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Originally Posted By: staytogether



The point would be to fill my need for statistics, the point would be, just cos I like to look at data and like I said it may reveal something - something that none of us had thought of - it might bring about a way to change the way things are done.


Have at it!


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted By: staytogether
Ah, but Mel, it was just ironic, don't you think? That good advice, that just doesn't get taken.



And why doesn't it get taken?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Here is a rant from a FWW directed at myself - I haven't made posting here and getting 2x4's enough of a priority recently.
I haven't posted in quite awhile and I have missed the "harshness." It keeps me grounded and makes me want to work harder. Only foggy waywards run away from the harshness.

Another rant - I hate myself for what I have done to my BH. No matter how much I follow the MB principles, it seems that full recovery will never take place.


FWW me - 35, BH - 50, 5 kids total (blended fam)
Dday - 1/29/2010, Exposure & NC same day
Recovering slowly
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Maybe because people just can't take actual real ownership for their wrong decision and are unable to appraise and take a look at themselves from the outside.

They don't actually want to face that what they have done or are doing is wrong/ won't work/ is unlikely to work.


And all they really want is for someone to tell them that what they are/were doing is perfectly acceptable and justified.

And actually they weren't looking for advice in the first place - just sympathy and back up.

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What does "Have at it!" mean, not an expression I'm familiar with this side of pond

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I posted this rant to WH yesterday after reading some news articles, but I think the sentiment still applies here.

"People just make such a big deal about fair treatment, but they refuse to follow their own guidelines
Sometimes this conundrum makes me feel very hopeless"


Even being a newbie I have seen this happening here. "I will treat them better when they treat me better"

I get the whole pride involved, but M is not about pride, it is about Family and that is more important. Sometimes that means swallowing the harsh pill and stepping up to do what is right.

ok rant over


Me - BS
Him - WS
Discovery 3/26/10
NC letter mailed 5/27/10
NC letter recieved 5/29/10
My Thread

Recovery may not be an option. Seriously looking a plan B/D
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Originally Posted By: staytogether
What does "Have at it!" mean, not an expression I'm familiar with this side of pond


It means "Go right ahead, I won't stop you"


Me - BS
Him - WS
Discovery 3/26/10
NC letter mailed 5/27/10
NC letter recieved 5/29/10
My Thread

Recovery may not be an option. Seriously looking a plan B/D
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Originally Posted By: MelodyLane
Originally Posted By: staytogether
Ah, but Mel, it was just ironic, don't you think? That good advice, that just doesn't get taken.



And why doesn't it get taken?


People get bogged down in the details.

Unrealistic expectations.

People are lousy at thinking in the abstract.

Their old paradigms have served them well in the past.

Fear.

Some people can't be given advice, they have to be led to the conclusion rather than it being told to them.

Those are usually the ones I see.


Me 43 BH
MT 43 WW
Married 20 years, No Kids, 2 Difficult Cats
D-day July, 2005
4.5 False Recoveries
Me - recovered
The M - recovered
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To me, what's ironic is that sometimes, some of the longest threads I see are debating some of the most simple concepts, with one poster. I'm amazed when I see a 20 page thread still trying to convince someone that NC is essential.

God bless the people for trying, but, for example, if NC as a requirement hasn't become clear to someone after say 2 pages, then I don't think anymore positioning, citing, analogies, or whatever is going to help.

On those, I wish the mods would just post one last time "NC is essential" and then lock the thread.


Me 43 BH
MT 43 WW
Married 20 years, No Kids, 2 Difficult Cats
D-day July, 2005
4.5 False Recoveries
Me - recovered
The M - recovered
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Ok personal rant here......

POSOW has the same name as the current TS in the gulf. I have people posting lymricks hoping the TS does damage to BP........

The universe is trying my patience with this. I so want to be a smarta$$ about it. It is very trying to control those urges........


/breath


Me - BS
Him - WS
Discovery 3/26/10
NC letter mailed 5/27/10
NC letter recieved 5/29/10
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Recovery may not be an option. Seriously looking a plan B/D
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ST,

How in the world would you be able to establish this "harshness panel" you speak of? Everyone has a different opinion of what "harsh" is, no?

For instance, if you and I happened to be on said panel, I'm pretty certain that we would have judged the thread started last week in an effort to demonize a prominent poster here very differently, huh? I would have said "HARSH in the EXTREME", but you posted on that very thread, so I would guess that you would not have deemed it "harsh", right?

I'll humor you though, say you did get this "harshness panel" to agree that a particular poster or post was "harsh" - What would be the consequence for that? What if some people thought the consequence too harsh? Who would get to judge that? Would we then need to establish a "harshness committee" to judge the "harshness panel"? crazy

I'll tell you a couple of things that I find ironic - (1) That the words to describe the behavior of waywards are being put under a microscope instead of looking at the actual behavior of waywards - Personally, I believe the behavior is far more harsh than any words used to describe it, and (2) That Alanis Morissette's song entitled "Isn't It Ironic" really has no actual examples of irony in it, rather is just a bunch of unfortunate circumstances strung together to a melody! grin

Anyway, have a nice day...smile

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

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A lot of cheating dirtbags come here to justify thier affairs. I do not know why they do this. It irritates me. Sometimes I believe in divorce.

