update:
p i called and said tracker is missing off of car. this is same p i who hasn't gotten anything on ws. ugh. now i owe her 500 more bucks. what a waste of money. so she assumes ws found it? although he hasn't mentioned it? i am so confused.
also, i met with the wife of the female mentor couple we met at church today. she told me ws has talked to her husband often via phone for spiritual and emotional support. she said ws adamantly wants to restore our marriage. she said he talked to them on sunday at church, was waiting for me(i had told him we weren't going as too many of us were sick). then i had invited ws to a church christmas show, he said no, he had to go into work?
i feel like ws is snowing this couple. and told her as much. she said she has gut feeling for people(they have been counseling couples for a long time-her own husband was a 20yr porn addict) and that ws says how he wants to fix this and restore our relationship.
since i have NO concrete evidence of EA, and now i have NO way of finding out, well, looks like i am in emotional limbo until ws decides what he wants to do
ws also told the christian mentor guy that when we talked the other day i told him all kinds of guys were hitting on me(i wish! and that seemed to upset him a lot. i said, well, i may have mentioned the 80yr old guy at sam's club and made a joke, but um, nope, no "hits"....she also said ws is very depressed and miserable in his new life. is he just fishing for sympathy?
more wayward behavior? or what the heck? prepared for two by fours, i really am

Are you in Plan B, mom? You should not be having these conversations if you are.

Yes. Your WH is snowing people, trying to make it look like he is just trying soooo hard.

Get your friends to trach your husband for free. They can follow him.

MB, nope she isn't in plan B. She WAS making plans for it but doesn't seem to have done it yet.

Mom, you already know what you need to do so DO IT.

Ahhh. Gotcha.

MIP:

I have to be honest. I used a PI to catch my xws and they caught him so easy. They didn't use a tracking device. Old fashioned gumshoe detective work following him. Followed him right to a casino hotel with the ho.

Is your PI a real PI? Do they have abilities to do something other than place a device on a car?

I am not understanding how you cannot get real proof of this ema.

And I am on your side but please, WHAT plan are you in?

honestly, i don't know what plan i am in...things are settling in, don't want to file but watching with ws does with the finances, hence the continued contact. i do see how plan B is imperative and want to be there before christmas.

p i did track-had info for week one of tracker. suddenly tracker is missing when p i goes to retrieve and charge it???? i am also thinking new p i is needed.

i am over-doing it post-surgery. going to spend weekend with feet up. i think taking weekend off from stressing over ws's stuff. he's gone, i am here with my wonderful kids. appreciate the break?

I know you're hurting and wish you to get well soon, but girl time is ticking and the PERFECT time to get the recon on WH is at Christmas, as it seems (just what I went thru) that NYE is a perfect WS holiday.

You want to slam him with the truth and hit him when his heart might be a little more open and tender...Christmas. Great time for ultimate exposure.

My PI found all that was needed. I paid them in person, they went out and got all the info, pictures, and recon in about 8 hours.

What a good PI needs from you: picture and all info about WS tag on their car, make and model of car, color of car, a recent photo of WS, their addresses to places they frequent, and if ow is at work or they are claiming they stay late at work, address of work, and of course, as much info as you can give them about the ow.

What was funny was I had no idea who the ow was. But I found out in 8 hours and also found out his x business partner even went out to dinner with ws and ow.

This time of year and with the economy, a good PI can appreciate the business. Get on it! They do the hard work thankfully, NOT the betrayed spouse.

I wonder how ws would like it if he comes home, and there's a massive exposure just days before Christmas, home to a lovely but recovering wife and a loving wife, kids, his parents, your parents, family friends, and those who care and he finds out he is at risk of losing all that? You could gently take him into another room and show the proof of the ema, let him know they all know of the ema, but weren't thankfully shown the photos. Then walk him out into the gathering of family and friends and have an evening of love and smiles. Oh yea, and have that mentor couple there too. If it were me, (I had an especially hateful ow in the picture) I'd expose to her family. I even exposed to ow's elderly and ill grandmother to make the impact as traumatic as the one she left on my family.

Be smart and calculated in this. Now is a good time to do this. You could get this all going. It is time for your WH to see the irrefutable evidence HE IS CHEATING and that the world knows what he is doing. Time for a little light shed onto things and truth to be revealed.

My PI btw, gave me evidence right before Christmas, and I used it 100 percent. And yes, it did work for a time on my x, Darth, one of MB's baddest baddie WS's. At least he couldn't hide from his life anymore or his actions or spin them.

I think this might be just what you need. A massive exposure disguised as a holiday party.

And yes while my wxh still had another ow, the evil ow with her claws dug in, the one who took my son and wh on a trip to disney (my x lied about it, said it was a boys' trip), who is and was beyond evil? The one who went into my home after I moved out of town to see if I had left anything behind (on orders of my wh)? The one who went places with my son when I didn't know she existed?

I brutally killed that affair and did a nuclear exposure on her that still echoes in TN until this very day,over 7 years later. Poor xow, she can't even have a public FB account, she doesn't have her phone or address listed anymore, and when she actually married her moneybags (she's a golddigger) older guy (like way older than us) this year, she couldn't even put her picture in the newspaper to announce her marriage to him (she was the ow in that one too). Why? Fear of further embarassment and exposure. It's as tho that ho-bag is non-existant in some aspects and I like it that way!

