Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 43 of 86 1 2 41 42 43 44 45 85 86
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by hope_eternal
Ok, I've sent out about 10 and then I got another warning...so I guess I'll hold off for a little bit. I need some support here that I'm doing the right thing. I'm really nervous.

You did good! I think thats enough, don't you?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680
Ok, sent out about 9 more...mostly moms or older women. I've tried some family members, but some were hard to find. I think I'm going to bed now.


BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by hope_eternal
Ok, sent out about 9 more...mostly moms or older women. I've tried some family members, but some were hard to find. I think I'm going to bed now.

hurray


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680
No real action overnight. Her ex, one of the ones I sent letter to on FB, said, "No" . I guess that was in response to my question about using their influence. I wasn't expecting much from this.


BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680
I'm not expecting much from this....I guess I'll focus on my little ones and my finances. I feel real hopeless today. My husband is so stiff-necked....I guess he has really had enough of me. Maybe God wants me to move on . I just hate it for my kids and our family. I guess that I'll just hope for time to kill it.


BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by hope_eternal
I'm not expecting much from this....I guess I'll focus on my little ones and my finances. I feel real hopeless today. My husband is so stiff-necked....I guess he has really had enough of me. Maybe God wants me to move on . I just hate it for my kids and our family. I guess that I'll just hope for time to kill it.

Don't be downtalking yourself!


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Originally Posted by hope_eternal
Ok, I did find the other one I used...here it is and let me know what you think.

Dear friend of OW,

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of her insert her name here instead of "her" friends should be aware that she Same thing - use her name. "Her" sounds too...friendly. Keep it business-like is having an affair with my husband, *****. They have been having this affair since at least March according to the evidence. We have been married for 20 years and have 4 children, ages 14, 11, 9 and 7. They are heartbroken about their father�s affair. I found out about this on April 27th after overwhelming evidence. I plan on fighting for this marriage. As of today, he has recorded his change of address at her home. They don't need to know this, and may well say "Oh, well, it's too late - he's already moved in with her."
I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.

I am asking that you use your influence with OW to persuade her to leave my husband alone. You should also watch your own husbands around her because she is no friend to marriage.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 126
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 126
Quote
Ok, I've sent out about 10 and then I got another warning...so I guess I'll hold off for a little bit. I need some support here that I'm doing the right thing. I'm really nervous.
Another warning from who, hope...Facebook (themselves) or from someone you had messaged? Either way, don't let this get you down, you ARE doing the right thing and you are doing one heckuva great job at it, too! Funny how your sending out TRUTHFUL messages can be something worth getting a warning over, anyway, it's not like you're posting...pornography (or something like that) on people's walls. Wow, some of the stuff I see posted over there on some folks' walls simply blows me away but, yet, they don't get warnings for being inappropriate and YOU, someone who is just trying to save your marriage...does??? Ha, talk about a**-backwards.

Don't EVER feel like you are in the wrong here, hope, you are NOT!!! Honestly, if there were more people in the world JUST LIKE YOU...the world would be a better place.

Oh, and if you need more help with getting your letters out, shoot, I'll even give you a hand there if you'd like, all you have to do is ask (my email addy is down below). If you already have all the help you need/want...great, but don't be afraid to ask if you want more, I'd gladly give you a hand if needed.

Take care, hope, you deserve the best of everything and I am praying that you get it.

Hugs to you!


Married DH May 5, 1990
DH45 - ME43 - DD18 - DD15

Thanx to MB my M is now back on track and better than ever. MB ROCKS!!!

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.

Erica Jong
1942-, American Author
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680
T&C,

I got a warning from FB because of sending out messages too fast. I just started back again when I had the opportunity. I've only received two replies and they were not very nice...but not ugly either. One person said, "I'm sorry, but this is not my concern; please stop sending me these messages."

I guess maybe she would feel differently if it was herself going through this experience. Maybe one day he'll realize what he has lost...most importantly, his children.


BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
HopeE, I understand that you don't feel strong at all sometimes. I too felt the same way. I still do. People constantly post that on my thread and I am in disbelief. I also feel like there was so much more I could have done. You know what? I did the BEST I could when I did it. Now I am in Plan B and I am enjoying the time for personal recovery. Does it suck? Heck ya. Does it get better? HECK YA.