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I'd have to say I'm impressed with the ability of some of the vets to come here day after day and post to so many different threads, and take an interest in so many who are struggling. At one point, I was actively following and posting to about 25 threads and some were just going in circles.
So... I decided not to add any new threads and only focus on the ones I truly cared about and that I could tell the people were really in it for the long haul.
That means I really am only posting regularly to about five or six threads. I just don't have the stamina to continue trying to support so many newcomers so I'm so happy that there are those of you who do (and you all know who I mean).


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The following was written by Weaver.
It's one of my favorite rants when "harshness" is, once again, the topic.
Quote:


This board is full of people faced with the complete and utter devestation of their family and of the very core of their being.

They are being forced to make decisions while under extreme duress such as:

Do I go after the throat of the person I love more than life in court?

Do I wrench my children away from the parent they love so much in order to ensure that they are not subject to scumbag OM or OW?

Do I fight for custody, knowing my children will not understand why I must do this?

Is it in their best interest to fight for full custody? Will I hurt them worse?

Do I swallow my pride and take back the WS who ripped out our hearts and laughed the whole time, so my children are not subjected to what I am about to subject them to?

Do I financially ruin this person I loved so much and bore/fathered my children, to protect us?

Do I force myself to stop loving this person and move on with my life, knowing that they are destroying themselves and once I do I won't turn back.

Can you imagine having to make those kinds of decisions? Those going through your already over-loaded mind that is not quite functioning properly because you haven't slept or ate in weeks?

And then once the WS has a change of heart, the BS must stuff it all and heal the best way he can while

NEVER offending in anyway the WS, or the OM/OP?

You read this stuff all day long?

I am asking you, WHAT DIFFERENCE does it make what we say to an active WS? WHO GIVES A SH*T? If they are close to repentence, believe me they will be on their knees in shame, not stirring the pot.

If they come here while they are active and expect to get treated with respect, then they have more problems going on then just the fog.

I will not treat an ACTIVE WS the way I will treat others.

And if I did, how would that help to change their mindset?

If they get hit with both barrels here, it is just all that much sooner that the fog lifts.

It is just all that much easier that the BS has it during his Plan A.

The BS can't say what we can.



I love this rant.

I wanted to get this in before THIS thread gets locked.
kiss

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No no no, no intention to demonise posters at all, purely to establish what response works best on what type of OP.

The hypothetical panel would be made up of all sorts, who could give a post a harshness score.

As you say 2 people may give the same post a very different harshness score and take an average.

irony

I guess the way we interpret the definition here is slightly different. this definition backs up what you say and what I say

oxford english dictionary says " mockery of the fitness of things" among other things; so the song fits pretty well with that.

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Harsh?

Really?

We are harsh as hell when adultery is blatantly waved around like some great "love story".

Harsh?

Really?

Where are harsh police when the entire life of the betrayed spouse and the betrayed children is ripped from under them.
Leaving them stunned and wounded?

Harsh?

Where are the harsh police when yet another betrayed spouse is diagnosed with a STD?

Come'on ..... Adultery is harsh, ugly, dangerous and hurts real people in real life.


Harsh?
I don't consider myself harsh.
I do appreciate the harshness of others !!!!!!!!!
It saves me the trouble!!!!
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Originally Posted By: staytogether
No no no, no intention to demonise posters at all, purely to establish what response works best on what type of OP.

The hypothetical panel would be made up of all sorts, who could give a post a harshness score.

As you say 2 people may give the same post a very different harshness score and take an average.

irony

I guess the way we interpret the definition here is slightly different. this definition backs up what you say and what I say

oxford english dictionary says " mockery of the fitness of things" among other things; so the song fits pretty well with that.



I think you are playing with us.
I score your post on harshness a 70 out of 100.

I appoint myself the official harshness committee of one on THIS thread.

There will be no warnings.
I will swoop down and give a score followed by a twoxfour


Click to reveal..


Hahahahahaha



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I would just like to rant that I can't STAND Alanis Morrisett. Her voice is worse than nails on a chalkboard. I'd rather stick my finger in an electric pencil sharpened than listen to her whining. She was everywhere in high school and everyone just loved her. Ironic has to be the lamest song ever written.... The only irony being there are no ironies in the song.... Just more lameness..... Arrerggghhhhhh

See this is what happens when you allow a negative balance to build up in a love bank.... I'm sorry alanis, your account is deep in the red at Vibrissa Bank.

Last edited by Vibrissa; 07/23/10 10:59 AM.

Me & DH: 28
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1DD, 9 mo.
Just Lookin' and Learnin'
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"playing with us"

Not sure who "us" is.

My interest is/was purely in the numbers, that is why I joined in here. Unfortunately I find it hard enough to get in UA time as it is, so I will not be able to go through posts and pickout OP position and compile anything - I was purely philosophising.

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Vibrissa

I've never been a fan myself. My H is though MrRollieEyes

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