I'd send her a bouquet of flowers with a nice card: "Hi honey! I miss you - can't wait for you to get back home so we can...you know...pick up where we left off Love, your devoted Huggy Bear" (or any sugary 'pet' name you can come up with) And if he's not? No harm, no foul. Your W can smell the roses.

If OM is there, that'll take some of the salt out of his pecker er...I mean pepper.

Thank you everyone for all of the posts. I finally figured out why her talking to him bothers me so much. It isn't because she is having a sexual affair with him. It is because she is having an emotional affair with him. I have called the hotel and there is not another man staying with her and there is no evidence that he has been there or will be there.

Of course that's why you're upset! These are emotions she should be sharing with YOU.

Don't take the info from the hotel as literal. They don't babysit their customers.

You must have the phone # if you check your home phone records or your W's cell records, right? Didn't you say they have been talking on the phone?

Also can you hack into her email/FB accounts? YOu may be able to get his full name that way as well.

Did your W admit the A to you?

An EA from Craigslist? Not likely.

I have tried to get into her email and I am working on getting the cell phone records. She dosn't have a FB account. And yes I do want her to admit it that is what the hang up is she claims that she is doing nothing wrong.

Don't get caught up in trying to get her to admit what you already know. What will that gain you? She's in the fog right now. That's not going to happen until she's out of it.

AM, in my opinion she is in Seattle with OM. It seem pretty natural as she is having an A.
You need to find out with evidence, of course, but the flags are red.
blessing

Oops I misread that. she admitted the first affair and I have forgiven her of that and was trying to move forward when the second affair started. No she thinks that what she is doing with V is alright and that I should not be hurt or upset about it. She did tell me that she was talking to him.

I found the cellphone records to be especially helpful in discovering the extent of the affair. The printed statements showed not only the numbers called, but from what cell tower the calls were made and received.

I found that one night, she called the POSOM from our neighborhood at 9:30pm. Then she called him from his neighborhood at 10:15pm and he did not answer. Then he called her and she was in his neighborhood at 10:16pm. The next call was a call from me at 7:30am. You guessed it, she was in his neighborhood. When presented with this evidence, she told me she didn't remember. Later, she owned up to the extent of the affair when she came out of the fog.

She initially told me it was nothing, then it was an EA. Then it was a one night PA that was borderline rape, then it was a full on PA with a friend of mine from college that lasted a year and had a couple of SF.Then it became clear it was maybe a dozen SFs.

What I am trying to say is do not believe that it was an EA until she come out of the fog and tells you the truth. This will take a lot more time and work on your part.

I am not saying to get her to admit to the A...

I guess I was confused as to how you knew it was an A if you didn't have an emails or phone records?? She just told you she was talking to somebody but you don't know how much? I am confused...

AM is a wayward himself...I do not know how honest he can be....it seems to me the necessary steps to R their M were never taken.
I am not sure what AM plan is and what the actual story about his WW current A is about...what kind of evidence is he gathering...
they are both wayward in this M...
blessing

OK, I went back and re-read, so you know she was talking to him twice and you know she was texting him at least a few times, right?

She could be disconnected from the M from both of your multiple As or she could be in a true EA, it's hard to tell as an outsider at this point. You need to do more investigating by checking the phone records to get a better idea of what is going on, how much contact there is.

At the very least, once you find out who OM is, you need to get in touch with OMW to let her know what is going on...

If she comes back to Seattle and you are suspicious, send me a PM and I will go over to the hotel and check in person for you.