Ok back to considering even heavier exposure at her workplace now.

But I also have a question. If she will not agree to work MB ways and has no plan in order to protect me. Whats the chances of this not just happening again with me being the only one working a plan?

Exposed it all last night and today...the full boat even the OMW (found Her). I feel lost now that the adrenaline is gone.

I have told her if she wanted a separation there was the door and it swung out as well as in.

Counselling went well all in all but Im not sure they are a fit yet. Told us not to try and discuss anything till next session. ????

No random nights away, ever. Are you kidding? Stay in the house!

Figure out whats missing the last few years? Is it financial? Struggling business hurting your marriage? EN there not being met?

Get to work finding the underlying issue. Try the EN questionairre if shes not too mad after exposure to do it.

Shes not to mad and probably expected it since its happened before.

Ever since work has been rough I have withdrawn from my whole family and have paid her NO attention at all or them really. Her LB is empty for sure. I have plans to ask her to fill out the ENQ again just so I can key in (but Im already pretty sure what they are from hearing her complaints)
But at this point I cant do ANYTHING right. She is constantly LBing and lashing out because of my actions or speech.She has agreed to show care and consideration.
This morning it was she didnt have her wedding band on and I asked she wear it. We had agreed she would and mostly she has been. But it made her mad that I said something.
OMW called me again last night wanting more details. I gave her what I could.

onemoretime - my WW has told me for months how I can't do anything right. You're probably going to have to get used to that one - and it's mild compared to some of the other stuff that you might get called.

Sounds like you should plan A the hell out of this. That should make some LB$ deposits.

Guys I think Im done. I can not let her continue to strike my soul with such grief with no regard or remorse. You can only mend a fence so many times before you have to replace it. Once was a dream is now a nightmare. Yet I sit here at my camper content that I did the right things at the right times. I caused some of this mess but not to the point of no repair. She did that all by herself. Maybe I will awake feeling differently but I have given my heart and my soul to a devil. I must cast it out. Why does life have to be this way?

OMT, I see you're not getting many responses. Part of that problem is that folks have been giving you advice, very good advice I might add, and you're either totally ignoring it or moving to slow.

Are you ready to get serious? Seems like you're down on yourself becuase you're not seeing any headway. This will take time, it's a marathon not a sprint.

Based on your latest post, it seems you have moved into the camper. Is that true? If so, why did you ignore the advice given to you? Move back to the home ASAP!

It's your decision if you want to work on your marriage or not. Your words say you don't but I get the feeling you're still not sure. You must decide one way or the other. If you decide to work on it then do what your being advised to do. You said in previous posts that you're not afraid. I think you may believe that but you're posts tell a different story. Are you going to put that fear aside? If want to recover your marriage take action. Do it out of conviction, not fear.

NC done
Exposure done...Nuked
Plan A in motion
Super Snoop in motion
Yes Im in OUR home and she is working on our M and my EN.Not to where I need them but progress.

Problem 1. She doesn't see this as an EA and says yes it was inappropriate but not an EA.


Problem 2. Anything to do with MB Im lecturing and theres a wall that pops up.

I have also asked her for a plan of protection for me and our M and she has yet to really do anything about it.

I must apologize as yes I have been reluctant to take advice and Im sorry.

Wow guess Im talking to myself here. Ok thanks anyhow and Ill discontinue any more posts.

life doesn't have to be this way OMT. i too am in a similar sitch. reading over your sitch, she has had 3 A's in past several years? mine has had 2. i have 5 children. i can sympathize. i too have grown tired w/ my W's antics. i too have been weak and reluctanct to act @ times. my mistake after A#1 was the same one you made. we did not expose and we did not really address the issues. face it. we made our beds. i only discovered MB late last year. my exposure came in 2 installments and was not nuclear i will confess. shouldve been more widespread.

love is tough. you are deserving of respect. your situation is far from hopeless. i have found it hard @ times to accept the advice given here on MB. i make up excuses for not doing what needs to be done. in much of my life, i am strong, directed and a man of action. in my M, i have been a mouse. right now i have reached a point where i am saying "no mas." no more. as much as it pains me to think about the harm to my kids, plan B is it. you need to be the one who made her move into the camper. a woman is looking for stones. show her that you have them.

remorse from your WW? fuggedaboutit. have been waiting for the same. 6 months. never got it after A#1 and didnt get it now. when pigs fly should be my attitude. i have come to the resolution that i can only control me. my W and her antics are in God's hands now. He knows the sitch. do not leave now amigo. we are here for you. i am sure the vets were frustrated w/ me and my wishy/washy approach. it makes it hard to post on someone's sitch if you know what they need to do but do not feel like they are doing it. that's me.

don't stop posting and checking out the other threads. it can be VERY helpful and informative. there are lots of really great people here with really great advice who can commiserate w/ you and lend you support when you need it the most.

