Hey Day 2 going ok no problems WS maintains good attitude. Spent time together, was helpful and sent nice messages while he was at work. So im ok this far.

The reason why I am posting is because having been listening to the MB radio and thinking about a good way to spend some of my grandmothers inheritance I am seriously considering going on the MB weekend. Yes it would be a logistical nightmare with the children and us being in the UK but If there is a way I can make it happen, where can I find details of how often these weekends happen? I cant find anything on the site and the links lead me to the home study courses. I cant find prices either. Anyone here know anything about it?

BH, I think they've discontinued the weekends and now are only offering the online courses. However, with the online courses, I understand that you get access to the private MB board with direct access to Dr. H. Someone please correct me if I'm wrong.

I think I read somewhere that the MB weekend had been discontinued, but I'm not 100% on that.

Thats a real shame I really would have loved to go. The online course looks ok but I might look into it more and get more information about it. Might try to have personal coaching with Steve again. Listening to the Radio show really explains things clearly more than reading about the information.

Click on the course link at the top of the page. Then there is another link to seminars and accountability. On that page, there is a reference about not having the weekend any longer. Instead, there is an online seminar with an accompanying course that you work on at home with a coach.

My H and I attended the weekend last Jan. It was a huge turning point for us.

AM

Hey
Just a quick update, all is still going well and I am feeling alot happier all round.
WS putting in alot of effort and doing a very good job of meeting my EN's and quite frankly exceeding my needs. I am giving him positive feedback and feel more at ease and cuddly towards him. He really seams to be turning and more committed. He has done so many lovely things I wouldnt know where to start. The funny one was when he turned up at my work with a nice card saying thinking of you. I had a heart attack as thought he was there to tell me something had happened to the kids. It took a few minutes for the card to sink in, thats how surprised I was.


I saw my therapist today for my 6 months post discharge check up and she was happy with my progress however made a few points that have got me thinking.
She said that I was having the A triggers because I was scared to let WS into my heart again and although I pointed out that most of the time they feel like they are beyond my control she seams to think that it is. I really cant help it sometimes. I would just be doing some random act like driving to work and out of nowhere I remember something A related and get a kick in the gut feeling. I try and shrug it off and sometimes it takes me a few minutes but I dont know how to control that, It really feels like I have been through a train crash and sometimes relive it out of nowhere.
Second thing she commented on was that WS probably feels very embarassed about the a and said "have you ever done something stupid you just want to forget it ever happened because its so embarassing" and yes i can soo relate to that, her theory is thats the way he feels and thats why he wants it to be buried rather than discussed or acknowledged. I do see that point but dont like it, it feels like its belittling the situation.

MB wise I wrote to DR J Harley via the radio show and my questions and email was addressed in thursdays show, and guess what I MISSED IT! i got an email saying it had been addressed from the Harleys yet as I was at work all day thur and Fri I missed the show, I have tryed to buy the segments in order to hear the show but for some reason its not letting me buy the segments. I dont know if my card works in the US.

If anyone heard the show can you enlighten me please.

I was listening in this week just in case but I think I missed it. I'm sorry BH.

What a bummer!

Glad things are going better.

Hey Everyone

Its been a month since my last post and i must say things are going ok, no lbs no attitude, the house is a peaceful place again, EN's are kind of being met and communication is good.

All in all a much better place to be. There is tons of work I need to do on myself and struggling with that. went to see my doctor about my constant exhaustion she is running blood tests to confirm that I have thyroid issues and if thats the case its easy to solve by taking one pill a day. Results in next week.
Managed to crash my car and resigned from one of the two jobs i am doing at the moment. Want to get a carreer I am passionate about but struggling to identify a realistic once that I can do ( I love medicine, nursing, paramedic science, anything to do with caring for sick people) I am considering going to college to train as a nurse but petrified i would be no good at it.

So life is ok and nothing much to grumble about. Just glad that recovery hasnt had any setbacks, however recovery is hard as now one side of the issue is being resolved I have to work on me and I am struggling with that one.

hey

SOS moment agin im afraid.

Although WS still fulfilling his duties and on top of ENs and no problems so far (a miracle in itself) I am hitting rock bottom.

D Day is approaching and i am really struggling, im crying all the time, reliving d day and just falling apart.

Has anyone got any advice or tips on how to deal with this difficut period?? I am really desperate, if things carry on like this i will be admitting myself into a psychiatric clinic.

Just another update,
I have been lurking on MB reading and reading for a while but havent really wanted to give an update.
Then I thought that if nothing else the people who have helped on here for so many months deserve an update even if its not so good news, the newbies can read the thread and learn what NOT to do to get a marriage back on track.

November was though found and a revelation on the anniversary of DD made me completely withdraw from the marriage both emotionally and phisically. It was the final straw and things have been quiet and not progressing since.

