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Originally Posted By: joey123
Well, I did half of the plan. I told her I can't do this anymore, it's not fair to him, etc. I basically started the no contact phase. I sent an email to her reiterating that we're done and not to contact me, ever. However I guarantee she will break it. I can be good and not break it, but I just don't see her doing it. When she breaks the no contact should I just ignore her, or tell her to stop contacting me? Half the plan is NO PLAN. Of COURSE she'll break NC!

I have not told her Husband yet. To be honest, I'm still back and forth with that. Part of me thinks it's not my place to tell him. Aren't you the perpetrator? Whose place IS it? His wife, the one who is slinking around on him like a barnyard animal? You think she's going to do the right thing and screw up her security with her husband? Part of me feels I have already caused enough damage and me telling him will just make things worse. Stop being a weiner, Joey. This screams of chicken-sh*tness. Maybe they have more of a chance at recovery if he knows nothing. As far as he knows there is nothing to recover FROM. She'll just move on to her next OM. How nice of you to do this big favor for him. doh2 I want to be done with it and not be involved anymore. Just break it off and be done. Grow a set, Joey. Screwing around with a married woman is seldom that tidy. What she chooses to say or not say is up to her. Which, of course, will be NOTHING. (See my comment about security, above.) Is that a bad way to go about it? Is it still on me to let him know? Yep, still on you.


I'll give you another thing to look at, Joey. This will be hanging over your head forever. FOREVER. And that's a long, long time. You'll always have an eye over your shoulder, wondering when he's going to come looking for you. Someone in your company may get ticked at you and decide to blab as a way of getting back at you. Or she may get religion and decide that confession is a good thing. Or...pick your scenario. My point being, until her H knows the true nature of his marriage, you will NOT BE DONE with her. It's that simple.

twoxfour

Now get busy.


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He won't. He's just playing.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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It wasn't your place to bang another man's wife.

It IS your place to own up to what you've done and begin making it right by leaving them alone.

Make the call.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



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Joey,

I would like to stomp on OW's face for what she did to my marriage. And you know what? If she had come to me and told me what was going on instead of being a sneaky little b#tch my respect level would have gone up just a BIT for her for at least TRYING to stop wrecking a home. Right now I think she's complete scum.

What do you think her husband will think of you when he finds out ANOTHER WAY?

And yes, she will contact you again. And yes, you will "respond to tell her to stop" and voila, there you are back in the affair. UNLESS you tell her husband.


Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10

Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10

Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012

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Originally Posted By: joey123

I have not told her Husband yet. To be honest, I'm still back and forth with that. Part of me thinks it's not my place to tell him. Part of me feels I have already caused enough damage and me telling him will just make things worse. Maybe they have more of a chance at recovery if he knows nothing. I want to be done with it and not be involved anymore. Just break it off and be done. What she chooses to say or not say is up to her. Is that a bad way to go about it? Is it still on me to let him know?


Back AND forth? This is just riddled with laziness and inconsideration. These are just excuses to rationalize NOT telling him. Is it still ON YOU? Well, gee, Joey, did you insert yourself into someone else's M? Hmmm. Um, yep. Then it IS still on you.

You won't tell him. And when she comes running to you, in a state of panic, saying she can't live without you and she's "leaving him", you'll cave. You'll crumble like a house of cards.

Am I right, Joey?

TB



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Joey123,

"Maybe they have more of a chance at recovery if he knows nothing"

He does know something, he knows more that he might admit to himself, as long as the secret is kept, they have no chance at a fully recovered relationship. My wife had an affair 20 years ago and we were never right after it although I could never completely understand why that was so, until I read this website.

She will maintain her hidden hope to get back with you for years , while he lingers on as a runner up, you must kill this affair completely.

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Originally Posted By: joey123
I have not told her Husband yet. To be honest, I'm still back and forth with that. Part of me thinks it's not my place to tell him. Part of me feels I have already caused enough damage and me telling him will just make things worse. Maybe they have more of a chance at recovery if he knows nothing. I want to be done with it and not be involved anymore. Just break it off and be done



A coward's way out. Of course it is your place to tell him; you are the one who DID his wife and intruded on his marriage. They have NO CHANCE of recovery if he does not know about the affair. NONE. Nor can he protect himself from YOU. Yo can't very well redeem yourself and make amends if you don't tell him.

A coward runs from making amends to his victim. That is what you are today. A scared little man who is not man enough to face the consequences of his bad behavior.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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This guy is wasting valuable board time. He does not have the nads to do this. Moving on...


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Agreed.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Ditto!


Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10

Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10

Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012

Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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Quote:
Maybe they have more of a chance at recovery if he knows nothing. I want to be done with it and not be involved anymore
MrRollieEyes puke

Yeah, right


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Be a man and tell her husband. You are not even half a man right now, you are a teenager with his pants down who got caught and you are CRYING because you "feel bad" but--no! You want it to continue!

SH@& OR GET OFF THE POT!


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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Originally Posted By: NewPetals
Ditto!


ITA. Joey, if you're looking for an easy way out you won't find it here. I can't help you - no one here can help you. Only you can help you.

I'll refrain from responding to further posts because my frustration level has been reached and I'm getting tired of repeating myself. Unless, of course, you put your big boy pants on and take care of business. Let us know when that happens, okay?

Last edited by maritalbliss; 05/10/10 05:26 PM.

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My husband had an affair 20 years ago and my sister knew about it, but she didn't tell me.

I think you know the rest of that story.

If she HAD told me, I may not have suffered a subsequent affair because I would have KNOWN who and what I married. We would either have worked to fix it, or I would have moved on.

Make the damned call, already ...

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Joooy,
Bottom line, if i discovered you invading my marriage, you would be down on the ground and blank eyes staring into space.

I do not give a gd what the women are saying here, you better pay attention to the men here. And yes, you could be dead by now.

Tom

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I'm not sure about men or women or being dead, but you need to come clean. If there is bad fallout, it won't be because you confessed, it will be because you cheated in the first place.

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This, from your first post, has been bothering me:

Originally Posted By: joey123
We started to build a relationship over the years. We got each others cell numbers and starting texting a lot. In my mind we were just good friends. I think she thought of me as more at that time. At the time of all of this, I was coming to the end of my marriage. The co worker and I spoke a lot about marriage and we tried to help each other out. I would talk to her about my marriage, she would talk to me about hers. We were both very unhappy and tried to give each other ideas to help save our marriages. My marriage ended May 2009. I talked to the co-worker about everything. She was there for me as she always had been. During my marriage ending she would always say how hers was going to end soon, and that she was planning on seperating soon.

According to this account, your affair was building for years before it became official. By the sound of this, OW was a factor in the break up of your marriage.

Why did your marriage break up, joey?


BW
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His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Originally Posted By: Tom2010
Joooy,
Bottom line, if i discovered you invading my marriage, you would be down on the ground and blank eyes staring into space.

I do not give a gd what the women are saying here, you better pay attention to the men here. And yes, you could be dead by now.

Tom


Joey, just to clarify: Tom's W had an A. Tom did not kill the OM. I don't mean to speak for you, Tom, but I think Tom is jusst verbalizing some potential emotions of the BH.

'Course, there have been cases...


D-Day 2-10-2009
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Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Joey, this is all about your fear, which I couldn't care less about really.

In a years time you will be over the physical bruises if there are any, and your fear won't be haunting you everyday. You will have moved on.

My only concern is this BETRAYED HUSBAND and YOUR BETRAYED XW.

Believe it not Joey, their pain far outweighs your fear, they will feel pain for years.

Your fear keeps you immature, it keeps you doing the wrong thing.

You know what is funny about doing the right thing, it becomes addictive.

When you do the wrong thing after doing many rights, it's hard to have a good day until you make the wrong a right.

You should try it.

You are a chump.

Mbliss, ditto on your explaination of Tom's post.


M'd 22 years
BW-me
D-Day 08/08 LTA


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Vittoria,

It is not about fear on his part, it is about his immorality.

To clarify, I talked to Char tonight, and she and I discussed how we feel now. She told me she loved me so much that I feel like so overwhelmed. I told her about this site and that I would like her to post here for her own sense of well being. She agreed and we will do this but it will be intermittant becasue she is only here a couple of times per week.

I told her about this one story, and she told me tonight that anyone who would really try to go after a married woman should be kicked totally. (and I will not tell you rest of wwhere or what she said). She is a very morale and very honest person. She is also gentle and vulnerable. It was relief to hear her say that to me from standpoint that I felt I was being too harsh. Of course she told me that I would be like a Clint Eastwood and ride him down. But she just told me calm down and she told me tonight on phone she loved me over again.

So, Joey, what about the wives who are not as strong as my wife is? My wife would have kicked your n*ts off if you approached her. I would have followed up.

Point being, I am age 67 and have my wife. She is still beautiful and sexy to me. Do you need to invade a marriage to find a wife? Where will you be when you are age 67

Vittoria, why are you giving this guy the time of day with your advice? I would love for you to talk with Char in terms if infidelity the harm it causes, and to learn that this guy is most likely playing your mind.

Thanks.

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