SMM

you are NOT alone. not for one second. we are here. journal here if you need to. it is as much for you as it is for those of us also out here with you.

Guess Im discouraged on here. I love the material and advice. Things seem to be going well and she is definitely back to at least controversial state and sometimes intimate state. I think she knows I am at wits end.
There has been no contact between the 2 of them and he is been moved to a whole new area. I have her phone and inbox's covered to assure.
My thing is it was only a few weeks so Im almost sure there inst MUCH addiction or withdrawal going on (I Hope)
Plan Aing again. But I fear the future. All I can do is be the best I can be.And thats hard sometimes.
I really dont understand how or why she keeps cultivating EAs or as she puts it "inappropriate friendships" knowing how deeply it hurts me. I realize its to meet her needs that Im not meeting. But to be so reckless?
No protection plan from her as of yet either and any type of Plan for love restoration is met with Lecturing in her eyes.
No way I will deal with this ever again. IF it happens Im afraid Ill be all done. Love her but done.

onemoretime - a couple of things to consider.

Ponder these questions:

Is your WW an extreme extrovert?
Have you tried to figure out what's driving the EAs?
Is it the attention, i.e. is she very insecure about her looks, etc?
Does she feel she has to 'prove' to herself and others that she's attractive?

I'm asking these questions, because these things describe my WW. Her sense of confidence and self is closely wrapped up in her attractiveness. She started with EAs to satisfy that need, but gues what, apparantly, at some point that wasn't enough for her.

Consider trying to complete an ENQ from her perspective. It might shed some light on the situation.

In my opinion yes she needs to feel attractive (45 and not so high esteem anymore) and she is a extrovert. She truly does enjoy the attention.The last EA she said it made her "high" because he was telling her she was pretty/exciting/sexy/smart/better than sliced bread ;)confirmed via the Texts that I read.And that it wasn't real because it was all virtual via those texts.(we all know if its making you high its real)
But when I'm the one making her feel attractive and giving that attention she doesn't seem to seek it elsewhere. She finds it when we are not in a good place. But we cant come up with a plan to remain in a good place in our marriage. I try hard then she doesn't and it slowly goes down hill till it derails again.

onemoretime - can you get her to counseling? My WW has told me that my opinion isn't as importatnt, 'because you're in love with me.' Amazing isn't it? You would think that my opinion would be the most important one or at the very least, one of the top 2.

Sounds like you need to make her a priority, because when you do, she's there with you. I've always made my WW a priority, but she still went off and had the affair. She needs to be your partner in good times and bad - the same thing I told my WW. She supposed to be your biggest and staunchest supporter - marriage is a partnership! You guys are not going to get off this rollercoaster until you figure out what's driving this behavior on both your parts.

Yes actually we are in counseling now and starting a church based class called love and respect (I think she hasn't fully committed to the class yet).
I agree I have to be the diligent one and quit slipping. When I do it crashes around me. It should be mutual but if this is what I have to do I am willing. I dont think it has to be this way tho, she should be held as accountable in my opinion. I have actually asked her to come and post here for council as well.

onemoretime - IMVHO, do NOT bring her here yet! Figure this out first, then, once you're in a solid recovery - consider it. The folks are here to help you and you need to be 100% honest with them. If she's lurking here, it's probably going to backfire on you in the future.

Ty good advise

Shes gone with my 2 girls shopping so I thought I would take the time to make a post.
We had a long discussion this weekend while out at dinner on why she keeps reaching out to OM. She says she doesn't know why and she knew it was wrong the second she got off the phone and prayed I didn't discover it.
I will say I see no evidence of a "hangover" and I am 100% positive NC hasn't been broken. Her phone and all emails (work included) have been compromised.
With that being said I am wondering if in the 3-5 weeks they were talking at work if I can even classify this as an EA? Inappropriate relationship yes but EA? There doesn't seem to have been any addictions built.
I did quote to her that it doesn't matter if she thinks its a EA or not its my opinion that matters and any talk with anyone of the opposite sex is in my opinion unacceptable. She agrees.
Seems like she has also changed her heart greatly and is doing the right things this last week. I really see "work" on her part. Plan A is doing its job .

That's great news - keep up the Plan A. I wish my WW were that repentent or repentent at all for that matter.