Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 54 of 86 1 2 52 53 54 55 56 85 86
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680
LOL Melody....it's been a long day.

OW or H reported me to professional investigations department of district. He told me that there were actually 2 complaints or reports. He, the investigator, told me that my principal's boss already told him the lowdown about the affair so it would be a formality.

I was bothered about this but half expected it given the situation and exposure. I was told it would be a reprimand, but you know...who knows what the truth is. I used a district laptop even though I was at home and on my own internet. I contacted union, but it's just a waiting game.

I told Melody that I didn't feel too bad because this whole mess hurts worse than being fired...I guess I'll just move and look for another job. Maybe that's what I'm supposed to do.


BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,490
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,490
(((hope)))

The world is clueless about affairs and what they truly do to people's lives. They tear families apart and then the BS pays for it? What a b*ssackwards world we live in.

I'm so sorry.

Last edited by MarriedForever; 06/03/10 09:49 PM.

Me,BW - 42; FWH-46
4 kids
D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006
D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR)
Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007

In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. smile
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680
Is princessmaggy or schoolbus out there? I could use some advice about all this. How could I give you my email address?


BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,149
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,149
Hi hopeE-

Just click on one of the moderator's names on the bottom to get their email address. Then, you can email the moderator with your email. The mod will then email the person you want to give your email to and, if that person agrees, they will be able to contact you.

Hang in there!


johnstwin-

"I may not know what the future holds, but I know who holds my future." -Martin Luther

Remarried my FXH 25 years to the day of our first M. God is so good-and sometimes so unexpected!

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
I'm here HopeE, whatcha need?


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680
Hi, I wanted to talk with you on the phone if that is possible? HOw can I get you my phone number? Melodylane has it if you can contact her?


BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 126
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 126
Quote
LOL Melody....it's been a long day.

OW or H reported me to professional investigations department of district. He told me that there were actually 2 complaints or reports. He, the investigator, told me that my principal's boss already told him the lowdown about the affair so it would be a formality.

I was bothered about this but half expected it given the situation and exposure. I was told it would be a reprimand, but you know...who knows what the truth is. I used a district laptop even though I was at home and on my own internet. I contacted union, but it's just a waiting game.

I told Melody that I didn't feel too bad because this whole mess hurts worse than being fired...I guess I'll just move and look for another job. Maybe that's what I'm supposed to do.
Wow, what's wrong with this picture?

"YOU" getting a reprimand (or possibly fired)??? Give me a break, that is one of the silliest things I've ever heard. If it weren't for people like you standing up AGAINST affairs...affairs would just continue to go on and on forever, as though they were actually okay. Sickening!!!

Sheesh, hope, you should get a standing ovation, not a reprimand.

Don't give up, hope, you ARE in the right here and, hopefully, one of these days others will actually see just how right you are. I know all of us here sure do!

Good luck to you, hon.

(((hope)))


Married DH May 5, 1990
DH45 - ME43 - DD18 - DD15

Thanx to MB my M is now back on track and better than ever. MB ROCKS!!!

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.

Erica Jong
1942-, American Author
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
I can't stop laughing because it seems the cheaters have hoisted themselves on their own petards. rotflmao Hope was asked by the investigator to write him an email explaining the situation so he can take that information to the board administrators to get their ruling.

In other words, the cheaters will now be exposed to the board administrators because hope is going to write their full names and describe the affair. rotflmao


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
PrincessMeg, check your facebook email, please!


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,490
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,490
Nothing like a little more exposure, LOL!


Me,BW - 42; FWH-46
4 kids
D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006
D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR)
Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007

In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. smile
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 126
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 126
Quote
I can't stop laughing because it seems the cheaters have hoisted themselves on their own petards. Hope was asked my the investigator to write him an email explaining the situation so he can take that information to the board administrators to get their ruling.

In other words, the cheaters will now be exposed to the board administrators because hope is going to write their full names and describe the affair.

Quote
Nothing like a little more exposure, LOL!
LOL, I love it!!!

[Linked Image from i163.photobucket.com]


Married DH May 5, 1990
DH45 - ME43 - DD18 - DD15

Thanx to MB my M is now back on track and better than ever. MB ROCKS!!!

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.

Erica Jong
1942-, American Author
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680
I was told by union lawyer that investigator is a very upfront and honest man. She said that if he told me it would be a letter of reprimand then it will. That me made me feel better, but the leaders have the final say. Thanks for all the support.


BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,093
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,093
HopeE, here's the deal.

At the start of every school year, you sign a sheet (among many) which contains a contract of use for district technology. That form basically says you will not use the district computers for any personal use - period.

That's why you will get the letter in your file.

IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU NEED TO QUIT. DO NOT QUIT.

That is an extreme response to a stupid letter in a file that NOBODY READS. Actually, nobody even cares.

