WARNING: Shamefully Petty, Shallow, Frivolous & Unapologetic Post Ahead!

And of course you could wear a potato sack and EASILY out do "The Teef Tart", however, personally I would treat myself to the VERY BEST Mother of the Groom dress I could afford - I'd also find the most excellent airbrush make-up artist in the area and use them, I'd have my hair done by someone extraordinary - Mind you, go for trial runs beforehand...

Many here will probably slap me silly for saying this, but well, YOU KNOW ME, [and I know you!] soooo...I'd also go to a rockin' plastic surgeon a month or so before hand and get myself a few "fillers"...

Don't know about you, but I do my best snubbin' when I look HOT!

Mrs. W

P.S. Don't forget you do NOT want to lend any credence whatsoever to any bull**** rationalizations and justifications of your Wayard EX-H - If you kick OW's butt imagine how that would play into his hands - "See, THIS type thing is EXACTLY why I had to get out! Do you see what I was dealing with?" No way should he have any opportunity to try and paint himself as a victim of any sort! Oh no, you must NOT give him that - and you won't! I am confident that you won't!

Holy Moly Melody.....geez I am just stunned at all you have had to endure! and now this!! good grief.

I agree with Mrs.W get the royal treatment all done before you go and hopefully by talking to the brides Mother this horrible OW will NOT be invited...your son just isn't "understanding" this at all...he's watched to many of those insane modern moives with all the adulters sitting around at family functions and acting like it's no big deal...I hate those flicks.

Sending Hugs to you.....I still see that nasty picture you posted of her and your XH...big teef is right!

Excellent point. This is worth repeating.

BTW, Melody, a bit of diluted battery acid in a spray bottle should work wonders on clothes made of cotton and other natural fabrics, and the effects only show up several days afterwards. The clothes look perfectly normal, then start ripping to shreds all by themselves. Don't ask me how I know this (evil grin)...

I don't know if I have it in me to allow HER to attend. I may have to make other arrangements for HER but I am still thinking. All this grace and class you folks are ascribing to me cannot go wasted! So I may have to make her an offer she can't refuse and change her plans. Otherwise I fear I may not act with grace and class if she shows her face.

Still thinking this one through....

MrsW, thanks so much for being my friend and listening to my fury this morning.

I am really shocked I am this furious so far out. I think the reason is that I ENDURED something that was really beyond my personality to endure thinking that I was "showing growth" and whatfreaking ever. I remember my mother and sisters saying how amazed they were that I had "risen above all this.."

And here I am 10 years later nursing the biggest resentment I have ever endured in my life. I am not a grudge holder. Anyone who knows me will tell you that. But I have a deep and enduring resentment over my FAILURE to protect myself from this OW. I RESENT that I did not grab her by the hair of the head and eject her from the funeral home.

I said this to my sister today and I wondered why in the hell my own family wouldnt have done that for me!!? Why didnt they protect me at that time?? They were not in shock. My sister said they didn't really understand at that time what was going on. And maybe that is so.

I fully realize the "rising above it" solution would be to go the wedding and endure again, but quite frankly, I don't know if I am cut out for that. While I sure don't want to miss the wedding, I don't know that I would settle for her presence.

MIM!! you devil!

Thank you, gemstone!

So sorry for your predicament Mel.

If you don't go to the wedding then you are allowing 'buck teef' to steal one more important thing from your life....your son's wedding. You cannot allow POSOW to steal that from you!! If you don't go you will regret it forever.

I agree with talking to your future daughter-in-laws mother. Maybe she can apply some pressure from that end to get skank ho uninvited. Worth a shot anyway....

Mel, you are AMAZING and now all of us hear your story and think you're even MORE remarkable.

Grace under fire. Classy as heck. A Texan. You are a remarkable human being and this WILL be something you accomplish with the same grace and class you have shown throughout the rest of your experiences.

I truly can't even imagine going through this. It is ALWAYS a possibility and it SUCKS.

I can't wait to read about how you went to your son's wedding and you had one AMAZINGLY perfect moment where you showed OW just what you thought about her and dismissed her like a piece of gum on the bottom of your shoe. Then you had a GLORIOUS time and how wonderful the day was.

You are AMAZING.

Mel, My God.

It is obvious that neither your exH or his skanky hobag have the brains, class or compassion to understand any of this. Anything you do will just confuse them.

Go be your wonderful, classy self and enjoy your sons wedding. Hold your husband close and before you leave you might drop a little something in her ear quietly just to make yourself feel better if you need to. Think of a good one, one that will keep you in smiles through the ceremony and reception etc. You out smart and out class her by miles. Then you can bop her. BTW, why have they not married? (when is it going to be her turn?) Hmmmm? Does she wonder that? Not good enough for marriage material? YKWIM, drop it in her ear on your way out and then grab that husband of yours and sashay yourself out the door holding each other tightly. I agree with Mrs. W, be smokin hot. Whatever makes you feel like you could knock em dead with a look do it, as long as it is appropriate for a wedding, lol.

