You are more likely to get committment if you a) kill the affair and b) get the truth. Please follow MrW's suggestions and get the goods because I don't believe the affair is over. You need to do some super sleuthing.

I haven't been able to discover any divorce information so he maybe still married although she believes he is divorced.

She did lie to me and said they stopped talking once before and I searched her vehicle before work and found one of our old blackberrys she's been using with a SIM card he gave her. The line came back as his and I have the text messages (four of them) with only limited contact.

Call his house. See who is on the answering machine. Drive over there yourself.


Did you confront her about this? When did you find this?

Does he have a facebook page? If so, I would copy and paste all his friends into a word doc for safekeeping. SEe if you can find a wife on there. Does your wife have him as a facebook friend?

No, she is 'beyond furious' because you put a damper on her little affair.

Sad Dad,

You are experiencing an almost identical story that many of us have lived. You and your wife had great sex before the A was discovered because many women's libido goes into hyperdrive when they are sleeping with two men.

You are on "roommate status" because she probably feels allegiance to her other lover, and doesn't want to feel like she's "two-timing" her affair partner.

She is furious because you have made it more difficult for her to carry out her sexual affair.

She went to a motel to "talk" with her ex boyfriend. Of course she did! While they were having sex.

What credibility do I have? My FWW did the exact same thing to me! You are being lied to and manipulated to believe it's your fault.

Install keyloggers, a VAR and GPS in her car. Get your facts in order, because she will drive the affair deep underground and try to convince you it never happened.

Don't believe it for a second. She is having sex, and she is hoping she can make you believe otherwise. I'm sorry that I may sound like the bearer of bad news.

Follow the advice given here. It works.

Ouch! Also know to calm down and rationalize everything you say. This is a war and wars are won with a plan.
Sorry you have joined us but you are in the right place. Know for sure that you need to listen to the letter on killing the A.

Ok. Time to really really face facts. Ever heard of occam's razor?

It is a way of solving a problem. Searching for an answer.

Here's what Occam said about finding the answer to a question. Your question is "did my wife go to a motel to talk to the other man? Just talk and no sex?"
Occam gave this explanation: "entities must not be multiplied beyond necessity".

And here's another thought on the subject. Another less confusing definition if you will. It simply means, the least complicated or simplest answer is many times the RIGHT answer.

Let's apply this to the "well we went TO A MOTEL to just talk" theory of your ww.

Why would they need to go to a hotel to talk when they could do so in public. Say at Starbucks. Out in the open, having a friendly coffee. Now let's contrast that with being in a hotel room. What do you do in a hotel room. You might sleep in a hotel room. You might disrobe and take a shower there. You might even, if with a partner, and you feel like it have sex there too.

To me, the simplest answer when faced with her allegation that she went there to talk is incorrect. Why? It's not the simplest answer.

You go to a hotel room and basically intimate things happen there. Sleeping, showering, at the most innocent. But we also know that people can have sex there too.

At a Starbucks, you can't have sex there. You can't shower there, you can't sleep there, although I bet somebody has tried all 3 at some time or another somewhere. It's not a place of intimacy.

So the most obvious answer is YOUR WIFE went to the HOTEL to HAVE SEX with the om.

Occam's razor applied. It's the simplest and easiest answer.

Might I also add that I believe he is also married (the om). Why? If he were a single guy, what would prevent him from taking her to his place "to talk" (wink wink). Nothing. Why choose a place of separated intimacy like a hotel room unless he has something BIG to hide away (like a wife).

I think you sir, should snoop snoop snoop. Please don't bring your ww to this site as of yet. I think possibly, she is trying to not see her affair partner right now, hence the "roommate" type of feeling/vibe/actions she is giving you right now. You've discovered her secret. And she still seems to think she has an actual chance to pull one over on you. Silly wayward!

Please snoop. And please devise a plan to uncover what is really going on with your ww and om. Learn about plan A, execute it well, and also apply THE STICK of plan A, which is exposure exposure exposure! That means you go to operation investigate, use the outstanding tips there and go for it. You blow the om out of the water with the truth, reaching not only him but family and friends and if he is associated with your wife at work, then go to management, bosses, and ceo of the darn company. You reach as far as you can with exposure.

Search and destroy the affair.

No, he doesn't have a Facebook page or get on the computer for anything, that's one reason she claims she's attracted to him since I'm fairly computer literate and I'm ALWAYS online. Until recently that is.

