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I just wanted to throw out an idea here, how about instead of WW going to see her father in July, why don't you pay for him to come here and see her asap? Is that a possibility? Does anyone else think that's a good idea? Ditto!! I agree with this smart lady... t/j good to see you, my dear lady 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Sir BT,
I have been following your thread for a while. I'm rooting for you. You've got amazing people helping you out both here on MB and in real life, which I've noticed I don't see a lot of on other threads.
I just wanted to throw out an idea here, how about instead of WW going to see her father in July, why don't you pay for him to come here and see her asap? Is that a possibility? Does anyone else think that's a good idea? How about you all go together and make it a great vacation?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I like the idea of going to CA as a family because:
1) I am more financially stable than her father right now. I can afford to go out there for 3 weeks or so, no prob. Also, my work is totally behind me on this.
2) Here, we have no one, well, she has no one. Out in CA she has at least 5 friends who are for our marriage, plus her dad and brother, and me and our son there. Much more support.
3) CA is accross the country from OM. He will be way far away, and I will take her phone away from her (shut it off), and her dad doesnt have internet.
Sound good?
Lifelong recovery never ends.
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CA trip together sounds like a good plan to me.
-SOL
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I like the idea of going to CA as a family because:
1) I am more financially stable than her father right now. I can afford to go out there for 3 weeks or so, no prob. Also, my work is totally behind me on this.
2) Here, we have no one, well, she has no one. Out in CA she has at least 5 friends who are for our marriage, plus her dad and brother, and me and our son there. Much more support.
3) CA is accross the country from OM. He will be way far away, and I will take her phone away from her (shut it off), and her dad doesnt have internet.
Sound good? Sounds great, BT. Keep it in mind. Get her home.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I dont know what else to do to get her home.
Its Monday now.. the day she is supposed to come home.
Lifelong recovery never ends.
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I dont know what else to do to get her home.
Its Monday now.. the day she is supposed to come home. Hang on, BT. It's just barely Monday. I know you're anxious. Get to bed and rest up. I suspect that this is going to be a busy day.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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California here I come
Right back where I started from
Go west young man go west
Last edited by TheRoad; 05/31/10 07:26 AM.
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Cant yet...
her dad needs to get his phone, kick his drug addicted GF out, clean up his house...
THEN we can go.
Oh, and WW probably ought to come home first, but I kinda hope she stays out till wednesday...
See, OM has nothing to leave the woods for:
no friends, no money, no job, no house, no family
So he is going to work WW to stay out with him so he can get all he can out of her.
If WW falls for this, by the time she DOES come home, I should have papers and such saying "You dont get anything including the kid till a court hears." and be able to "slap her face" with how real this really is.
AND - if she doesnt come back, it looks worse an worse for her as the mother, if she seeks custody. She might realize that it was NOT in her best interest to not come home and begin to see that OM doesnt really care about her, and is just using her.
That and the herpes text, the more information that is FACTUAL and shows that OM is using her, maybe she will wake up?
IDK...
Lifelong recovery never ends.
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Well, it was worth throwing out there. Yep, keep it in mind and go to CA together as a family as soon as you can. Good luck with whatever happens today and the next few days. You sound strong and confident. Exactly what WW needs to see when and if she comes home. tj - thanks ML, it's great to see you on MB as well! I'm always keeping an eye out for your posts as I'm still absorbing and learning /tj
Me, BS, 35 - H, FWS, 38
Married 15 years, 4.5 years into Recovery
EA/PA 7/09-9/09
DDay 9/5/09, started Plan A
Exposed 9/13/09, started preparing for Plan B
H finally confessed and agreed to NC 9/27/09, never went to Plan B
Still a MB rookie, but striving to learn more and put it into practice every day... w/ FWH along for the ride
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threw me off, she just showed up, with 2 cops.
they took our info, I asked for theirs, asked to take notes, asked why they were here, said cuz she asked for it, I said ok
they said we obviously issues, and we need to work them out in a civil manner.
I said, thank you for time Sgt, have a nice day
they left
fog got thick in here....
Plan A... GO!
She asked about how was she was supposed to get gas with no money in the account, I offered her $60 cash, she said no thanks, what did you think I would clean the account out?
I said, WW, I dont trust you. I love our family, and you are welcome to come back when you are ready, but I have to protect our family and your behavior is a threat. Would you like some watermelon?
(no BS, I had watermelon on the table...)
I asked friends over, so I asked her if she was ok with that, she said "whatever" seeing if friends are still comfortable coming over....
Lifelong recovery never ends.
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"threw me off, she just showed up, with 2 cops."
Not at all unexpected.
Remember, keep that VAR handy.
You did just fine.
Do not engage in anger.
Aren't you glad you protected the family $$$ ?
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Awesome job, BT! I am so impressed with how well you are handling all of this without blowing your cool. I am so ashamed of my gender when they pull cr*p like bringing police into it.
As pep said, keep that VAR handy.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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Not surprised. My friend's H, shortly after she began Plan B, woke her up at 1 am with two cops at the door. It was a scare tactic, her H's way of wrestling the control of the situation back from her. It made her doubt herself and her decisions, and she caved very soon after. Unfortunate.
You're doing great, BT.
Me, BS, 35 - H, FWS, 38
Married 15 years, 4.5 years into Recovery
EA/PA 7/09-9/09
DDay 9/5/09, started Plan A
Exposed 9/13/09, started preparing for Plan B
H finally confessed and agreed to NC 9/27/09, never went to Plan B
Still a MB rookie, but striving to learn more and put it into practice every day... w/ FWH along for the ride
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thanks
Friends still coming over, so that should be neat...
they know everything and said they would love to stop by and "play nice"
Lifelong recovery never ends.
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she hasnt said a word in an angry tone yet...
lots of snide remarks.
I need some ideas for small talk, and quick tip on what to say in response to
"I dont trust you"
Lifelong recovery never ends.
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I need some ideas for small talk, and quick tip on what to say in response to
"I dont trust you" "Thats nice."
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I need some ideas for small talk, and quick tip on what to say in response to
"I dont trust you" "Thats nice." Isn't that so typical, they cheat and sneak around, we catch 'em and now they don't trust us?! Ha, so standard. BT I was watching you this weekend, you are doing so great, keep some more of that watermelon around, "want some watermelon?" Good one! SWW
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I need some ideas for small talk, and quick tip on what to say in response to "I dont trust you" "Okay."
Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
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Bt, when she says stupid nutty things like that, try not to bust out laughing. Laughing in their face is a lovebuster so TRY your best to control it.
The thing to remember is that you CANNOT REASON with a falling down drunk because they have no powers of reason. Your W is a falling down drunk. So, just be polite, be FIRM, don't be an asskisser and dont' get dragged into a fight.
When you have a chance to speak to her, DEMAND that she end her affair with the OM. Tell you will not tolerate any continued contact at all. Let her know the result will be DIVORCE on grounds of adultery. And that you will file for primary custody of your son and possession of your home.
It is real important that she understand that HELL IS COMING if she doesn't end her affair.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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