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Its a fact that having kids gives us way more info about the other side of the castle wall than we would like for our dark plan B.
I,in my case, decided not to ask my kids to censure their experiences for me. I hear what they say and give neutral comments when needed and don't ask questions which would extend the conversation about whatever.
I want my children to feel like they can communicate with me. That they don't need to hide stuff (kind of why I think my WH got into his abyss of an affair....the need to hide many of his thoughts as a life pattern).

Anyway.

I think you need to dress nice and really get out as much as possible at this point. Extend your social network so you will be less lonely in the future with or without your spouse.

That is what I am doing.

I do just hang at the home lots of times when the kids are picked up and have solitary, relaxing things to do BUT I also sometimes have friends over at that time to spend time with, talking, watching a show, playing music, dinner. YK?
I love it. I had been kind of a hermit during the marriage, following my WH's unsocial lead.







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So true. Dressing up and sometimes going out will give YOU a boost, and should it happen to have ripples on the other side of the pond - or not - who cares? It only matters what it does to you, and it will be good for you.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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Originally Posted by Neak
With your boys still so small, perhaps instead of asking them not to tell you certain things and then they wonder, is this one of the certain things?, maybe get them each a journal.

Whenever they start to tell you too much, direct them to their journal, to either write or draw pictures. That way they still get to document their experiences and have them validated, but hopefully without giving you quite so much detail.

Another awesome idea from Neak. Hats off!

Not wanting to stop an excited child from telling you thier storys is hard. After all they are just kids. But pretending certain things don't hurt you is also misleading them. Eventually you crumble.

Putting it down in a journal would be a great idea, like the tree thing, as long as it wasn't an emergency.


Merry Xmas Scotty Rocks, to you and yours. santa001


Me 56 Former BS
Widowed 5-17-09 --married 25 years.
4 children
DS-35 previous marriage--18-22 DGrandSons 6 and 4
Me former BS
DD-29 with DGDs 5 and 1yr
DSs 26 and 23
Teilhard de Chardin..We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. ...Sounds about right to me.
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I agree that it is a fine line between not wanting to hear the unnecessary things and about Bampot and having DSx2 share the goings on of their days. I will walk that line and learn how to accomplish the closest side to DARK as I can with small children.

About my going out. I go out as often as I wish to. I have friends. I see them everyday at school. I talk to people on the phone and on FB. I am more of a homebody. I was actually like this as a child and I have continued to be like this in adulthood. I am okay with the amount of time that I go out. I also have issue with dressing up when Bampot comes and gets DSx2. He really only comes and gets them when I go to work. I work in a retail store. While we don't have a uniform, we DO have a dresscode. BLACK. Black pants. Black shirt. Black shoes. Fetching. wink So dressing up when I am going to work, not gonna happen. I will continue this part of my life the way that I have and improve wherever I can. Thanx.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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So.....put a bright jacket on over the black, add a few dazzling accessories and ta da...you are dressed up and looking hot. Then when you pass by a mirror stop and admire yourself. Its all for you and will continue to build Scotty's confidence. Who cares about anyone else - right?


Me:BW
Dday:12/31/09-Found MB 01/03/10
3DstepChildren24&20
PlanA:01/03/10
PlanB:03/25/10
D final 11/15/10

"I dare you to find some time and some place to be silent for longer than usual; a few moments, a few minutes, a few hours. Listen to your heart, listen to your soul; and most importantly, listen to the silence to see what it sounds like and how it speaks to you."
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Thanx MyMissy, I have been building up my confidence. I have even. on occasion, worn make-up to work to which I get, "Scotty, you look really good with make-up." I then usually say, with a smile and a joking tone, "As apposed to other days when I look AWFUL." They laff and so do I. But really, sometimes I look at myself with the make-up and think that I look dreadful. Sometimes I even think I resemble Mimi from the Drew Carey Show. Others disagree. wink



BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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santa001 santa002

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL OF MY MB FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DSx2 woke me up at 630am and by 7, all of the presents were open. They went to their room to put together the lego sets that Santa brought them and have been there ever since. I, on the other hand, have been playing Guitar Hero and now I can't feel my hands and arms. grin

I hope everyone has a safe and Merry Christmas.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Merry Christmas to you and your family!

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Merry Christmas, Scotty!

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Well, no nachos for DSx2 for Christmas dinner this year. They had pork and au gratin potatoes(my kiddos HATED it which is why I heard about it, still working on the not telling Mommy things).

