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Mason,
Just wanted to lend my support, you are doing the right thing, I agree if the affair was okay why not rejoice and go with everyone knowing how wonderful it is.
Just keep telling your husband you are trying to save your marriage and that you are fighting back because you love him and need the affair to be over so the two of you can work on your marriage, just the two of you...
fantasy is going to meet reality now, let it do it's job.............hang in there, be strong ........don't trust anything he says...........keep your appt with your lawyer and sit back and watch the show.............
BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
Working on Recovery
Grateful for finding Marriage Builders
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BTW, I've seen on here many times where a WH says that he's done, he wants a divorce, and that's it... (which your husband will probably say again with this exposure, that's how you know it's working), and they never DO anything.
Watch his actions, pay no attention to his words, as you already know he's a liar.
I'll say that again, Watch his actions!
BTW, some of those WH's are no longer W, and are actively in recovery!
Me BS
H FWS
DDay 10/2007
Actively recovering, learning, loving, earning a better marriage!
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Ignore him, did you copy the details of all her friends off facebook. If you did ensure you blanket this exposure to all her friends and family, their adultery thrives on deceit. Do not fear him,do not let him intimidate you. In the event the OW waylaid her mothers message send the message in a letter to her mother , use a non descript envelope and either fedex it or use recorded delivery to ensure it gets through.
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I guess I did not think of it that way. I hope this works but since my husband already wants a divorce I am pretty sure I just made him angry, which is OK because I am angry too! You are right, what is the problem with their daughter dating a married man who has left his family.
Me BW 43 / WH 44
2 DS 7 and 4
D day 8-2010
Asked him to leave 9-10
Exposed 11-10
FR 1-2011
Back with OW / In Plan B 2-11
False Recovery Back in Plan B 7-12
Divorced
Better Life in Progress!
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She has taken her facebook page down. I got her mother, sister, brother in law, and her x-husband.
Me BW 43 / WH 44
2 DS 7 and 4
D day 8-2010
Asked him to leave 9-10
Exposed 11-10
FR 1-2011
Back with OW / In Plan B 2-11
False Recovery Back in Plan B 7-12
Divorced
Better Life in Progress!
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 139
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Be a broken record when you speak with him: I will do whatever it takes to save our marriage and our family. I will do whatever it takes to save our marriage and our family.
Mason, please don't quit posting, please don't quit listening to the vets here... I think that's why you had a false R, the good people here can sniff out infidelity like a bloodhound, they would have helped you set your bar high, they would have helped you to identify what was going on and help to avoid some of the heartbreak.
The vets here are your best bet to saving your marriage, the plans aren't a guarantee to your marital recovery, but they ARE for your personal recovery.
You are not alone.
Me BS
H FWS
DDay 10/2007
Actively recovering, learning, loving, earning a better marriage!
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Good job, she can't waylay all those messages. Do not take his call until you are ready to, whatever happens do not be afraid, the truth hurts those who lie.
Last edited by Xau; 02/14/11 04:09 PM.
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As for Plan B:
MelodyLane had a great post about Intermediary Training, see if you can find it, it'll help your IM.
Have you gotten the locks changed yet?
Me BS
H FWS
DDay 10/2007
Actively recovering, learning, loving, earning a better marriage!
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I am going to ignore him form this point and begin Plan B. It was in a matter of 15 minutes that her FB page was down, or I was blocked and that my husband was calling. I think I hit the strongest targets. I think her page is down because when I went on her mothers sight I could no longer see her as a friend. My crazy life. You are right I should have followed the plan my husband was nice to me for a week and then he pulled away. I had no boundaries set. I am pretty sure he is lying to everyone or why would she have called him so quickly.
Me BW 43 / WH 44
2 DS 7 and 4
D day 8-2010
Asked him to leave 9-10
Exposed 11-10
FR 1-2011
Back with OW / In Plan B 2-11
False Recovery Back in Plan B 7-12
Divorced
Better Life in Progress!
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Posts: 355
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This is a response I got from her sister:
Trish, all I can say is shame on you for airing your dirty laundry this way. Lori's family and friends support her and love her, and quite frankly, this is NOT about her, it is about you and your husband. You should really keep it that way.
Me BW 43 / WH 44
2 DS 7 and 4
D day 8-2010
Asked him to leave 9-10
Exposed 11-10
FR 1-2011
Back with OW / In Plan B 2-11
False Recovery Back in Plan B 7-12
Divorced
Better Life in Progress!
