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No, they are about an hour and fifteen minutes from where I am.


Me: BS 32
WH: 32
DD: 10 months
ILYBNILWY: August
Bomb of PA: September
WH left: October
WH filed for Divorce: November
Me: Still fighting
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Originally Posted by StillFighting
No, they are about an hour and fifteen minutes from where I am.

Close to where your H is living?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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No, other direction.


Me: BS 32
WH: 32
DD: 10 months
ILYBNILWY: August
Bomb of PA: September
WH left: October
WH filed for Divorce: November
Me: Still fighting
Joined: Jan 2011
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So, I talked to my WH last night. He admitted that he is still talking to the OW. Duh--right. He admitted to only emails at this point, but I pointed out to him that we are still married and that even though he denies anything physical is going on, he is still involved in an EA. He agreed this was true. I gave him a few things to think about and am going to give him a week to ponder before I bring it up again. I did tell him that we will never work or ever be okay as long as he continues to be involved with her in any way. If he is still refusing to work on our marriage and is still talking to her next week (which I am sure he will be), then I think it's time for me to set some strict boundaries with him. That will be hard to do, but I know I have to.
I have a text saved in my drafts to send to OW letting her know I know they are still involved. I remind her that I've asked her nicely once to respect my family and to cease contact with my husband and that I am asking nicely again. I remind her that she is helping to destroy my daughter's life and if she truly cares about my husband, then she should care about his daughter and what her actions are doing to her. Does this sound appropriate? I haven't sent it yet.

Also, when I expose her to her parents--what do I say without coming across as a crazy, jealous, betrayed spouse?


Me: BS 32
WH: 32
DD: 10 months
ILYBNILWY: August
Bomb of PA: September
WH left: October
WH filed for Divorce: November
Me: Still fighting
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SF... I think you need to set some boundaries NOW! I didn't do much in the beginning and now I am paying for it. WH thinks he can do as he pleases and come and go when he wants, etc. In the beginning when he first left, I did allow this and I really shouldn't have. But, I thought that if I did I would be providing a place he would want to come back to. But, what I ended up doing was showing him that he was allowed to do as he wanted with little consequences. Now, I am trying to set the consequences and it is a little bit harder and I think I am going to have to work harder to accomplish what I want. Good luck!!


Married 7, Separated summer 2010

me, BW: 31
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I have a text saved in my drafts to send to OW letting her know I know they are still involved. I remind her that I've asked her nicely once to respect my family and to cease contact with my husband and that I am asking nicely again.
SF, I think it's commendable that you're nicely asking this Skank Ho to leave your H alone, but I don't think being nice is the appropriate action to take, here.

I would make this broad's life a living hell until she leaves your H alone! I would let her know that she won't have a minute's peace if she continues to insert herself into your M! I would be ready to rip the hair out of any little whore who tried to destroy my family!

Why in the world are you being nice to this piece of trash???


D-Day 2-10-2009
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Thank you Marriage Builders!

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I guess I'm trying to take the high road, so to speak. I don't want to come across as crazy and unstable and give her any reason to see me as threatening her or harassing her.


Me: BS 32
WH: 32
DD: 10 months
ILYBNILWY: August
Bomb of PA: September
WH left: October
WH filed for Divorce: November
Me: Still fighting
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I agree with MB!!! Don't make it easy!! The OW my WH is with is A SKANK, HO, WHORE, HOMEWRECKER.... all in one. Some people say they change but then you see them for what they really are..... and this is evident that she is still all of the above. Once a cheater... ALWAYS a cheater. Make her life a living hell too. I have exposed EVERYHTHING this woman has been doing and since we live in a small town, people are looking at her like trash. They too see that she hasn't changed. You know how they say karma is a [censored]? Well, NLF is THAT [censored]!!! I am making it so hard for her that she gets nasty looks everywhere she goes. Even though my WH is involved with her and made these choices on his own, most people know her past and say they aren't surprised that she once again suckered in another guy. Now, she's ruined an entire family, her family and possibly the future of 5 kids. THat in itself is probably the most selfish thing I have ever heard of. The fact that someone is willing to sacrifice the future of innocent children and take away ALL they have ever known for their own "happiness" and wants is selfish and disgusting. I hope these WSs who decide not to stay with their families have difficulty looking at themselves in the mirror in the morning.... and I hope it comes back to bit in the butt two fold in the end. And with this skank, it most likely will with her in life.