I plan on having someone call his house because the county records show his wife and his parents are all registered to his house.

Also, I did confront her and have confiscated the phone. There were only 4 calls total, made about 2-3 days apart. There were also 4 texts with no replies, so I do not know what she said to him. They look like he's the only one texting.

See? The razor is usually right (why they call it Occam's razor b/c it cuts thru quickly to the truth!). I knew he was married because the simplest answer was, if he was single they'd go to his house.

Why do you need somebody else to call? YOU call. YOU expose. No warnings are to ever be given prior to exposure. You surprise them, ambush them if it is to have the maximum effect. No warning shots fired. Don't make him expect it.

For all you know, your ww may have tipped him off to that anyhow.

I am committed to saving our marriage, PA or EA. I love my wife and my family and will do what is necessary.

Her explanation for the hotel is that he just got off work and wanted to go there so they may talk. He chose there because he wanted to take a shower and shave to "freshen up" before hand. He lives 2 hours away from us, and the hotel was the halfway point for them both. I have the receipt where she went to Walmart to pick up shower and shaving items for him.

Saddad... believe nothing until confirmed at this point. Tag that cell and give it back. Snoop and let things go back to Normal.

I do not believe it. Simply do not. Again, why does he need personal hygeiene items if he only lives two hours away and that's clearly and easily within driving distance of his home (he shares with his wife)?

I'll tell you why. Again, applying the razor. He wanted to take a shower and shave so he could TALK to your wife?

That is unlikely. More likely was he used those items to wash off the smell of your wife's perfume or from intimate contact smells before he drove home to his wife.

I live in a large metro area where an hour commute is nothin'. So I don't buy that he had to freshen up in a hotel room before meeting JUST TO TALK with your wife.

I've met my friends for dinner after work, and carried a small bag of tolietries with me to fix my hair, makeup, and perfume, etc and a change of clothes and mouthwash, toothbrush, etc so that I looked and smelled nicer after work.

Did I need to rent a hotel room to do that? Oh no. I just used the really nice restrooms at work. I didn't need to shower b/c I took one before work and would take one after coming home.

It simply makes no sense. If he was just talking to your wife, he could have freshened up at a darn starbucks, as there's no need to go and get a hotel room.

Do you really believe this? Seriously. This guy would tip his own wife off to his having an affair if he came home smelling of strange perfume or other stuff.

We WANT you to save your marriage and recover fully. 100 PERCENT! But if you think nothing happened in that hotel room with a married other man, then I have some beachfront property in Arizona to sell you.

A woman who is married with children DOES NOT GO TO A HOTEL ROOM to meet with another man who is married or even single for that matter. You simply do not. There is no viable or good reason to do that.

My dad used to tell me when I was a teenager trying to stay out late with my friends on the weekends this.."Peach, there is nothing good that happens after midnight." Kinda like this situation. You could re-adjust my wise dad's words to say "SadDad, there is nothing good that happens at a motel when a married woman goes to meet either a married or single guy there to simply "talk"."

SadDad, here's the thing. They were in a hotel room together. What does common sense tell you? Please don't let her gaslight you!

SD, you can call yourself by disguising your number with *67. I would also make plans to drive to his house and meet his wife and give her your evidence. I assure you this would likely kill the affair for good. OM rarely leave their wives for a cheap piece of fun on the side. He will dump your wife like a hot potato.

When you call, I would ask for her and tell her all about the affair. Ask to come over and show her your evidence.

I assure you they had sex. People don't rent hotel rooms for any other reason. This is a lie. They could have easily talked on the phone or in the park.. And they would have had sex at his house if he wasn't married.

I am sorry to be so blunt. I know you want to believe she didn't have sex, but she did.

Gotta agree with peachy on this. A married person goes to a hotel to meet another person of the opposite sex to boink - pure and simple.

Keep investigating. Something smells here.

I get it, and understand, but it doesn't change much for me in what I want. I want to save my marriage.

I do know he's a blue collar worker in manual labor (former construction, currently working for a gas company) and is a down for her like I've read in one of the articles here. I'm a professional, white collar worker with a college education. I guess the difference is an attraction too?

So, how do I "tag" a phone. I can't give the phone back as I threw it away.

SO, now what folks? Do I just keep following Plan A's stick and carrot and try to be supporting and acting normal but keep snooping?