Make a life for YOU. Think of it as if your DH has died. You would grieve and then what? Crawl into the grave? Nope. You would learn how to go on with life without WH. You would do your best to make a great life for you and your Kiddles. You are doing GREAT. Trust us.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680
Thanks Scotland,
The encouragement is great here....I need it so desperately.

The OW's ex responded to me on facebook. At first he just said, no this morning. Then I got this from him this afternoon:

"I have no influence on her, I hope your situation works out and I hope your information is incorrect. Best of luck to you. God Bless."

It was nice to have a friendly reply....I've still not heard from anyone else.


BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
It isn't important that you hear anything back really. You got your message across and now everyone in their lives will know that they have been having an affair, and this isn't a GREAT LOVE as they wanted to play it off later. I only received one reply to my messages sent to POSOW's family(she blocked me before I could get all of her friends, LONG STORY). The only response I received was, "I know POSOW but I don't know you." That was IT. Not important to me. I was just trying to find her mom and brother and I am certain that they now know. Goody. grin

You are doing so great. You will only feel better and better as this time goes on. laugh

Hang tough.

Have you read any of the fun threads? Move around the site a bit. There are silly threads, with jokes and stuff. Some fun things. It's a good relief. laugh

I also watched some movies when I was upset and feeling down. Take some time to take care of yourself so you can take good care of those kiddos. Some of the best advice I was given while I was starting Plan B was to Plan A my kiddos.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680
That's a great idea about plan A my kiddos. I'm taking them to the special Olympics to see my brother run. It will be a great family outing.

OW's ex just messaged me again and told me that he finds it hard to believe that she would be involved. He said that although they did divorce, he's known her for 27 years and doubts that my information is correct. He said PI tend to run up those bills.


BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
Okay, thank him and then stop talking to him. You KNOW what is going on. Besides, you have known your WH for 20+ years and you never would have thought it about him either.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by hope_eternal
OW's ex just messaged me again and told me that he finds it hard to believe that she would be involved. He said that although they did divorce, he's known her for 27 years and doubts that my information is correct. He said PI tend to run up those bills.

I betcha he is fishing for her so anything you say back to him will go straight to her. What if you said something like this:

Thanks so much for your kind note. I wish it was not true, but my PI has some very incriminating photos that we presented in court.

I have been married for 20 years to WH and it is hard to believe of him too, so I know how you feel. Everyone who knows him is in shock.

Thanks again for your kindness.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680
That's true.....I have it from her own mouth that she thought he was going through a divorce. I know the truth. You're right...I didn't text him back. The very idea that she didn't show up to court proves she's guilty. They're just laying low until divorce is final....well, I've got a surprise for that too. It will just depend on how patient I can be.

I also just had my brother notify him about paying his own car insurance...that should go over real well.


BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Thanks so much for your kind note. I wish it was not true, but my PI has some very incriminating photos that we presented in court.

I have been married for 20 years to WH and it is hard to believe of him too, so I know how you feel. Everyone who knows him is in shock.

You are right about PI's being expensive. But worth it for sure.

Thanks again for your kindness.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
I like what ML posted too. That is a good way to respond to him. He most likely contacted her about it(GOOD THING BTW) and she gaslighted him. Now he wants to say stuff to you so he can report back. You got this. grin


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680
Melody,

I copied your letter and sent it back to him. He did not repond yet, but I'm really not expecting anything new from him.

I didn't think about these people talking with her first.


BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by hope_eternal
Melody,

I copied your letter and sent it back to him. He did not repond yet, but I'm really not expecting anything new from him.

I didn't think about these people talking with her first.

The really nice thing about this, hope, is that instead of your H and the OW having a nice chat this evening, they will be gnashing their teeth over how to do damage control. grin

AND, the great thing is you don't have to hear a cross word because you are in Plan B. They will only have each other to lovebust. stickout


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Page 43 of 86 1 2 41 42 43 44 45 85 86

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
1 members (BuckeyeGrad), 166 guests, and 111 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
BuckeyeGrad, A12345bc, light124, DORA SMITH, Itstiffanyluv2u
71,769 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,562
Posts2,322,996
Members71,769
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5