Thanks! I let her know and she said she would check her email.

Just answered a second email. Everything is just fine! Relax!

I'm trying.

(But I'm still stressing. If it weren't for my kids, he wouldn't have any way to push my buttons and he knows it.)

Look, there is nothing going on here except a whole load of hot air to see if he can bully himself back in control. He is testing you. Your sincere offer to make the kids available to him has been reiterated politely and respectfully. If he wants to see his children he knows what to do. Its real simple.

Yeah, that's pretty much what my lawyer told me. The kids are with me, I have always been their primary caregiver, they are in the family home, he's the one who left, etc. Since right now we have no legal custody agreement, if he wants to see them, he has to play ball or else go to court.

Question. We have that Google co-parenting calendar that we share which lists all his visitation, among other kid-related things. Should I go ahead and remove all his future visits for now to make a point? Or should I just ignore it and leave it be and not antagonize him?

Also, he is "supposed" to have a dinner visit on Wednesday. At least, that's the usual schedule. (It wasn't an issue last week because he was out of town.) I'm a little worried he will just go to daycare and pick them up before I can get to them. Should I worry about this and plan a strategy now? I hate to be caught off guard and not know what to do (especially because my laptop has been really uncooperative recently).

And thanks again!!!

Mel, are you Hya's IM? If so, I cannot describe how I respecct you for that. Your hair must be about 6 feet tall by now, lady. Thanks in general. You're a peach.

Hyacinth, you are in very good hands.

One strategy I did already put in place is that I asked our tenant to drop the key to the other house off at his office at noon on Wednesday. I'm hoping that the idea of getting into the house has him so worked up that he gets distracted from the idea of doing any cloak-and-dagger visitation grab. And then when he does go to the house, wow! That's going to be a reality check for him.

I say ignore it and let him make the effort...however...you are in better hands than mine.

God speed to you.

I would not remove anything from the calendar. If he picks up the kids from daycare and exposes them to the OW then I would not let that happen again. Maybe he will get the idea and this issue will be resolved.

Surfer, thanks for the vote of confidence but I am not her IM. Scotland and I are working with her IM, though.

How can you get a legal arrangement done so you don't have to worry about this every Wednesday? The stress won't be good for you.

I think that you should talk to the lawyer and find out if it will hurt your custody case if you keep your children away from OW.

Scotland, she has already discussed this with an attorney and she is just fine. She is not keeping her children away from him. She has made it very clear that they are available to him......just as long as they are not exposed to his affair. It is his choice.

I agree w/Mel. The kids are fine with seeing a dad, but NOT AN AFFAIR (and that would include the other woman skank).

It comes down to a choice between some skank and his kids. He can take his pick.

Amen! And we WANT HIM to have to agonize over this. Makes trouble for the affair. Also might make him have to have a come to Jesus moment too. (hopefully).

You want to make as much trouble for the affair. And you can do it from afar too! Again, all waywards DREAM of having this bizarre divorce scenario where they are "friends" with the bw/bh and that the bs accepts the affair partner and they all have sunday brunch together and the hoard of kids from the skankyho and your kids play croquet on the lawn together.

Butterflies, rainbows and unicorns are also scampering about too!

Did you know that's the goal of every wayward? THAT is their distorted goal. It's to be absolved of all guilt! To never have a nagging conscience. To delude themselves into thinking it was ok to be beyond selfish.

But even then, someday it will catch up with the wayward. They will begin secretly self-loathing themselves, and will hate their very own actions. I know this for a fact 100% as my xwh felt that way and could do nothing about it after our point of no return (when he married the wistress).

What gets me is that his visits with our boys are supposed to be about them seeing their dad. He is managing to make it all about himself. And he want to add someone to the mix that is just going to draw his focus away from them. Someone who I can just about guarantee won't be around in 6 months. (Unless he makes some classy, intelligent move like knocking her up.) This man has been through three women since November (including me). He could at least offer them a sense of security and stability in the midst of this mess he's made.

I wasn't implying that what Hyacinth was doing is wrong, I just wanted to make sure that she was covered legally. If you(Hyacinth) have already discussed this with your attorney, and you are in the clear, legally, I say stick to your guns. I only wish this option was available in my sitch.

You're doing great Hyacinth.

My IM just said his response to my response was "thanks."

And why would he want to teach your kids that wrong is right? That is the last thing they need right now. Your 5 year old is confused enough!

I've been reading through your whole thread, I can't finish tonight, but yeah I think this is what I am experiencing in Plan B too. I really related to a lot of your initial feelings of him having a ripe old good time with his new single life.