Married 7, Separated summer 2010

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SF, honey, look at what you've written.

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I'm trying to take the high road
That's very commendable, but your WH and his Ho are down at your feet, wallowing in the mud! How will anything you do, up there on the high road, be noticed??

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I don't want to come across as crazy and unstable and give her any reason to see me as threatening her or harassing her.
You shouldn't consider for ONE SECOND what that piece of adulterous crap thinks of you! You're not trying to be her college room-mate! SF, LET her think you're unbalanced! Let her think you'll track her down like a bloodhound and are capable of beating the living [censored] out of her! MAKE HER SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN! QUIT BEING NICE!!



Last edited by maritalbliss; 01/18/11 09:15 AM.

D-Day 2-10-2009
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So what should I say to her? I don't curse and I want to remain as cordial as possible, but also get my point across that I'm not someone who backs down from a fight. I'm a fighter and one stubborn woman, so I don't back down until I see no other choice.


Me: BS 32
WH: 32
DD: 10 months
ILYBNILWY: August
Bomb of PA: September
WH left: October
WH filed for Divorce: November
Me: Still fighting
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Originally Posted by StillFighting
So what should I say to her? I don't curse and I want to remain as cordial as possible, but also get my point across that I'm not someone who backs down from a fight. I'm a fighter and one stubborn woman, so I don't back down until I see no other choice.
First of all, to whom have you exposed? I saw you were looking for her family, did you find them? You need to expose this to her parents. Did you try www.intelius.com ? For a very small (like, $2) fee you can get names that are associated with hers. This could give you her parents' names, siblings, any exes, etc.

I quickly re-read your thread, and I can't see where you exposed to anyone but their employer. Can you bring me up to speed on that?

I would expose the A to her family, and then pay her a visit. If you're unable to physically do it, I would call her. I would suggest you tell her in no uncertain terms that you will do whatever it takes to save your marriage.

"Hello, is this Skankho? This is WH's wife. WH has confessed to me that he is still in contact with you. I tried to ask you nicely to get out of my marriage, but you have refused. Understand that I will do whatever it takes to save my M. If you do NOT leave my H alone you will never have a moment's peace. I have no intention of letting some piece of trash ruin my marriage. Do you have any questions? Because if you don't I expect there to be NO further contact from you to my H. And if there is I will assume you have questions, and I will be in contact with you to make sure you are totally clear that you are NOT to interfere with my marriage."

No foul language necessary. If she starts whining about how your WH is the one contacting HER, your response is the same: you will whatever it takes to save your M, and you will not give her a moment's peace if she attempts to contact your H. Repeat as necessary, then give her a firm "good-bye" before you hang up.


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Okay--sounds good. Thank you! I did find out who her parents are, but again--what do I say to them?

As far as exposure--everyone pretty much knows but her family/friends. My husband's coworkers, family, church, and many/most close friends know. That is one reason he ran so far away from home to live--he has one friend that condones whatever he does so he needs that right now.


Me: BS 32
WH: 32
DD: 10 months
ILYBNILWY: August
Bomb of PA: September
WH left: October
WH filed for Divorce: November
Me: Still fighting
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As far as exposure--everyone pretty much knows but her family/friends.
Then half of your potential support system hasn't been addressed. You need to track these people down and expose this to them.

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Skankho's Parents,
It grieves me to write this letter, but I am writing to you to ask for your help. Your Skankho daughter has been involved with my husband in an adulterous affair that began while they worked together at XYZ Company. Your daughter was relieved of her job responsibilities after the affair was disclosed to their employer. (NOTE TO SF: USE THE LAST SENTENCE ONLY IF IT'S 100% CONFIRMED THAT THE A IS WHAT COST HER THE JOB.) I do have texts and emails that confirm this affair if you wish to see them.

I am reaching out to anyone who can help me end this, and as a mother I know that I would want to guide my child into healthy relationships and away from unhealthy ones, such as you daughter is involved in now with my husband.

I am sure that your daughter looks to both of your for guidance. On behalf of myself, my infant daughter and my marriage, I am asking you to help guide her out of this terrible affair.

If you have questions please don't hesitate to contact me. I can be reached at xxx-xxx-xxxx.

Sincerely,
Sign your name.



D-Day 2-10-2009
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Originally Posted by maritalbliss
SF, honey, look at what you've written.