On november 5th 2004 DS number 2 who was born with heart issues stopped breathing in the middle of the night, luckily we had a breathing monitor installed in his bed and it allerted us straight away, WS resussitated him and I found the experience hugely traumatic. So every year I ask WH to make sure he is around on the 5th of november because i tend to relive that trauma and tend to be quite emotional and clingly to DS who is now better but still has some issues left.

On DDay i found out that WS and OW had their first night in the hotel room on the 5th of Noveber 2008, WH told me that he was working a night shift as a cover story so when I needed him the most he was in hotel with her, this cut me more than any of the other things he has done. I dont have any other dates in the year that I need him for, dont mind him missing valentines, birthday or anniversaries, just that day as I seam to hold onto what happens during the year but allow myself to fall apart one day a year.

following this I have seriously withdrawn from the marriage, we didnt do anything or celebrate our 10th wedding anniversay, we avoided valentines day and to add more to the pot WH has been doing a managment training course that required him to travel and be away for one week every month for the past 6 months (course now over) during wich time a lot of lies and deceit took place on his part, for example one of his EP was that he is not to drink while away from home. he agreed to this then broke that agreement several times then blamed me for setting such an unfair EP in place as alcohol was not involved in his decision to have an A. So he drank went out to a bar with the boys and disappeared for the night turning his phone off when he was supposed to check in (another EP broken). No OP was involved spoke to one of the boys he was out with and confirmed that he was not involved with any OW during their night out to celebrate the end of the course. I beleive this friend he works with children from broken families, volonteered and built playgrounds for chilren in Iraq and very much on my side when I exposed A to him.

He is now doing his own thing, he isnt horrible to me or anything we are both very aware of a massive distance between us and just tend to do our own thing, no fighting and no more incidents of violence since july 2010.

I have been working very hard on myself and my skills as a mum, the affair whiped me out and made me withdraw from the kids for 2 years, the more i withdrew the more i missed the kids but then i was crippled with guilt about the fact that I wasnt there for them for 2 years, I was here in body but not in spirit, they got the bare minimum, they got fed, cleaned and assisted with their homework, the rest was done by WH. My saving grace came when WH had to go away for the managment training thing I had no choice but to be alone with the kids and I loved it, we went to the park with the dogs, we curled up together and watched dvds with popcorn and it was great, however when WH came back i would feel like a black cloud had arrived and I would withdraw again.

The year also started well and I was feeling so much better as I managed to lose more weight and I got offered an opportunity to try out for the job of my dreams (paramedic), It involved attending an interview and undergoing tests (maths, map reading, driving, medical, infection contol, lifting etc) then if you are successful you start working as a trainee paramedic and earn while you train (great salary too) I passed with 98% score and was so exited but 2 motnhs ago I received an email stating that they will not be in a postion to offer anyone a job as a trainee paramedic at the moment due to government funding cuts they are hoping to have funding available next year and they will keep me on their list of successful applicants. I was devastated, have really gone down hill since emotionally, put on a ton of weight and that just drags me down even more. I just cant seam to maintaing a good feeling for longer than 5 mins.

another update is that we Got the inheritance from my granmother through, we decorated the house and i am taking some of it to have the gastric band operation this july and I am hoping that thsi will finally stabilise my weight issues and in turn make me feel better. WH been respectful and has not taken any money from my inheritance to spend on anything he wants (surprised but pleased by this).

Gave up smoking in an attempt to make good changes to my health. I still dont have a definite diagnosis for my constant exhaustion so I am doing what i can in order to resolve it myself.

Marriage wise I wonder every new year if we will still be married at the end of that year, I am depressed (clinically this time) but I also made alot of progress working on myself the past year, Marriage wise WH has been reading and doing some work on M 20 mins every morning for the past 3 months (another scheme hatched by him to avoid repairing the marriage he Marriage builders way) and nothing has changed and nothing will until he accepts the pricipals of MB are good and sold, there is no way around them.

I dont know what else to say really, had i followed through with Plan B i know my life would be so much better right now (with or without WH)

forgot to mention something that any Waywards that are lurking around right now should hear about, This really made me so mad.

My best friend (male gay best friend bty) has recently got engaged to a lovely man (lll refer to him as D)
A week ago his family was struck with the most shocking A related tragedy there is. D's brother has been married to a woman and has a 5 year old child with her, over the past few months she has been openly involved in an A. He has exposed, plan A and done everything he can to keep his marriage but things got too much for him when the WW booked a weekend away with the OM, half an hour after she left for her sordid weekend, the BS hanged himself, he was found by his sister and her children they tryed to revive him but his life suppor machine was switched off and the funeral was last tuesday.
The WW was so brazen that when she was informed about what had happened her first comment was all about how dare he ruin her weekend (I mean reall?? can anyone be that wayward). The BS family feel they have no choice but to be nice to her in order to keep contact with the child so she was allowed to attend the funeral and this time she turned up at the funeral of her BS with love bites on her neck from her OM. Is the world going crazy or am I the only one who is so socked by this im still speechless.

