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Originally Posted By: helpthelostdads
RT,

Normally there are a few dissenters who encourage you to save the marriage and then there is a good back and forth between those that think you should bail and those that think you should try.

The fact that there is unanymous agreement here says a lot.


kiss You wouldn't be thinking about me, would you HTLD? grin

Seriously, RT, out to the curb she goes. With the rest of your trash.


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Thanks, all. I have yet to have someone tell me to work on this. But from what she says, everything she did was because I did [insert random event]. To hear her tell it, I drove her to doing what shes doing. She adamantly claims that she hasn't had sex with anyone else (and I have no evidence to the contrary), so I figured maybe things weren't too bad.

Guess sometimes you just get a bad apple.

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Rt74,
I know you probably love your wife and watching what life you thought you had fall apart is hard, but clearly the two of you have different thought on what you need in life, she is searching for something else and seems to have a plan to lose you and move on to someone or something else.......
This is not love or commitment......it's hard to understand but it's only been two years and she is not ready for a marriage, she is 10 years younger and might never catch up.......
I agree you should set her free and start your life again......
Find someone else that is your age, your mind set, you will see the difference and you will understand why this marriage will never work.........
Lesson learned as hard as it is.......


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Originally Posted By: RT74
But from what she says, everything she did was because I did [insert random event]. To hear her tell it, I drove her to doing what shes doing.



RT, this is evidence of her immaturity, which really has little to do with age.

Only an immature child thinks others are responsible for their behavior, or other people's failings give them an excuse to misbehave. She is 25, she is an adult with no mental disabilities, she is fully culpable for her own actions. Yes, you may have neglected her, but that gives her no right to do what she is doing. When she starts playing the blame game you let her know that you take responsibility for eroding the marriage, but you do not take responsibility for her philandering, vile behavior. That is 100% on her.

You are not to blame for decisions SHE makes.


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Quote:
To hear her tell it, I drove her to doing what shes doing.


That's what someone says to justify their cheating - 99.9% of waywards say this.

If you can move now, I would. By now, you should have extricated yourself from any joint accounts, credit cards, etc. Minimize any opportunities for her to try to harm you financially or legally. I believe someone already advised you to carry a voice activated recorder. Don't worry about admissability in a court it could save you from being arrested and having a false restraining order taken out on you.


The one constant through all the years has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It's been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game, is a part of our past. It reminds us of all that once was good, and it could be again.
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I'll reiterate what the others have said. You are not responsible for her getting involved wtih other men. Perhaps you might have done a better job meeting her needs and she would've been happier. But absolutely do not take any credit for her getting involved with other men.


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RT,

I hate to tell you this, but shes very likely had sex with someone else. Either that, or she did everything but, which in her mind makes it ok since she didnt do the deed.

I faced similar rationalizations from my WXW. Its lies. Shes done it. Probably many times. She readily admits to trying to break down a married man. So why wouldnt she do it with her current boyfriend.

Run, my friend. Run and count yourself lucky that you have no children with this woman and are still young enough to start a family with someone deserving.

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Im on the fence about whether or not she actually did anything sexually.

There have been signs that she has, for sure. But I know that at this point Im looking for any indication.

What she says is that she hasnt "kissed, touched,had sex with, or even been alone together with any man," and that shes not "a cheater." She claims that when she went out drinking with other men, it was always in a group.

I have seen where her "boyfriend" has said that he wont do anything until she is divorced, but also where she told someone something that makes it sound like he wont do it AGAIN. Hard to tell.

Logic tells me that if you send out dirty pictures, and claim to be in love with someone, and are (simultaneously) trying to be someones "mistress," you probably have had sex with someone else. She told people we were in an "open marriage." And I know she would never admit anything to me.

Either way, I have no indication whatsoever that I should have anything more to do with her.

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Quote:
That's what someone says to justify their cheating - 99.9% of waywards say this.


That low a percentage?


Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It aint just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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An update for anyone wondering...

Divorce papers filed (by her). I've spoken with an old friend and will be moving over 1000 miles away once everything is finalized. I do know that I should just be rid of her and leave now, but, like I said, I'd really rather not be around knowing what's going on in our (or I guess her) apartment.

We signed written agreements, I basically got everything but the apartment. She even agreed to pay ME a small monthly sum, as well as pay off my car. She was willing to give up absolutely anything to get me to not hire an attorney. Our agreement will be entered into court on our judgment date, but I made sure she signed, dated, and emailed me copies with her saying "These are the papers I signed."

Whenever she becomes agitated, I record everything, or call a friend so they can hear exactly what is going on.

Although she maintains she has never "touched, kissed, had sex with, or even been alone with anyone," I find that hard to believe. I have since found out that she had left her ex by cheating on him almost daily with a married man, before I had met her. I also found out she had been doing drugs when she had been going out.

She still acts as if everything is fine. She treats me the same way she always has, except she refuses to tell me she loves me. Part of our agreement was that she could not embarrass, or put herself into a situation that would embarrass me, so she has been mostly home. She says she no longer talks to any of the men she had been (at least) propositioning.

Moving on. Again, thanks to all who replied for the advice.

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Oh, and before I forget, I also posted her chat logs to and about other men to her OWN Facebook page.

It seems that she had already told people about her activities, and the weird stories she was making up about me were to justify her actions to people.

Still not sure why she seems to believe a lot of it herself, though.

And she called me "crazy" and "a psychopath" for invading her privacy by looking through her computer.

Its a very bizarre situation, and the more I look around here, the more I see that it's not me being crazy.

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