PS I think a large red A painted on WXH and OW's car should be sufficient.

"I don't know what happened, officer. I was just holding this can of spray paint, and walking along minding my own business, when I tripped and fell and the A just appeared. Honest."

Ah, the Golden Calf defense...

"And not only that, but a YANKEE ho bag at that!! "

melody are you saying that Texas ho's are better then Yankee ho's?

Melodylane, I posted this on my thread hoping someone would point you to it:

Melodylane, please forgive me. I was WAY out of line. I took out the rage I am feeling at myself on you. Please come back and knock me upside of the head as hard as you can when necessary. You clearly know the right buttons to push. If I act like an idiot again, put it down to the fog....

I didn't connect the melodylane who posted on my thread with you and your story which I read a couple of days ago until just now -- how do you spell "foggy" again?

Now that I have made the connection, I am even more sickened by my behavior. Who is that incredibly arrogant and selfish woman who had an A and then attacked the people she asked to help her clean up the mess that she, and she alone, made?

God help me, that's me. I'm pretty sure the shame and gut wrenching horror I am feeling right now is what I have been running from. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. You cannot begin to imagine how grateful I am.

I'm not about to try to tell you what to do about the wedding -- from where I sit, all of your choices suck. But maybe this will give you a different way to think about it.

I was betrayed in '07 by an institution that I trusted implicitly to keep my kids safe -- the event that made me suicidal. I limped along seething with fury and resentment for two years and then one day woke up and thought "the worst possible outcome would be to let those people suck one more second of joy out of my life" and I emotionally slammed the door in their faces. When it comes to my mind now, I think "I'm so glad I am me and not them." I even occasionally pity them because they have to live with what they did -- they are carrying around a big old sack of guilt.

Soooo -- do not let the OW suck one more second of joy out of your life. You are clearly a very tough woman -- do not give her that power. When you see her, celebrate that you are you and not her -- she is a person (and I use the term loosely here) who is so callous and without feeling or empathy she went to your son's funeral. Make her face a reminder of how strong and honest and giving and empathic you are and set off some mental fireworks in your honor.

Look at it this way: she is living with your XH whom she knows to be a cheater without benefit of any of the protections afforded by marriage. Every time he is late, or checks his phone at an odd time, or goes on a business trip she has to wonder if he is at it again, and she has to be oh so careful about probing because he could kick her out on a moment's notice.

Could you really devise a more exquisitely painful punishment than that?

Don't you know that everything is bigger in Texas? Texas Ho Bags are BIGGER Ho Bags than Yankee Ho Bags...

Just guessing...

Mark does bring up a good point, Mel.....although my WHs ho bag is a yankee ho bag also.

As my cosmic twin this is the usual great thinking I have come to expect. This is exactly what my instincts are telling me. That going will give approval of sin, just as our silence at my other son's funeral gave tacit approval of adultery.

If I don't take a stand, my son will never learn this lesson. I did him a terrible injustice by not standing up before. [even though I really couldn't]

oh no!! "Officer, shes a yankee gal and she had an affair with my husband!"

TEXAS RANGER: "now little gal, you are not holding that spray can right, let me show ya how to do it right!"

We ain't bigger, you yankee dawg, we are meaner!!!

We don't have no ho's here, Theroad. Our mommas taught us: "don't put out for free, dear!!"

saddestwife, how very sweet of you to come over here and say this to me! This means so much to me. I will have to come back over and work ya over some more! [even though it sounds like you are doing great!]

Thanks for your advice. I agree with everything you have said and this is normally how I handle my resentments. This one has bowled me over in a way that I didn't expect. I will have to work through it somehow.

Thanks again for your thoughtful, kind post, SW.

Man... I love bein' a Texan.

Good heavens woman -- give yourself a break! The wedding is opening the wound of the A, the abandonment, XH still being with her and the death of your SON. And you are expected to celebrate!

If you weren't going round and round and round in circles about it, there would be something seriously wrong with you.

You'll make the right choice for you. No one on the planet has to agree with what that is.

Thanks for forgiving me -- I feel so wretched about so much. It means a lot.

BTW, I'm a Texan too.

Ah, that explains it! You're not Irish too, are you?

We need more Texans around here! Welcome!

You're darn tootin', little lady~!!

she's mafia...........

Texans...... Very strange creatures!