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Thanks SexyMama.......one day at a time is about all I am doing at this point.
Me: BS age 35 POS-eX-the SORRIEST, CRUELEST, LOWLY WAYWARD SCUMBAG out there Married 14.5 years, together almost 16 DDay: 7-5-09 OC born: 7-23-09 no COM: tried 6 years  D filed 5/05/2011 D final 11/10/11 I was gaslighted for 2 years. "You were not built for a safe story. Take risks and feel what it is like to actually be brave. It's worth it." Carlos Whittaker
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Wait for it...Wait for it....Here it is... When you read back through those dark days, does it no longer cause the wretching pain? No pain. It took at least 5 years before I could say "none". We hear so often "two years." After a year and a pretty good recovery process, I'd say that Pep's five years sounds more realistic. Thanks, Pep. I've been waiting for that more realistic assessment.
D-Day EA 11/29/08
D-Day PA 12/12/08
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Can't remember the exact date of my D-day...26th? 27th? 28th?  I do remember it was Dec 2004... between Xmas & New Year! ...a day when my world as I knew it ended and my life was turned 'upside down'  I needed to use WS's cell to make a call while waiting for him, and looked for it in his briefcase next to me...but instead I came across a pack of DS elementary school's standard envelopes, and I was curious to see what it was all about  They seemed to be all handwritten... I only needed to read a few lines.... enough to 'know'  ..... these were all OW's 'love letters' (a teacher at DS's school where WS was a 'volunteer parent') six months later WS moved out...  Sorry CL!  , but a ratio of 1-5 yrs of M seems about right (whether it be M or personal recovery)  - it's not called a 'marathon' for nothing!  I credit my decision to go to Plan B  (Newbies take note!), started one month after WS moved out, as being the first of many that would STOP my spiralling down along with WS...and as the START of my way up from the dark hole I was in... determined to go beyond just 'surviving and affair' and do whatever it took to get me to the place I am at now  .... a world mostly filled with compassion, peace, laughter, sincerity, hope, patience, appreciation, honesty, affection, perseverance, curiosity, beauty..... but most of all... LOVE! I am so proud of myself  does it show?  ..and as of Dec. 2009.... Dec 2004 seems sooo faaar awaaaaay!  It's possible...if you BELIEVE it is!
Last edited by lunamare; 01/03/10 01:41 PM.
XBW
DS16 & DS22
PLAN D: finalized!
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Chai, I did the same as you.....sometimes I really think if I was just more confident in myself, it would have been better off if I had just booted his a$$ out on Dday and filed for D....IDK, but It just seems to turn out better when you do...The WS seems to get scared and wants to try to save the M....
But I was in no shape to do that, I begged, I pleaded, I attempted suicide.....all for naught. I was a weak pathetic BS and WH ran...Oh well, you live, you learn....sometimes the really hard way.
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. 
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You did it exactly right for you Pep. Exactly right for you both.
MB Alumni
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Another cosmic sister of mine. Go Pep!! 
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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December 1995 was when I asked my now XW to marry me, it was our first Christmas together.
We bought a house and closed on it Jan. 2nd.
It was a good year with good memories, too bad it was all a lie.
I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.
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My birthday is in December...I was married in 1996. So on my birthday in 1995 my WH proposed to me....He bought a baby ferret, which he knew I would want. I thought that was my gift, but on a ribbon around the ferrets neck was a 1 carat diamond ring with two 1/2 carat sapphires on each side....it was gorgeous. Now it is in my closet, collecting dust, it is waaay to small for me now and WH says that marrying me was the biggest mistake of his life. ... I am thinking of selling it, but DS said he wants it for when he gets married, LOL.....he is only eight. Cutie pie.
Last edited by stillhere8126; 01/04/10 11:36 AM.
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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The ferret is gathering dust?
I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.
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BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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What a sweetie. My DD is already killing me off to get my jewelry. 
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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What is it with the holiays and affairs. Mine wasn't Christmas but the first time he got home late (the start of the physical part) was Dec 30, 2006. The holidays are not the same for me and i doubt they ever will be.
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BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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What a sweetie. My DD is already killing me off to get my jewelry. Yeah, me and my sis are doin that to my mother...LOL, just kidding..I love my mom. What me and my sister do in front of my mother is argue about who is getting stuck with all her mickey mouse stuff, the house is filled with them....My poor mom, me and my sis love to tease her  ...She always shoots back sayin' shes leaving all the mickey's to my DS so I get stuck with them...He would love them. 
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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Amazing story. Will I ever find such courage because there may come a time.
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OP
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 Annual December "bump" of this thread. It will be 15 YEARS at the end of this month. 
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Annual December "bump" of this thread. It will be 15 YEARS at the end of this month. I LOVE this thread... powerful stuff.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Who says there are no christmas miracles....
Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09
Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Who says there are no christmas miracles.... On Christmas morning, 2008, I took pictures of the festivities. Two of them are close-ups of my FWH. I remember printing them and looking at his eyes, thinking "Why is he so unhappy?" That's when he was in turmoil about the affair I wasn't even aware of. Fast-forward to December 2010: FWH is as excited as a kid for the upcoming holidays (he claimed during the A that he always hated Christmas ) Tonight we're taking the kids out for pizza and tree-buying. He keeps calling to see if I've decided where we're buying the tree and can't wait to pick one out. We had to get all the outside lights up right after Thanksgiving or I never would have heard the end of it from him. What a difference fidelity makes...
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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