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Ok. Change right now your FB status to "in a relationship" and confuse the h*ll out of the skank ow!

And DO GO SEE A LAWYER right now. What you want is a bulldog lawyer who will not let the ow or your wh off the hook. You are beginning to understand what the ws/alien analogy is aren't you. YOu cannot ever depend at all that a wayward cheater will ever DO ANYTHING HONORABLY when it comes to money, division of assets, etc, because they're already liars and cheats.

Plus, as my own life experience showed, the ow skank will want more money for her own, as she is going to try to feather her rutting lair with YOUR FAMILY MONIES AND ANY CHILD SUPPORT OWED THE KIDS AND ANY SPOUSAL SUPPORT OWED YOU. Trust me, they are golddiggers even if there isn't much gold there to dig for, they'll go for whatever they can.

Your wh is also realizing that being a cheat is EXPENSIVE, i'd bet. Heck, he has to pay for and keep up TWO HOUSEHOLDS now, one the one he has with ow (the skanky rutting lair) and the other, his family home and wife and kids. Do what I did. Make it EASY for the wayward. Make it where he is DIRECTED BY LAW TO ONLY HAVE TO PAY AND MAKE HIS PRIORITY paying for YOUR HOME, YOUR ALIMONY, AND YOUR KIDS. Keep the $ out of the hands of the ow.

You see, the more miserable and financially depressed you make him, it affects the affair. Not the time to play nice, Albizia. It is time for retribution. YOU go after the enemy of this family, and that would be the affair, and right now you're wayward husband IS that enemy and so is the ow. Your ws is literally behaving like a body snatching, soul-stealing alien right now!

Until his head is out of the affair, he will not ever be your husband again. Until the affair is killed, your husband can never come back. YOU being tough, and seeking the right things (100 percent custody, not allowing the ow to be legally around your kids as it is immoral, securing a good amount of cs and alimony and future) IS YOUR JOB RIGHT NOW.

Odds are this affair will die, but it will die quicker if you act and act wisely NOW. And in the case it doesn't die, then you are being proactive and rational and standing up for yourself and the kids and for their future. Waywards make crappy parents. Horrid parents. Like the Good Book says, "A double minded man IS UNSTABLE IN ALL HIS WAYS."

You do not know how this will play out, so you need to take the swiftest action legally you can. Do not feel sorry for your wayward husband. He didn't when he went from "married" in an instant to "in a relationship". The ow is monitoring his every move. Your job is to secure the finances (as a wayward will actively screw you out of whatever they can financially, even resorting to asking for more custody to not pay as much child support, trust me my crazy xwh did that too), securing the safety of the chilren by securing custody of them and keeping them from the harm of the affair, and finally, bringing the ow to justice.

Since he is screwing with the bank accounts now, I'd get a bulldog and beyond mean attorney and get an emergency hearing for child support and alimony, since he is behaving badly. Also, I'd have that mean attorney SUBPOENA the SKANK OW. You must do it. There must be no rest for the wicked, and no peace in their immoral affair. Trust me, I did that and you must too.

In the end, I did divorce, but you see, forever there is a piece of paper that ANYBODY can access at the courthouse and SEE WHY I got a divorce. There can be no "we didn't get along" or lies like that. My son and my friends and family KNOW WITHOUT A DOUBT I got a divorce b/c my xh and the skank ow, monkeyho, and ms. family values (the affairage ow) all conspired to destroy my marrige. I didn't do that.

You're standing up right now for what is right, for what could be your future and the kids' future, and also, by going into plan B and having this emergency and stern legal action, you are also putting incredible pressure on the affair, and let me tell you, there is NOTHING an other woman or other man hates, than to be FORCED BY LAW to appear on the stand, in public, in front of hundreds of people, some strangers, some maybe not, and be interrogated about their sleazy actions and how they conspire to KILL YOUR MARRIAGE AND FAMILY. They hate that. That my friend, is the ULTIMATE EXPOSURE. And one I take pride that I participated in.

Go and get to work! You've got some work to do. Plus, don't back off, you need right now to empower yourself against this!


Change happens by listening and then starting a dialogue with the people who are doing something you don't believe is right. ~Jane Goodall
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Once albizia, you have that lawyer and you've done the leg work getting this ready to go (do it today or tomorrow at latest), then your job after that, waiting for the emergency trial, is to write and send the plan B letter.

Let it fall from the sky like a hammer from above (like Thor). Maybe it would be best to simply let the person who serves your wayward husband with the separation papers and the papers telling him his butt is summoned (along with the skank ow) for an emergency hearing, that he get the plan B letter right then.

He needs to know it is not going down HIS WAY or HER WAY. It goes downt the RIGHT way and you right now, Albizia, are the only one who knows what is right.

Put on the full armor of God right now. You're going to WAR!


