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Of course. Which is why it is important to take a 2x4 to their foggy heads. They either wake up or if they are not serious, they run. A good outcome either way.
But what would be the point of your exercise? I don't get your point.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
No point -I just like looking for patterns in things - maybe if it happened a point would become apparent. It's the science geek in me.
But have you carried that to its logical conclusion? Is the point of the exercise to keep a WS here at all costs? To dictate the posts of board members? What exactly?
Its not realistic to imagine that a study could record such subjective measures as "harsh" or "gentle" or "intelligent." Since that means different things to different people it would be an impossible objective.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
No point -I just like looking for patterns in things - maybe if it happened a point would become apparent. It's the science geek in me.
I have been here for 9 years and the pattern is this: the ones who are serious STAY and get help for their marriage.
The ones who AREN'T, run as soon as anything threatens their fog.
The ones who are serious can withstand anything.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
I have read a few posts where it says 'don't forget about WS feelings. They are going through guilt, and shame and blah, blah, blah!!!' Give me a break! I'm sorry I know I'm a newbie, but I have been reading everything on this site. No WS can feel the slightest amount of pain us BS feel! EVER! Maybe because my sitch is so new I will understand the WS feelings more as time passes. The hurt, pain, anger, sadness...... I could go on and on because it seems never ending. The first feelings my WS had? RELIEF!!! What?!!? Yes, relief that the A was over, no more hiding etc. but, of course, he had tremendous guilt over what he had done to his family, blech!
BW(me)41 WH 40 DD19, DS16, DD14. M19 yrs. Together 21yrs D-Day 05/05/2010 Trying to work on M together with MB principles.
How about those who expect others to be guided through the most difficult period in their lives relying solely on advice from an anonymous internet message board?
How about those who expect others to be guided through the most difficult period in their lives relying solely on advice from an anonymous internet message board?
Here is my rant. Why go to an anonymous message board and ASK FOR ADVICE and then not take it?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
yeah - but what are the percentages?? HOw many are serious, how many aren't. Equally, how many BS can hack the the prog and how many can't?
Maybe get a panel to adjudicate the harshness of a post?
But you didn't answer my question. What is the point and how would you measure a subjective. And WHY?
Btw, I believe we do have a standard in place to judge posts and that is called the TERMS OF SERVICE. It is upheld by a panel of moderators.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
An old man turned ninety-eight He won the lottery and died the next day It's a black fly in your Chardonnay It's a death row pardon two minutes too late Isn't it ironic Don't you think?
It's like rain on your weddin' day It's a free ride when you've already paid It's the good advice that you just didn't take And who would've thought, it figures
Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye He waited his whole damn life to take that flight And as the plane crashed down he thought Well, isn't this nice And isn't it ironic Don't you think?
It's like rain on your weddin' day It's a free ride when you've already paid It's the good advice that you just didn't take And who would've thought, it figures
Well life has a funny way of sneakin' up on you When you think everything's okay and everything's goin' right, right And life has a funny way nobody helpin' you out when You think everyhing's gone wrong and everything blows up In your face
A traffic jam when you're already late A no smoking sign on your cigarette break It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife It's meetin' the man of my dreams And then meetin' his beautiful wife, umm And isn't it ironic Don't you think? A little too ironic And yeah, I really do think
It's like rain on your weddin' day It's a free ride when you've already paid It's the good advice that you just didn't take And who would've thought, it figures
And well, life has a funny way of sneaking up on you And life has a funny, funny way of helpin' you out Helpin' you out
How about those who expect others to be guided through the most difficult period in their lives relying solely on advice from an anonymous internet message board?
p.s. Dr Harley is not anonymous. He is a licensed clinical psychologist and the author of 12 books. He has the most successful marriage building program in the business. I know of no other than can even come close. Other marriage counselors [even those from Retrouville] come to HIS seminar for their own marriages.
If the said posters are using his advice, it is much more than "advice from an anonymous internet message board.." It is advice given by Dr Harley.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
How about those who expect others to be guided through the most difficult period in their lives relying solely on advice from an anonymous internet message board?
p.s. Dr Harley is not anonymous. He is a licensed clinical psychologist and the author of 12 books. If the said posters are using his advice, it is much more than "advice from an anonymous internet message board.." It is advice given by Dr Harley.
Schtoop, you answered your own rant in a post you made on your thread:
Originally Posted by schtoop
This has been a tremendous support when I have really no where else to turn.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage ********************* “In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
yeah - but what are the percentages?? HOw many are serious, how many aren't. Equally, how many BS can hack the the prog and how many can't?
Maybe get a panel to adjudicate the harshness of a post?
IMVHO as a newbie (almost 3 months since Dday), I have to say that the harshness thing doesn't quite sit well with me. This situation, by its very nature, is HARSH. I have never felt this kind of pain or worked this hard for anything in my life! I feel like I am fighting for my life!! If a WS comes on here and feels they are judged too "harshly", so be it. How "harsh" do they think their BS views the actions of someone they trusted completely and implicitly who then took a huge crap on their marriage and everything they believed to be true? Now, do I see the pain in my H's eyes every time I look at him? Yes. Do I feel sorry for him? Sometimes, but that is the protector in me that hurts when someone I love hurts. However, I am being stripped of everything I knew of my life, piece by piece, day by day. I look in the mirror and see another woman looking back at me and I don't always recognize who she is. My life and my future are so up in the air right now, if I really let it get stuck in my brain, the fear will consume me. I think a great deal of what is wrong with our society in general is that we seem to be focused on making people feel "accepted" and "validated". Its just like when my boys played little league baseball - you got a trophy at the end of the season just for showing up. Everybody got one, regardless of performance. If you are gonna be rewarded no matter what, then what is the motivation for doing your best? I may be overstepping my boundaries by speaking my mind, but if you are a WS and you feel that you are being treated "harshly", baby, you brought it on yourself. We BS, on the other hand, would not have chosen to travel this path in a million years...but then we were not given a choice, were we?
BS(me)43 WS(him)35 Married 7 yrs (together 10) No children together; 20yo & 15yo ds (mine), 14yo dd (his) D day: 05/11/10 NC not established Status: headed for D and takin' care of me
Since this thread is about rants, my rant is about posting song lyrics that have no intellectual or spiritual depth. Most songs are written by those in the entertainment industry who have about as much depth as Beevus and [censored].
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
But you didn't answer my question. What is the point and how would you measure a subjective. And WHY?
The point would be to fill my need for statistics, the point would be, just cos I like to look at data and like I said it may reveal something - something that none of us had thought of - it might bring about a way to change the way things are done. It might help to have figures for those clueless waywards- just as more evidence to back up that the plan for recovery actually works.
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Btw, I believe we do have a standard in place to judge posts and that is called the TERMS OF SERVICE. It is upheld by a panel of moderators.
I don't mean to moderate - but to appraise/score on a scale of gentle to harsh.
[I may be overstepping my boundaries by speaking my mind, but if you are a WS and you feel that you are being treated "harshly", baby, you brought it on yourself. We BS, on the other hand, would not have chosen to travel this path in a million years...but then we were not given a choice, were we?
AGREE 100%! It is like watching the rapist cry because the cops handled him a little too roughly after he just raped a 12 yr old girl. Sorry, but my sympathy is for the victim, not the perp.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
It is like watching the rapist cry because the cops handled him a little too roughly after he just raped a 12 yr old girl. Sorry, but my sympathy is for the victim, not the perp.