It must suck when you're the op. And trust me, you have to make it suck to be the OW or the WS (just make the WS it is done all in love and in all of the glory of plan A).

hi,
just checking in to say hi and catch up on familiar names. i found a midlife crisis forum that really identified ws persona since this all began.
ws has been out of home since dec 7, have to contact over young kids, i am filing on monday. he took over 6500 out of a retirement acct, just purchased a big tv and wii for his apartment, told me he has no money to pay my bills(credit cards-furniture, family expenses) so have to protect the kids and myself from financial crisis. ws is scheduled for huge bonus this month-i am sure he's hoping i do not file so he can hide away/squander $. prayed and prayed so that I am not just filing over the $
ws emailed me this week, requesting suitcase and polos for business trip. olater in week, emailed he's going to boston-well it's one of the coldest cities this time of year, we live in cold midwest and ws wears sweaters everyday. strange how his polo shirts will suffice in bean town in the winter.
i am still emotional but getting stronger and stronger. this has been worst thing i will ever go through(i think)
hoping those of you following MB principles get your wish-i am still very thankful i found this site, as i can look back on my plan A and know i did a good job(still do) and it refocused me on the present, and future, not the past(which is where ws lives these days-rewriting our history into the dumpster)
blessings to all who are sadly here

[/quote]

This is called blame-shifting. Again, your WH chose to have an A.

Interesting side story: When my FWH was starting his A with the office secretary, he took her to lunch. She spent a lot of that lunch trashing her H and her M. My H told her that our M was "a pretty good marriage." That was in September.

By January, her BH was really putting the pressure on both of them to end the A, but he was doing it anonymously, and OW was suggesting that I was the one sending threatening emails to them. My H responded in a note "MaritalBliss knows nothing about what's going on. If she did, it would be over - it being our marriage, which is basically over anyway."

Funny, how we went from having a 'pretty good marriage' in September, to having a marriage that was 'basically over' in January. The only difference in our marriage during those months was that my H chose to have an adulterous affair. [/quote]

WOW... sounds sooooooooooooooo familiar to me! WH and I went from a decent marriage in Jan/early Feb (went out of town, worked out together on a regular basis, were taking a finance class together) to "I need to focus on me and my feelings and during this time, I don't think we should have sex. It will alter my true feelings"... only imagine what I knew that meant. IT was revealed in June... Funny how quickly these things develop and how they rewrite your history to make everything soooooooooooo horrible.

thanks neverlosefaith,
ws moved out dec 7, on dec 12 my bday card said, "i love you very much, more than i ever thought i could love anyone". on dec 15, supposed ow returned from 4-5 week stint abroad-i swear by dec 20, ws HATED my guts and has ever since...
i continue to plan A him, and it has been very rewarding. i am (generally) not bitter and we share a lot of kids(5) and the two youngest will be with him at times(15yr old ambivelent and struggling-only seen dad once since he left). i believe God will work this out for good. i believe ws is hiding something. i believe ws loves me, but will he ever come back? i have no idea.
how are things going for you? oh my your babes are little.
i am sorry. sending blessings your way!

Thanks for asking. Things are going ok...dysfunctional but ok. Yes my children are small and the OW also has small children about the same ages as well. She is now divorced (that took like 1.5 mos) Christmas was hard but I thought that I saw some breakthrough... he cried on Christmas Eve when he dropped the kids back off (well, we actually both cried and hugged) and then he cried again when he dropped the kids off again on my son's birthday. I am desperately trying to figure out what GOD wants me to do but every time I say I am done and am ready to cash in my chips, I get another sign to keep going. My oldest hasn't prayed for his dad to come home and work on stuff and did for the first time in months the other night. That same night I was ready to say enough.

I went to send you a private message but couldn't... said that yours is turned off.

Hope you are hanging in there!!

my pm is turned on, try again

gonna enjoy some pizza and wine with my oldest and her friend from work(waitresses! she's a grad student, my girl and so smart)

missing my babies but eyes are crossing from tiredness

coached a really good friend who has been married to a habitual cheater/extreme narcissist for 30 years. she said i am giving her the courage to make her move soon.

you will know when to do what you need to do-i would not have had a deadline except for the financial. i cannot/won't let my ws walk with 100K plus to fulfill his new life-can't do it. mama gotta feed these kiddos(yes his bonus in a couple of weeks will probably be that big or bigger) maybe a boob lift? hee hee

blessings coming to you from snowy-ville

pm me again. see what happens

Are you in PB, or plan D or plan FU?
I agree, file to protect $$$,

But if you are in MB mode, you need to stall proceedings.

Sorry to hear you had to go to this step.

trying mb mode as best i can. mostly nc except for kid stuff and the occasional text from ws saying "hi thinking about you" =torment! ha!
plan D it is-i have to file to protect the $, he's too unpredictable and with 5 kids, momma gotta feed em
thanks barbiecat!

This sounds like Plan WTFAREYOUDOINGTOYOURSELF!?!?!?!?

Unless, of course, Plan D is the ultimate and only goal, at which point... bravo.