Change happens by listening and then starting a dialogue with the people who are doing something you don't believe is right. ~Jane Goodall
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albizia Offline OP
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The plot thickens.
I decided to take your advice and so I was preparing to go to the lawyer. I thought I should try to work out all the financial stuff to take with me. I should add here that during our marriage I have had nothing to do with the finances and he has done everything. In doing my investigations I have found that we are far greater in dept than I imagined. WH has extra credit cards I didn't know about and all are maxed out. I have to expect that part of his reasoning for leaving is because we have financial problems which he has hidden from me. I have not told him about anything I have discovered and still plan to see a lawyer so that I know exactly where I stand.
I havent spoken to OW husband yet. He rang and left a message saying that he was spending some quality time with his daughter and he would ring me when he was free. I do not wish to pressure him because I need him on my side.
Man I am hurting right now. It just seems that everywhere I look there are more secrets and lies. This is a real stab to the heart.


BW - me 39
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married - 10 years
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Albizia,

First BREATHE...

This is common in the wayward when they start to spend wildly living out their fantasties. It is when you give a charge card to a freshman college student and they go nuts with it first semester. Immaturity!

Have you done a credit report on your WH to get the full story on the finances. That is how I found out how much was on the credit cards and what was hidden. I hope someone chimes in with some of the credit report companies that you don't even need a credit card to check.

Good that you did not let your WH know that you know. Hold this information tight. Is the credit cards under his name only?

You can register these cards on line and find out exactly what he is charging. That is what I did with my XH and was shocked on the amount of money he was blowing on OW.

Waywards hide everything they can from BS because they just don't want to deal with reality.

I would advise not telling OWH about the finances just in case he slips and tells OW.

Get to an attorney with all the information you have and protect yourself.

I knwo how painful this is but keep focused on your plan and this will help you protect yourself while he is wayward.

While he is gone, take care of yourself. Eat right, try to sleep and prepare for this battle for when he comes home.

Blessings.


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Definitely go to the attorney and get this dealt with now. As it could affect YOUR credit too. You need to get this somehow separated from your credit. Hopefully he didn't put your information on or take out the cards with you as the primary cardholder, like an invite card in the mail to apply for a cc.

Affairs are expensive. My xwh spent money like water. When I was once in court for contempt (he didn't pay cs or the pittance of alimony I did manage to receive. No payment for over five months at the time), my attorney was able to somehow get ahold of his finances. He claimed he couldn't pay or afford child support or alimony to me, BUT he was able to jet the ow out to vegas, spend over 20k that weekend partying like a rock star, 12k on brand new furniture for his affair pad, and sent roses and victoria's secret lingerie to TWO other women.

No wonder he couldn't pay me!

They think like a hormone driven 15 year old with money. He has probably used the cards to finance his affair and double life. Well this needs to be severely and swiftly dealt with to preserve your good name and credit, should you have to ever start over again. Trust me, a wayward can WREAK HAVOC with your credit score. Do not let him!

Wishing you well. Hugs for strength and stick to the plan you're going to be in!


Change happens by listening and then starting a dialogue with the people who are doing something you don't believe is right. ~Jane Goodall
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Had a big day today.
I went to the doctor and got some medication to help me sleep and a referal to a good counsellor. I made an appointment with a lawyer and organised it at a time my dad can come with me to help. I have got all our bank statements in some kind of order and have found his tax notice which quotes how much he earnt last year.
After all this I managed to answer his text and say that I will pass on his love to the kids and that I understand how difficult it is for him to call when he is in a different time zone.
He has no idea that I have all this financial information or that I am seeing a lawyer. As far as he is concerned I am just the same loving wife and mother I have always been. Which I suppose I am, but now I have another, angry side.


BW - me 39
WH - 42
DS - 6 DD - 9
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Albizia, it is God's blessing that he away or maybe he would see your anger and you would get mad and tell him.

This is normal wayward behavior spending money like a rock star or drunken sailor.

What is stellar is that you have this information so you can protect your family.

I admire you kept your cool when you were angry and still Plan A'd him.

Wondering if his job has contacted him since exposure. That will be the next big bomb.



Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Hello
I have not been on for a few days because I went camping with the kids (trying to have some fun). Since I have ben back a lot has happened. Yesterday I went to see a lawyer and she has given me lots of advice about what to do financially and with the kids. She is putting it all down in writing and sending it to me, which is great because my brain is still slightly out of action.
Today the big bomb landed at his work. He has recieved an email about breach of code of conduct and I have had an abusive phone call and text from him. The text says
" I want to know what the hell you emailed my HR department. Whatever you said truthful or not sh*t will stick. Would you like me to email stuff to you HR department. What is wrong? Cause (OW husband) wouldn't fix it you're now going at me through work!!??"

I am not really sure how to answer this text but if anyone has any suggestions I would be glad to hear them.


BW - me 39
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Might want to pre-empt his threat to go to your HR dept. At least talk to your immediate supervisor if you can.

Probably empty threats of fog induced babble. But you never know.

Ya done good kid!


Me - 46
Wife - 43
2 x DD
Married 18 yrs - known each other for 22 yrs
Woke up 12/2009 and realized I was an idiot for neglecting my WIFE!
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My work know all about what is going on. I have done nothing wrong in all this so I do not know what he could possibly say to my HR department.

When is this fog going to clear!