For any wayward out there who are lurking take note of how bad your actions can make someone feel. Stop your destructive behaviour and wake up.

I think most waywards would think, "What's the problem?" ---- so self-centered that yes, they would only consider how it ruined THEIR weekend.

And yes, you are entirely correct to be outraged.

AM

Have you thought about moving onto Plan B? Just a thought really.

I don't know how much longer you would be able to live like this without wanting to do serious damage to that man thing you are married to.

Actually, I'm mortified to admit that I went away on one of those weekends when I was wayward. I even let my BH drive me to the airport. One of the absolute least finest moments of my life.

If that had been the outcome in my case, I'm sure I would have been absolutely destroyed. I don't see how anyone could ever live with themselves after something like that. Even if she has no feelings for her H at all, just knowing the affect that this will have on that child would be horrendous.

That's a whole new level of waywardness I can't even fathom.

I am immeasurably grateful that my H didn't take that path and that he's still here after all I put him through.

I am just so amazed at the BS family, they have had to maintain a stong contol over themselves for the sake of the child. The WW still lived at home with the BS there was no separation while she was having the open A , the BS cooked, cleaned and worked so he was taking care of everything for her to the point she called one of the family members up and asked for help as she didnt know how to make a packed lunch for the child as it was her BS who usually did it.

The other thing is that she is in major wayward behaviour, she told people who didnt know about the A that WS committed suicide due to the fact he was having financial difficulties (really outragious behaviour again) and this has now pushed the BS large family to put their resources together and try to go for full custody of the 5 year old. I really hope they succeed, that child should not be with someone like that.

I didnt attend the funeral, i dont think i would have been able to keep my composure around the WW.

Scotland

the three problems i struggle with most regarding plan B are

1) i dont fully understand the logic of a plan b when there is NC in place between WH and OW.

2) I dont feel i am strong enough not because i would miss him but because i am terrified of bringing 4 kids up on my own.

3) last time i attempted plan B was before the A and he used the time apart to have the A.


I dont want to harm him or feel much for him. Because the love I had for him was chipped away at over the past 2 years I see his faults much more quickly and that puts me off him in every sense. I know that I dont want anyone at the moment not him or anyone else, I just want to work on making my life better and my relationship with the kids better. Our marriage is floating along not great not terrible just there.

amazing how much things can change in a few weeks.

As of my last update I have returned to MB to read and learn for my own self recovery. WH noticed my return to MB and started reading threads and MB principals again, we discussed it and he agreed that he wants to give MB principals a go again, he has reservations as he does not understand some of the concepts or how to execute them.

I told him to take a week out and read the basic concepts in depth if he was still interested in following MB then i was willing to do that as long as he gives it 100% commitment.

At the end of the week i asked him about what his decision was, he asked a few questions about the principals, I told him it would be best for him to bring the questions into the forum rather than ask me because I was in the process of trying to understand them more myself.

He has done this and has been activly posting without any prompting or hassling from me.

Now I am fully aware that we have had many false recoveries and been back and forth alot but I feel good about what is happening right now because I feel he is doing it genuinley for us and our marriage not because I have held a gun to his head or given him an unltimatum.

We have done work on POJA and its been great, i feel good about it because it gives me a platform to negotiate that does not appear to be controlling or nagging, he loves it because it gives him a platform to negotiate and feel good about an outcome rather just do whatever he wants knowing how i feel about it and feel bad or guilty it or not do what he wants and still feel bad about it.

We have scheduled UA time in the diary (im sorry but I drew the line at scheduling SF as part of UA time. thats something I would hate to schedule).

We have set a date to do the EN questionaires again and work through RC and LB worksheets.

We read SAA and HNHN For parents in the evening.

Anything else we should be doing MB wise right now??

Seriously no one here to help me?

I know there are more urgent posts to get to and I have been a royal pain in the backside but I'm trying to help myself and improve.

Do I need to be on a different thread?

My only suggestion is to make sure UA time reaches at least 15 hours/week. I may even go to 20 hours to really build the love.

1000% open transparency on his part, and make sure POJA is done correctly.

Tough~

Hi NB, welcome back. Can you put a link to your original thread on this one so people will be able to understand where you are in your journey? I don't have much time because I'm on my way to work. Please remind me, who is your WH?

I'll be back this evening to catch up on your situation. Others will be here soon. BTW, why the change in your screen name?

Keep reading. Keep learning.