And to this you replied "yes, of course it does."

Right?

Yes I did. Was that the wrong thing to say?

It is never wrong to be Open and Honest about your feelings.

Have you tried to POJA this?

Wounded, you are going to have to get your H onboard with MB. In addition to reading the books with him and asking him to come post here (which I know you have said he won't do), the best options for you are to see a pro-MB counselor or work directly with the Harleys.

In addition to not practicing POJA, he has very very poor boundaries, which is one of the first things that you would want to see change during Recovery. It doesn't sound like he is even close yet (his xW shouldn't be calling him and he shouldn't be going to that event without you).

My sense is that a third party is going to have to tell him these things or else he will just keep gaslighting you. At least this worked for me with the parts of MB that my H wasn't making progress with.

Sorry you are going through this!

Thank you..I am going to talk to him about MB Counselor. He has told me that he wants us to see a counselor but he never makes the appointment. We did see one in the begining but stopped going because he would have angry outbursts and walk out of the session and tell me when I wasn't doing what the counselor said for me to do, even though he wasn't doing the things either.

He is barely talking to me right now other than trying to direct me moving his aunt in with us while he is at work.

It sounds like he wants his affair forgotton and under the rug so life can be exactly the same pre-affair...

Sorry buddy but that ain't hapening and if he does not realize this then I am afraid you are not in a real recovery.

He does not realize hoe much damage he has done to the mariage so therefore he still has low boundaries and this will happen again either with the same girl or a different ow.

That is exactly what I am thinking too. His behavior is almost the same as it was when he was having his affair before but I can't find any evidence of it. No unusually numbers on his phone. His computer crashed so we are sharing my laptop so I can see what he is doing on the internet (which he doesn't get on the computer much anymore). Right now he is switching between vehicles so unless I buy several VARs I can't get anything that way. I have looked for a second phone but haven't found one. Not sure what else I can do.

U can't he is waiting till this blows over what u need to do is sit down and make new requirments and new boundaries such as....

UA time 20 hours
Dedication on mb principles POJA, radical honesty, top needs, get rid of lb, and DJs
No more secrets
No more talking to other females (even if they are just friends)
Respecting eachother
Etc...

You can add more to help with ur needs

What are the bounaries and requirments did you guys talk about? And what have his actions been since he's been back...

Actions speaks louder than words.

We have a session scheduled with Steve tomorrow. Hopefully this gets us on track.

I think Steve might have gotten through to him some. His behavior has been more loving than usual. I have my session with Steve tomorrow.

I can not sing Steve's praises enough. It has taken several sessions but I think my husband is coming out of the fog. He is finally taking responsibility and not blaming me or our marriage. His behavior is supporting his words.

I feel like we are finally on the right road to recovery and it feels good. Is it normal to still be gaurded due to past false recoveries?

Thank all of you for your help. I don't know how I would have handled it with out all of the insight and advice I have gotten here. I know alot of you gave up on me because I wouldn't go to plan B but according to Steve I did the right thing by not doing it.

Great news, Wounded

It bums me out when people take that advice (to use Steve to get their spouse on board) lightly or just ignore it altogether. I know it has worked tremendously for me and others. Keep us updated!

So Steve can help a WS get out of the fog and end the affair? I've seen so many ppl on here say there is no point in getting WS to talk to Steve if they are still in contact with OW/OM.

Her H wasn't involved in an active affair. He was still foggy and gaslighting her tho...

ETA: I see why you thought there was an A. I changed my last post

gotcha!

Thanks for clearing it up for me. I am not on here much anymore.

Can you say total attitude change?

We will be having our 5th session with Steve tomorrow. This does not seem like the same man or relationship I was with/in just 12 days ago. I do not know what assignments Steve is giving him but I do know the goal of the assignments. My FWH is surpassing the goals. I even got a dozen roses last night for no reason!!!

I am a little worried because of my daughter's attitude toward him. Any advice on how to handle it?

How do you get your spouse to do the homework Steve gives us?

Our last appointment was on Feb 9th. Steve tolds us to sit down and go over our ENs and LBs then set up a session with him early the next week (which would have been on the 16th due to hubby's work schedule). I have requested that we do this sit down several times. I even went as far as to ask on the 15th if we could do it on the 16th for my birthday. Still nothing but he did mention today that we need to do our homework.

Not only did we not do the homework but we didn't do anything for my birthday. He gave me the same thing on my bithday that he gave me for Valentines and Christmas..nothing. After I told him that my feeling were hurt he came home the day after my birthday with a big ballon, card and money for me to get what I wanted. I do appriciate him acknowleding my B'day but I still feel hurt because I have alway made his birthday special. I know it is partly because this is my first birthday after DD2 and after my mother's death.

We have finally come to an agreement about his great aunt. He gives me a day off a week. He informed me that his next day off he is going to another state to pick up a part for his truck. When I told him that it bothered me that he didn't discuss it with me first it has caused alot of LB on both sides. HE knows about POJA but still doesn't use it.

Help please.

Make the appointment with Steve, and Steve will get on to him for not doing the homework. Steve's your husband's coach, not you. You do what you're supposed to do, and let Steve worry about getting your husband to do his part.

Make an appointment ASAP.