Ug. Twit is right. My X and yours should form a club.

I am not sure if it's grounds or not, but I would certaintly be asking and trying to get one. These ARE threats afterall. And I would definitely forward the threats to your attorney, and maybe even his attorney.

And if you want to save yourself a ton of hardship, please, get an intermediary to filter out your ex's nonsense.

He really is acting like a drowning man. I pity him.

I forwarded it to my attorney about 10 minutes after I got it. I'm waiting to hear back from her.

If I can't get a restraining order, what's the best way to get an intermediary? This is the worst threatening email he's ever sent, but it's not the first. I cannot live like this.

I'm glad you sent the threats to your attorney.

An intermediary can be anyone you trust to reliably, and timely, pass your information back and forth between you and your ex twit. It can be a friend, family member, whoever you trust. It can done completely via e-mail as well.

A few years back I was in a plan B with my stbx. My intermediary was a member of this forum who lived in another state, and she did this for me via e-mail. It worked beautifully. If she's reading this by any chance, I'd like to thank her for that again!

Do you know anyone who would do this for you?

KIRBY,

Your my Idol.....

I can't believe you already have your divorce final!!!!!!!!

Probably not what you wanted to here, and now your facing new problems that you never would have thought you would have to face. My J. is right that having an intermediary would be the way to go , there are so many up sides to it. Himself will find himself having to act like an adult when talking to the intermediary, it will be a great insulator while he gets over himself........

Until then and just like before you need to cover yourself, journal, and record any conversations you have with himself. Make sure the kids are at school on time. I would be recording in the journal when visits are to occur, if the change over went like it's suppose to, and anything else you can think of that you might think is important.

My gut reaction is himself is all talk, and wants you to cave to what he wants. He wants to define how your relationship is going to be by how you respond to his visitation requests. You have the opportunity to train himself right now on how it's going to be. I would be as respectful, put in writing the way you expect visitations to go, frequency, hand offs,advance warnings..... what ever you think is important. Use your intermediary to negotiate.

As you know himself will always be the kids father, nothing will change that and like it or not you will have dealings with him for the rest of your life from time to time.

Setting a respectful relationship example for himself and the kids I think will make the best of what will always be there.


One of the reasons I think he will not make good on his threat is..... it is baseless and will only harm his relationship with his children in the end as he forces them to take sides.

No matter what you want to be prepared when you go to court. You will need to be able to prove your side of the story. So when you win not only does he loose credibility with the court but the court may also make him pay your side of the attorney fees as well.

Congrats again on the Big D.

One less thing in your path.

Here's the latest in my saga.

My ex-husband sent me an email saying that he "has nothing to lose." Which scares me. People who have nothing to lose do crazy things. My lawyer is very concerned because he appears to be so unstable.

There's been a flurry of letters back and forth between the lawyers because there is a minor issue in the custody agreement that needs to be changed. Someone was named as mediator in case we could not come to an agreement on parenting issues and that person declined to take on the role.

His lawyer (#3) appears to be trying to get his billable hours up, so he's sending letters, creating affidavits, demanding depositions, and declaring it must go to court instead simply trying to find another person to fulfill the role.

Oh, and his lawyer wants me to pay his attorney's fees for all this. And is trying to say that I am preventing him from seeing the children.

My attorney told me to be available to go to court on Friday. Just in case.

Wow. That is scary. ((Kirby))

aren't your children old enough to choose to go see him or not?

Yep. It even states in the custody agreement that the children's wishes will be taken into account.

So what is the argument over? As old as your two remaining minor children he is wasting time and money over this.

Just do your best to stay calm. Be still. Do nothing until you are compelled to by law.

Kirby,

Have to agree with SM, not bad advice.....

From what I have read of appeals in Tennessee, the court is reluctant to over turn what the lower court ruled on. Not sure if what himself is doing is going to the applet level or not but regardless the court will want to see compelling evidence to overturn anything that has been ruled on. Himself will find himself in a loosing battle and should tire soon.

I think if you can continue to take the high road, giving Himself the opportunity to reestablish his relationship with his boys that they both will be better for it.

In saying that I'm assuming that Himself was a good father until he lost his mind running. I would like to think that what he really wants is reasonable access to the kids and if he can learn to play nice everyone will be better for it.

SC, the problem here is that Himself was NOT a reasonable father to the children. He has always been uninvolved, neglectful, and occasionally mean to them. I was in denial about just how bad it was for a long time. I was shocked at how completely he cut the kids out of his life after I filed for divorced.