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Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 355
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How should I respond.....
Me BW 43 / WH 44
2 DS 7 and 4
D day 8-2010
Asked him to leave 9-10
Exposed 11-10
FR 1-2011
Back with OW / In Plan B 2-11
False Recovery Back in Plan B 7-12
Divorced
Better Life in Progress!
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Posts: 139
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I wouldn't. The point was to inform, not to have a discourse.
What was the msg that you sent everyone? Can you post it?
Me BS
H FWS
DDay 10/2007
Actively recovering, learning, loving, earning a better marriage!
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Mason - I exposed about a week ago and apparently my WW got similar responses from some folks. My suggestion..and I'm in it like you obviously...is to ignore it. Ir you respond, you'll wind up in a virtual argument that will not be productive - this person has made up their mind about it (although it could change, once they've had a chance to reflect on it).
Vets, please contradict me here if I'm wrong.
BS(me)- 45
WW - 41
D-day 1 - (PA) 01/2011
DS - 6
Exposure: early 02/2011
Started Plan B - 7/11
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Sit back and laugh, the fact she responded says she has recognised her sister is a cheat.
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I would not respond, it's probably not even her sister, and it's actually her, you don't want that drama in your life either way.
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I am not sure I can I sent it in her facebook sight. This is how I was going to respond:
Really, so you are ok with your sister beng the other woman. How would you feel if your husband was having an affair and broke up your family. I think Lori deserves better than my cheating husband, who is a habitual liar and goes for two weeks at a time without contacting his kids. Lori thinks my husband is such a great dad. I have nothing to be ashamed of, I did not have an affair or break up a family.
Me BW 43 / WH 44
2 DS 7 and 4
D day 8-2010
Asked him to leave 9-10
Exposed 11-10
FR 1-2011
Back with OW / In Plan B 2-11
False Recovery Back in Plan B 7-12
Divorced
Better Life in Progress!
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Posts: 12,357
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This is a response I got from her sister:
Trish, all I can say is shame on you for airing your dirty laundry this way. Lori's family and friends support her and love her, and quite frankly, this is NOT about her, it is about you and your husband. You should really keep it that way. I wouldn't respond to her because you can't teach the willfully ignorant. But YOU need to remember that 'Lori' is in this up to her eyeballs - she's crawling in the pig filth of an affair (my apologies to the pig.) Do not second-guess your exposure. We see at least one FBer who responds like that every time there's a FB exposure. They'll change their tune in a hurry if it ever happens to them.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I know, I am just hoping she dumps him. My husband wants nothing to do with me, but I guess it is a good sign that he called three times to probably yell at me.
Me BW 43 / WH 44
2 DS 7 and 4
D day 8-2010
Asked him to leave 9-10
Exposed 11-10
FR 1-2011
Back with OW / In Plan B 2-11
False Recovery Back in Plan B 7-12
Divorced
Better Life in Progress!
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Posts: 139
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In regards to this "My husband wants nothing to do with me".
Again, watch his actions, don't listen to his words.
He hasn't filed for D.
He still comes to you to get some EN's met.
He's still cakeeating.
A WH who has checked out wouldn't care who you exposed to or what you said. The fact that he's still engaging with you, even if it is to yell, is GOOD!
Now, where are you at with planning Plan B?
locks changed?
letter written?
IM training post read?
Plan in place to change phone #, email address?
Plan B is not punishment, it's for you to find healing, strength and to preserve what love you have left for your H. When you do it, do it right, don't do it half-way... half-way doesn't work, and ends up doing more damage to you and the marriage.
Don't focus on what if's... focus on what you can DO.
Me BS
H FWS
DDay 10/2007
Actively recovering, learning, loving, earning a better marriage!
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Posts: 355
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I am seeing my attorney on Wed. He just tried to call again. keep hitting ignore, left the house went to my sisters in case he tried to come over. I do not think he ever ended the affair really. He saw her at a work mtg the first two wks in January, I am sure things started again. I will have my lock changed by Friday, letter is written- do not plan on answering his emails or text. My sister is the IM for now, I have two so they can switch off, one will be there on Sunday when he drops the kids off.
Me BW 43 / WH 44
2 DS 7 and 4
D day 8-2010
Asked him to leave 9-10
Exposed 11-10
FR 1-2011
Back with OW / In Plan B 2-11
False Recovery Back in Plan B 7-12
Divorced
Better Life in Progress!
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