What they did to you at your sons funeral is the worst thing I have ever heard. It made GM put his head in his hands and it made me so angry I almost started in on him. Bless your heart. Nobody should ever have to endure the death of a child but to have the pain compounded like that is beyond anything I can even imagine. I don't know what to say but if you were here I would hug you so hard.

Thank you so much, DWG, mindshare and Scotland!

My wonderful brother in law from Oklahoma just called me and said that if my son wants to disrespect me at his wedding that they won't be coming. period. He is disappointed with my son and intends on calling him. He told me that I was disrespected once and shouldn't let it happen again.

I would rather she not come at all, so I intend on pursuing that avenue. We will see what happens.

Rally the troops, MelodyLane's family is ANGRY.

Guess passing around the word AND talking to son's soon-to-be MIL will do WONDERS.

I am so glad to hear this Mel. I am glad they have your back. Relax and see how this plays out. Oh yes, I suggest a wedding gift of Marriage Builders books but I bet you have thought of that already. :-)

Let us know what happens and what you need from us to get you ready to deal if that is what you need. WE will certainly have your back, after all, you have had most of ours from the time we were mewling and bellowing nonsense because that is about all we could shake out of our sad little hearts.

Thanks for the support, DWG! I am so glad to have friends here who understand where I am coming from.

I did give them the book "I Promise You" so they are somewhat familiar with Marriage Builders. My son told me the other day that he read that sacrifice is terrible so I know he has been reading. But, he does have odd views about adultery and I am afraid that he believes that adultery is one solution to a bad marriage. That scares me and it really should scare his fiance.

So many came forward today with support and advice Melody, just want you to know that I am thinking of you in this really difficult time.

Adultery sux.

Right now, I don't even want to see DS's own father, much less his flavor of the year.


I pray that you are given the strength to do whatever it is you must do.

It would worry me too. Was this son in the home when this happened? I am just wondering because mine were not, their dad took them out and told them what he had done and I don't think they could ever cheat because when they came home I was no longer their mother, I was a melted and sobbing nothing. I think I terrified them because I had always been the one there, always.

I don't know how it works when the kids are there, maybe it is much different. Maybe it just depends on a whole lotta things and I am just talking too much as usual ;-).

I have to say Mel, I was wondering this VERY thing. I can UNDERSTAND why you COULDN'T protect yourself, but I'm rather befuddled no one else had the good sense's say something.....


Real quick, my FIL did not attend MY wedding. Now it didn't have anything to do with adultery, it more or less had to do with him not being happy with H at the time. I called him that day to try and talk him into coming. He refused.....

Today he will tell you it was one of the biggest regrets he has. My FIL is a VERY prideful man. It took a lot for him to admit that.....

I would really hate for you to have this regret Mel......

{{{{{Mel}}}}}}

Not

During my dark days here on MB, there was this spirited lady named Mel who kept reminding me that....



I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.


(I think you posted this verse to me every week for months!)

You can do this Mel. God can give you supernatural strength in what seems like unbearable circumstances.

I am so happy to hear you have some people in your corner.

Mel, would your BIL consider expressing his disappointment to your son, but still attend the wedding and "have your back" there.

I know that when I had to face my in-laws at my son's graduation shortly after we started recovery, my friends made sure I was not left alone to converse with the enablers. Can some of your family create a "barrier" between you and OW at the wedding?

Thank you so much, SL

DWG, yes my son was in the home when my H left for his affair. He SAW how devastated I was. HOWEVER, his father and my family swept this all under the rug because they were all "rising above it" and "showing growth" and whatnot. I come from a family that is very liberal and has a strong morally relativistic streak. I am afraid that streak still poisoned us to a great degree and we were in the habit of sweeping sin under the rug and "rising above it." My family confused moral neutrality with maturity and believed this was a virtue. That was the culture in my family.

not, I agree with you about missing the wedding. It would break my heart. So I have decided that SHE will miss the wedding if I have anything to do with it.

I don't want to have regrets, but I am sitting here with a TEN YEAR LONG RESENTMENT because I allowed myself to be disrespected 10 years ago. So I am more fearful actually of compounding that resentment. I think if I stand up for myself this time and eject her from the invitation list, I will feel much better about all this.

Amen to that, SMB!

That should make it easy. I mean, they already have chairs there. You won't even have to do something special to get it ready for her!

tl

It's also the place where all of the human excrement is SUPPOSED to go anyways, right. ;D