So that was you...

Mitzie

Just backing the bus up a little........

Quoted by Pepperband



I am one of those so Pep knows what she is talking about. I love an alcoholic too. I worked on my own sobriety first and then I began the Al-Anon program. I know of very few alcoholics that practice both programs.
I was blessed to find my AA sponsor at an Al-Anon meeting. He insisted when we started that both programs (AA/Al-Anon)are the same and I found it hard to believe at first.

He was right. My first struggle is with alcohol-second CONTROL over people places and things. I struggle more with the second now than the first. If I dont take extreme care of the first one the second one will not matter.

Have you read this?

Make sure to read the whole article all the way through because Dr Harley is talking about US WHO ALREADY LOVE AN ADDICT/ALCOHOLIC. The co-dependency movement may wreck a "normal" M but the movement came about FOR US to PROTECT ourselves from the harmful effects of a using addict/alcoholic.


Quote Mitzie



Just wanted to post to you so you know you are not alone... I am listening.

Nesre

Thanks for the laugh. I just about spit my coffee out!



Thanks Nesre. Yes, WH is an ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics)who is an alcoholic himself. Tried to tell him this, tried to help him with this issue. He wouldn't listen because he does not consider himself an alcoholic like his dad was. He doesn't drink hard liquor, he doesn't get mean and violent when he drinks, he deosn't wreck vehicles...so he isn't his dad therefore he isn't an alcoholic.

I am giving Al-Anon a try again. I couldn't go to this weeks meeting, it's a bit far and we had waaaay too much snow(didn't stop me from going to WalMart though, lol).

I did read Dr. Harley's info earlier. It was spot on.

I'm going to clean out a lot of WH paperwork(junk to me), put it in a box and leave it on his front stoop while he's at work. Declutter, declutter, declutter...

Off to shovel the front porch. The same front porch WH just put on in September(one month before EA started). Of course that's not finnished either.

Hi Mitzie,
you never know, but the EA might have started way before you thought or realized.
I just found out that my WH was already having and EA with the OW since the summer of 2007! And I thought it started as EA in February 2008 (they went physical probably in March or April)

So when he was putting that porch he could have been in the EA for months. I think before the A goes physical the WS really tries to keep his normal family life while thinking and obsessing about OP. I think they hope it will go away and that they will soon get their feelings back for the spouse...

Blessing

Mitz, those thoughts and feelings are completely NORMAL.

Is there another Walmart somewhere else where you could shop? That way you wouldn't need to worry if you are going to run unto them.

Also, have you thought about keeping a journal and write TO your WH(things he will not see though)? Tell him all of those nasty things you wish you could say to his face. I often say, on my thread, that my WH is lukcy I am in Plan B because some of the things I have wanted to say would make his head spin.

You're doing great. Listen to Pep and Neak, they helped get me through that beginning part of Plan B.

Stay off his front stoop. Don't you have a crawl space under the house? That goes under the toilet? An attic? A garage?

Pack it up and get it out of the house by all means, but do not play Ms. UPS Delivery Girl even while he's at work.

WILL DO, Neak.

Although I'd like to throw it ALL DOWN THE TOILET! BURN AN EFFY made of his stuff? (everyone, s'mores at Mitzie's tonight!) I do have a journal and writing is theraputic, will do that too.

@Atena,
Who knows how long the EA was going on. I know for years she would give him that look at the bar. He's always there, she's always there, it was probably just a matter of time...although the phone calls and secret meetings didn't start until October, and going through the phone records SHE would call him...skanky homewrecker sleep around sl*t who couldn't keep a man of her own so she steals another (well, I guess he went willingly to the mother-ship and wasn't stolen, technically).

My MIL, in Las Vegas, divorced 8 years ago due to a WH.
She avoided going out in public for years, remember how big Vegas is, just in case she ran into her XH who now lived on the other side of the city. She obsessed so much that it destroyed her mentally and physically. No one could even talk to her without her going off on her XH.

8 years later she is getting better, but we still avoid bringing up anything about marriage, or relationships around her because she might go off on a 3 hour lecture of her XH.

Yes going crazy and screaming is normal. However, you can't let it eat you up, and ruin your life to the point that you can't go to wally world.

I would suggest a pounding stick, or a pillow. Use the pounding stick to smack a pillow on your bed to get everything out, or do Maritalbliss' thing and ram a pillow into a door frame. After your done you feel a little better. Its just good temporary relief. I want to get sapph a punching bag and gloves because she goes through pounding sticks like mad!

Pounding is a really good source to get all the bad energy out of you, people think by holding it in they will be fine, but festering it inside you is like poison...

Haven't you ever notices if you are emotionally drained, frustrated, scared, etc... you all of a sudden get sick??

That's because you hold everything inside, once you pound it out (what ever that might be anger, sad, depression, frustration, etc) you will feel a thousand times better!!

Every time I pound I hear my 4 year old knock on my door and ask "mom are you pounding the dust off your bed again?" it's cute

FYI

I pound almost everyday, it is nothing to be ashamed of at all! Or to be embarrassed sometimes I even scream saying...

No more feeling scared
No more feeling tired
No more feeling like I want to give up
No more feeling that I can't do this
etc....

What ever you are feeling and want to get rid of just say it, that helps even if you want to yell at your husband while you pound go for it

Sounds good.

I have a problem.

WH told DS1 to tell me that he got my letter(aparantly he told him a few days ago...teenagers!) but 'tell your mom I just can't read it right now.'

WHAT THE HECK?

I have been in a dark Plan B for over a week now and he won't read the reason why I can't see or tlk to him?

Is this typical? Why do WSs do this, is it fear(too much reality for their fantasy world)? Do they think it's a 'goodbye' or 'I hate you forever' letter?

Now what do I do? He has no clue why I won't talk to him or see him

Nothing. You are in PB.

Tho tempting, you should never pontificate about a WS thought process.

I think you know.... there IS no thought process. It would be easier to train gerbils to jump through hoops of fire.

I realise I can never understand WS thought process...fog...

I just wanted to know if some WS don't ever read the PB letter, then what...?

Do nothing? Then what's the point of even sending a letter if it never gets read by WS?

Of course, at the time it was sent I had no idea WH was NOT going to read it.

It's so frustrating. Guilt on his part? An old proverb:

A GUILTY CONSCIENCE NEEDS NO ACCUSER

You are doing very well.
I understand your frustration. This would drive anyone nuts.

That is why silence, (not hearing any details about WS) is better for you in the long run.

@mitzie -

Who is the Plan B for? You or WS?

@ Superman(CK)...
ME! ME! ME!


@ BC
I will tell kids no info from dad unless it's an emergency


@Neak
Made my God Box(I think you said God JAR) and don't think it's not loaded already.

@Harmony
WHERE ARE YOU GIRL?!?!

@Atena
Thanks for support

@Everyone else
Thank you from the bottom of my (broken) heart.

Mitz --

He read it. He just won't admit that he read it.
Because then you would be expecting him to DO something, and he's not ready to DO something.

So he's pretending that he's not on the clock yet....

I think he read it too.
If he didn't......he is super man in ability to resist temptation and we know he is not that.

Exactly my thought.

How does someone get a letter in the mail and NOT open it? For all he knew I could have put $500 in that envelope and told him to go buy a new T.V.!

Stupid mind head-games of the WS...what's he trying to prove?

Now I can go about my day and feel really good.

THANKS FOR THE REPLY. IT MADE MY DAY!

now tonight... when my mood swings kick in...off to WalMart to buy a pounding pillow. LOL