Ohhhh-and let's take this a bit further. The investigator told you that there were "two" complaints? That would be

1. Your husband
2. His skanky 'ho


Can you think of anyone else?

They shot themselves in the foot. Here's why:

In that same little packet of stuff at the beginning of every year that you sign?

Yep. There's a sheet in there that says you have read or received the district personnel and procedures manual. Every year, you are given a thing to sign for it. You sign that you opt to receive it on paper, or that you will opt to view it online. You signed one, and they KEEP THAT SHEET OF PAPER. Welllllll, so did WH and SOW (Skanky Other Woman).

In that "routine" little manual, they might be flabbergasted to find that they are not supposed to be having an affair. Nope. Uh-unh. It is against the rules, on account of they don't want employees doing that on company time. Check it out. Worse still if one of them is in any type of higher position than the other (teacher vs instructional asst, for example). That makes things even worse.

And the moral turpitude clause - strikes a broad swath through most any behvior, really. Affair-behavior, in the halls of a school, sits right smack in the middle of that swath.


My advice to you is to quietly accept the letter. Take your hit. Do NOT look for another job, because the fact is that there are about 100 other teachers in the district who got some sort of stupid letter in their file this year. They lived, and so will you. By this time next year, as long as you hold your head up, it will be long forgotten.


Don't use the school district computers to email anybody anything about the affair. Ever. I think, though, you have that part figured out. Also, don't buy anything personal, don't shop on the net, don't surf around, don't make any comments about anything....because everything you do is being watched. Trust me.


SB


Lucky to be where I am, in a safe place to get marriage-related support.
Recovered.
Happy.
Most recent D-day Fall 2005
Our new marriage began that day. Not easily, but it did happen.
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680
Thanks Schoolbus,
That was so helpful; you are so knowledgeable about this stuff. They are aware of the affair as our my superiors and they went to bat for me in telling what was going on. We've also had a lot of drama going on at our school this year, so there's a little mercy.

I'm getting a new computer this weekend, so there will be no problem with that and I certainly didn't do any of it on school time. I was using a school laptop at home. The investigator told me that I'm not supposed to even keep personal pics or music on there...he said, "get it off there." I did.

Now, husband gets the kids this weekend and just came by. One of the boys in my distress last night, spray painted our brick on the corner. Yes, i was upset and punished them, but he comes up to the house ranting about them, "painting his house"..I'm sorry but I didn't think he had any part of this house anymore so what does it matter." He also sent them in to tell me to stop opening his mail..LOL

I'm getting ready to go to Conroe for a restful weekend with my brother and the best part...lunch with Melody!!!! She's going to help me get a new computer.


BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,093
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,093
I love getting a new computer.

I got one yesterday at work.

Then, it did not work.

So, they are going to move me.

Things get interesting sometimes! I was hacked at work, and they are going a little nutty. Okay, a LOT nutty. Big crisis, but, hey, I get a new computer.

The sad news is that they refused to let me take "one single document" from the old one.

Crabby people.


Basically, I have sat around for two days, explaining what happened, over and over, to different investigators. I have gotten NO work done. I even have to "work" tomorrow, which is stupid, because....

how, actually, CAN I work, without a computer?

Having been asked this question...they were not amused at their own lack of response.

I think I will take donuts in the morning. I will be hanging out with nothing to do, anyway. I could give the tekkies some donuts. They might like me more.


SB


Lucky to be where I am, in a safe place to get marriage-related support.
Recovered.
Happy.
Most recent D-day Fall 2005
Our new marriage began that day. Not easily, but it did happen.
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,490
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,490
Quote
I could give the tekkies some donuts. They might like me more.

Only if they're cops on the side, LOL.

<oops, did I say that?>

Last edited by MarriedForever; 06/04/10 07:17 PM.

Me,BW - 42; FWH-46
4 kids
D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006
D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR)
Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007

In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. smile
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,093
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,093
Technically smile these are the "tekkie cops".

Maybe I should bring them Cookies instead?

rotflmao


Lucky to be where I am, in a safe place to get marriage-related support.
Recovered.
Happy.
Most recent D-day Fall 2005
Our new marriage began that day. Not easily, but it did happen.
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by hope_eternal
I'm getting ready to go to Conroe for a restful weekend with my brother and the best part...lunch with Melody!!!! She's going to help me get a new computer.

There is a Best Buy right up the road from that restaurant!


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
HopeE-- it was nice talking with you and it sounds like you've got things handled. I LOVE the added bonus of their own inadvertent exposure to the higher-ups! How cool is that!


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
PM, I hope you get to feeling better, friend! hug


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Page 54 of 86 1 2 52 53 54 55 56 85 86

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 190 guests, and 57 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
raysunshine, BuckeyeGrad, A12345bc, light124, DORA SMITH
71,770 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,564
Posts2,323,016
Members71,771
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5