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You are not going to answer that email or any calls from him. Do whatever you can to avoid him. Do not let him threaten you, or sick your lawyer on him. They love to dish out nasty letters to waywards. You are in Plan B - simply email it to IM, let them file it for future reference, delete from your records, and stay strong.

Do not let his delusions break you down. You have done nothing wrong. He is doing this to manipulate you. He is doing this because you just destroyed his fantasy. He is doing this because he has been caught.

Breath - stay calm and remember it might feel like your marriage is over. He may even say I am divorcing you and taking the kids. Know you have the evidence, and the law has your back. His words are just delusions, fog babble, nonsense!!!

He will be angry, and you will not know when that anger will subside. There are many situations like yours on these threads, read them if you need to feel strong.

Come here to vent, come here to scream, come here to be scared, and know you are the one in the driver's seat. He is just angry because he may have to be accountable now.


God Bless

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He rang me and confronted me. I just admitted that I had sent and email but told him that I had not said anything and his work must be doing their own investigation.
I was in plan A before this. Does this mean I now move into plan B or do I just ignore his outbursts and stay with plan A. I am very confused right now and can only see this ending badly. All the people I talk to everywhere but here are telling me to get rid of him, he is not worth it, move on with your life. I still love my WH and want him back. Does this make me weak?


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Do not tell him anything, it is not for you to help him cover his tracks and lie his way out of it. Be he loving wife, have your lawyer protect you, that is your focus. If he calls again change the subject or oops the phone cut off.

Xau #2507168 05/10/11 04:07 AM
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Well obviously work has contacted her as well. There was a message on his FB from her basically saying "say nothing". I tell you the use of the word Babe by both of them makes me want to vomit.
I resisted writing a comment as I know it wouldn't achieve anything except making me feel better in the short term.


BW - me 39
WH - 42
DS - 6 DD - 9
married - 10 years
D-day - 03-19-11
WH moved out - 04-02-11
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The anger is starting to build up in me right now. I keep waking up in the middle of the night and thinking of nasty things I could say or do. I haven't acted on anything because I know that is not the right thing to do, but it really is tempting sometimes.


BW - me 39
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They anger means he is still controlling you.

Take a step back and remind yourself:

1) I have integrity ... I stand for truth
2) I have honor ... I do the right thing
3) I have destiny ... My heritage will stand with time
4) I have morals ... I do not harm those around me
5) I have strength ... I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!

Stay positive and focused. Allow your anger to come and cry when you need. Remember you have no part in his affair or the consequences that arise. Unfortunately, since you are one flesh you will feel the pain of the consequences, but you own none of it.

A real man either divorces his wife first or stays and works on the marriage ... he is not a man but a boy today!


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albizia,

Let him be mad, angry, yell, scream...not your problem. Let him deal with the consequences of his actions. Did you send "proof" of the affair or any documents?

Stay in Plan A for now. If he pushes you about the work situation say "you are committed to saving your M."...end of discussion. Start to talk about the kids, anything else or say you have to go.

Repeat as often as required and change direction of conversation.

Blessings. You are on the right path.


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Any news?


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Albizia,

HE IS DEALING WITH FALLOUT FROM HIS ACTIONS. So is the posow. Tell him to be angry with himself if he doesn't like reality. Tell him to blame himself and the ow.

It is HIS fault. Of course they'll come down hard on them. What did he expect you to do? ENABLE him to continue the affair? Did he think you were that dumb? YES! All waywards use that coercion and threats to try to quiet down their partners and anybody who knows their dark, SHAMEFUL SECRET. They try to make us feel dumb. BUT WE'RE NOT.

They try to keep us quiet. They try to gaslight you, lie to your face, swear on their kids' lives they aren't lying...but THEY LIE.

You let this man, this shell of a man FACE THE MUSIC. Let the ow face the music. Let reality crash down around them both and if he in any way threatens you at all via email or voicemail, sic the lawyer on him and get a restraining order and use it also as another way to get full custody as he's "dangerous and delusional" as he is threatening to you because he is paranoid of who knows he is having an illicit and tawdry affair in the workplace with another coworker.

This is actually GREAT news Albizia that he is angry and that the work is coming down hard on them! This is great

Now stay away and dark. Do not let YOUR presence be the unifying factor between them. Let the struggle and the shame and the blame game begin and LET THEM TURN ON EACH OTHER. YOU stay out of everything. It's not about you. THEY DID THIS.

Let the affairees turn on each other as their jobs become in jeopardy. If you're not around to unify against, argue against, blame against, then it's just each other. Fun huh?

I say they DESERVE each other right now. trust me Albizia. Affairville today for them is not a fun place. I hope it's pure he77 in fact! Bet it is smile (evil grin)


Change happens by listening and then starting a dialogue with the people who are doing something you don't believe is right. ~Jane Goodall
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I just read your thread...what is your attorney doing? Have you found out any more about your credit/finances...has he been using credit cards with your name on them? Is there a way you can protect what little is left of your bank accounts...move $ into an account in your name? I'm thinking if he suddenly cuts off money supply...is your attorney drawing up papers to require him to pay child support and alimony right away?

You have done everything right, I am so proud of you! God is with you and you have nothing to fear. Just keep doing the right thing and it will all pan out.


Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
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