Quote
I don't want to come across as crazy and unstable and give her any reason to see me as threatening her or harassing her.
You shouldn't consider for ONE SECOND what that piece of adulterous crap thinks of you! You're not trying to be her college room-mate! SF, LET her think you're unbalanced! Let her think you'll track her down like a bloodhound and are capable of beating the living [censored] out of her! MAKE HER SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN! QUIT BEING NICE!!

MB is soooo right! When I called my WHs skank-o-worse, she had the nerve to text me back, and I quote: "if there's anything I can do for you let me know." end of quote!!! YEAH, HOW BOUT NOT SCREWIN AROUND WITH WH & F**KING UP OUR KIDS LIVES YOU PEICE OF BOTTOM FEEDING LOW LIFE SH*T! Texting me like I need sympathy! OW got some balls alright.

The OW does not think of you as anything more than disgarded garbage. You're old news to her, she's the fresh meat for your WH.

AND...AND... you WANT her to think your unstable crazy...you may try to run her down with your car crazy, come after her with a butcher knife crazy women have ended up in prison over infidelity and I'm sure she knows this crazy. H3ll has no fury like a woman scorned smirk


BS/ME 47 Met on blind date
WH 46(Alcoholic,drugs?)
DS1:18 DS2:15
1st A EA9/07 PA10/07 NC11/07
2nd A EA/PA-10/2010
Found out- 11/20/2010
He moved out-1/1/2011 same apt.cmplx as OW(&her kids)
PlanB-1/1/11(broken)
NEW PB-2/11 Taking it one day at a time


There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who say to God, "Thy will be done" and those to whom God says, "Alright then, have it your way." ~C .S.Lewis


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Wow--that sounds really nice! Thank you so much! I never even thought to contact her family until the past couple of days. I'm not sure why it didn't hit me to do that---probably b/c I was dealing with so much at one time I barely knew which way was up.
Thanks again!


Me: BS 32
WH: 32
DD: 10 months
ILYBNILWY: August
Bomb of PA: September
WH left: October
WH filed for Divorce: November
Me: Still fighting
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Well, Mitzie---she can think all day long I'm disregarded garbage, but she knows deep down who the real trash is! I'd like to send her to a landfill!


Me: BS 32
WH: 32
DD: 10 months
ILYBNILWY: August
Bomb of PA: September
WH left: October
WH filed for Divorce: November
Me: Still fighting
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I would make the following suggestions. Call her and tell her that you know she is still in contact with your husband. (I'm not sure what state you are in and if they recognize allination of affection suits) but tell her anyway.....that if you get a divorce that you will name her in the divorce and that you plan to sue her for AOF. (If your state does not recognize it, a good attorney can come up with something else....I have seen it written here before but can't recall what it's called). Tell her that you will make her life a living hell and mean it. It is time to stop playing nice and sweet.....you are in a war! Also tell her family that when you call them. Maybe it will scare them to do something.

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So after our conversation last night, my husband left to go back to his apt. He sent me a text to let me know he had made it back okay--which is normal. I just responded by telling him I was glad he made it okay. I knew he was coming ot see the baby today, but didn't really know what time. He will usually send a text letting me know, so I can let the babysitter know. Well, today he just showed up and told her he would be staying for a couple of hours. He isleaving before I get home from work, so I'm sure he is avoiding me. I've had no contact with him today. I don't consider myself in Plan B at this point, but I also realize that stricter boundaries are going to have to be set with him. So, where should I go from here. Do I let him start missing me and wait for him to contact me? Do I send him a text just to say hello? What's the consensus here? I'd been trying to be good to him and meet the EN that I could, but now that I know he is still in contact with OW what should I do? Does it change all that? Very confused....


Me: BS 32
WH: 32
DD: 10 months
ILYBNILWY: August
Bomb of PA: September
WH left: October
WH filed for Divorce: November
Me: Still fighting
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SF, go back and re-read my posts from today.


D-Day 2-10-2009
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Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Still, they have taken their A underground. If you can't find her on FB, it's probably because she has BLOCKED you. If that's the case, you wouldn't be able to see her at all, even if she was one of your WH's FB's friends.

Do you have access to his FB account? Can you login and make sure she is not his friend? If she is, since you're logging in from your WH's account, you should be able to see her, click on her profile and get a list of her "friends." At that point you can do a FB exposure (no, not posting it all over her wall).

If you find out that is the case, come back and let us know and we'll tell you how to expose her. Don't do anything until you find out how this works though.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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