you have heard it before. Just thinking of you. smile

Larry

_Larry_ #2354916 04/14/10 09:53 PM
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NW,

Just think how much better and more effective it would be to expose to OMW (the probable KEY exposure target here) if you can provide her with DAMNING, INCONTROVERTIBLE proof rather than just some muffled sounds on a VAR and GPS coodinates from a parking garage. OMW is going to be far more convinced & determined and less able to be gaslighted by her WHs inevitable lies & cover-story with the former rather than the latter.

PLEASE:
1. Test the "stains" immediately
2. Have a PI document the adultery photographically

An unwanted divorce is far more expensive, emotionally and financially, than the above 2 actions. If you don't break this affair quickly via "the stick", there is a high liklihood that is where you will end up, like it or not.

Pulling for you...


xWW:
Secret LTA w/ thrice married OM at her workplace; EA/PA starts ~ 2005-6
Files & completes D - 2007, OM/OMW#3 D - 2007, Affairage - immediately thereafter
Disappears in 2006 w/o even a goodbye to anyone, Never a paragraph of real truth ever spoken
Me/xBH:
M "for life", Suspicions (denied) & desperate Plan A latter-half '06
1st D-day 1/07, full truth D-day 7/08 (all via 3rd parties)
NC w/ xWW 8/08-date, better off w/o unrepentant vileness, betrayal, & rampant deceit in my life anymore
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Hi NW,

Believer asked me to stop by... don't have time to post now as it's time to head to the office...

I'll keep an eye on your thread. Please let me know if you have any questions...

Semper Fi,

RIF


Me, BS

Her, Forgiven

Married Dec 86

Multiple A's that ended '90

Rebuilding In Faith since then...

Currently deployed to Iraq, but TEXAS is Home!
RIF #2354941 04/14/10 11:07 PM
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Thank you everyone, doing good.

Don't be mad at me.

Ok, so I am home after the steakout and I was in a prety good mood and I posted. WW comes home and she is really giving me the cold shoulder, and sour looks. This really gets under my skin and I'm pissed! What nerve she has!!

I looked at her and said, "how can you sleep at night?". I also told her that I am very angry at her. I let me emotions get to me and I am ashamed of it.

After NW5 is in bed she really pushes me as to why I'm angry at her. I told her I didn't want to talk about it. She kept pushing so I walked away and had a smoke to collect my thoughts...the wrong way.

I come back and tell her why I'm really pissed.
-I feel played
-Our marriage has been a lie this whole time

I push her for the truth about the A. I gave little hints as to where she might have been yesterday, none of my secrets though. I kept pushing and she finnaly admitted it.

Ok, we have a breakthrough, now what? She has agreed to think about counselling and she read Truehearts letter (yes, she knows about this site now, ooops). She was curious how I was/able to cope and deal with this whole mess.

Problems:
-I think we have a different OM...she told me that we would talk about this in counselling. (I know she agreed to think about it)
-She may find out about the stick.
-She may find my thread about the spying tools.


She is very conflicted right now. She asked me how I could want to stay in this marriage after all she has done to me. She said I don't want to hurt you any more by talking about the A. She feels bad for making me feel our marriage was all my fault. I sensed real remorse, and curiousity on my perspective of all this mess.

I don't know what to do about the website thing. She was very interested to read other WW sitch's. I was looking for "Inside the WW mind". I found it now....

I feel like I really messed up, but.....here I am now...NW?

I have some books coming in hopfully tomorrow, SAA, HNHN, Fall in Love Stay in love. She wants to read them.

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Well, you DID mess up. You let her know about this website, so she will know all of your tactics. I'm really afraid for you.

You need to expose right away to the other man's wife, and hope that your wife doesn't warn him, which she probably will.

On the other hand, you seem very devoted to your wife, son, and keeping your family together. If your wife shows up here she will get all of the support she needs to stay with the father of her son and move onto a wonderful marriage.

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NW

That was a huge breakthrough.

You are showing backbone and courage. That is very, very good with her. And after all, you are the father of her kid and that counts as well.

And yes, she may find the thread. Nuts! Very not good.

Based on what you have said and a clue from MiM, I have a theory or two, but can't say on a family forum. It is excitement and endorphin based. It is a verbal thing as in talk, that women can get into outside marriage far easier than inside marriage because of inhibitions. That is as close as I can get and stay within bounds. Maybe MiM can do a better job. I think he has the same theory. And theory is all it is as I do not know your wife.

Be firm but kind. Be firm but kind. Stick to your guns. You are doing great.

Larry


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