So, as I was posting to Meggin, something dawned on me. It was an A-HA moment. I was telling her about how when you are in Plan B, you will HATE the feeling you get when you hear about your WS. Then it dawned on me, THAT is part of how you lose the love for your spouse. They are then associated with something that brings you PAIN. Then you try to avoid that pain and they become something you want to avoid at all costs. hmmmmmm DrH really IS a genius. laugh


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Merry Xmas Scotty and DSX2

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Merry Christmas to you, read all your story and can say my hat is tipped to you my lovely Canadian friend smile

Hope you and the kids had a fabulous holiday smile


Change happens by listening and then starting a dialogue with the people who are doing something you don't believe is right. ~Jane Goodall
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santa001

Merry Christmas Scottie!!!!

I hope you and the boys had a wonderful one!!!!!

Many blessing and peace to you in the New Year!!!!

Not

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Hey guys/gals, HAPPY NEW YEAR.

happynewyr

I want to give a GIANT Shout out to all of you whom have contributed to MY 2010. What I thought was going to be one of the worst years of my life, turned into a SPECTACULAR year, now that I look back on it. I KNOW I have all of YOU and MB to thank for that.

There is only ONE Bampot, give your head a shake, moment that I want to tell you all about. On Boxing Day(Dec 26th for the people who don't know), my DSx2 went to MIL's for Christmas with Bampot. At 730pm, I get a call from Bampot's cell phone. My heart started racing. I let it go to the answering machine, there was no message. Then, the phone rang again. This time, I answered. It was DS10. He said, "Mommy, just wanted to let you know that we are on our way home." I said, "Okay, I love you." He said, "Love you too." They arrived home, safe and sound, 45 minutes later. DS10 told me that it was Bampot who called the first time, and then said, "Maybe you should call home."

I am so glad that I didn't pick up the first time. Although, I DID have it rehearsed in case it was him. If I didn't just automatically hang up when I heard his voice, I would have said, "Are you ready to remove WF from your life forever? Call me when you are."

Taking the kiddos to my sister's house for New Year's celebrations tonight. It has been a tradition for MANY years. It should be better than last year. I hope I don't cry this time. smile

Again, Happy New Year to you ALL. And to any newbies, it really DOES get better when you follow the plans.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Happy New Year, Scotty. May 2011 be the year from heaven!!!!

Take care and be safe. Me, too, about not crying this year. I don't expect to since I'm feeling much stronger and much happier than last year.

And God -- if you happen to have some extra time tonight -- stir the pot between all the WSs and OPs out there. A really big, spilling over the sides, NASTY, drag out, call the cops kind of stir. And if we get a call to bail them out of jail -- a -- sorry, wrong number!!


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Last night, I emailed Mrs H about some questions I had about the end date for Plan A and why it differs for men and women. It was very interesting to hear what DrH had to say.

So, I have been thinking a lot about WH and my fear that if I truly let him go that I won't want him back. It really is something that weighs heavily on me. I feel like I am getting stuck again and I am going to need to push myself further once again. I always tell DS10, when he is at boxing training, that when something gets easier to do, he needs to push himself again. that is the only way he will get better. Well, I am taking my own advice.

I still find myself dividing things in 4, and there are only 3 of us here(unless you include the dog). When I catch myself doing that, I laff. I usually find that I was in 'auto-mode' during those times. Need to fix that.

Life stresses have really affected me. My internet has been acting up for months. The last few weeks it would come in and out all day long. Very frustrating. I still haven't been able to fix my computer(this is the netbook) to the dismay of DSx2. My oven went kaputz. And tonight, my dryer caught on fire. This is on top of my demolition dog creating havoc with my floor tiles and shower. By that I mean, she pulls them all off. ARGH.

I have let too many things slide in my life recently and I need to get my IRL on a better track for me, and for my DSx2. I am not exactly taking a break from MB, but I won't be as much of a presence as I have been, at least for a little while. The new year made me reevaluate how far I have come and I see ways to improve again. I will still check in on some of my favs and help out with some newly betrayed. I thank you all.

For old time's sake, "WAYTURDS SUCK AZZ."


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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God bless you, your child, and your precious dog and my prayers still to your WH (praying for all of you).

May he pull that head out of his azz before he loses the best two things in his life: you and your child.