I asked him multiple times to make a temporary schedule for visitation until we got a permanent plan created, but he refused. He wanted to have them on call. When I finally put my foot down and told him that I needed 24 hours notice, he mostly stopped seeing the kids.

Several months ago when we were negotiating the custody agreement, he said that his therapist had told him not to see the kids. I believe that his declaration was simply a lie, but that's what he said. So, we put into the custody agreement a plan for him to increase visitation. Unfortunately, there has been a problem with the system that was put in place.

I expected him to say that he could ignore the plan for a gradual increase in visitation and just immediately start full-on with the regular schedule. Instead he has made no attempt to see the boys. He doesn't call them or email them, and he hasn't laid eyes on them since Christmas.

But he has filed a complaint claiming that I am not allowing him to see the children. It's Simply. Not. True.

Also, he STILL hasn't taken the mandatory parenting class. If he doesn't get it done and the form filed by the end of the month, he'll be in contempt of court.

How I wish my XH would not enforce his right to see our son. He was similar to your XH in that area..not a great father pre-divorce and now trying to 'create' a relationship that really never was there. I told my attorney the other day that I understand that courts are loathe to sever a parent/child relationship but that the problem is the divorce and visitation schedule has created an artificial relationship.

Poor kids. Yours and mine.

Yep. Poor kids.

I've recently found a book that is helping me to understand my ex-husband a little better. SW, you might look for a copy, because I think that our exes are very similar. The book is called Why Does He DO That? by Lundy Bancroft. The author spent several years counseling angry and controlling men, and he seems to have a lot of insight into their thought patterns.

I own it.

Well, I had to go to court this morning. Himself was there. This was the first time I'd seen him since mid-December. He sat in the chairs that were supposed to be for lawyers only, his phone went off in open court, and he nearly fell asleep. His lawyer showed up an hour after court started.

When his lawyer finally showed, the lawyer shooed him out of the lawyer's section and Himself came and sat by me. Ick.

The upshot of the deal is that when his lawyer heard that I have not been preventing access, but that Himself has not asked to see the children, the lawyer decided to strike the motion. Himself is supposed to provide a schedule for increased visitation just like it says in the custody agreement. Duh. Why we needed multiple filings and affidavits and letters to go straight back to what had already been agreed is totally beyond my comprehension.

In other news, my attorney will be asking for a restraining order based on some of the crazy emails that Himself has sent.

STILL has not filed the form showing that he has completed the mandatory parenting class. On the day the divorce was final, lawyer #2 said that he was scheduled to take the class on 4/11. I don't know if he took it or not.

According to the standard form used for the custody agreement, he was supposed to take it within 60 days of the agreement being filed. It's been nearly 5 months. My attorney told me that it is customary here to allow those 60 days OR 30 days after the divorce is final, whichever is later. Tomorrow is 30 days.

On Monday it will be too late. He may find himself in hot water next week. According to everything I can find online, the courts get really angry about this kind of garbage. He may be jailed for contempt. I'm not telling the kids.

I wouldn't be surprised to hear it was reported on 3 complaints of blowing up the courthouse when 3 men disguised as exterminators went in and trying to fumigate the place to get rid of the rats..

Sorry Kirby jusr reading your thread and coundn't help it.

This reminds me of how my Dad gave the judge a hard time and was dragged from work when he wouldn't show up in court. He had to spend the night in jail too.

My Mom who had been with him for 20+ years and who had put up with his crap also got alimony for the rest of her life. Now thats been about 32 years now, and she is doing fine while he is reaping his reward of pride and stubborness in a nurseing home after third wife,(A known goldigger), took his house he sacrificed his relationships with everyone and his family for.

Gonna go spend some time with him before he goes. I have tried to live a good life by the example of my Mom, but yet I saw the spirit that my Dad had even in his blindness to the fact that without people, life is really empty.

Glad you are here and amoung friends Kirby

I probably should do an update.

There's not really much new going on. About once a week, I get something new from my lawyer where Himself's lawyer is trying to file a motion or a complaint or a something or other over issues with the kids. They can't send a letter asking to clarify or modify the custody agreement. It's always a motion.

Of course Himself still hasn't taken the parenting class. And youngest had a birthday last week. He's still waiting for a card/call/email from his father. I guess he can talk to his counselor about it.

I made the kids send Himself a card for his birthday, even though they didn't want to. I'm not going to make them do anything for Father's Day. I'll be glad to support anything THEY want to do, but it's not going to come from me. Never again.

On a brighter note, the kids and I had a lovely Mother's Day. We went out to brunch and they gave me flowers.