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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 581
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You are in for some serious heartache if you "want to trust her". Check out my signature line.......that is what trust will get you. I didn't find this site before it was to late for me to save some of that.
Myhusband spent the day with the other woman then went to the marriage counselor that evening with me to "work things out". He spent the next day with her after also. He even texted me bad things about her while she was in the car with him to throw me off the scent.
They LIE. That is just fact. She IS NOT THE WOMAN YOU MARRIED RIGHT NOW. It will be awhile after no contact before that person is back. She will never be back working with him.
Me -BS 40
Him - FWH 34 (dtl)
3 D-Days from 12/25/10 to 01/06/11
NC - 01/09/11
02/20/12 done beating my head on that wall.
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Joined: May 2011
Posts: 83
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Posts: 83 |
dbyl...I'm new into this too, but take my word for it, when I do what the vets tell me to do, I see movement in my WS. They know what they are talking about.
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Joined: May 2011
Posts: 16
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OP
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Joined: May 2011
Posts: 16 |
I hear you loud and clear everyone....im going to take the advice of someone above and stop posting to this thread. i appreciate everything and will continue to learn more from this site.
sorry for not doing the right thing, my only hope at this point is to........you know what, doesn't really matter, this is too much for me to handle......bye
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,921
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,921 |
No one has told you not to post.
We want you to save your marriage. But to do so you must take some drastic actions.
Taking a crack pipe away from an addict isn't an easy or pleasant thing and the addict will get ticked at you doing so.
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Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,521
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Don't bail.
I may have screwed up every aspect of MB program before listening to the vets (driving them nuts doing so) and doing the right thing.
I can't guarantee anything except I know I at least have a CHANCE to save my marriage and family b/c of this site.
Thank you.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Dbyl, you are making huge strategic mistakes that will result in the loss of your marriage if you don't wake up soon. Please come back when younger serious and we can help you.. Your case is not "different," it is typical.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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There is a reason for the old saying:
"Don't crap where you eat."
Having a work based adulterous affair is crapping where you eat.
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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,495
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I know, I know, I feel the same way.....part of me understands what she is saying. she says she wants to at least have some time to find a new job. i'm so confused about what to do. right after i typed the above msg i took my still unpacked duffel bag and left the house cause i couldn't stand to see her leave out the door for work. i feel like i am running away but the pain im experiencing is something i just can't understand. i love her....she says she is willing to do lots of things but is scared about losing the one thing she has that makes her happy right now. she read me a page out of her journal that expressed the emptiness she had felt in her last couple jobs and i caved and said that i would not expose her no matter what. im a [censored] [censored]. No, you are human. Now, does she have leave/vacation? she can take vacation and look for a job then... If she gives 2 weeks then she has LOTS of free time too... CV
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 520
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Posts: 520 |
MB Folks,
OM is not married. I do have access to phone records but not the nothing else. I want to believe her about everything she is telling me now. she seems to be being very honest and im just being naive.
Thanks for the advice
BS 40
WS 37
dog
A w/coworker
Im not good at this At this point? You shouldn't want to believe a word out of her piehole. Not a word. The burden of proof, and not belief, is all on her.
Thanks for all the support along the way.
I wish you all well. I'm outta here.
Peace.
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 520
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 520 |
There is a reason for the old saying:
"Don't crap where you eat."
Having a work based adulterous affair is crapping where you eat. LOL And the menu is lovely. Because you eat the crap.
Thanks for all the support along the way.
I wish you all well. I'm outta here.
Peace.
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,757
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,757 |
dbyl,
Killing off an affair while remaining in contact with the affair partner doesn't work.
I know. I tried it that way, tried to end my EA while staying in regular contact with my OW. All that got me, after 12 days or so of trying to convince myself that I'd gotten out of it, was right back into it, and as a PA to boot.
And if the affair isn't dead -- both physically and emotionally -- the work of restoring your marriage, and the necessary work of building a better marital relationship than the one you had before the affair, cannot even begin.
It can't begin because you'll never feel emotionally safe with your wife while they remain in contact -- with you constantly wondering what they say to one another, how they look or glance at one another, what meanings are revealed or hidden. (Revealed to them, hidden from you.)
Without feeling safe, you won't be able to meet her needs, because you'll be too (rightfully) fearful to go all-in.
And without having her needs better met by you, OM will look better by contrast.
You've just ditched the game plan with a dumb audible & thrown a huge interception inside your own 10-yard line with under a minute to go in the 4th quarter.
I'm heading for the parking lot. No need for me to see how this game ends.
Me: FWH, 50
My BW: Trust_Will_Come, 52, tall, beautiful & heart of gold
DD23, DS19
EA-then-PA Oct'08-Jan'09
Broke it off & confessed to BW (after OW's H found out) Jan.7 2009
Married 25 years & counting.
Grateful for forgiveness. Working to be a better husband.
"I wear the chain I forged in life... I made it link by link, and yard by yard" ~Jacob Marley's ghost, A Christmas Carol
"Do it again & you're out on your [bum]." ~My BW, Jan.7 2009
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