With time comes wisdom and greater perspective. I understand how you feel. You've come a long way and it's amazing. I finally read so much of your posts, and wanted to add, you remind me of myself, about seven years ago. But I still pray your outcome is a bit different, however, I can say 100 percent firmly, that without MB and the life-building tools I learned here, I would not have bounced back as I did or rebuilt my life.

No matter what the outcome is, you must know you are an amazing woman. When the time's right, let us know how you're doing. Somebody from Georgia will be keeping you and your family in prayers.

Happy New Year and wish you a year of love, happiness, and wonderful new beginnings.

Blessings~


Change happens by listening and then starting a dialogue with the people who are doing something you don't believe is right. ~Jane Goodall
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Scotty, I understand. Some times you just need to take a deep breath and step back a moment. You really are an incredible person and you WILL come out of this OK. You have helped so many others here too. It sounds cliche, but God only gives you what he knows you can handle. Unfortunately for you, you are tough and can handle quite a bit!!

Keep on doing the next right thing.


-SOL
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As Allways , Scotty Rocks-- Don't be a stranger


Me 56 Former BS
Widowed 5-17-09 --married 25 years.
4 children
DS-35 previous marriage--18-22 DGrandSons 6 and 4
Me former BS
DD-29 with DGDs 5 and 1yr
DSs 26 and 23
Teilhard de Chardin..We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. ...Sounds about right to me.
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Guys, I am here to confess something and I seriously do not want, nor deserve any responses to this. I want this only to serve as a lesson to others and as a way to keep myself accountable.

As of late, my Plan B has not been as dark as it should have been. I allowed myself to get caught up in my own head. A week or two ago, my SIL tagged me in some pics that also included Bampot. I removed the tags and asked her not to do it again. It sent me in a tailspin, for sure.

I couldn't help but focus on Bampot and the A, even though I KNEW it was wrong. I thought getting away from here for a bit would help. I WAS WRONG. What getting away from here did was leave me with idle time. I just thought and thought about stuff. I constantly talked about Bampot.

On Saturday, I found out that a new co-worker knows WF. She used to work with her and she called her a SL_T. She told me that her bestfriend works where they work and she is going to tell her to mess with them and give them a hard time. I told her that I want no part of it and that I don't want to know about it at all.

Then, my mom was giving me a ride home from work. I got out of the car and she said, "I should stick around and talk to Bampot." I thought she was joking, until she called me at 635 and asked why DSx2 weren't home yet. She talked to him and then told me what was said. It hurt. Then, last night, she looked for her on FB and found her. She told me that WF has "in a relationship with Bampot" on her profile. It hurt me. I don't know why it hurt me, but it did.

I let curiosity get the better of me and I looked at her FB page. I read old posts on her wall. I guess I really must have wanted to torture myself today. I got to see all of their "sexy" "love you" "best boo" and all that other CR@P that wayturds fill each others lives with. I then realized that Bampot had created that profile in 2009 BEFORE I even knew. He wrote messages to her on there BEFORE I found MB. It was DISGUSTING. He also had a FB profile, at the same time, where we were listed as MARRIED. Not a surprise by any stretch. Wayturds are so predictable and NOTHING Bampot has done is out of the ordinary. It is interesting to me that none of HIS family or IRL friends are on that FB.

What this has done to ME though is send me close to Plan F/U. I am SERIOUS. My Taker has come raging out and I am GLAD that I am in Plan B. If not, it would NOT be pretty.

These are things I should NOT have known about though. I am no where NEAR stuck anymore. I am moving QUICKLY to the other side. It could just be that I am so spitting angry and it is making me see RED, or I could have gone below my LB balance.

I thought about plans to get Bampot to come back to me, to "cheat" on WF and then I would say, "So long SUCKER(an F instead of an S)." FULL TAKER.

I am sorry that I let you all down. I am more sorry that I let myself down. I was living life with the love I had for Bampot safely tucked away. I can't find it right now. It's buried under RAGE.

I often think that when someone hasn't posted on MB for a while, it is because they are trying to do it half azzed and they don;t want to get 2x4'd here.

I don't need 2x4's, I already KNOW what I did wrong and why I shouldn't have done it. I have made some of my friends very happy though. These are the friends that didn't want me to recover in the first place. I am sticking to my Plan B, and I am getting darker than EVER. I will protect MYSELF with whatever I have left. I refuse to become someone I don't want to be. That crazy ex is definitely NOT who I want to become.

Sorry MB. I will get DARK again and this time, I am going darker than ever before.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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